My house has been a bordello!

[MikeBiDude]

Personally, I’d hire moving help, and put all his belongings into a rentable pod container, and tell him where they are going (storage?). Bring a couple of large/burly friends along, get his keys, and tell him he’s out.

 

I can’t disagree with all the good legal/eviction advice given here, but come on. Get him out! I doubt he will fight it....and BTW what’s his current immigration status?

[+ nycman]

it's probably better than the risk of him being in your house another 30/60/90 days

That's wishful thinking.

 

I've never seen anyone forcefully evicted (legally) in under 6 months.

 

Let's just say I've seen this movie and it has many varied and surprise endings.

 

Your best bet is to start amicably and just ask him to leave. Then play the ball where it

lands. One thing I promise is no matter what you're expecting. it won't go 100% that way.

Nonetheless, you should know your (and more importantly his) legal rights going into

the conversation. Just be ready because the painful realizations that arise when talking

with your lawyer can be a real slap to the face.

[Walker1]

Not to scare you further-but some states allow palimony and in no fault divorce states- possible.

 

Best bet talk to a lawyer and ask him and be nice and say it is over and you want him to move out. Then you will know his response and can engage a legal strategy. Unlike a tenant -landlord situation-you have emotions involved, anger/betrayal etc. Do get your head straight and play it smart. I know men who ended up in jail-straight relations-because they lost their shit and did some regrettable stuff.

 

For all you know he may smile, apologize and move out. Maybe he already found another sugar daddy. But you have to be prepared if he does not and talk to a lawyer before you engage him-so you know your state's laws.

[marylander1940]

Give him a break. He's been through alot. Ur one wack a doodle.

 

that's the nicest thing you've said on here since you joined!

[+ WilliamM]

@Unicorn, please bring a friend along as a witness and perhaps a mediator.

You would not deal with a serious medical problem without professional help; likewise, you should not deal with a serious legal problem without professional legal help. Consult a lawyer before even talking with your ex.

 

@Charlie We are not sure it will become a serious legal problem. He seems to be spending all his time fuc*ing people,spending his monthly allowance and (maybe) attending school.

[coriolis888]

 

It’s not so much about rent it’s how long you’ve allowed him to live there. Laws depend on the state but you can’t necessarily legally just kick someone out after letting them live there. In many states if he challenges it there is a process to follow and it could take some time.

 

 

Exactly - I know from experience - it was not a fun deal -

[rvwnsd]

@Unicorn, please bring a friend along as a witness and perhaps a mediator.

 

 

@Charlie We are not sure it will become a serious legal problem. He seems to be spending all his time fuc*ing people,spending his monthly allowance and (maybe) attending school.

Another good reason to contact Immigration. Or USF.

[Rudynate]

There’s a legal concept referred to as “adverse possession”: people have the right to continue living in your home for a while after you formally kick them out — even if they’re not on the lease, even if they’ve never paid for it — and I think definitely if they have mail delivered there. Regrettably, there’s no proviso about syphilis exposure attached. At any rate, I’d venture that the vast majority of people don’t even know about it. Hope that he doesn’t. Don’t mention it for whatever reason.

 

And you may want to have a friend (read: witness) with you when you give him the boot. Perhaps somehow put it in writing too.

 

 

There's an intent requirement with adverse possession that doesn't seem to be present here. The boyfriend would have to have occupied Unicorn's property with the intent of taking it as his own.

[Deadlift1]

The kid will take the cash and split.

[Guest]

Thanks for the update @Unicorn. The one part that I take issue with is where you state

 

I think it would be a major mistake to leave him in your home while you’re away for so long.

You are assuming that the other man X is also finished with your ex and will keep quiet.

If X is jealous of you or isn’t finished with him, X may inform him of your intended action so that he gets “sole custody”.

Or if X is finished with him but feeling vengeful, he may have told your ex that he’s informed you and his ‘good life’ will end soon.

 

You also wrote about your ex that “ he never stole anything from my house”. That’s unsurprising: you paid all his expenses. People do strange things when their lies and deceptions are exposed. Once your ex senses or knows that the end is coming, he may be inclined to take some valuable things away with him.

 

I strongly urge you to change your plans to be away and to act at once. Then at least, this will be over and done with; you will be able to move on.

Well, I'm in Chicago now, so nothing I can do. X gave him the boot a couple of months ago, and they're no longer communicating. I didn't want to tell him before I had the chance to change the locks. He may know and he may steal things. I don't have anything truly valuable in my house. I doubt he wants my father's or mother's ashes. I'm somewhat more concerned that he may try to hack into my financial accounts.

[Guest]

...For all you know he may smile, apologize and move out. Maybe he already found another sugar daddy. But you have to be prepared if he does not and talk to a lawyer before you engage him-so you know your state's laws.

Well, he won't apologize. He's too much of a sociopath. But I know (from X) that he's already on SeekingArrangements (he's blocked me from viewing his profile, but he hasn't blocked X for whatever reason), and he has no trouble finding men to dupe. I may have to pay him off, but I won't have him staying in my house. According to him, his studies end in the 2nd week of December, so he's supposed to leave the country anyway. He should have plenty of money with all I've given him, even if he doesn't find someone else. With any luck, he'll be gone by the time I get back. I know he was seeing someone the very day I left. He couldn't even wait for me to leave for the airport, saying he had to "do some homework" (on a Friday night, sure).

[Spursy]

There's an intent requirement with adverse possession that doesn't seem to be present here. The boyfriend would have to have occupied Unicorn's property with the intent of taking it as his own.

You are correct, sir. Lawyer here. Adverse possession must be "hostile," meaning contrary to the owner's right or title to the property. An invitee (such as the ex-boyfriend) could not qualify. Adverse possession also must be continuous over a far longer period (20+ years in many states) than what has occurred here. This is the general, common law understanding of adverse possession in the U.S.; it's possible California has modified it. It's also possible that a resourceful lawyer could come up with some other theory to cause delay and expense for Unicorn; adverse possession won't fly, though.

 

Sorry this happened, @Unicorn, and wish you the best in resolving and recovering from it.

Edited October 27, 2019 by Spursy

[rvwnsd]

...I'm somewhat more concerned that he may try to hack into my financial accounts.

Call your financial institutions' fraud hotlines (they are typically open on weekends) and report suspected identity theft. Most institutions will allow you to temporarily restrict your debit/credit cards. You can also call your investment firm and have transfers out of your account restricted. You should also put a fraud alert on your three credit bureau reports. That will prevent him from attempting to acquire a credit card or loan in your name as well as prevent him from opening a joint bank account (or a sole owner account in your name) online and attempt to siphon money from your account into one in your name that he controls.

 

Question just to satisfy my curiosity: Did he meet "X" on Seeking Arrangements?

[Deadlift1]

Way too much drama for me but some people just attract it.

[spider]

I agree about the too much drama. I’d never go back with him in the house. Cancel his card(s) change all your passwords NOW to something super secure. Then wait until he leaves the place (have a friend watch or manufacture a reason.) then swoop in with the locksmith, change the locks, change your security codes if you have a system. and throw all his shit out the windows. Job done. Depending on how violent he might be hire guards for a few days.

[+ Reisr30]

I’m also late to this and very sorry for what happened to Unicorn. However, as I think someone already said it’s better to find out now than after they were legally married.

 

Not important but I don’t understand the reference to using the house as a bordello. Was he bringing clients?

[+ WilliamM]

Way too much drama for me but some people just attract it.

 

The drama is not necessarily @Unicorn's fault. Come on, @Deadlift1. I almost made the same mistake many years ago, but he eventually sent me a check for a thousand dollar - a lot of money in 1974.

[Guest]

...

Not important but I don’t understand the reference to using the house as a bordello. Was he bringing clients?

 

Yes, X sent me screen shots which seemed to indicate he invited people for money to my place.

[marylander1940]

Yes, X sent me screen shots which seemed to indicate he invited people for money to my place.

 

did he know about your previous hobby of hiring men?

 

as posted before immigration would love to know about it in case things get fishy...

[+ sniper]

I'd tread carefully regarding law enforcement. A friend who married a much younger foreign national and then tried to divorce her just shy of the automatic green card got accused if trafficking her. He disproved it but the accusation is still in court records. You don't know what desperate people will do.

[Guest]

I'd tread carefully regarding law enforcement. A friend who married a much younger foreign national and then tried to divorce her just shy of the automatic green card got accused if trafficking her. He disproved it but the accusation is still in court records. You don't know what desperate people will do.

No chance of that. I gave him tuition, transportation, etc. Even flew him back home a couple of times. And he was here on a student visa, not a fiancé visa.

[marylander1940]

No chance of that. I gave him tuition, transportation, etc. Even flew him back home a couple of times. And he was here on a student visa, not a fiancé visa.

 

Looks like he'll kiss his American dream good bye...

[Guest]

did he know about your previous hobby of hiring men?

...

 

We never talked about it specifically. I'm sure he would assume that. Of course, that doesn't give him permission to invite johns to my house (especially since I'm already paying him). I had a neighbor check in today, and he was in. He didn't answer my e-mail until my neighbor rang the doorbell.

[marylander1940]

We never talked about it specifically. I'm sure he would assume that. Of course, that doesn't give him permission to invite johns to my house (especially since I'm already paying him). I had a neighbor check in today, and he was in. He didn't answer my e-mail until my neighbor rang the doorbell.

 

Besides with a student visa they only thing he was able to do legally was studying... the fact you of you helping him financially was legal because it was your choice as his boyfriend first and fiancé later.

 

he'll regret his actions! You were a blessing to him and he didn't appreciate you!

[Walker1]

No chance of that. I gave him tuition, transportation, etc. Even flew him back home a couple of times. And he was here on a student visa, not a fiancé visa.

 

 

In situations like this it is not what is "right"or logical-BUT what the law is. Best get a lawyer. You may think you have control-but depends on how he spins it and which lawyer wants to take his cause-poor immigrant who came here on your promises, held against his will etc-sob stories are a dime a dozen. One only has to look at the national debate comparing to Nazism.

 

Older wealthy-presumably white male-get yee a lawyer and navigate these treacherous waters . Hopefully he moves without any issues. But if he plays dirty-best be prepared.