Being an older bottom can be frustrating

[TorontoDrew]

I'm 59 and in decent shape.  I workout regularly.   Not young anymore so not the toned body I once had 

I find that the tops my own age only want young guys.  The younger guys who want older guys are looking for tops.

It's frustrating.  Any advice would be appreciated.   I have hired escorts and will do so again but don't want that to be my only option.

[+ Lucky]

Hey @TorontoDrew I am older than you and haven't seen this problem! Are you referring to escorts or guys you might meet at a bar?

For me, all I ever hear is "Fuck Lucky!"

[TorontoDrew]

Guys in general.  Especially Grindr.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I'm sure there will be stories of hope told on this thread, but the harsh reality is that in this community, youth and a great body are key selling points.

While not impossible to find an age-adjacent date, never have unrealistic expectations.  Men are visual creatures.

Can you learn to be more versatile?

Edited September 16, 2022 by BenjaminNicholas

[Rudynate]

A few weeks ago, I went to see a massage guy.  I knew something was going to happen because his profile said "mutual touch encouraged."  I had no idea I was going to get fucked senseless, but that's just what happened.  He said, "I knew I was going to fuck you the moment you walked in."    I said, in all honesty,"Nobody has EVER fucked me the way you just did."   I want back a week later and he did it again.   He could get to be a habit.

[TorontoDrew]

3 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

I'm sure there will be stories of hope told on this thread, but the harsh reality is that in this community, youth and a great body are key selling points.

While not impossible to find an age-adjacent date, never have unrealistic expectations.  Men are visual creatures.

Can you learn to be more versatile?

I think it also goes to the definition of a bottom.  To me it is someone who is on the receiving end of anal sex.  Everything else is mutual.  Is that a bottom or bottom versatile?

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

15 minutes ago, TorontoDrew said:

I think it also goes to the definition of a bottom.  To me it is someone who is on the receiving end of anal sex.  Everything else is mutual.  Is that a bottom or bottom versatile?

I'm sorry, I didn't really make my question clear.

What I meant was, are you physically capable of being a top...  Fucking someone?

Could you learn?

[+ nycman]

56 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

What I meant was, are you physically capable of being a top...  Fucking someone?

Could you learn?

I’m happy to teach……grin

[+ Italiano]

I think that even if it is totally true that especially in the gay world being younger and physically fit (or better super fit!) is the key for success in dating and being desirable, there are definitely exceptions. 

I am 62, bottom, and even if I consider myself (and am considered) still a decent good looking "mature older" man, of course my face and body are not what they used to be until just a few years ago. And especially because I try to keep my pics updated, my "success" in Grind, Scruff etc is much lower than it used to be too. Also, since the pandemic started the amount of escorts and masseurs I hired (and of my datings) has been quite low.

Nevertheless  I have in NYC two regular FBs, one in his late 30s and a recent one in his late 20s who are very good looking and who from time to time love making love to me and fucking me.

Two weeks ago during another quick work trip to Mexico City I saw again a beautiful Venezuelan man who is now 40, and whom I met for the first time 10 years ago and for the second time 6 years ago in two amazing encounters, and with whom I kept in a sort of regular touch since I met him the first time. When I met him again recently at my hotel I was wondering if opening the door he would have looked at me and run away... It was actually the best of our 3 encounters! And during the past year I also saw two masseurs who clearly enjoyed being VERY intimate with me.

Is what happened to me the rule? Do I think that I will be up to a great sex life always? Definitely not, but (so far..) I still have a few bullets to shoot. 🙂

Bottom (pun intended) line is never give things for granted!

Edited September 17, 2022 by Italiano

[+ Snbrd]

I'm the same age and versatile. I only hire tops. That's because I can hook up with younger bottoms, especially since I'm rather hung. But there is competition for tops. 

Have you considered a bathhouse or sex parties? During the decades-long HIV scare I never considered them. However, with Prep and U=U, they are an opportunity for older guys to play. At a venue like Clubhouse II or resorts in Palm Springs and Fort Lauderdale you will find a mix, admittedly older, of tops, versatile and bottoms.

If you are fixated on only younger guys you may be disappointed.   

[Rudynate]

I'm not that into young men, so finding partners is lots easier.  It just worked out that way.  When I was in my twenties, I looked at those old guys in their 50s and 60s chasing guys in their 20s and I realized I didn't want to be those guys when I got to be their age.   It has just worked out that I like middle-age and older guys.  My sweet spot is mid 40s to early 50s.  Since I am 70, to me these guys are young men.  

Even when you are chasing men closer to your own age, maintaining a high level of fitness is a big plus.

[+ Charlie]

The simple fact is that whether you are gay or straight, male or female, after a certain age, most younger people are not normally sexually attracted to you. Whether the cause is psychological, physiological or cultural, that is just the way it is. When you hit that certain age differs from one individual to another, based on weight, physical fitness, skin tone, hair (color or lack of hair), grooming, and your personality, which can project "old" at 50 as well as 90. So you might as well make yourself "comfortable in your [wrinkled. mottled] skin." God created escorts for older people with money.

[Luv2play]

6 hours ago, Snbrd said:

I'm the same age and versatile. I only hire tops. That's because I can hook up with younger bottoms, especially since I'm rather hung. But there is competition for tops. 

Have you considered a bathhouse or sex parties? During the decades-long HIV scare I never considered them. However, with Prep and U=U, they are an opportunity for older guys to play. At a venue like Clubhouse II or resorts in Palm Springs and Fort Lauderdale you will find a mix, admittedly older, of tops, versatile and bottoms.

If you are fixated on only younger guys you may be disappointed.   

I would not advocate bath houses or sex parties with Monkeypox still raging in the US particularly in places that are  favorite gathering spots for gay men.

Even with vaccination(s) they are not 100 percent effective. Why take the chance. It's playing Russian roulette with more than one bullet in the chambers.

[TorontoDrew]

6 hours ago, Snbrd said:

I'm the same age and versatile. I only hire tops. That's because I can hook up with younger bottoms, especially since I'm rather hung. But there is competition for tops. 

Have you considered a bathhouse or sex parties? During the decades-long HIV scare I never considered them. However, with Prep and U=U, they are an opportunity for older guys to play. At a venue like Clubhouse II or resorts in Palm Springs and Fort Lauderdale you will find a mix, admittedly older, of tops, versatile and bottoms.

If you are fixated on only younger guys you may be disappointed.   

No problem with older guys,  just that so many of them want younger.

[TorontoDrew]

5 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

I would not advocate bath houses or sex parties with Monkeypox still raging in the US particularly in places that are  favorite gathering spots for gay men.

Even with vaccination(s) they are not 100 percent effective. Why take the chance. It's playing Russian roulette with more than one bullet in the chambers.

I'm double vaxed for monkeypox.  I'm more worried about Covid as I have reached the age where it can be serious.   I am quad vaxed for that but long covid still scares me.  So that's left me with apps as one on one is less risky.

[TorontoDrew]

4 hours ago, Charlie said:

The simple fact is that whether you are gay or straight, male or female, after a certain age, most younger people are not normally sexually attracted to you. Whether the cause is psychological, physiological or cultural, that is just the way it is. When you hit that certain age differs from one individual to another, based on weight, physical fitness, skin tone, hair (color or lack of hair), grooming, and your personality, which can project "old" at 50 as well as 90. So you might as well make yourself "comfortable in your [wrinkled. mottled] skin." God created escorts for older people with money.

I've certainly been having my fun with escorts.  I'm a regular contributor in The Deli. 😉

[+ Snbrd]

4 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I would not advocate bath houses or sex parties with Monkeypox still raging in the US particularly in places that are  favorite gathering spots for gay men.

Even with vaccination(s) they are not 100 percent effective. Why take the chance. It's playing Russian roulette with more than one bullet in the chambers.

I'm not sure that the Russian Roulette analogy is appropriate when double vaxxed for Monkeypox. 

[Luv2play]

I used it because while you may be double vaxxed, one of your many partners may not be and may be carrying the virus. If he is infectious your vax status is not an absolute guarantee of protection.

And what if two or more like in a superspreader situation are infected. Being exposed multiple times within a few hours would surely test your resistance. 

If both you and your partner(s) are vaxxed, there are fewer bullets in the chamber.

Edited September 18, 2022 by Luv2play

[NilsEast]

4 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I used it because while you may be double vaxxed, one of your many partners may not be and may be carrying the virus. If he is infectious your vax status is not an absolute guarantee of protection.

And what if two or more like in a superspreader situation are infected. Being exposed multiple times within a few hours would surely test your resistance. 

If both you and your partner(s) are vaxxed, there are fewer bullets in the chamber.

This makes good sense. Thanks for the advice!

[kingsley88]

On 9/17/2022 at 12:08 AM, Italiano said:

I think that even if it is totally true that especially in the gay world being younger and physically fit (or better super fit!) is the key for success in dating and being desirable, there are definitely exceptions. 

I am 62, bottom, and even if I consider myself (and am considered) still a decent good looking "mature older" man, of course my face and body are not what they used to be until just a few years ago. And especially because I try to keep my pics updated, my "success" in Grind, Scruff etc is much lower than it used to be too. Also, since the pandemic started the amount of escorts and masseurs I hired (and of my datings) has been quite low.

Nevertheless  I have in NYC two regular FBs, one in his late 30s and a recent one in his late 20s who are very good looking and who from time to time love making love to me and fucking me.

Two weeks ago during another quick work trip to Mexico City I saw again a beautiful Venezuelan man who is now 40, and whom I met for the first time 10 years ago and for the second time 6 years ago in two amazing encounters, and with whom I kept in a sort of regular touch since I met him the first time. When I met him again recently at my hotel I was wondering if opening the door he would have looked at me and run away... It was actually the best of our 3 encounters! And during the past year I also saw two masseurs who clearly enjoyed being VERY intimate with me.

Is what happened to me the rule? Do I think that I will be up to a great sex life always? Definitely not, but (so far..) I still have a few bullets to shoot. 🙂

Bottom (pun intended) line is never give things for granted!

That's a good idea to have a few regular FBs and maintain those relationships through the years.

[Redwine56]

1 hour ago, kingsley88 said:

That's a good idea to have a few regular FBs and maintain those relationships through the years.

Absolutely, it makes for a familiar, comfortable encounter and look at all the $$$ saved.  

[pubic_assistance]

On 9/16/2022 at 4:11 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

While not impossible to find an age-adjacent date, never have unrealistic expectations.  Men are visual creatures.

Can you learn to be more versatile?

When I was in my 20's everyone wanted to fuck me.

By the time I was 40 everyone wanted me to fuck them.

Go with the flow.

[+ Italiano]

On 9/20/2022 at 2:17 AM, pubic_assistance said:

When I was in my 20's everyone wanted to fuck me.

By the time I was 40 everyone wanted me to fuck them.

Go with the flow.

By the time I was 60 I still found men who wanted to fuck me

[coriolis888]

On 9/16/2022 at 1:11 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

I'm sure there will be stories of hope told on this thread, but the harsh reality is that in this community, youth and a great body are key selling points.

 

Very pragmatic and realistic, regardless that it is true.

[kingsley88]

That's true in the straight community too.