Do you prefer steady local friends, or traveling to meet those along the way

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Somewhat of an annex to @Storm4U ’s travel post...but just a different subject.

 

I had someone “project” to me the other day, about if I’d considered settling down and having a “steady” group of friends (likely just his ideal view of social norms).

 

Not that I haven’t had before, but I more enjoy the chance to meet new people that traveling brings. Sometimes it can feel like going in circles trying to maintain friendships/relationships/fuck buddies in the same city; things can be going well for a little bit, then taper off within 2 or 3 meets.

 

I been trying to do that locally over the last couple months (not to mention I didn’t want to travel heavily between holidays, election and inauguration), but it’s just been drama and miscommunications dealing with “friends”. I’m in the mind frame now where I just want to leave for the next 1 or 2 months, and just go where I don’t know anyone, but still be able to connect with others. Not just clients, but all types.

[+ MysticMenace]

I prefer steady friends, regardless of where they are located. I am not one of those proactive friends, pretty bad at responding to texts timely, or into doing a lot of high-intensity activities, like hiking (yep, I consider it high-intensity - lol). However, once I consider someone a close friend, they have my loyalty, compassion, and trust. I only have 5 close friends I met during college, but since then I only found another one in 2020 that I get to share all of me with, including the knowledge of this hobby.

 

While I like to travel, I do meet acquaintances, but most of the time, I do not have the patience to actually cultivate a genuine friendship with those I just meet during my travels, and selfishly, I prefer to be alone and think about life while staring at the vastness of the ocean in the overwater villa at a remote island resort, so the probability of finding folks I would even consider a possible friendship with is slim. Man, I sound like a jackass.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

People who aren't nomadic will never understand the concept of making friends everywhere you go.

 

I have pals who tour with Broadway shows. Same thing. That 'gypsy' life requires you to not only find a family within your cast, but to also make connections all over the world. A traveling escort is basically in the same boat.

 

I feel fortunate to really enjoy both: My tight-knit group in San Antonio and the people I've met everywhere else along the way.

[+ purplekow]

People who aren't nomadic will never understand the concept of making friends everywhere you go.

 

I have pals who tour with Broadway shows. Same thing. That 'gypsy' life requires you to not only find a family within your cast, but to also make connections all over the world. A traveling escort is basically in the same boat.

 

I feel fortunate to really enjoy both: My tight-knit group in San Antonio and the people I've met everywhere else along the way.

Who would you rather call for a solid shoulder on which to lean? Who would you expect to bring you soup when you are feeling less than perfect? Who would help you move or come and bail you out of jail?

The nomadic life can be exciting and new but it can also be lonely. If you have friends, not just friendly acquaintances of long duration, than I think most would prefer friends. Like all relationships, friendships can be work but well worth the effort. People you meet on the road are interchangeable, friends are indispensable.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Who would you rather call for a solid shoulder on which to lean? Who would you expect to bring you soup when you are feeling less than perfect? Who would help you move or come and bail you out of jail?

 

I feel like you could set these sentences to music as the long-lost third verse to The Golden Girls theme song.

[+ purplekow]

I feel like you could set these sentences to music as the long-lost third verse to The Golden Girls theme song.

Not sure if that is a complement or a jab but seeing as a jab from you might be fun, I will take it as both.

[+ MysticMenace]

Who would you rather call for a solid shoulder on which to lean? Who would you expect to bring you soup when you are feeling less than perfect? Who would help you move or come and bail you out of jail?

 

I feel like you could set these sentences to music as the long-lost third verse to The Golden Girls theme song.

 

calling resident Golden Girls expert, @samhexum, do you concur?

[+ tassojunior]

I prefer my friends to be spread out.

 

I find many old friends change a lot and often are now people you would not become friends with again and get more distant. And vice versa with newer friends. (Plus I absolutely think one needs to keep a variety of friends age-wise at every age). None of my oldest friends can help me set up a mesh system.

 

My friends are mostly in DC, Florida and Czech now and we sort of vacation together and I'm very fortunate to have them visit me in DC for many months at a time. I was able to plan my Bel Ami twins for 5 months here when the lockdown started and my blond Argentine soccer player is here from Miami since before Christmas. It's been a cheap and enjoyable way to deal with the lockdown like an extended family bubble. I wish everyone were so fortunate as to have had such a pleasant lockdown with people who choose to bubble as family. I can't imagine how bleak a year it would have been otherwise and I'm sincerely sorry for those who've had a bleak year. Friends are everything to me and rough times like the past year show who they are.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Not sure if that is a complement or a jab but seeing as a jab from you might be fun, I will take it as both.

 

A jab IS a compliment from me

 

I only abuse the ones I like

[+ Lucky]

A jab IS a compliment from me

 

I only abuse the ones I like

Interesting. I have always said I only tease guys I like.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Who would you rather call for a solid shoulder on which to lean? Who would you expect to bring you soup when you are feeling less than perfect? Who would help you move or come and bail you out of jail?

The nomadic life can be exciting and new but it can also be lonely. If you have friends, not just friendly acquaintances of long duration, than I think most would prefer friends. Like all relationships, friendships can be work but well worth the effort. People you meet on the road are interchangeable, friends are indispensable.

 

I get what you're saying 100%. And I did see the humor in what @Benjamin_Nicholas said (e.g. ? thankyou for being a friend ?).

 

But here's the sad truth: few of my friends have done any of that for me. Some have done it, only to use it against me later in an argument or as a way to gain leverage. I’ve confided in “friends” during rough periods, and all they’ve done is talk shit, criticize, and made me feel worse about myself. I’ve had 3 people recently who’ve done that, and they’re all in my trash bin now.

 

I mean don't get me wrong, I don't underestimate or take for granted the chivalry and commarderie of a good friend...But too often, especially with GAY MEN, it seems conditional. Like they'll do those things, provided you have sex with them, or be of some disposable use to them, and don't call them out on any of their behavior, or don't show any adverse behavior yourself.

 

I'm getting to a point now where I just don't want to accept anything a gay guy offers me, unless it's for paid arrangements...because I've had time and time again, a guy do nice things for me; then at some point make it seem like they have the power to pull the plug on whatever they offered when they are having a bad day.

 

It's for the reason, I just filed my 1st lawsuit against a (former) client last week. He came off very friendly over the past few months. We were “dating” which I guess doesn't count as "client", but offered something to help me with my biz...But then he became this irritable control freak who wanted everything on his terms, didn't approve of anything I did, and then pulled something that completely violated the agreement and friendship. I'm like...not so fast. Some guys must think we as sex workers are so afraid and/or ignorant of the law. He's going to learn the hard way, I'm not one of them.

 

I know that's deep...But it just goes to show. It's sad that making friends has to end the way it does sometimes. Which is why sometimes I do prefer to just travel with an open mind and heart, just go to a city and meet someone, hang for a couple times and keep it moving. I'm just finding most gay guys are too much drama to maintain friendships with. Even the ones who claim to live a “quiet, drama free life”, are drama when you get to know them. Past hurts, conditioning, etc. Only a select few aren't that way (or maybe some are only that way around certain people, like I asked the last guy how many other gay black male friends he associated with outside of me, he could only name 1...his ex. Who cheated on him and is with someone I fucked. I said friendship not luggage lol).

 

I'm starting to think I just need to change up my whole crew. I'm starting to think harder about the type of dudes I should be around, versus the ones to keep sparingly, even if it seems we get along well initially. I would even spend more time with women, but I'm just not one of those gay guys who likes to surround himself with feminine energy or female friends. I appreciate women, and seem to have a lot in common with some..But I just don't seek out friendships with.

Edited January 25, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Monarchy79]

I get what you're saying 100%. And I did see the humor in what @Benjamin_Nicholas said (e.g. ? thankyou for being a friend ?).

 

But here's the sad truth: few of my friends have done any of that for me. Some have done it, only to use it against me later in an argument or as a way to gain leverage. I’ve confided in “friends” during rough periods, and all they’ve done is talk shit, criticize, and made me feel worse about myself. I’ve had 3 people recently who’ve done that, and they’re all in my trash bin now.

 

I mean don't get me wrong, I don't underestimate or take for granted the chivalry and commarderie of a good friend...But too often, especially with GAY MEN, it seems conditional. Like they'll do those things, provided you have sex with them, or be of some disposable use to them, and don't call them out on any of their behavior, or don't show any adverse behavior yourself.

 

I'm getting to a point now where I just don't want to accept anything a gay guy offers me, unless it's for paid arrangements...because I've had time and time again, a guy do nice things for me; then at some point make it seem like they have the power to pull the plug on whatever they offered when they are having a bad day.

 

It's for the reason, I just filed my 1st lawsuit against a (former) client last week. He came off very friendly over the past few months. We were “dating” which I guess doesn't count as "client", but offered something to help me with my biz...But then he became this irritable control freak who wanted everything on his terms, didn't approve of anything I did, and then pulled something that completely violated the agreement and friendship. I'm like...not so fast. Some guys must think we as sex workers are so afraid and/or ignorant of the law. He's going to learn the hard way, I'm not one of them.

 

I know that's deep...But it just goes to show. It's sad that making friends has to end the way it does sometimes. Which is why sometimes I do prefer to just travel with an open mind and heart, just go to a city and meet someone, hang for a couple times and keep it moving. I'm just finding most gay guys are too much drama to maintain friendships with. Even the ones who claim to live a “quiet, drama free life”, are drama when you get to know them. Past hurts, conditioning, etc. Only a select few aren't that way (or maybe some are only that way around certain people, like I asked the last guy how many other gay black male friends he associated with outside of me, he could only name 1...his ex. Who cheated on him and is with someone I fucked. I said friendship not luggage lol).

 

I'm starting to think I just need to change up my whole crew. I'm starting to think harder about the type of dudes I should be around, versus the ones to keep sparingly, even if it seems we get along well initially. I would even spend more time with women, but I'm just not one of those gay guys who likes to surround himself with feminine energy or female friends. I appreciate women, and seem to have a lot in common with some..But I just don't seek out friendships with.

 

 

Here’s a hard lesson about “friends” baby...

Don’t expect much of them, and don’t put much trust into them.

 

Socialize, keep things light, and enjoy social times with people. But understand that most people are entirely too consumed with their own problems, issues, desires, and insecurities, to care that much about others.

 

The images of friendships we see on TV are primarily fictional and quite rare.

 

The “squad goals”, images you see of cliques of gays on vacations and brunches on social media are typically staged and are vapid, “surface”, friendships. There’s no depth.

 

As you get older, and become more comfortable with yourself, your associations with people will

drop off. It’s growth.

 

1.) If you want loyalty? Get a dog.

2.) If you want to confide in someone? Hire a therapist.

3.) If you truly want a best friend? Look in the mirror.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Monarchy79

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Here’s a hard lesson about “friends” baby...

Don’t expect much of them, and don’t put much trust into them.

 

Socialize, keep things light, and enjoy social times with people. But understand that most people are entirely too consumed with their own problems, issues, desires, and insecurities, to care that much about others.

 

The images of friendships we see on TV are primarily fictional and quite rare.

 

The “squad goals”, images you see of cliques of gays on vacations and brunches on social media are typically staged and are vapid, “surface”, friendships. There’s no depth.

 

As you get older, and become more comfortable with yourself, your associations with people will

drop off. It’s growth.

 

1.) If you want loyalty? Get a dog.

2.) If you want to confide in someone? Hire a therapist.

3.) If you truly want a best friend? Look in the mirror.

 

Thankyou, that definitely put everything in perspective. It’s all very true.

 

I guess it just gets to me sometimes, that many “relationships” end up turning sour. Well, that’s bit exaggerative. I’ve not been in a lot of “confirmed” relationships, but I also have had the ones that turn into friends, or the dude who drifts off suddenly after a “great” meet or 2.

 

Of course, I’m not insinuating that I “need” somebody to begin with, but it’s great to have that. Issue is like you said, people are so fucking stuck on their bullshit, they can’t make room for anyone else. They portray they want someone, but can’t actually HANDLE having someone. That’s what I told the last guy; he wanted to be so controlling about things, I told him he has no business being with someone if he’s so stuck up his ass about things being HIS, when in a relationship it should be US.

 

I’m still going to keep an open mind and heart. I’m not one to be jaded or paint the whole culture as untrustworthy (I now understand, but equally feel sorrow for guys who claim, “I don’t do relationships”) But it makes sense why. A lot of guys just be doing too much, to want to give up your own life, and be with them.

 

oddly enough, I find previously Bi-married clients “tend” to be the best catches ? Seems they learned all the pitfalls, and just be so easy going and no unnecessary nonsense and post sexual gripes ?

Edited January 28, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Storm4U]

Friends? What are those??.... Im kidding. I have the same few friends that I've had for years. I intentionally keep my circle small and I like it that way, so I definitely prefer steady, consistent, local friends. I’m totally fine with making new acquaintances though.

Edited February 3, 2021 by Storm4U

[+ keroscenefire]

 

1.) If you want loyalty? Get a dog.

2.) If you want to confide in someone? Hire a therapist.

3.) If you truly want a best friend? Look in the mirror.

 

This is definitely not my experience. I have several good friends both locally and scattered across the country and I feel like I can confide in them and we have loyalty to each other. We may not always see each other very often, but when we do it's always a great time catching up. Social media helps keep the connections going when we're not actually near each other.

 

I am definitely not this cynical about friendship. It just doesn't ring true to my experience at all.

[marylander1940]

all friends are welcome but it's nice to travel and have a friend to show you something tourist usually don't know about.

[+ WilliamM]

all friends are welcome but it's nice to travel and have a friend to show you something tourist usually don't know about.

It depends. Some places are so interesting (like Brasilia) one can just "dive" right in and enjoy. And most flights from Brasilia to the United States fly over the Amazon River.