From hire to permanent (but open) relationship

[Smurof]

Has anyone hired either a masseur or an escort as a first meeting, and have that turn into a lifelong live with each other situation? I'm equally as curious with the same situation reversed, where a person who you saw as a client was someone you never knew, and then had it turn into a reality of a lifelong partner.

 

Keeping names anonymous, does anyone know of couples who met by this method? One of my brother's stories of how he met his husband is an awesome one - being stuck in an elevator that broke down with another stranger that then turned into a marriage that's still strong as ever. They both don't like Aerosmith music, though.

[big-n-tall]

A few escorts have told me they got into relationships with clients, some short term, some for much longer. None of them, as far as I know, are still in those particular relationships. There are a few posters on this forum who have talked about how they met their significant other through escorting and are still together. I'm not sure if any met and became something permanent after the first meeting though.

 

Although I have not experienced what you asked about, per se... I have met an escort where our business relationship is heading into a boyfriend one. I liked him the first time we met and apparently the he felt the same. When he started calling me his man and stopped charging for his time, I knew what we had could be a serious thing.

 

Is anything permanent? LOL!!! Does the type of situation you mention/ask about, exists? I'm sure it does. I don't think it's the norm.

[SFSteve]

I have a relationship of sorts that started as a hire. I hired him and we clicked the first meeting. I hired him many times, over a couple years. We became pretty good friends and I talked with him often over those years. We lived in different cities a few hundred miles apart, so more phone conversations than direct meetings. During one of our sessions, he mentioned that his current BF was being pretty difficult and they were headed to a break up. It was going to be difficult for him because he had no where to go. Of course I offered him a place to stay if he was willing to live by my rules. I would cover house expenses, but he would have to work and cover all his personal expenses including car, food, etc. We would have to work out anything sexual as we went along. He took me up on the offer. That was in 2002. He’s still here. I consider him my closest friend today.

 

We have never engaged in sex since he moved in. He has had several BFs over those years ( none stuck) and I continued to engage in this hobby with others.

 

He watches out for me. For example, this year hitting up all his medical field friends trying to get me vaccinated. I am fully vaccinated today.

 

He worked in a financial services office when he got settled here. Eight years ago he founded his own practice. This year he merged his practice with another gay office. In short, a very successful transition from one service to another over about 19 years.

 

Perhaps not exactly what you were asking about, not a significant other in the sense you used. But a real situation that started out as a hire and is significant for me and for him.

[Guest]

Some 19 years ago, before Seeking Arrangements existed, I hired a handsome Russian dude (as an escort). He came in on a student exchange visa, and had been physically roughed up as a gay man. He escorted because he didn't want to go back to the abuse in Russia, and it was all he could come up with to avoid the return. We were together for 13.5 years. I got him asylum and eventually citizenship in the US, as well as an education. In the last year, there was nothing physical going on, and he had absences, leading me to believe he found someone else. I was going to encourage him to move on, but I came back from a medical conference and he'd taken off. Most of our time was good, and he was pretty much accepted as a member of the family by my family. I did meet his mother (in Mexico, while we were each on vacation--we picked hotels 2 doors down in Playa del Carmen) who tragically died of breast cancer while we were together.

Since then, I've had other longer relationships from men I've hired on SA, essentially as escorts first, but with the idea that if we clicked, things would go long-term (though I've also hired men for trips, with the understanding that it was just for the trip, usually because the man I hired for the trip didn't have the right to long-term residency in the US). My lyin' Paraguayan and I were together for almost 2 years, and was also well-liked by my family. I might have married him, until I found out he was a liar and a cheat.

Before I met my current "Diego," I did hire an escort (at the hotel where "Lindoro" was the assistant manager), and he hinted that he might be interested in my taking care of him. But then I met "Quinn," and subsequently "Diego." Diego and I are exclusive. He goes down to San Diego a couple of times a month to visit family. I hope there's no hanky-panky, though he seems to be quite happy so I'm hoping it will continue to work out between us. That being said, his university classes may go back to in-person only in the Fall, in which case I'll have to find someone else.

[+ tassojunior]

I have 3 (plus a twin) I've lived on-and-off with for 4 or 5 years. Sometimes one or two is here for a month, sometimes 9 months. Two are Bel Ami guys from Europe (1 has a twin) and one is an Argentine who lives in Ft Lauderdale. All 4 are stunning. The Argentine was here from before Christmas to yesterday. The Czech twins were here from last March to September. The other Czech has been here 3 times for three months in the past 4 years but the lockdown keeps him from coming now. I used to have a #1 weekender for 3 years also but he became rich and married and a dad 100 miles away so now I wish I had 1 or 2 more so the schedule would be better for me. I've been short-term "lovers" with each but now it's just sort of a menage-a-quartre or friends with benefits but closer. It works fine (except for the scheduling lapse periods) so who's to question what works. They have their work and I'm mostly retired but there's no friction on that front at all.

 

As one ages a very important thing to aging-in-place is a companion, even just for company. I need to start thinking of that or at least schedule better.

[+ haring222]

Reading that the fellow took off after 13.5 years and with you doing so very much for him is just so very weird. That is such a long time to be with a person, so to just pack up and go without a discussion blows my mind. I am so sorry to hear that. I was an escort in my early 20s and formed such close attachments to all of the guys I saw often (and recently going to a memorial service for one of them, which was so sad) that it blows my mind thinking about this. Even the clients that I decided to part ways with got a graciously done exit.

 

 

Some 19 years ago, before Seeking Arrangements existed, I hired a handsome Russian dude (as an escort). He came in on a student exchange visa, and had been physically roughed up as a gay man. He escorted because he didn't want to go back to the abuse in Russia, and it was all he could come up with to avoid the return. We were together for 13.5 years. I got him asylum and eventually citizenship in the US, as well as an education. In the last year, there was nothing physical going on, and he had absences, leading me to believe he found someone else. I was going to encourage him to move on, but I came back from a medical conference and he'd taken off. Most of our time was good, and he was pretty much accepted as a member of the family by my family. I did meet his mother (in Mexico, while we were each on vacation--we picked hotels 2 doors down in Playa del Carmen) who tragically died of breast cancer while we were together.

Since then, I've had other longer relationships from men I've hired on SA, essentially as escorts first, but with the idea that if we clicked, things would go long-term (though I've also hired men for trips, with the understanding that it was just for the trip, usually because the man I hired for the trip didn't have the right to long-term residency in the US). My lyin' Paraguayan and I were together for almost 2 years, and was also well-liked by my family. I might have married him, until I found out he was a liar and a cheat.

Before I met my current "Diego," I did hire an escort (at the hotel where "Lindoro" was the assistant manager), and he hinted that he might be interested in my taking care of him. But then I met "Quinn," and subsequently "Diego." Diego and I are exclusive. He goes down to San Diego a couple of times a month to visit family. I hope there's no hanky-panky, though he seems to be quite happy so I'm hoping it will continue to work out between us. That being said, his university classes may go back to in-person only in the Fall, in which case I'll have to find someone else.

[Guest]

Reading that the fellow took off after 13.5 years and with you doing so very much for him is just so very weird. That is such a long time to be with a person, so to just pack up and go without a discussion blows my mind. I am so sorry to hear that. I was an escort in my early 20s and formed such close attachments to all of the guys I saw often (and recently going to a memorial service for one of them, which was so sad) that it blows my mind thinking about this. Even the clients that I decided to part ways with got a graciously done exit.

Yes, though it was obvious in the last several months he was seeing someone else, and I'm guessing that he imagined I'd blow up if he told me he was leaving. My neighbors across the street, who were also former Soviet citizens, were also quite upset about the way he left. He never said goodbye to them, and wouldn't even answer their texts. The man of the house across the street said "I don't know what may or may not have gone on between you two, but there's no reason to treat us this way."

I had to end things with "Diego" a couple of days ago. After being very affectionate for several weeks, his behavior changed, and he also started using more marijuana and other drugs. I thought he was trying to get me upset, although he told me that wasn't his intention. We parted quite amicably. He said he'd keep in touch, and we gave each other a long hug when we left. I even cried for a little while. I really cared for him, and wanted to participate in his success. His last words to me were "I hope one day to be as successful as you," and my last words to him were that I wished the same for him, happiness and success.

[+ WilliamM]

Very sorry, @Unicorn

[Walker1]

Reading that the fellow took off after 13.5 years and with you doing so very much for him is just so very weird. That is such a long time to be with a person, so to just pack up and go without a discussion blows my mind. I am so sorry to hear that. I was an escort in my early 20s and formed such close attachments to all of the guys I saw often (and recently going to a memorial service for one of them, which was so sad) that it blows my mind thinking about this. Even the clients that I decided to part ways with got a graciously done exit.

Well that is a tame ending. You should see how vicious some long term straight marraiges end!

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Reading that the fellow took off after 13.5 years and with you doing so very much for him is just so very weird. That is such a long time to be with a person, so to just pack up and go without a discussion blows my mind.

 

it is crazy, however I’ve dealt that same story more times than I can even count. Usually happens after the 1st or 2nd meet (in my personal life outside of escorting, but many of my clients end up regulars), however not 13 years.

 

I find there’s only 2 ways, many gay guys handle working on a relationship: either they leave without notice, or they’ll talk about things only with the goal of putting down the self esteem of their partner. So if a mother fucker wants to get up and walk away, go. Whatever it is a person doesn’t like and can’t say in the moment, is more a reflection on them.

 

As it relates to the topic, I did find myself in some “relationships” with clients. But going by my last one, I stood by the idea that I didn’t feel we needed to go that route. And my intuition proved right. He was an affectionate, lovable guy...but he was also needy and controlling. Add in unresolved parental issues, sex/porn addiction and prescription medication use... the guy was a bit of a whack job. But I looked past and was starting to love him, but he was just a 24/7 dick. He always had a problem with something I said, or didn’t say. Eventually it crashed and burned.

 

That said: I personally won’t go into anymore serious dating situations with a client. That’s not out of lack of trust or my experiences. It’s more of just I understand what the relationship is. It’s not meant to be monogamous or committed. It doesn’t mean that there can’t be mutual respect, a long term “friendship”, or even genuine like for each other. Heck, I even have a couple who I stay with. Clients can make great housemates or travel buddies.

 

But it doesn’t mean we have to chart into being “boyfriends” while “being ok” with me being an escort. I feel the basis of a client-escort interaction is to be free from the intricacies of a traditional relationship. That’s a perk! For less than the cost of the monthly rent for a 1 bedroom apartment in most cities, a person can have an arrangement with a guy... without the skeletons lol. Relationships are hard. And that’s not even touching the surface. Men are difficult. Personalities are difficult. It’s hard enough trying to find 1 attractive man to stay in a relationship with, let alone one that you met based on a fantasy. The most I’d want it to be is 2 guys who like each other and enjoy spending time with each other. Once the “partner” role comes into play, people get disappointed when they realize... suddenly you’re NOT in love.

 

I had a former client who we parted ways, because I told him I didn’t want to be his boyfriend, especially while he was still married AND I just wanted a steady regular. The other day I seen he messaged me, and I noticed the number. I was like, hey is this so and so from....? It seemed like he blocked me once realized who I was. Some of these guys portray to escorts that they are relationship material, but some of them have work they need do within.

[alageorge]

You "seen"???

[+ WilliamM]

You "seen"???

Most likely, he didn't proof read before posting, that what I thought when reading early yesterday morning

[Guest]

Most likely, he didn't proof read before posting, that what I thought when reading early yesterday morning

That's what I thought, too...

Edited April 12, 2021 by Unicorn

[Guest]

I had a bit of a "last fling" on Sunday, in advance of my new beau, "Ben," whom I'm flying from NYC on American's A321T in business class on Friday. He was a former porn star (the last fling, not Ben). I told him about Ben, and asked him, if things didn't work out between Ben and I, would he be willing to ditch the business if I took care of him. He told me he'd be delighted. But I do have high hopes for Ben. He's getting his 2nd Pfizer shot tomorrow. He's worried about feeling out of it, but I assured him that in business on AA's Transcon, he can lie down flat if that's what it takes....

[+ WilliamM]

I had a bit of a "last fling" on Sunday, in advance of my new beau, "Ben," whom I'm flying from NYC on American's A321T in business class on Friday. He was a former porn star (the last fling, not Ben). I told him about Ben, and asked him, if things didn't work out between Ben and I, would he be willing to ditch the business if I took care of him. He told me he'd be delighted. But I do have high hopes for Ben. He's getting his 2nd Pfizer shot tomorrow. He's worried about feeling out of it, but I assured him that in business on AA's Transcon, he can lie down flat if that's what it takes....

Hope it goes well because isn't "Ben" from Pennsylvania? Dd he recently work at a Starbucks in that state?

[Guest]

Hope it goes well because isn't "Ben" from Pennsylvania? Dd he recently work at a Starbucks in that state?

He is from PA, but whatever gave you the idea he worked at Starbucks? He's a working actor. He's living in northern New Jersey between EWR and Cape Liberty. I'm flying him out of JFK, though.

[+ SundayZip]

Has anyone hired either a masseur or an escort as a first meeting, and have that turn into a lifelong live with each other situation?

 

Yeah, my friend Richard was in LA on business and hired Jules to stay with him for the weekend. Jules was kind-of rough trade but Richard gave him his credit card to buy some new clothes and helped him blend into a more upscale crowd. They ended up falling in love and have been together every since.

[Luv2play]

He is from PA, but whatever gave you the idea he worked at Starbucks? He's a working actor. He's living in northern New Jersey between EWR and Cape Liberty. I'm flying him out of JFK, though.

I’ve been on the board of directors of a local theatre company for the last 10 years and many of the young actors we engage wait tables in between acting gig’s. It’s a time honoured tradition even in such exalted places as Hollywood. Some of our greatest stars started out doing that. So it would be no big surprise if “Ben” worked occasionally at a place like Starbucks.

[kingsley88]

Yeah, my friend Richard was in LA on business and hired Jules to stay with him for the weekend. Jules was kind-of rough trade but Richard gave him his credit card to buy some new clothes and helped him blend into a more upscale crowd. They ended up falling in love and have been together every since.

lol this was one of my favorite scenes from that flick:

[+ WilliamM]

I’ve been on the board of directors of a local theatre company for the last 10 years and many of the young actors we engage wait tables in between acting gig’s. It’s a time honoured tradition even in such exalted places as Hollywood. Some of our greatest stars started out doing that. So it would be no big surprise if “Ben” worked occasionally at a place like Starbucks.

In the run up to last Fall presidential election, I stopped at Starbucks for coffee most days and to check with a 24 year old man about politics. I remember asking him if he watched the debate the night before. He mentioned that John McCain's mother had died before I knew. He left Starbucks in late November for s Job in a bank. I worked in a supermarket as a junior and senior high school student

[gallahadesquire]

I hired a young fellow a couple of times. He stopped escorting but we were still friends. I met his lover. I inherited his lover’s cat Charlie when they broke up. I then inherited him ...I had told him that he’d always have a place to stay here, you know, a couple of months or so.

 

About two months after getting the cat, he moved in. For five years ... nothing sexual, purely platonic. Four years in, he decided to transition to female. That was an experience I’d really rather not repeat. She found the Love of Her Life, and moved out.

 

A year and a half later, she moved back, as there’d broken up. She was here six months, and then found the next Love of Her Life, and moved out. They broke up months ago, and I have a feeling she’ll be back.

 

To complicate matters, there’s a fellow I met on SA who may be moving in. He’s a bit fucked up and fucked over, but he has a good heart.

 

Assuming I survive surgery. I saw my Cardiologist yesterday who was hanging the crêpe, as I (presumably) have pulmonary hypertension and right heart failure. Oh joy, oh rapture.

 

I already have burial plans: to inter my ashes in the Memorial Garden at a church where my godfathers [sic] are interred. I need to rewrite my will, although I assume I shan’t care who does what with my filthy lucre once I’m gone. I’m mostly worried about my Cat, my grandfather clock, and my antique side board. They are very nice pieces. The Cat has gotten very affection since I spent a month in the Hospital a year ago. I’m willing to leave an endowment with him for medical issues, food, etc. He just need a loving home. He’s 12 and in great health, so it’s a relatively short term situation.

 

oh, and I’ve made arrangements that, should I be on death’s door, a certain Very Well Reviewed escort, whose presence makes me feel SO good, will hire a private plane to see me in my last hour. On my dime, of course.

[Luv2play]

I hired a young fellow a couple of times. He stopped escorting but we were still friends. I met his lover. I inherited his lover’s cat Charlie when they broke up. I then inherited him ...I had told him that he’d always have a place to stay here, you know, a couple of months or so.

 

About two months after getting the cat, he moved in. For five years ... nothing sexual, purely platonic. Four years in, he decided to transition to female. That was an experience I’d really rather not repeat. She found the Love of Her Life, and moved out.

 

A year and a half later, she moved back, as there’d broken up. She was here six months, and then found the next Love of Her Life, and moved out. They broke up months ago, and I have a feeling she’ll be back.

 

To complicate matters, there’s a fellow I met on SA who may be moving in. He’s a bit fucked up and fucked over, but he has a good heart.

 

Assuming I survive surgery. I saw my Cardiologist yesterday who was hanging the crêpe, as I (presumably) have pulmonary hypertension and right heart failure. Oh joy, oh rapture.

 

I already have burial plans: to inter my ashes in the Memorial Garden at a church where my godfathers [sic] are interred. I need to rewrite my will, although I assume I shan’t care who does what with my filthy lucre once I’m gone. I’m mostly worried about my Cat, my grandfather clock, and my antique side board. They are very nice pieces. The Cat has gotten very affection since I spent a month in the Hospital a year ago. I’m willing to leave an endowment with him for medical issues, food, etc. He just need a loving home. He’s 12 and in great health, so it’s a relatively short term situation.

 

oh, and I’ve made arrangements that, should I be on death’s door, a certain Very Well Reviewed escort, whose presence makes me feel SO good, will hire a private plane to see me in my last hour. On my dime, of course.

I hope your surgery goes well and you recover so that you can continue to care for your cat. And to continue winding your grandfather clock. Good luck.

[BabyBoomer]

 

 

Assuming I survive surgery

 

I hope you have the Abbot praying for you.

 

~Boomer~

[Guest]

I hired a young fellow a couple of times. He stopped escorting but we were still friends. I met his lover. I inherited his lover’s cat Charlie when they broke up. I then inherited him ...I had told him that he’d always have a place to stay here, you know, a couple of months or so.

 

About two months after getting the cat, he moved in. For five years ... nothing sexual, purely platonic. Four years in, he decided to transition to female. That was an experience I’d really rather not repeat. She found the Love of Her Life, and moved out.

 

A year and a half later, she moved back, as there’d broken up. She was here six months, and then found the next Love of Her Life, and moved out. They broke up months ago, and I have a feeling she’ll be back.

 

To complicate matters, there’s a fellow I met on SA who may be moving in. He’s a bit fucked up and fucked over, but he has a good heart.

 

Assuming I survive surgery. I saw my Cardiologist yesterday who was hanging the crêpe, as I (presumably) have pulmonary hypertension and right heart failure. Oh joy, oh rapture.

 

I already have burial plans: to inter my ashes in the Memorial Garden at a church where my godfathers [sic] are interred. I need to rewrite my will, although I assume I shan’t care who does what with my filthy lucre once I’m gone. I’m mostly worried about my Cat, my grandfather clock, and my antique side board. They are very nice pieces. The Cat has gotten very affection since I spent a month in the Hospital a year ago. I’m willing to leave an endowment with him for medical issues, food, etc. He just need a loving home. He’s 12 and in great health, so it’s a relatively short term situation.

 

oh, and I’ve made arrangements that, should I be on death’s door, a certain Very Well Reviewed escort, whose presence makes me feel SO good, will hire a private plane to see me in my last hour. On my dime, of course.

Good luck!

[gallahadesquire]

I hope you have the Abbot praying for you.

 

~Boomer~

The Abbot died two years ago.