Gay hookups, better now or then?

[Guest]

I've been thinking about how the app culture, HIV, and social acceptance has changed the gay cruising scene over the decades. I remember in my youth you would see the occasional gloryhole, or porn shop booths, bath houses, street hustlers, etc. All of that seems to have disappeared. Is it due to technology, homosexuality no longer a taboo secret but now out in the open and under more scrutiny?

 

It seemed like when I was growing up/coming out there were a lot more seedy sex opportunities. I remember seeing "show hard" written above a urinal in my high school and puzzled, I thought it was a sports thing, lol. One time I think I crashed a circle jerk with classmates in the same bathroom during class but had no real clue what was going on. In college I saw my first gloryhole at a rural truck stop in Missouri and not really understanding why someone would put a hole in a perfectly good wood divider! In the late 80's I heard about the sheriff in my county and others in Ohio banning video booths at porn shops not knowing what they even were. And friends told me about the bath house in town and I didn't understand why you would go and how self conscious I'd be in only a towel (and damn to have that body now, dumb). Before I came out I went to the college library to read about gay life, and there were so many stories about back rooms, etc. My first gay bar I looked for one and sadly it was a lesbian bar so, ah, no. And actually there weren't any backrooms at any of the bars. I also remember driving through a run down part of town in the summer and seeing shirtless guys working the street, hustling. Haven't seen that in decades.

 

So it seems all of that culture has disappeared. There are very few bath houses, no video booths and all the porn shops are now corporate owned, places like the Nob Hill Theater are shutting down. Street hustling seems to be gone for good. I may be glamorizing the past but I just feel like we've lost something. I'd be interested in hearing any stories of the bygone days and what young gay men today think of the current situation.

Edited March 11, 2021 by Woofiecmh

[Rudynate]

Assimilation has its price. What many who lived it now realize is that being an outlaw was REALLY a lot of fun. Now, there is no need to live the outlaw life. Couple that with the changes in the way people connect with each other and you've got the current state of affairs. You can think about it, allow yourself a moment of nostalgia, sigh and think, "Gosh, that was fun." But then, ever onward.

 

I was thinking about it just recently. I realized that I hardly ever refer to myself as being gay. It's generally not even necessary to talk about it. If it does come up, I just say, "I like guys."

[kingsley88]

I think the only thing I miss is the art of flirtation. It's better done in person versus through an app. This is why I always go to a gay friend's bday/holiday party (though I did notice in recent years that after a few hours a lot of the young guys would start discreetly checking their smartphones..)

I started going to gay bathhouses in the early 2000s and from what I recall, if you have a nice body or a cute face, you can easily find a hookup. For others, that may not be the case.

[The_Impeccable_G]

I've been thinking about how the app culture, HIV, and social acceptance has changed the gay cruising scene over the decades. I remember in my youth you would see the occasional gloryhole, or porn shop booths, bath houses, street hustlers, etc. All of that seems to have disappeared. Is it due to technology, homosexuality no longer a taboo secret but now out in the open and under more scrutiny?

 

It seemed like when I was growing up/coming out there were a lot more seedy sex opportunities. I remember seeing "show hard" written above a urinal in my high school and puzzled, I thought it was a sports thing, lol. One time I think I crashed a circle jerk with classmates in the same bathroom during class but had no real clue what was going on. In college I saw my first gloryhole at a rural truck stop in Missouri and not really understanding why someone would put a hole in a perfectly good wood divider! In the late 80's I heard about the sheriff in my county and others in Ohio banning video booths at porn shops not knowing what they even were. And friends told me about the bath house in town and I didn't understand why you would go and how self conscious I'd be in only a towel (and damn to have that body now, dumb). Before I came out I went to the college library to read about gay life, and there were so many stories about back rooms, etc. My first gay bar I looked for one and sadly it was a lesbian bar so, ah, no. And actually there weren't any backrooms at any of the bars. I also remember driving through a run down part of town in the summer and seeing shirtless guys working the street, hustling. Haven't seen that in decades.

 

So it seems all of that culture has disappeared. There are very few bath houses, no video booths and all the porn shops are now corporate owned, places like the Knob Hill Theater are shutting down. Street hustling seems to be gone for good. I may be glamorizing the past but I just feel like we've lost something. I'd be interested in hearing any stories of the bygone days and what young gay men today think of the current situation.

I remember... Fond memories, but at the same time is it not great that we no longer have to go to a gay bar? That we can have fun and flirt anywhere?

[+ Lucky]

The theater in San Francisco was the Nob Hill. It was just an okay place, and eventually the quality of the dancers went down. Some of them were very lazy.

But when I moved to San Francisco, the Ritch Street Baths and the one on Eighth Street were thriving and loads of fun. Polk Street was also doing well, with guys selling themselves on the sidewalks. There were good bars and restaurants on Polk Street as well. It was fun to go out for a meal and enjoy the scenery on the street.

Later there was Blow Buddies on Harrison. It was designed with the name in mind! The Bay Area Reporter had pages of escort/masseur ads.

[+ Lucky]

Then there were the street fairs on Castro and Folsom, with the later having lots of nudity. Halloween on Castro was also great fun. I remember going up to a cute young guy and asking him if it was difficult to go through life being so beautiful. He snickered and left me drooling!

[+ sniper]

I think everyone's memories of "the good old days" for hooking up are clouded a bit by the fact that in general, younger people have more options. At least pre-COVID, I don't get the impression that my 20something friends are having thatuch less sex than 20somethings did in the 1990s. If anything I think they're getting more because PreP has removed the terror of getting HIV that led many to sit it out.

The 70s were just a unique period in American history where most people, from what I hear, were slutting it up. I would view that era as the aberration.

[Smurof]

1982 was much better than the Summer of 2000. Bareback sex, porn shops galore, hook-up newspapers on street corners, and muscular men who in today's society "aren't nearly buff enough" - with pubic hair!

[+ Charlie]

Sex was much more exciting--to me--in the days before the Internet. Now it is a commercial interaction much like buying anything on Amazon. I enjoyed the activity of cruising for sex and sometimes finding it in unlikely places. I liked the excitement of not knowing what someone's body looked like until he took his clothes off; faces were more important than cocks, which were usually the last thing you saw. Other than checking for herpes, crabs, or "the drip," one didn't think much about the health consequences of having sex with a stranger. Bars were social venues as well as places to find sex partners, so one could combine socializing with friends with the possibility of ending the evening in bed with a stranger, and if the latter didn't happen, the evening was not a waste. If you were more determined just to have sex, then a bath house was a more logical choice, and you could relax afterwards in the sauna or pool. Belonging to a kind of secret society was fun--as long as you didn't get outed to the police or an unsympathetic employer. As I aged, that all got to be less fun, so I think I got the best of both worlds: being "gay" when I was under 40, and becoming a respectable member of a legal minority when I was older.

[The_Impeccable_G]

Sex was much more exciting--to me--in the days before the Internet. Now it is a commercial interaction much like buying anything on Amazon. I enjoyed the activity of cruising for sex and sometimes finding it in unlikely places. I liked the excitement of not knowing what someone's body looked like until he took his clothes off; faces were more important than cocks, which were usually the last thing you saw. Other than checking for herpes, crabs, or "the drip," one didn't think much about the health consequences of having sex with a stranger. Bars were social venues as well as places to find sex partners, so one could combine socializing with friends with the possibility of ending the evening in bed with a stranger, and if the latter didn't happen, the evening was not a waste. If you were more determined just to have sex, then a bath house was a more logical choice, and you could relax afterwards in the sauna or pool. Belonging to a kind of secret society was fun--as long as you didn't get outed to the police or an unsympathetic employer. As I aged, that all got to be less fun, so I think I got the best of both worlds: being "gay" when I was under 40, and becoming a respectable member of a legal minority when I was older.

Agree. But I hope we are no longer a minority, in the sense that nobody cares now.

[+ Charlie]

Oh, but many still do care: the Catholic Church, Mormons, Southern Baptists, Muslims, etc.

[The_Impeccable_G]

Oh, but many still do care: the Catholic Church, Mormons, Southern Baptists, Muslims, etc.

Correct, I meant nobody cares from the people we usually meet in London or Berlin and similar metro cities.

[JayCeeKy]

I enjoyed the activity of cruising for sex and sometimes finding it in unlikely places.

I agree. The "hunt" was most of the fun. Finding a super hot stud leaning up against the wall at Rounds was exhilarating. Anybody remember the big African-American gentleman who sat at the entrance of Rounds?

[David1024]

If you go to the windmills in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, the cruising scene is alive and well.

[+ Lucky]

If you go to the windmills in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, the cruising scene is alive and well.

Yes. You can have sex with the cold, the wind, and the fog. All at the same time! ?

[orville]

I don't have to read the OP or this entire thread (I'll do it though) to say: THEN!

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I don't know much about then, but hookup sex now- especially with younger guys- is unexciting and a mostly bland affair.

 

When you have an entire generation who's grown up with minimal in-person communication skills paired with having nearly on-demand access to internet porn, it doesn't make for a guy who performs all that well (sexually or socially).

 

It now takes more work to find a sex partner who is truly an experience versus just getting off.

[jjkrkwood]

I don't know much about then, but hookup sex now- especially with younger guys- is unexciting and a mostly bland affair.

 

When you have an entire generation who's grown up with minimal in-person communication skills paired with having nearly on-demand access to internet porn, it doesn't make for a guy who performs all that well (sexually or socially).

 

It now takes more work to find a sex partner who is truly an experience versus just getting off.

 

Sometimes, just getting off is ALL that is needed, however, I personally cant perform unless I am comfortable with a guy. Sure I can put his dick in my mouth and suck, but I cant get truly aroused unless there is some sort of comfort level or familiarity with the person. And I would tend to think that first time sex is usually not the best ? It gets better the more you get to know the person, and what makes them tick... But dont get me wrong, I aint preachin here. My kneepads are worn out from my backroom sex club performances (pre-Covid) , but most of the time I was simply going thru the motions. Cut me some slack guys, I will be 70 this year, so my time is running out ! ?

Edited March 13, 2021 by jjkrkwood

[orville]

There are very few bath houses, no video booths

All gone due to Corona. Don't think they'll ever come back.

The above might cause the proliferation of private sex parties.

Edited March 13, 2021 by orville

[The_Impeccable_G]

I don't know much about then, but hookup sex now- especially with younger guys- is unexciting and a mostly bland affair.

 

When you have an entire generation who's grown up with minimal in-person communication skills paired with having nearly on-demand access to internet porn, it doesn't make for a guy who performs all that well (sexually or socially).

 

It now takes more work to find a sex partner who is truly an experience versus just getting off.

I never thought of that. You are absolutely spot on. Although I would not limit it to the younger generation.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

All gone due to Corona. Don't think they'll ever come back.

The above might cause the proliferation of private sex parties.

 

Baths are still around and some of the biggest have reopened (The Club chain), with others coming back online in the next 30-60 days (Steamworks).

 

Not dead yet, but the pandemic certainly put a dent in their business.

[orville]

Not dead yet, but the pandemic certainly put a dent in their business.

Good to hear.

It's maybe a good sign that baths might re-open sometime on this side as well.

But right now, as far as I know, everything is dead in Toronto. ?

[+ sniper]

I would think with a likely commercial real estate crash looming there might be an opportunity for new baths to open up in some cities.

[+ Snbrd]

Changed circumstances makes parallel comparisons difficult. My sense from talking to older gay friends (not a lot older, btw!) is that when gays left their hometowns and ended up in certain cities like New York and San Francisco the combination of new venues and shed inhibitions led to wild times. The AIDS epidemic in the 80's & 90's followed by greater acceptance has made it easier for many of us to choose where to live based more on career opportunities than lifestyle acceptance. Then throw social media into the mix.

[Guest]

Just found a trailer for a film Trade Center, which documents the cruising scene in New York in the 70's and 80's specifically the bathrooms at the World Trade Center. Looks pretty interesting.