tenderloin

Wait, what? They're not looking for their life-long love? Next you're going to tell me I'm really not getting $2 million from that Nigerian prince!!!! ?

 

Adam4Adam is the worst. Cat fishers everywhere and Grindr is quickly catching up. I get about 20 messages every day on A4A. 99% of them are from guys 5,280 miles away who say they're somewhere in the States (Oklahoma City seems to be a favorite location). I want to know where this mystical, magical place is that's 5,280 miles away with all of these guys looking for their life-long love.

You are spot on with the miles/distance. And what I love about those guys is that they clearly are thrown by our old system of weights and measures - look at their stats and you will see people who say that they are 6'6", 130 lbs, with a 42-inch waist LOL

I never thought of the malware angle, I just assume it’s a scam with the end game being money. I’m on a few gay male social media sites/groups as well, and it is astonishing how many men do fall for them, and do send money. These scammers do seem to target older, single men. I feel bad for the ones being scammed, but at the same time this is not something new either. I suppose there are just a lot of lonely fellows out there who are just happy with the attention, not thinking where this can/will lead.

 

 

BBD

Yes, they open their pitches by announcing their desire for life-long love, and specify their interest in men over the age of 40. I feel for the guys who get taken in by these creeps.

I participate in a few M4M social media platforms, and it never fails that these amazingly beautiful younger guys reach out and, without wanting to see my pics, announce that I am hot and ask to communicate on WhatsApp or via email/text. I know it is a scam - these guys are bad imposters ("I am in service of US army forces at present"), but I can't help but wonder what they are up to. Trying to implant malware via my WhatsApp or email? Laying the groundwork to "borrow" money? What's the deal, do you think?

Seems the site has been down most of the day, or I am doing something stupid....

One or two times in the past I have sent a G-rated photo or done a quick video connection. If some basic form of attraction (or at least, the lack of revulsion) is important to the provider, I would rather find out from a distance than when he is under me. Once or twice I have been with a guy who clearly wasn't into me; it's bad for my ego/self-image, and a waste of my time & $$$. Avoid it and we all are happier for it.

I've met up with him a couple times and he's great! Sexy latin guy and flawless tight muscle body without being too big. Super nice guy and lots of fun!

A+++

Thank you. I was ready to take the plunge when Corona hit. Only now thinking about trying the waters and he is as tempting as ever. : )

My biggest turn off is the use obviously-professional pictures - airbrushing, photo shop, everything shaved/coiffed, sometimes make-up. Some guys look like mannequins. I prefer a natural look that takes me back to the locker room - natural bodies with lovely details.

This is a great example of where the provider could have created a win-win. Imagine if he had said something like

"I'm not a machine, and while we seem to have had a nice time together, unfortunately today I couldn't provide the main thing you told me you were looking for. So I am going to discount the amount I am charging for my time by 50%."

That gesture would come from someone thinking long-term and interested in building his brand. Unfortunately, there are not many out there like that.

I have enough experience in this world to know that the single most important thing is "attitude": the escort's ability convince me that he wants to be there, that he is having a good time and is enjoying being with me.

I've come to realize this because there have been times when I was with a guy who was physically perfect and very desirable, but had the interactive skills of a mannequin. I've also had guys show up who looked less ideal than their pics (not ugly, just not models) but who really got into it. Every time, it's the latter who I call again.

Two interesting questions raised here -

1. On the morality of hiring - having hired for about 20 years now, I am pretty comfortable ethically with the concept. The only thing that gives me pause is the rare occasion when I get the sense that the guy I am with has some form of mental/emotional disability. I begin to worry that I am taking advantage of someone who is not necessarily quite compos mentis. The few times it has happened, I wasn't sure if it was mood disorder, drugs, or just a guy having a really bad day. Whatever the cause, I usually just tried to treat the guy decently as I indulged. One time, though, a guy showed up who was such an emotional basket case that I gave him about a hundred and sent him on his way.

2. When did the oldest profession become frowned upon? I think it (and most "rules of morality") stem from issues of property/inheritance and that primal need to ensure that a man's genes will survive him . The king needs to be confident that it is his son who's going to inherit the kingdom; the farmer wants to be confident that it is his son who's going to inherit the farm. A female prostitute is the ultimate example of genetic confusion -- the father of her child could be anyone in town, and that's messy.

Somewhere in our legal code I am sure it is written that anytime a guy claims to have a penis in excess of 9 inches he must provide convincing evidence of his endowment.

As promised, here is an update:

 

Received a text from the provider, they said they completely mixed up their days and was mortified they missed our appointment yesterday. They are willing to call and talk with me tonight and apologized that I got the hotel and dinner without them.

 

I said that I understand things can happen but that I was genuinely concerned for their wellbeing since I hadn't heard anything. I then said I would be free to talk either for the next 30 minutes or in about 4 hours after I am done working.

 

I am going to ask him if he is ok and what happened. Will let you all know what he says, but I am trying to be gracious and give them a second chance.

 

If the provider really wants to build a business and repair his reputation, he should offer you a discount - perhaps a paid hour plus one or two off the clock. He wasted your time and money; I am in a different type of business, but if I did that to a client you can be sure I would be trying to make it up.

If the "particularly unpleasant STI" was herpes, it wasn't necessarily from him, but could have contracted long before. Herpes can stay quiet for a while. Same for syphilis which can stay quiet for years.

I will not go into detail except to say that, based on the nature and location of the STI, the input from my doctor, and my own behavior patterns, I can say with 100% certainty that he was the source.

I once got a particularly unpleasant STI from a guy I was seeing somewhat regularly and was friendly with. When I phoned to tell him he was appalled and profusely apologetic. I communicated no anger, and in fact ended up trying to reassure him and make him feel better LOL. He kept asking if I was sure it was from him; as he was the only person I had been with for weeks before and after the arrival of the STI, the answer was a definite yes.

I confess I had hoped that the next time we were together he might offer a discount, or some extra time off the clock. It would have been a nice gesture to a regular customer, but he didn't. And I didn't ask.

There are some very high horses being ridden on this thread...and that this conversation is happening on a site devoted to the world's oldest profession is just plain silly.

Every person who accepts $$ for a sexual act is, explicitly, making it clear that he would not engage in that act if it were not for the money. Us customers are, in that sense, using our money to convince men to do something that they otherwise wouldn't do. To be clear, forcing someone into sex through threat of violence or blackmail or something of that sort is wrong, just as it is wrong to engage with those who because of age, mental state, or intoxication lack the capacity to make the choice. But if a sober adult decides that sucking a dick is an easier way to earn $100 than working the night shift at Walmart, that is their choice.

Most of the guys of whom we speak are probably somewhere along the sexual spectrum and are wrestling with their own internalized homophobia. Maintaining the charade that they were "forced to" allows them to fool themselves and maintain the "straight" persona but still get their rocks off; they still have the ability to blame their financial desperation rather than their own sexual need/curiosity.

A few years back I was with a beautiful latin man from Washington Heights who showed me pics of him with his wife and children and spent a lot of time explaining that he was straight but needed the cash. After the encounter I worried that I might be "exploiting" the guy, so I didn't call him again. Ironically, he started pestering me about another encounter.

The first ever porn movie I acquired, in the late 80's, was Higgins' "They work hard for the money" - I watched it endlessly, and I fell madly in love with the three guys in the opening scene. I had never before seen m4m sex acts depicted in such explicit, lush, and close-up a fashion. I think it impressed a blueprint on my sexual psyche that is with me to this day.

In preparation for a move about two years ago, I finally ditched about 100 vhs from the 80's and 90's - classic stuff from Higgins, Cadinot, and those early Falcons FVP. Bad acting, cheesy soundtracks, and great sex. Once they were in the dumpster it felt surprisingly good, like an unburdening. I glanced at a few before ditching - It was strange to look at those guys and realize that, for those who survived the plague, they would be middle-aged men by now.....

My experience too. Pre covid I traveled to a city that had slim pickings on RM, but a healthy amount of Mintboys ads. About a week before my trip I reached out to about 7-8 guys via text. email, phone, whatever to plan some fun. I never hear back from any until, believe it or not, one reached out -- last week.

I can't find the exchange, but I seem to remember some discussion of the provider being reflective of his pics and description, but also being a bit of a partier in a way that could sometimes impact performance. Caveat emptor.

It's hot when it is genuine. But there are a lot of bad actors out there. I was pounding away at one guy who was giving me the full operatic treatment ("fuck yeah! Oh baby! Oh fuck me!!! fuuuuck me!!!....). While I was in mid stroke, he suddenly asks me, in a deadpan/flat voice "you wanna cum now or you going for another hour?" Needless to say, he was dressed and getting paid within about 6 minutes.

....What I do not know about yet are (a) how certain individuals develop their morality to warrant acceptance or inclination to activities a lot of people consider taboo and illegal and (b) if there are societal constructs right now or back then that would affirm and embrace such moral choices and how certain groups did or could unite on those ethics.

I am not particularly deep when it comes to philosophy, but I think that, "ick factor" aside, most societies have united around the concept of "consent" with regard to sex. That is, neither a child nor an animal is capable of giving meaningful consent to their engaging in sexual activities. Some make the mistake of blurring the appearance of enjoyment or pleasure with "consent." When I was young I discovered the pleasures of onanism, but I was still incapable of consenting to a relationship with an adult.

I am aware that this string is probably veering close to the lines of acceptable discussion, so I will leave it there.

I think the real discussion here is sexual fantasy v reality.

 

Do you judge people's fantasies if they don't actually follow through on them in reality?

 

Where's the line?

I am not interested in policing peoples' fantasies. But JoeMendoza wrote above: "has had fun with his biological mom and older brother for years, separately and the three of them together and K9 sex as a bottom. " That seems somewhat unambiguous to me.

"I did not or do not know what to think or feel about it yet"

I don't like it when folks get judgmental on this site, and have pretty wide-ranging tastes myself that some others might find off-putting. But here I gotta draw the line: Bestiality is right alongside incest and pedophelia. An inclination toward any of them indicates a need for significant psych help. The only way to "feel about it" is "NO"

Bump.

This is either a typo or an intended pun. I like it!

Very much intentional. Thanks for noticing ; )