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Do you find tip jars at parties tacky?


Unicorn
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I hired two shirtless hunky bartenders to serve at an upcoming party. One of them told me he'd charge me less if I had a tip jar. I told him I'd pay extra, as I didn't want to have this tip jar, though if anyone wanted to put money in his G-string, I wouldn't discourage that. I can only remember one prior party I've been to where I saw a tip jar, and I found it somewhat tacky. What do you think of these tip jars at parties? Do you find that to be in good taste?

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I’d say it depends on the venue, location and atmosphere, also has to do with who’s paying the drinks and etc. if I go to a gay wedding with open bar and I wouldn’t mind to see a tip jar at the bar. However, it’s your party since it’s your choice. If you think (or don’t want others to think) it’s wacky then just follow your heart. 

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As a rule, no tip jars at private parties -no matter the occasion- period. If it’s at a private home, I think it does look tacky. If it’s at a venue, the service charge/gratuity is built in to the price - plus you’re expected to tip at the end anyway, so definitely no tip jars there. I remember my father almost had a heart attack when he saw tip jars on the bar during the cocktail hour at my sister’s wedding, (for the sit down reception, each table had a waiter/waitress for drinks). Needless to say, the jars were removed ASAP. 

The one type of event I think it’s fine to have a tip jar out is at a fundraiser at a venue. 

I also think it’s really tacky when guests ask for doggy bags at a catered, sit down, event like a wedding, funeral luncheon, birthday party, etc..
 

BBD 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, BananaBagel said:

How did you find the bartenders?

Well, my partner "Chris" found one of them, and we've hired him before. The one who inquired about the tip jar I went up to when he was a gogo dancer at an event a friend had during WeHo Pride (the friend will be one of the people attending the party). He was friendly so I asked him about shirtless bartending, and he said yes. We're expecting around 50, significantly more than our last pool party in which there where 25-30, so we thought we'd need a 2nd bartender this time. 

Lucky-10

Lucky-10-B

Edited by Unicorn
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if you're fully hosting the party (guests don't pay for the drinks and they know that) and if it's at your own house and if you want the guests to be comfortable and if you want the drinks to be generous........

then I'd absolutely ban a tip jar, let the bartenders know that ahead of time, and tell them you'll pay a very generous gratuity beyond their standard rate......

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question, considering it's in such bad taste it begs the question WHO are you hanging around that's this tacky ?

Well, the couple who threw that party are well off (well, one of them is, the other is his younger lover, though not married as of this time). I just thought it was a bit off at the time, but when the 2nd shirtless waiter suggested this, I thought maybe the mores had changed recently. As it turns out, we invited this couple to our party, but they'll be in Rome, Italy at the time. Apparently the wealthier one has earnings which somewhat exceed mine (though my digs are snazzier and 90% paid off). 

Edited by Unicorn
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23 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Well, my partner "Chris" found one of them, and we've hired him before. The one who inquired about the tip jar I went up to when he was a gogo dancer at an event a friend had during WeHo Pride (the friend will be one of the people attending the party). He was friendly so I asked him about shirtless bartending, and he said yes. We're expecting around 50, significantly more than our last pool party in which there where 25-30, so we thought we'd need a 2nd bartender this time. 

Lucky-10

Lucky-10-B

Wow, a pviate party with about 50 friends! It would be a major feat for me to just have 10 people, if I only invited locally, I am down to two, plus me. My social life wasn't the best and covid has made it disgusting.

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2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Strange definition of "well off" when your staff needs a tip jar. I always tip the help myself at the end of the evening. I may not even be as wealthy as your friend.

Yes, I am confused as well.

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6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Strange definition of "well off" when your staff needs a tip jar. I always tip the help myself at the end of the evening. I may not even be as wealthy as your friend.

Yes, well I guess my instincts seemed to be right on this one. He apparently makes over $250,000 a year. Very interestingly, he lives in the exact same building (owns a condo) as my best friend from college. The two of them met at one of my prior parties (though, again, the tip jar man will be in Rome this time). 

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7 hours ago, cougar said:

Wow, a pviate party with about 50 friends! It would be a major feat for me to just have 10 people, if I only invited locally, I am down to two, plus me. My social life wasn't the best and covid has made it disgusting.

Well, about 20 people will be from mainly my circle, and 30 from "Chris's." Some of my friends will be coming from northern California. There would have been a couple more, but one of my two guest beds was supposed to go to my Corpus Christi friend, and he bailed out at the last minute, so another friend that would have gone didn't. 🙄 I also have some local friends from my prior time in college and medical school here, and the old friend from high school I discussed previously (the one who gently berated me for sending a joke "cc" instead of "bcc"), along with his wife. Add some neighbors, my brother, my sister's daughter (my sister is in Portugal), and some plus ones, and new friends to make 20. One of my guests is actually "Lindoro," who's met "Chris" (they like each other). 

"Chris" has lived here for some 4 years, so he knows lots of people. Although some of them will bring +1's, I've met most of the people he's invited to the party. 

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When I am a guest at a private event that offers an open bar, I do tip the bar staff well, discreetly and early on.  It guarantees me faster service and stiffer drinks.  And it is a nice thing to do, it shows appreciation.  Maybe it is a New York thing, but I have never ever seen tip jars at private events I have been to.

When I am the host of a private event offering an open bar, I do pay a tip to all staff at the end of the event.  Typically 20 percent of the cost of the catering.  But NO tip jars EVER at my events.

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19 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Yes, well I guess my instincts seemed to be right on this one. He apparently makes over $250,000 a year.

Ok...so less than me but not by much.  Yeah...you're pulling a quarter of a million and your help needs a tip jar ??? This isn't a third world country. PAY your staff. **Officially tacky. **

Edited by pubic_assistance
grammar
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The tip jar is insulting to the host. It is the bartender's way of saying the host is cheap. I bartended for a caterer when I was in college and could not imagine being that rude to the host. Nobody should accept a job, go into the employer's house and signal to his guests the employer is cheap. Yes, that is tacky.

With that said, it reminds me of a slightly off topic story.... I brought my mom to Fort Lauderdale to visit several relatives. Mom's sister, husband and teenager also came down to FL. We were all meeting for dinner, fifteen people total,

My Great Uncle Harry made it clear ahead of time he was paying. Uncle Harry was very well off, having invented some now common things everyone uses daily. Uncle Harry made it clear we needed to be seated by 5:30 pm because he had early-bird coupons for everyone. When my Aunt and her family were not there on time, he wanted the rest of us to order so we could use the coupons, but the restaurant assured him they would still honor the coupons if the stragglers were there soon. 

Knowing my Uncle Harry was not a generous tipper and would base the tip on the total after the coupons' credits were deducted, my mom and I agreed I would slip the waiter $50. At the end of the meal, I cornered him outside the kitchen and gave him the money, thanking him for doing such a great job given how demanding some of my relatives could be. The waiter acted strangely. I thought he might have gotten the impression I was hitting on him.

Years later there was a family event. Uncle Harry had passed away - his wife recently turned 104 - and we were sharing Uncle Harry stories. My Aunt's husband told of the time we all had dinner in Fort Lauderdale and he slipped the waiter a tip because he knew Uncle Harry was not a generous tipper. My cousin's husband quickly chimed in that he had done the same. And so had Uncle Harry's sister. Apparently the waiter didn't think I was trying to pick him up. He was reacting to the fact he had already gotten $150 above whatever Harry left and was getting $50 more!

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My experiences in this are from the NYC area, but they do parties unlike the way most of the country does them.  If it is a cash bar, then I have no problem with a tip jar, but if the host is providing free liquor, and this goes for valet parking also, then a tip jar is not only in inappropriate, but the host is being billed for tips for the staff ( I have hosted such events).  I know of one such event where the bartender had a jar out and the host had it removed.  I remember leaving on such event and there was a sign at the valet stand stating that the host had provided the gratuities for the valet staff.  

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On 8/3/2022 at 11:33 AM, Unicorn said:

I hired two shirtless hunky bartenders to serve at an upcoming party. One of them told me he'd charge me less if I had a tip jar. I told him I'd pay extra, as I didn't want to have this tip jar, though if anyone wanted to put money in his G-string, I wouldn't discourage that. I can only remember one prior party I've been to where I saw a tip jar, and I found it somewhat tacky. What do you think of these tip jars at parties? Do you find that to be in good taste?

Why not?? As “shirtless” is a priority. Miss Manners’ rules of hostessing are already out the damn window.
Personally I’d rather have them dressed and hire a third to collect car keys to be returned after breathalyzer. 

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