soloyo215

Happy Valentine's day!

16 hours ago, The Dude said:

This has happened more than once, where a guy says he can’t meet me at a certain time because he’ll be at the gym.  Why would you turn down a paying client for something you can do the other 23 fracking hours of the day?

Makes no sense to me.

Because he's entitled to manage his time as he sees it fit. I am no expert in exercising, but I do know that having a steady routine for working out is best to ensure that one maintains the body properly, body that BTW is giving him his clients.

Think of it as times when businesses are closed to clients for staff training or maintenance. That is his training and maintenance time. That should be respected. It's not that he's rejecting you (assuming that he's expressing availability at a different time).

7 hours ago, MikePDNA51 said:

Twink getting muscular may have happened but these guys also evolved in otter. LOL.  Geography might play a role in who bottoms or tops.  In Los Angeles/ Southern California almost all the guys no matter their physical stature are bottoms.  I enjoy both bottom and top positions.  When I go on dates in LA or out I am almost always a top because the other guy is insistent on bottom position.  

At least in the late 90s and early 2000s when I lived in NYC, it was pretty much the same there. I used to call it "Bottomland" (not a critique). Same thing with me, I used to call myself an "existential top". Not that I was complaining, but the vast majority of the guys I dated or hooked up with were bottoms, some quite strict about it. Even one or two of those guys who can't shut up about being tops, I ended up shutting their "not exactly their mouths".

1 hour ago, Harryinny said:

I could not find him saying he is versatile in his profile.

I took a screenshot and look in the lower right corner. Is shows "Versatile". I hope this helps. Have fun (if you decide to hire him)!

On 2/2/2024 at 8:13 AM, Harryinny said:

Solid man!! wish he were bottom too.

Haven't had the pleasure of meeting him, but wanted to point that his profile says that he's versatile. He might bottom for you (or me).

10 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

We've all seen in this decade the "buff-demic", with countless scrawny twinks using the time many of us were confined to our homes in the Spring of 2020 to work like hell to change their bodies into muscular hotties. And I do mean countless. It was a wonderful thing to come from a horrible situation.

What I find bizarre is that while most all of these men were exclusive bottoms pre-2020, now that they have the strength and physique attractiveness they didn't have before, they aren't interested in bottoming any longer. At all.

I don't know where desiring to hire verse clients falls into with percentages, I am aware that (most?) men probably hire someone for one or the other. I read "bottom / verse" to mean that bottoming is the provider's preference, but can do either one, while I generally read "top / verse" as exclusively a top, unless you're equally as attractive as they are.

I don't know about other men's particular desires/reasons to hire, but I don't think that there is some kind of contractual obligation for people to sign to be a top, bottom or versatile. People's predilections evolve, sexuality is fluid, they are in a business where they are to make money based on what sells, I mean, the reasons for them to "become" of one role to another are endless. Yes, feeling better about their bodies, or developing bodies for the purpose of selling themselves as tops is also a good reson for them to do it.

Kudos to all of them. The more they provide the more clients they can have.

I also know that to many gay men, theirs and the role of the person they are with is trated like religion and politics; they are very strict about it and want nothing to do (some have actually become hostile) with people who don't meet that particular criteria. There's no right/wrong answers. However, IMO, the more narrow and specific one is, the less the possibilities of finding people who cater whatever requirements. The role that they are willing to play when I hire is what matters to me, not what they have done in the past or will do with others. Just my opinion, not law.

5 hours ago, Charlie said:

Ah, memories! I loved sitting there in just a towel watching Bette between trips back to the steamroom.

Now it's a priviledge having experienced that. I wish I had the opportunity.

2 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Second time you use the O word (overinflate).

 

Am I overinflating its use?

2 hours ago, Just Chuck said:

A minor rant of mine:  I understand a few cases where someone wouldn't smile in their ads.  

• I saw a friendly guy in California a few years ago who never smiled in his ads and realized upon meeting him that he had healthy, but crooked teeth.
• I can understand if your shtick is to be an aggressive, rough, dominant top who advertises that you will "destroy any hole," or BDSM Dungeon Master that smiling might break character.

But providers who advertise pleasure, relaxation and other similar positive experiences are a lot more likely to get my business if they smile in at least one photo.

 

I do notice provider profiles with lots of pictures without a smile. Never took time to think about possible reasons, and honestly, that hasn't determe from reaching out. Their mouths get quite busy, so I don't pay much attention 🙂

I agree about Madrid and Barcelona being the closest to Bangkok in that respect. Never been to London. However, I've never experienced negative attitude in Bangkok, whereas in Spain I did. Had fun anyway, but some providers could do better if they lose their overinflated ego. Just my experience, my opinion, not law.

15 hours ago, MCR said:

What do you guys say when a provider that's not CadeMaddox says their rate is $1000 / an hour.  This cute little twink in nyc told me that and it gave me a chuckle.  Not many providers are worth that much money for an hour of their time.  Unless it was Nick Jonas.

The way I see it, many young people tend to overinflate their worth. I normally dismiss that as lack of experience. That said, as good as both Cade and Nick look, I'm not sure I am willing to pay that much for an hour of their time.

My father became a born again Christian weirdo when I was 9. Every single thing that he'd say or do was around his interpretation of the bible. So, in his mind, he was a loving, responsible father providing the best advice one can give to a son. In reality he was talking to me about the threat of getting killed by "God" over adultery, fornication, prostitution, sodomy, incest, rape, homosexuality and sex before marrying a woman (highly preferred to be a virgin). He also despised second marriages and never accepted anyone's second wife as a legitimate one.

As a religiously addicted/brainwashed weirdo, he was unable to talk without having his bible in his hand, as some kind of security blanket for everything, well, almost everything. Seems like he never thought of us, his children, as people with cognition and minds on our own, enough to discern the hypocrisy. In social settings, when he was angry, or in the midst of how work, you could see his real self, cursing, being violent, making dirty jokes, and expressing thrill when talking about certain sex topics.

I was years ahead in school, and back in the day they had some kind of sex education, and I remember someone coming to my classroom when I was in fourth grade (although age-wise I was supposed to be in second grade, and that makes a world of difference at that stage of development) to give us a speech about sex. They showed a 8 mm film with information about sex, which I couldn't grasp or understand at all (interestingly, the only thing that I remember today about that film was seeing an erected penis). I had no clue what the whole thing was about. Later in middle school, there was another visitor who came to talk about sex, but that one was focused on STDs, showing slides with graphic pictures of infected penises and vaginas with gonorrhea. I remember that I fainted when they showed eyes infected with it, had to leave the room. I also remember being all by myself, not a single soul asked me if I was ok.

Then, in the rather fucked up public education system where I grew up, I had quite a few inappropriate teachers integrating things that are not exactly appropriate for children into class. One of them was a literature teacher who had us read a prison rape scene. Another was a biology teacher making comments about how great is to fuck a pregnant woman because "she's already open". Another history teacher was telling stories about the sexual practices of the elite in ancient Rome that involved using slaves in any way they wanted, and buying children for sexual pleasure.

That's the "birds and bees" I got as a child.

Pretty, right?

Welcome to the forum.

I am a client, and I just accept that there are some providers who are above what I am willing to pay. Nothing wrong with them asking for what they ask, nothing wrong with me not hiring them for it. Some have been around for some time, so to me that means that they seem to be doing well with their prices. Why on Earth will they want to lower the price? Also, not to me, but I have wirnessed others mentioning that lowering the price does not leave a good impression in some clients, as they take that as them cheapening themselves, disparate, or that there has to be something wrong with them, or that they are a scam.

So no, I am against lowering prices. If I cannot afford it, or if I don't find that price reasonable, I just move on. I don't think that either me or the provider loses anything for not having my business.

36 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Not saying it's not POSSIBLE

Just saying it's not where I would start looking 

I cannot agree more. When it comes to relationships, I have what I call "a resume". Before my husband of 22 years, I had several other relationships. All of them started what people seem to think it's the "right way", that is, meeting in a place/setting that doesn't involve cruising or sex, date and get to know a little bit before decide to have sex. Not rushing things, getting to know a little more about their world, family, friends, etc. All of that I did. Not a one of those relationships went anywhere. In fact, some of them were quite toxic and dysfunctional.

11 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

I have had several dates, and one long term relationship, with men I met on Grindr, Adam 4 Adam, and Growlr.

I cannot agree more. With my now husband, I knew what his ass tastes like before learning his name. We fucked the hell of each other in a place that definitely deserves the title of "dirty place" because is was seedy and filthy. We paired up fucking every other guy who came to that filthy place, and took turns in some impromptu gangbang. We exchanged numbers, and I forgot about it, as I was living in NJ, and that encounter was in Philly. About a month later I decided to take another trip there and called him, and we agreed to meet at a cafe. That was our first date, and I had no idea that it was (I was more interested in tallking about what groups sex setting we were going to partake that day). The rest is... not exactly history, actually. We decided to date, but then I lost my job in NJ, then my car, then my apartment, and in the meantime I decided to apply for a job in Philly and got it, so within a month of "dating" I was already living with him, which is supposed to be another big "no no" in the gay dating advise world. We never had a honeymoon period because immediately serious problems started happening on both our individual lives. He lost his job, I lost my mom, he got really sick, then I got really sick, then his new job had different schedule and we never saw each other, we went from dating to family crisis. And there were times that love was not the reason why we stayed together. Need and staying together being the least bad option was what kept us together at times. And here we are, 22 years later and cannot live without each other.

So yes, life is never an either/or thing. Possibilites always exist in unlikely places and settings.

1 minute ago, Redwine56 said:

Your experience gave me a chuckle.  People walking around the massage table!?  OMG.  Your body was on display like in some sci-fi movie.  The masseur should not have taken any $$$ from you.  Good grief . . . No excuses.

Yes, didn't feel funny at the time, but it does now, especially knowing that he doesn't seem to be around anymore. Probably burned too many bridges behind him, who knows. About the money, I figure it's best to cut my loses and accept that not all of these experiences are going to be as expected. He should have not charged me at all (IMO), but that was part of his lack of professionalism.

On 2/8/2024 at 5:19 AM, PiSquared said:

I’ve been reflecting on my activities with Rentmen and Sniffies. If you’re like me, I’ve told myself that the pull toward these apps has been my strong desire for male intimacy, something I’ve lacked much of my life. But it’s turned into trying to gain intimacy through sex only. And while it’s been addicting, it satisfies for only the moment. It leaves me wanting more but feeling empty. I’m slowly learning that intimacy is much more than sex. It’s conversation, trust, sharing stories, supporting and getting to know one another beyond the sex. Finding that on Rentmen and Sniffies is damn near impossible. I’ve tried with RM providers and guys I meet on Sniffies, without success. Anyone feel the same? Thoughts? Ideas? Thanks. 

Interesting topic. In my experience, and also witnessing the life of people I care about, friends and family, I have seen many times the issue of lack of intimate connection, and ways of dealing wit it, many times. Personally I have concluded that this is part of people's own journey in life, and I am no one to tell what (or if there) is a right way of dealing with our own desire for intimate connections. First, I've found that what that means for different people is not the same. Some men are quite happy with having casual affairs every now and then and living their lives by themselves. Others seem to have a strong need and starve for the care and attention of another man in an intimate way, and have taken care of it in ways that are healthy, and in ways that are unhealthy.

One of my friends is in some kind of recovery program from sex addiction, which he defines as en excessive consumption of his own financial and emotional resources in the pursue of intimacy and excitement in the form of casual sexual encounters. He told me that he has "tried it all" in the sexual expression arena. His recovery program seems to be focused in looking for that connection in ways that are not harmful to him. I'm no mental health expert, so I cannot comment on how effective his approach is. He seems ok and he's still my friend, so I guess that whatever he's doing works for him.

Early in my adult life as a gay man, I immediately started noticing the issue of disconnection between us. I remember thinking "How come that we are so many, we know each other, we are together, we live the same or similar experience, we suffer similar social oppresions and struggles and yet, it seems like we just fail to find each other?" Through the decades, I've seen many gay men expressing their loneliness and starve for intimate connections, but sadly, when you take a closer look, none of their actions, attitudes and beliefs lead to legitimately looking for it, or willingness to provide it to others. Some are more interested in physical attributes, social status, or in the ridiculous fantasy of getting intimacy from a heterosexual man (a person who by the very definition of who they are, doesn't like you and has no interest in intimacy with you).

Some providers have offered me their friendship, and I have accepted it in some cases. One masseur actually hinted me that wanted to get to know me a little more (that's when I told him that I forgot to mention that I am married). My point is that even if there is a slight possibility that a provider might show some interest in something deeper, the reality and the possibility are minimal, and that is aside from the degree of comfort that a client might have with the provider continuing providing to other clients, had something deeper develops.

Then there's the issue of what does such intimacy look to you. Does it involve love, sex, frienship, support, presence when you are in need, or a combination of any of the above? That is something that we define for our own selves, and then that's something that we decide where (or if) to look for it.

I hope you find what you need and find it in a way that is healthy for your wellbeing and for your wallet.

16 hours ago, APPLE1 said:

I estimate that a little over 50% of the providers I have met with came. It often gives me some questions. 

Is it sense of obligation to a client, or desire? Sometimes one? Sometimes the other? 

Sex should be fun. I don't want anyone involved to be miserable, so I am always willing to continue when any party expresses "almost there" or "could you do X." 

But, when we have the conversation about how our session will go, is it rude, or direct, to just lay out there that "I can be an active participant if you want to cum, and if you don't want to, that's fine too." 

Would providers feel less pressure and more relaxed having that knowledge from the start? 

what I have learned is that there are providers with multiple appointments, so they try not to wear themselves out too much. I personally go into an appointment with a provider with that as a premise, that I am most certainly not the one and only person that they are going to see that day. I am ok with them not coming if they don't want to, for as long as I have a good experience.

Yes, the more the provide knows about what you'd like to experience, the better they can tell you if they can accommodate.

On 2/7/2024 at 10:50 AM, BaronArtz said:

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

No, you are not squeamish. You do what you are comfortable doing in a service that you are paying for. I know that there's some fucking involved, but let's not forget that the massage part is supposed to be relaxing to start with.

I had a horrible experience with people in the apartment of a masseur I once hired. It was not a roommate, they were visitors, and yes, the exact thing that we don't want to happen, happened, them walking around and interrupting, and it wasn't a pleasant experience at all. They were passing by as I was getting the massage, and apologies from the masseur didn not make any difference. The experience was very unprofessional (he did not say anything about other people in his NYC apartment beforehand) and I decided to cut it short. Gave him a bad review, he changed his profile, probably to avoid the bad review(s) and later disappeared from the sites.

Your provider was quite professional when he told you ahead of time. You were very clear stating your discomfort with it, so I think the situation was handled properly and professionally on both parts. Of course, there's always the fantasy that the roommate is some hot guy who also gets naked and joins the massage/fucking when they see you, but what are the real chances of that? So no, IMO, you're not bveing a prude. It's supposed to be a private, intimate and relaxing experience without disruptions and worries about other people present.

I'd be very thankful to the provider for being clear and upfroint about it. He's very professional.

9 hours ago, ANotAMouse said:

I don't know where else to turn. I could really use some help!

I signed up for RM for the first time recently. I was talking to someone on their website. (For my own safety, I am not going to say their username.) He asked me to message him on WhatsApp, which I did. We were talking about setting something up in a couple months, when I would be traveling to their town. I ended up having an emergency at home, and since I don't normally use WhatsApp for anything else, several days went by where I didn't answer them. It was a genuine accident, due to being busy with the emergency, and I wasn't trying to ghost him. It turns out, without me seeing it, he was endlessly harassing me on WhatsApp during that time. It was days of him violently threatening me. I only found out because he ended up texting my actual phone number, which he was able to find on WhatsApp. The text message to my phone included a violent death threat against me, and some threats to hack me electronically, though I'm not sure if he meant he's going to hack my computer or cell phone.

I truly have no idea what to do. I don't know if I should report any of this to RM, or if they honestly will even care that one of their professionals is sending someone death threats. Of course, my cell phone company told me to report it to the authorities, but I don't think I can do that because then I would be explaining to the police that I met this person on RM. (I'm assuming it'd get in trouble with the authorities for using RM in the first place.) I have not responded to this person again, and I've tried to block any numbers they've used on my phone. This person lives far away, so I don't know if I'm in physical danger, but they are threatening to hack me. My internet provider and cell phone company seemed to suggest there's probably not a way for him to actually hack me, but I don't know how true that is. I genuinely have no idea what to do, and I'm scared to death. I haven't slept in two days.

Also, in a strange twist, I tried signing on to RM from my account and my account has been 'deleted.' I'm not sure if that's because he had people report me, and thus RM actually removed me, or if he hacked the account somehow and actually deleted me. Very scary.

Anyone have any feedback at all?

I echo the others about relaxing and taking a breathe. I also agree about ignoring him. I imagine that by now the threatening messages have stopped. I wouldn't engage in conversation with him at all, but if for some reason you decided to do that, try to let him know that your intent was to have an encounter, but you had an emergency. Also make it clear that the threats are being documented. nAgain, I wouldn't try to reason with a person that is that volatile.

Report the threat to the website RM. If they need evidence, you have it.

Not a pleasant thing to go through, but high chances are that nothing else will happen other than empty threats that will get him in trouble.

I'd also suggest that in the future, do disclose his name in this forum. You will be helping other prospective clients.

12 hours ago, Passionate_lover318 said:

I’m fairly new to this.  I’ve hired three people in the last two years and I’m opening to hiring more in the future. Are there are things you look for in a provider before hiring? Any suggestions will help.

The question look a little general. I can only speak for myself, but I browse in websites that cater providers. In their profiles I get information about their physiques and things that they (at least claim) that they are into. When I decide to make contact, I inquire about the things that interest me, even if they state them in their profile because they can change their mind or might not be accurate about it. Also some things in the website are rather vague.

I'd suggest to make sure that you know (and are comfortable asking about) what is important to you, what does it for you, and what you expect in a session. The more clear you are, the more information the provider has, and the better they can tell you if they can provide for you. Also don't be shy or embarassed to ask for what you like doing or having. For example, many clients care about penis size. I don't (within reason), that's not a deal breaker for me. Others care more about role (top, bottom, versatile, and the now made-up nonsensical "sideways"). Others like specific practices (kissing, fisting, I don't know, whatever). It has to come from you.

I agree that reviews are not fully reliable. However, the way I use them is by reading them all, or as much as I can when they are too many, to identify themes that emerge, things that tend to be common in many or most of the reviews. That's what tells me something about the provider, not the specific words that the reviewers post.

Best.

My two cents: Yes, be clear and direct, but please don't come across too pushy or creepy when doing so. Have a conversation about it, regardless of the communication format that you use. Most providers state their preferred method of communication in their profile, and if they prefer to change it when dealing with certain topics, they will tell you to call or talk in person.

14 hours ago, sogay said:

Hi all, I'm hoping this is an ok place for me to post a couple of questions that I didn't see when I searched and backread.

A little about me for context: I'm middle-aged and recently came out as a trans guy. Sometimes, you don't know what you don't know...My partner and I have been married and monogamous for many years, but our sexualities aren't compatible anymore; he's a cishetero man and I'm a gay transmasc. After a lot of counseling, we're staying together and supporting each other in finding sexual fulfillment, wherever that leads. For me, initially, a professional seems like a good idea; I have mixed emotions about the situation, not to mention some real anxiety for a lot of reasons (yay, being raised super-Catholic), and the potential to focus on physical pleasure rather than a potential relationship sounds very appealing.

I've read at least one thread that included a couple of people saying they struggled with their feelings afterward. I'm curious about what emotions people experienced after their first time, if anyone's willing to share, especially if there are other folks who have come to this feeling a little bittersweet? I suspect I'll be all over the place and am trying to prepare mentally so I don't freak out if I'm, well, freaking out the next day, etc.

And then the obvious next question, for providers who might be on here: I plan to be up front about being trans. I'm looking at some fellow transmascs first, but I would really like to get more experience with cis men as well. I figure some providers will pass, and that's fine. But wondering if it's even realistic for me to approach folks at all/if there are other transmascs on sites like rentmen?

Thanks in advance for any advice you're willing to share

First, welcome to the forum. I can only provide (and maybe) some insights based on my own experiences, but by now you might know that different people experience different things.

I didn't struggle with feelings afterwards when I decided to finally hire because I did not hire until I was sure that I was not going to have feelings of regret, shame, embarassment or anything negative that can impact my wellbeing. (Probably like you are doing now) I decided that it was more workable for me if I worked on those feelings and their source first. I rarely take actions that I am not 100% sure I can take without consequences. What I found in my case were the typical twisted notions of sex within a client/provider setting coming from my Christian upbrining, which were quite hypocritical and inappropriate. Something else that I found was that I was already paying and had paid for sex many, many times before in other ways:

• Going to bath houses
• Going to peepshows
• Going to adult movie places
• Paying for drinks at a bar to a guy I'm interested in
• Going to sex parties

None, not a one of those things are free, and the purpose of all of them is sex. So yes, I have been paying for sex for quite some time.

Then there's the convenience factor. Some of the service that I have looked for in providers have to do with my overal mental and physical wellbeing; it's noit just sexual pleasure alone. Others look for a deeper connection in the form of a "boyfriend experience".

Like you, I am married and I have no interest in having any committed relationship with another person. My husband does not/cannot provide everything there is for me to have in terms of physical or sexual contact (no need to get into details on that).

I also found that something that helped was the use of sensual and erotic massages since it is meant to be a relaxing, "put you at ease" experience with sensual/sexual elements.

I'm not a provider, so I will not comment on the question that you have to them. I defer to expertise on that.

I hope this helps. Again, welcome to the forum.

On 2/6/2024 at 5:35 PM, Bubble Buck said:

Am new to all this but it feels like there might be more than one side to the story or miss understandings.  
 

CompanyofMen makes room for both sides to be heard but that isnt likely the case in these other forums mentioned in this thread. 

i had a recent bad interaction with a provider who seems to have blocked me and all I did was ask about the seriousness of their ad since they read messages and didn’t respond. 
 

 

 

Personally, I think that though we don't have a formal place where we, clients get reviewed, it's best to look at who really is at the disadvantage. They are not Uber drivers, nor technical support technicians. They provide a service that is illegal if practiced certain way, with no legal protections and with a high level of risk. They expose themselves to people who they don't know. So, considering that, I don't see any imbalance in the entire scheme of things.

Crimes and nasty things can come from both sides, but I really believe that the providers are the ones at a higher risk.

On 1/7/2024 at 2:22 AM, UncutDad said:

Do any of these spas or hamams offer older men or really masculine men?  The guys that stand on the street are just way too young for my taste.

Yes, I have seen a range in everything, including age, bosy type. However, in my experience "masculine" means different things to different people, so I guess you'd have to judge the masculinity of the provider for yourself. The place that I mentioned that looks like they are going to rob me does have some types that might fit in that description.

19 hours ago, NathanRobert said:

I went to Hamam and was underwhelmed. The masseur was super attractive but the scrub was boring and Vichy shower repetitive he just ran the water over me back and forth over and over again for 20 minutes. Massage was fine but again nothing earth shattering and no extras were offered. 

On the other hand I had an INCREDIBLE massage at Zen (across from Starbucks) the masseur while not particularly cute was super strong and really put in the work all for 600 pesos ($35) plus tip. 

Good to know about the Hamam. Their ad says that they also cater women, and I had the hunch that it didn't look too quality. Thanks. I'm going back to PVR soon in the spring, so I'll keep that in mind.