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Off the clock time. How best to handle?


Alex93108

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I thought I would post this to the forum, just to make sure I am handling this correctly.

There's a provider ( who does not live in my home city) but rather a city I plan to be travelling to soon who I have met before for a long session. We got on well together immensely, and since he enjoys my company, he offered to spend time with me ( off the clock) , beyond our session. He just wants to hang out, talk to me, and be in my presence, and spend a leisurely day in his town doing activities we both enjoy. It's incredibly flattering that this beautiful boy, 15 years younger than me, wants to do this.

1) My first reaction was to confirm that this offer was indeed "off the clock".  It was.  I even went on to define when the clock starts and when its off 

2) I assume there would be a general expectation that I would pay for meals etc, and purchases made while we were together off the clock which I am fine with. I don't anticipate anything bad to happen. 

3) I have suspicion a larger tip than normal is expected of from me, which I don't mind. For a guy that hardly tips, the last time I met him, he actually told me "Jetlow - you gave me too much money".   I never thought I would hear a provider tell me that.  I actually enjoyed my time with him as well, we had such great chemistry, but I am all to conscious that this is a provider / client relationship.

I just want to make sure I am being fair to him.   If anyone has pointers of how to best handle off the clock situations, I would appreciate it.   I think I am being fair and proper to him, which is what I would like to do. 

 

 

Edited by jetlow
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I do strongly suspect there may a sugar daddy element to this. . And I suspect he has other clients he does this with also, sort of a "courtesy promotional time" to build a bond, loyalty and repeat business with clients he likes. It works. 

Or maybe he just enjoys my company? I don't know. 

He's not overly flirty and fake, interactions with him are, for the most part I can tell, genuine. 

I try not to appear to be grand or wealthy ( but I do like nice stuff)  and I go out of my way not to put on airs. Though I am US based, a large part of my family lives in the UK and we have adopted English habits of not standing out, being humble etc, which doesn't always work in places like Miami or LA, but that's how I was raised.

When I was with him, I stayed at a 4 star place, but you can easily tell how much a person is worth by their clothes and processions. In my case, the things I had in my room would probably tell him I was someone who was at least, while not necessarily wealthy, certainly comfortable.

 

 

Edited by jetlow
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2 hours ago, jetlow said:

I thought I would post this to the forum, just to make sure I am handling this correctly.

There's a provider ( who does not live in my home city) but rather a city I plan to be travelling to soon who I have met before for a long session. We got on well together immensely, and since he enjoys my company, he offered to spend time with me ( off the clock) , beyond our session. He just wants to hang out, talk to me, and be in my presence, and spend a leisurely day in his town doing activities we both enjoy. It's incredibly flattering that this beautiful boy, 15 years younger than me, wants to do this.

1) My first reaction was to confirm that this offer was indeed "off the clock".  It was.  I even went on to define when the clock starts and when its off 

2) I assume there would be a general expectation that I would pay for meals etc, and purchases made while we were together off the clock which I am fine with. I don't anticipate anything bad to happen. 

3) I have suspicion a larger tip than normal is expected of from me, which I don't mind. For a guy that hardly tips, the last time I met him, he actually told me "Jetlow - you gave me too much money".   I never thought I would hear a provider tell me that.  I actually enjoyed my time with him as well, we had such great chemistry, but I am all to conscious that this is a provider / client relationship.

I just want to make sure I am being fair to him.   If anyone has pointers of how to best handle off the clock situations, I would appreciate it.   I think I am being fair and proper to him, which is what I would like to do. 

 

 

I think you're totally being cool and fair. If he has indeed indicated what is "off and on the clock" then yeah pay for the meals and whatever other entertainment you both are doing/enjoying as that may come up.

My only red flag would be if he steered you towards "shopping" for him or anything like that if it felt forced or out of the blue.

But if he's cultivating a relationship it just could be to help make you be someone he can count on that is consistent and reliable whenever your mutual schedules align type of a thing for future meet ups in either his city or your city if and when he travels there.

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"Off the clock" is usually somewhere between pay 4 play and sugar daddy time.

Plenty of women expect to have dinner paid for and when a gentleman makes frequent dates, the occasional gift comes into play.

There are lots of young men who miss their parents caring for them / feeding them and buying them gifts. So a mature companion who makes them feel special in this way is merely an extension of childhood pleasures.

Go with the flow. You don't always need cash to feel special but gifts are appreciated.

 

 

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28 minutes ago, GTMike said:

I think you're totally being cool and fair. If he has indeed indicated what is "off and on the clock" then yeah pay for the meals and whatever other entertainment you both are doing/enjoying as that may come up.

My only red flag would be if he steered you towards "shopping" for him or anything like that if it felt forced or out of the blue.

But if he's cultivating a relationship it just could be to help make you be someone he can count on that is consistent and reliable whenever your mutual schedules align type of a thing for future meet ups in either his city or your city if and when he travels there.

Good point with "shopping". I'll be leaving my credit cards in the hotel then, and carrying limited cash on me. Apple pay can be turned off

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6 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

"Off the clock" is usually somewhere between pay 4 play and sugar daddy time.

Plenty of women expect to have dinner paid for and when a gentleman makes frequent dates, the occasional gift comes into play.

There are lots of young men who miss their parents caring for them / feeding them and buying them gifts. So a mature companion who makes them feel special in this way is merely an extension of childhood pleasures.

Go with the flow. You don't always need cash to feel special but gifts are appreciated.

 

 

Best explanation I have heard so far.  Spot on

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11 minutes ago, jetlow said:

Good point with "shopping". I'll be leaving my credit cards in the hotel then, and carrying limited cash on me. Apple pay can be turned off

Limited but think about what would make YOU smile if the shoes were on the other foot. Young people like to feel special.

Some will abuse that.

Others will not.

They all will feel it out to see what they can get

Find a line in the sand but don't be cheap.

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While it's prudent to be cautious, sometimes we over analyze stuff.  Go out and have a nice time with him and just go with the flow.  Pay for what you wish and don't pay if you don't wish.  It appears you can afford it.  

Speculating and anticipating what 'might' happen ruins it.  Managing expectations is a rabbit hole.  You'll likely learn everything you need to know by simply being 'in the moment'.    

Edited by Bucky
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16 hours ago, Bucky said:

While it's prudent to be cautious, sometimes we over analyze stuff.  Go out and have a nice time with him and just go with the flow.  Pay for what you wish and don't pay if you don't wish.  It appears you can afford it.  

Speculating and anticipating what 'might' happen ruins it.  Managing expectations is a rabbit hole.  You'll likely learn everything you need to know by simply being 'in the moment'.    

I'm glad you posted this and you said what I wanted to say as I began reading this thread in a clearer way than I probably would have.  I'm only chiming in to add that I developed a friendship with someone I hired.  When we hung out in the context of a longer session, I did pay for dinner or movie tickets or whatever.  But when we just hung out "off the clock," it was just that.  Sometimes I paid, sometimes he paid.  It worked the way it would with any other friend.  What the OP's situation will turn out to be cannot be known until he experiences it.

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2 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I'm glad you posted this and you said what I wanted to say as I began reading this thread in a clearer way than I probably would have.  I'm only chiming in to add that I developed a friendship with someone I hired.  When we hung out in the context of a longer session, I did pay for dinner or movie tickets or whatever.  But when we just hung out "off the clock," it was just that.  Sometimes I paid, sometimes he paid.  It worked the way it would with any other friend.  What the OP's situation will turn out to be cannot be known until he experiences it.

I think we should not delude ourselves in thinking that this could  turn out to be just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman . That only happens in the movies .

My line in the sand is :  At best it’s lovely but for me personally I would not want it to turn into a seeking arrangement situation, which some people might be open to ,  I’m in my mid 40s i might think differently about this when I am older. 

I think everyone ( if presented with this situation) should figure out before hand what their boundaries are and not be deluded that it could turn into Pretty Woman . 

I am super comfortable with this now  

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19 minutes ago, jetlow said:

I think we should not delude ourselves in thinking that this could  turn out to be just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman . That only happens in the movies .

My line in the sand is :  At best it’s lovely but for me personally I would not want it to turn into a seeking arrangement situation, which some people might be open to ,  I’m in my mid 40s i might think differently about this when I am older. 

I think everyone ( if presented with this situation) should figure out before hand what their boundaries are and not be deluded that it could turn into Pretty Woman . 

I am super comfortable with this now  

Nowhere did I suggest indulging in a "Pretty Woman" fantasy.  I wrote about developing a friendship, not a romantic relationship.

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I started escorting in my 20s.  nearly out of the blocks I'd spend off the clock time with clients 20, 30, 40, etc. years older than I was.  I still do, though since I'm (nearly) 50 there's now only one client/friend more than 40 years older than I am. :-) 

(as a further aside, those of you who've been on this site from the beginning may remember my very very initial position on the subject was, "fuck you, I have enough friends"*, but that was simply posturing and fell away very quickly)

There are other escorts who feel they better protect themselves by spending nearly zero off-the-clock time with clients, and that's fine too.  

Point is, just because you are older does NOT mean the young one is angling.  And, also, 15 years is nothing.  NOTHING.

*p.s. I actually had that T-shirt in College, as well as "Christianity is stupid, get over it" and, also, "Litter, it creates Jobs"  Nobody said GenX kids weren't cynical.

Edited by Rod Hagen
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I have a couple of "off-the clock" guys actually. For whatever reason, I have similar interests with a lot of these guys and end up taking them to concerts, plays, etc. I always pay for the activity but there is of course no "hourly" rate for the time we are spending together at those activities.

I always kind of think of it as I'm willing to spend money for a friend's ticket to a concert (or whatever) because I want to share that experience of something we both enjoy. 

But of course any time we're in the bedroom, we're back on the clock and I pay the agreed-upon rates. In many cases (though actually not always) this is before or after the activity. I feel like it's worth it for them to enjoy something they would like to do anyway for free and then often still get some money after.

My only advice is to make sure it is something they really enjoy. I once took a friend who enjoyed theater to kind of a cerebral play and could tell he was bored. He loves theater but more razzle-dazzle musicals than Tom Stoppard. 

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19 hours ago, Enchanted said:

I have been in a similar situation. I decided to go into it keeping my eyes open and I didn't regret it. I felt my companion just wanted to talk and was feeling a tad isolated

This 

On 8/13/2022 at 2:49 PM, Bucky said:

While it's prudent to be cautious, sometimes we over analyze stuff.  Go out and have a nice time with him and just go with the flow.  Pay for what you wish and don't pay if you don't wish.  It appears you can afford it.  

Speculating and anticipating what 'might' happen ruins it.  Managing expectations is a rabbit hole.  You'll likely learn everything you need to know by simply being 'in the moment'.    

And this…

4 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

I started escorting in my 20s.  nearly out of the blocks I'd spend off the clock time with clients 20, 30, 40, etc. years older than I was.  I still do, though since I'm (nearly) 50 there's now only one client/friend more than 40 years older than I am. 🙂

(as a further aside, those of you who've been on this site from the beginning may remember my very very initial position on the subject was, "fuck you, I have enough friends"*, but that was simply posturing and fell away very quickly)

There are other escorts who feel they better protect themselves by spending nearly zero off-the-clock time with clients, and that's fine too.  

Point is, just because you are older does NOT mean the young one is angling.  And, also, 15 years is nothing.  NOTHING.

*p.s. I actually had that T-shirt in College, as well as "Christianity is stupid, get over it" and, also, "Litter, it creates Jobs"  Nobody said GenX kids weren't cynical.

And this…

I used to be hesitant of doing off clock time in my younger days. But now I have more than a few who I actually spend time with, as friends even. If and when the fun part comes off, then we go ahead and settle up. I spent my birthday night with a couple of client “buddies” and even 1 of his friends. 

 

My thing: It can be hard connecting with friends in the “community” when you live a transient, even alternative lifestyle. Clients seem to be more open and understanding to that. I am so tired and fatigued of the gay scene, especially in non-transient Midwest towns. It’s almost impenetrable to get into any circle and even when you meet some cool people: they are cool for a night or 2, and then just go back to their usual clique and routine. Ghosting, not returning messages. Think you found a good friend, and turns out to just be another scene queen.
 

However, on a realistic level it’s important to recognize that “majority” of clients out there are doing so because a need to be discreet or because I’ve sometimes found some to be too “sex focused” to where it can make the interaction a bit too 1 track purposed. I appreciate and acknowledge the attraction and flirting, but if it becomes to where “off the clock” time requires some form of sex, thats where things can get a bit weird. 
 

Overall, many of my clients I can consider as my friend. It’s a bit harder to do that with straight married guys, but there is some gay partnered guys I’ve found to be pretty cool with connecting for off clock fun. But like someone said, there’s no guarantees and be sure to voice any concerns so that nobody feels played in the end. 

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
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1 hour ago, Rod Hagen said:

I wasn't clear:   Off the clock in my case referred to helping them with things in the house, or having coffee, birthday dinners.  Shit like that.

I was referring to just general off clock: more specifically pool parties, drinks, hanging out at home watching TV or dinner. 
 

Now off clock sex, as in freebies: I have done if I connect with a guy, but in general: I just find majority of clients are in a space where a relationship isn’t on their mind. Either they’ve “been there, done that” and are set in their ways, or they just aren’t actively trying to make that happen. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

So an update

What he essentially gave me was an overnight plus almost two days. Lots of off the clock time. I just went with the flow .  He spent the day at my hotel hanging out at the pool . Before dinner we even went to the local mall, and did a bit of shopping, but I wasn't pressured into buying him anything. It was all quite lovely and nothing bad happened. At the end of the day it boils down to chemistry and trust. There was lot of that.

I haven't had that many overnights but what truly makes a great overnight is having a provider who can fill in the gaps, keep up the pace and essentially keep me the client entertained and delighted throughout. I was tired the first night, which he respected, but when morning came he made sure that I wasn't bored.  I am by nature a very accommodating/compromising  person, and I was interested in what he wanted to do as well, which was odd, because he was very much focused on my needs, what made me happy, what I wanted to, even during the off the clock hours. I wanted this to be something he enjoyed as well, even though it was about me, I wanted him to enjoy himself.  I think he appreciated that. 

For me, a mark of a good relationship / connection, it the ability to hang out with someone with gaps in the conversation/ long moments of comfortable silence. There was lots of that.  At breakfast, after  a long period of silence, he asked me what I was thinking. I said to him. "I must be incredibly lucky to be here with you - at this very moment".   His smile back could melt anyones heart. 

I made a promise to see him again soon. It was incredibly gratifying and healing to have this gorgeous, handsome and cute Latino boy spend two days with me, plus and overnight.   

Edited by jetlow
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1 hour ago, jetlow said:

So an update

 

What he essentially gave me was an overnight plus almost two days. Lots of off the clock time. I just went with the flow .  He spent the day at my hotel hanging out at the pool . Before dinner we even went to the local mall, and did a bit of shopping, but I wasn't pressured into buying him anything. It was all quite lovely and nothing bad happened. At the end of the day it boils down to chemistry and trust. There was lot of that.

I haven't had that many overnights but what truly makes a great overnight is having a provider who can fill in the gaps, keep up the pace and essentially keep me the client entertained and delighted throughout. I was tired the first night, which he respected, but when morning came he made sure that I wasn't bored.  I am by nature a very accommodating/compromising  person, and I was interested in what he wanted to do as well, which was odd, because he was very much focused on my needs, what made me happy, what I wanted to, even during the off the clock hours. I wanted this to be something he enjoyed as well, even though it was about me, I wanted him to enjoy himself.  I think he appreciated that. 

For me, a mark of a good relationship / connection, it the ability to hang out with someone with gaps in the conversation/ long moments of comfortable silence. There was lots of that.  At breakfast, after  a long period of silence, he asked me what I was thinking. I said to him. "I must be incredibly lucky to be here with you - at the very moment".   His smile back could melt anyones heart. 

I made a promise to see him again soon. It was incredibly gratifying and healing to have this gorgeous, handsome and cute Latino boy spend two days with me, plus and overnight.   

Thank you for the update. Not sure there is a "perfect recipe" for spending an extended period of time with a companion. The ultimate test, in my book, is that we both walk away happy.   Seems like this worked out for both of you so, mission accomplished! 😁

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