Another associate in mental health crisis after drug/alcohol addiction

[BeamerBikes]

Dunno where I want to go with this post. 

Just a general frustration. I've encountered a handful of great guys (friends, bfs, and providers), who ended up in the throws of addiction.  If they overcome and manage to make it into recovery, they end up significantly different than before.  

Most recent is a provider who was on the wish list. He had PnP in the profile and that was always why he stayed in the wish list rather than take a chance and hire.  Sadly, a recent peak at his Twitter shows him having full-blown paranoia delusional events. CIA, FBI, CISA(actually a bit impressed that he found this agency), etc.  

Summer 2020, I reprised a caregiver role as one of my gay "dad's" partially recovered after getting lost in the bottle. He drank himself into a months/year long stupor that resulted in a rare condition that resulted in permanent brain damage. He's a shell of his former shelf.

I've been in my adult years for 27 years now. Seeing friends/loved ones go through addiction whether it be alcohol or drugs is one of the harder parts of adulthood. 

[Luv2play]

I've had one intimate friend who descended into cross addition with drugs and alcohol. He developed a serious case of paranoia. I had to get out of our relationship for my own balance and self preservation.  

We were not in a commited relationship and he was bisexual with a girlfriend that he lived with when he wasn't sleeping with me. He did go into treatment but I don't know how he is doing now some 12 years later.

I've always shied away from people who are addictive personalities and this one exception taught me I couldn't change anything about them.

[+ Lucky]

There was an article in the Guardian this week about how widespread cocaine use is in a particular small town. The novel that I am reading says that the entire (fictional) White house has blow in the nose. Yet I don't think I know anyone who uses it now. Am I in a lalaland?

[Luv2play]

17 hours ago, Lucky said:

There was an article in the Guardian this week about how widespread cocaine use is in a particular small town. The novel that I am reading says that the entire (fictional) White house has blow in the nose. Yet I don't think I know anyone who uses it now. Am I in a lalaland?

Quite possibly. I was with an escort recently and he did a couple of lines of coke right before my eyes. It was only our second encounter and he opened up to me quite a bit about his personal life. His boyfriend had just walked out on him that morning.

I told him I was not judgmental and I always try not to be and to put myself in the other person's shoes. Still if you ask me I would have preferred he not take the coke.

I stayed overnight with him and had a very pleasant night. He was a great cuddler amongst his other attributes. 

Will I see him again. I don't know.

[OCClient]

Kudos to the above poster for being frank.

To the OP, it does sound frustrating, almost exhausting to be surrounded by that many folks in the throws of addiction.  Hope things improve for you.

[+ Coolwave35]

Addiction is awful. My first hire turned into a sugar baby situation. We got insanely close through his year in recovery. At his year sober he snorted some cocaine laced with fetanyl and was left to die alone in a hotel room. What’s worse, he had told me he was struggling and asked to spend more time together that weekend but I couldn’t give it to him as I had prior engagements. I blamed myself for a long time and threw myself into the foundation his mother started in his honor hellbent on helping addicts. Being in that world, and recognizing the fragility of sobriety proved too much for me and I had to find other causes to support.
 

My brother is an addict and we haven’t had a relationship for 16 years because of it. I miss him. 

Edited June 26, 2022 by Coolwave35

[RyanDean]

A couple weeks ago I marked my 19th year of sobriety; the same week I attended the funeral of a beloved childhood friend -- with whom I had recently reconnected -- who died as a result of severe chronic alcohol abuse. Seeing her family (including her teen daughter) underscored what folks in 12step programs sometimes call the "cunning, baffling, powerful" potency of addiction's destructive force.

As I sat in the funeral home, I was also reminded what a counselor told me in my first year of sobriety, when I was trying to draw a very clear line that I hadn't entertained suicidal ideation. She said, "There are two ways to commit suicide: quick ways and slow ways. Alcoholism is a really slow way to kill yourself." I don't know how many times she said that to how many patients but, for me, it was a revelation.

Another statement that completely blew me away -- though I can't recall who said it -- was: "At first, drugs and alcohol can feel like a great new friend, like a running buddy who makes everything more fun or more tolerable, but -- when addiction takes hold -- that new friendship turns into an abusive relationship, where the drug/drink starts taking priority over everything and everyone else in your life until you have nothing and no one else." 

At my friend's funeral, I wracked my brain over whether or not I had "come out" about my sobriety when I recently connected with my friend. Her sister wondered aloud, "I wish she had known you were sober; maybe she could have talked to you." A day or so later, I remembered. I did mention my sobriety to my friend, and she congratulated me on my time. It was also in that moment that I wondered whether she was drinking "too much" but I said nothing. I get sad when I think of what might have been a missed opportunity to stay on the topic of my sobriety for a moment or two longer.

I am also effectively estranged from another one of my childhood friends -- the person I considered my "best friend" for nearly four decades -- because of his unresolved addiction issues. (Nineteen years ago we got sober at the same time; my sobriety stuck but his did not.) I see him occasionally, and do respond to the occasional facebook message, but I chose to close the open door/heart I had given to him for most of my life. There is a place in my heart that will always be his, and I would so love to welcome him back into it and into my life but -- unless and until he returns to a path of healing that doesn't prioritize drugs/alcohol/drama -- I must hold him (as they sometimes say in Al-Anon) at a "loving distance."

PS: If a gay-friendly Al-Anon group meets in your area, @BeamerBikes, you might consider visiting a meeting. They will understand what you're going through.

[BeamerBikes]

9 hours ago, RyanDean said:

PS: If a gay-friendly Al-Anon group meets in your area, @BeamerBikes, you might consider visiting a meeting. They will understand what you're going through.

Thanks @RyanDean and others. 

It was more general venting than something I'm struggling with. I've learned long ago you can't change folks; they have to commit to changing themselves. Change is hard. Staying stuck is easy. Nonetheless, we have an extraordinary window into others lives these days and sometimes you have to wonder what the hell happened here. There's no good answer in most cases. Just have to let it go. 

[Bucky]

Can the 'hiring' hobby become an addiction?

[RyanDean]

5 hours ago, Bucky said:

Can the 'hiring' hobby become an addiction?

Putting aside the physiological/medical dimensions of drug/alcohol addictions, I do think hiring can easily tap into one's propensity toward compulsive behavior.

[BeamerBikes]

10 hours ago, Bucky said:

Can the 'hiring' hobby become an addiction?

Hiring can turn into an addiction with the right circumstances/personalities involved.  Long term harm could be transactional view for all relationships and going broke/into debt. 

[guy7777]

I would think that the jobs of providers might put some at a higher risk of mental health or addiction issues. I feel badly for those who fall into a rabbit hole of misery & addiction.  Wouldn't wish that on anyone!

My brother passed away in his early fifties from decades use of alcohol & crack/cocaine. It was horrible to witness

[+ JEC]

@guy7777 I'm sorry for your loss, and can relate.  My own brother took his life 2 weeks ago at 60 after a lifelong battle with alcohol addiction (and resultant depression and mental health challenges). As AA Step 1 says "we are powerless" to do anything: helplessness is the most horrible feeling.  He is finally at peace from what was a daily torturous struggle.   And we the family are at peace after years of constant worry.  RIP brother. 

[Rudynate]

On 6/27/2022 at 9:15 AM, Bucky said:

Can the 'hiring' hobby become an addiction?

No. It can become compulsive, but it does not result in addiction. 

[guy7777]

On 7/3/2022 at 4:51 PM, JEC said:

@guy7777 I'm sorry for your loss, and can relate.  My own brother took his life 2 weeks ago at 60 after a lifelong battle with alcohol addiction (and resultant depression and mental health challenges). As AA Step 1 says "we are powerless" to do anything: helplessness is the most horrible feeling.  He is finally at peace from what was a daily torturous struggle.   And we the family are at peace after years of constant worry.  RIP brother. 

Awful to hear your brother passed away only two weeks ago.

These terrible situations are unfortunately too common

[former lurker]

Addiction often accompanies mental health disorders such as Major Oppressive Disorder, BiPolar Disorder, and other conditions.  At least it did in my case. And in my brother's case. You can't convince an addict to get help, and someone struggling with depression is especially likely to resist treatment.  You can give addicts hints, encouragement, and remind them there are people who love them and whom they are causing pain.  If they are open to help, they should get evaluated, preferably on an in-patient basis.  But s/he has to be ready.

I join all of those whose posts offer support.  Watching a loved one self-destruct and not knowing how to help is torture. 

 

[BeamerBikes]

So updates - summer is starting to wind down. The provider has now gone silent but hopefully is in a treatment program.  He went off the rails with full on delusions. 

The buddy who drank himself into some brain damage now is facing a possible eviction. He's also having cash flow problems because he's purposefully flowing cash to a P.o.S on/off again bad news ex-bf/hubby who's toxic af.  With that, I have to walk away. Buddy won't come clean about that being where the money is going, won't accept help with his finances, doesn't want to face facts about the landlord situation.  Best I could do was involve his family and let them know I'm out of options as his "in case of emergency"/poa.  Power of attorneys only work if the person wants the help.  Otherwise, I'd have to pursue declaring him incompetent.  I don't have it in me to fight that hard even if they may not be fully in control of their cognitive functions.  I have done a helluva more than others would have, and need to make peace with walking away. 

Lesson for all - the lies we tell ourselves are the worst of them all. Love yourself enough to cut out toxic exs and never let them back in your life. No matter how much you may be lonely. It's cheaper to get a pet.  

Sometimes the only thing left to do is set your own boundary not to get sucked into the eventual train wreck. Recognize when you have done all you could, and jump off before you get entangled in it any further. 

Edited August 19, 2022 by BeamerBikes
Clarifying P.O

[Rudynate]

On 6/27/2022 at 9:15 AM, Bucky said:

Can the 'hiring' hobby become an addiction?

No. It can become compulsive but it is not possible to become physically addicted to hiring escorts.  However, in  everyday conversation, compulsive behavior and addiction are often conflated.

[56harrisond]

https://twitter.com/maxkonnorxxx/status/1641497535981182977

Ｍａｘ Ｋｏｎｎｏｒ
@maxkonnorxxx

This is long but I feel ready to share because someone needs to hear this:

After being sober from meth for over 9 years, I recently found myself fighting another addiction.

Cocaine was introduced to me a few years ago and it slowly crept its way into my life more and more.  

Emotional stress, worries of work, and meeting expectations fueled my hunger to escape.  My addiction got worst and worst.  It affected my work, my relationships, energy.  I secluded myself.  Sat in my house alone day after day slipping deeper and deeper into this dark abyss of addiction and depression that made me ashamed, embarrassed and, as a result, made me more lonely than I already was.
 
Once again, I had to choose me and life and start my personal journey to recovery.  Im 2 months sober and I’m finally starting to enjoy me again and I have no regrets. 

Im sharing this story because, if anyone reading this is battling addiction, you are not alone.  You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed.  Even though it seems everyone around you is self consumed, there are people who care for you and are there for you.  

Im also writing this as a “fuck you” to shame and a testament to life.  It’s another testimony to add to my amazing life. 

You can beat addiction.  Your life is more than just being alive.  You can live life.  Abundantly and to the fullest.  Your loved ones believe in you and most importantly this is a test to believe in yourself.  

Keep fighting.  It gets so much better ❤️
1:48 PM · Mar 30, 2023

[+ tassojunior]

i've been through my share of people with drug addictions. also a few with the cocaine semi-addiction/compulsion (makes str8 guys insatiable bottoms btw).. sometimes I think the less-lucky ones are the ones that can "handle" it long-term instead of crashing out and having to change. 

at my age the novelty and biggest fear is the sudden dependence by a very large part of the population to adderall. it's almost necessary to be competitive now in many professions and makes people very aggressive and hostile. it's not an addicted fringe, it's an addicted mainstream. 

[+ Pensant]

On 4/1/2023 at 1:06 PM, tassojunior said:

at my age the novelty and biggest fear is the sudden dependence by a very large part of the population to adderall.

Yes! I don’t think I know anyone who uses it; but a close friend recently mentioned that tons of finance and tech execs are bemoaning its recent “hard to get” status. I’ve only used weed and alcohol. I was always too terrified to try coke or any of the other recreational drugs. To my knowledge, none of my friends or associate use them either. Of course the qualifier is “to my knowledge “.

Edited April 4, 2023 by Pensant

[+ tassojunior]

10 hours ago, Pensant said:

Yes! I don’t think I know anyone who uses it; but a close friend recently mentioned that tons of finance and tech execs are bemoaning its recent “hard to get” status. I’ve only used weed and alcohol. I was always to terrified to try coke or any of the other recreational drugs. To my knowledge, none of my friends or associate use them either. Of course the qualifier is “to my knowledge “.

it's evidently a prevalent addiction we don't notice in others.  A majority of people in certain jobs use it daily. it's just a given. my ex-whatever used it to maintain a fast-paced multi-faceted very busy life and i would often hear remarks about how xxx was late getting his prescription to give it to him and he was going to have to find some energy shots to tide over. many university students take it for granted and not sure how many graduate professional students get through without it.

from other stories i've read it seems Adderall changes people mentally and makes them much more aggressive (or sometimes "mean"). that certainly describes Millennials. not to pin that generation's attitude on a drug, but it seems to explain a lot.   

Edited April 5, 2023 by tassojunior

[Rudynate]

I think people must be fairly quiet about it, but I hear things from time to time that make me think it is fairly common. It was very big in the late 70s and 80s.  I loved it, but I never loved it so much that it was a problem for me. I didn't like cocaine by itself - it made me irritable and jittery.  But cocaine and alchol - woah!!!  Back then, it happened occasionally that heavy users had to get these nasty surgical procedures to get their sinuses reamed out.  I thought the achievers had moved on from coke and adderall to modafinil.

[+ tassojunior]

4 hours ago, Rudynate said:

I think people must be fairly quiet about it, but I hear things from time to time that make me think it is fairly common. It was very big in the late 70s and 80s.  I loved it, but I never loved it so much that it was a problem for me. I didn't like cocaine by itself - it made me irritable and jittery.  But cocaine and alchol - woah!!!  Back then, it happened occasionally that heavy users had to get these nasty surgical procedures to get their sinuses reamed out.  I thought the achievers had moved on from coke and adderall to modafinil.

evidently there's 41 million Adderall prescriptions in the US, an increase of 10% in one year. And most people don't get it through their own prescription.. no wonder everyone's biting each other's heads off. 

Adderall shortage puts U.S. on brink of public health crisis

WWW.AXIOS.COM

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A rise in demand for Adderall has triggered a shortage of the drug.