Telling It Like It Is

[+ Charlie]

The opening lines of an obituary for H. William Brown of Palm Desert in today's Desert Sun:

"For all we know, he did not cross over, he did not go to meet his maker, and he did not pass. What we do know is that he died on July 4th, 2022."

Edited July 21, 2022 by Charlie
Typo

[+ azdr0710]

glad to see that......I decided several years ago to not use quaint and dated terms like "passed on"......admittedly, some may find "died" to be too blunt, clinical, or even disrespectful, but it's exactly what happened......I did once use the term "died" a bit too bluntly when speaking to a friend about his dog who'd recently, uhhhh, "passed" and the friend was a bit taken aback.......

[Luv2play]

Death and dying are facts of life. If people can't bring themselves to using the terms in relation to people or pets they are in some sort of denial. 

Have you noticed newspapers like the NYT don't use terms like passing or other euphemisms for death. They deal with it straight up.

[CuriousByNature]

But 'died' is such a passive word.  'Kicked it' is much more dynamic.  LOL

 

[Kevin Slater]

There's a movie entitled The Messenger in which Woody Harrelson has that job in the military where he has to go tell the wife she's a widow.  While training the new guy he explains don't say we lost him, he's gone, or any of the other euphemisms.  If you do, inevitably there's confusion where the surviving spouse think he's gone awol and calls him a son of a bitch or soemthing.  Just tell her he was killed or has died.

Kevin Slater

[+ purplekow]

I was discussing this topic as an educational opportunity with the medical residents I supervise.  I told them that my father was in the hospital and expected to be discharged that morning.  I received a call from his doctor who proceeded to start to explain what was happened with my father that morning and he started describing exactly what was done.  As he was talking, I did not know how this prolonged story would end.  

I finally blurted out anxiously "Is he dead". My mother who was listening screamed and ran from the room and the doctor finally said  "Yes".  I told him then, and I told my residents this morning, as they say in journalism,  Do not bury the lead. ( Insert dead joke here) Start with: Your relative died this morning.   All the condolences and the rest of the details will become a blur to the family, but they will know definitively what the end of the story is.  

[samhexum]

8 hours ago, Luv2play said:

Have you noticed newspapers like the NYT don't use terms like passing or other euphemisms for death. They deal with it straight up.

As it should be.  Use direct terms...  croaked, kicked the bucket, etc.

[spider]

And not "went over the rainbow bridge"

[samhexum]

47 minutes ago, spider said:

And not "went over the rainbow bridge"

Unless he was the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

[+ Charlie]

1 hour ago, spider said:

And not "went over the rainbow bridge"

I think that is only used for pets, thank goodness.

[BtmBearDad]

I think the term you use has a lot to do with context, and the audience, (maybe culture too). I’ve used passed, died, gone, etc. at different times. When I had to make calls after my mother died, with her siblings, I said something like “mum passed this afternoon”.  More recently, I found out someone I grew up with died, and relaying the news to others we grew up with, it was more “I just found out Tessa died”. 

I don’t know that using passed or similar softens the blow but I suppose it’s viewed as a more genteel way of sharing the news. 🤷🏼‍♂️
 

BBD 

[OCClient]

 

21 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

But 'died' is such a passive word.  'Kicked it' is much more dynamic.  LOL

 

 

Or something relateable.

He enjoyed his last combo massage.

😥

[jeezifonly]

I am definitely writing my own obit. I will not not mince words. And after its reading, the survivors will, comparatively, have nothing but nice things to say about the deceased. 🤣

[BtmBearDad]

2 minutes ago, jeezifonly said:

I am definitely writing my own obit. I will not not mince words. And after its reading, the survivors will, comparatively, have nothing but nice things to say about the deceased. 🤣

Gosh that brought back a memory! Back in uni, in a philosophy elective the assignments were to write your own obituary, plan your funeral, write your eulogy. I do remember for the funeral, I planned for a slide show on the altar after communion while “Don’t You Forget About Me” played. The prof said something like, “wow! you really want people ugly crying, don’t you!” 🤣

[MscleLovr]

In general, I’m all in favour of being direct.
 

I also believe in the excellent aphorism “de mortuis nil nisi bonum”. I once murmured this to an elderly female neighbour on the UES. (She had mentioned a very difficult neighbour of us both shortly after his death). In response to me, she said ‘Well, I’m certainly glad he died young!”

[+ WilliamM]

On 7/22/2022 at 5:53 AM, samhexum said:

As it should be.  Use direct terms...  croaked, kicked the bucket, etc.

Or expired

[Rod Hagen]

On 7/21/2022 at 10:51 PM, Kevin Slater said:

There's a movie entitled The Messenger in which Woody Harrelson has that job in the military where he has to go tell the wife she's a widow.  While training the new guy he explains don't say we lost him, he's gone, or any of the other euphemisms.  If you do, inevitably there's confusion where the surviving spouse think he's gone awol and calls him a son of a bitch or soemthing.  Just tell her he was killed or has died.

Kevin Slater

I saw a screening of that movie and the director stayed for a Q&A afterward.  It's been years, but there's a particularly wrenching part that takes place in a...I think a kitchen(??), in one room anyway, and the whole scene is one take and it's fantastic. 

I'm a sucker for 2 things in movies, and they are often related, long takes and tracking shots.  Good Movie.

Yes, people die, I agree.  It's terrible, and it's the best word.