nate_sf

Per annual tradition: 
2023 revenue was down 12% from year prior. 
44% of 2023 revenue came from the year’s top three clients, up from 36% in 2022. 
Kevin Slater

I completely understand @cromagnonmale’s concerns and they’re valid. This is a whole new age of surveillance technology which enables ridiculous moral witch hunts.
For me, it’s too late to “opt out” as it were by omitting or obscuring my face, and I don’t trust the for-profit surveillance companies contracted by law enforcement to respect my privacy. Since when has “please take me off your call list” stopped the calls from a specific company? So I give up and deal with it the best ways I can.
I also validate the points @Ali Gator and @MikeBiDudemake. If I were on the other side of hiring, I would never even notice, much less bother to contact a provider that didn’t show a face pic or other parts of his body in which I am most interested.
I get the point about the tattoos, but remember that the presence or absence and type of tattoos matters A LOT to some clients. We’ve had some pretty hot, divisive threads on that subject. Others care little, if at all, and I venture to bet that’s 50% or more, with the extremes making up the other piece of the pie.
I feel it’s reasonable to share face or other photos privately with prospective clients by text or app or wherever you’re communicating. What do you think?

The advantage of a hire vs a hookup is you can be more direct if you’d like. He’s there to provide you a service, on your terms. If he walks in the door and you want to jump his bones right then and there, you can do it! Or if you want to take it slow, chat and maybe have a drink first, that’s your call too. You don’t need to be too worried about what he might think the way you might with a hookup.
 
Of course don’t be a jerk since he’s a person too, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you’d like. 

Agree 100% with @nate_sf. This is what I do too; I only log in a few times a day at most unless I have an active chat and expecting more back and forth. So much of our client communication now is typically by text, or through other platforms with reliable push notifications or email notifications.
I would use RM Messenger more frequently if I were able to get push notifications, but they don’t work no matter how many times and different ways I change the settings to allow push notifications. I get an email once in a while alerting me to a message someone sent months ago. Most of the time I get no notification at all, in any form, ever. The system is horrendously buggy and unreliable.
RM Messages are fine for clients who are booking days or more in advance. At the very least 24 hrs in advance. Someone contacting me for a time only hours away might not even get my attention and response until after the time they wanted has passed. Forget about “are you available now?” messages. The only way I will see and respond to that message is if I happen to log in at exactly the time the sender sends it.
I get why clients would want to use RM Messenger for initial (or all) communication and I’m fine with that. You just can’t reasonably expect a provider to constantly be logging into the RM Messenger app to check messages. Remember the days of AOL, when you would have to log in and it says “You’ve got mail!”? It’s basically that all over again but in app form. You have no way of knowing there is an urgent message unless you happen to log in.
RM Messenger is not my primary mode of communication, so I am not spending all day checking for messages. 9 times out of 10 that I check, there is no message. All that checking is wasted time, so I am unmotivated to constantly keep manually checking. Clients who really want to see me get no prompt response on there and figure out they just need to text and they do. Smooth sailing from there.
I wish RentMen would get their shit together and fix the messenger bugs. They spend way too much time finding ways to charge clients and advertisers more and more money and not enough time developing a good product.

The push notifications for the RM chats seldom if ever work, so the provider is not aware of there being a message unless he logs in. Whereas if it’s a text directly to him, he’ll see it right away. 
I try to check in on my RM chats a few times a day. But it’s frustrating to find a chat with something like “are you available this afternoon” when I’m only just checking hours later. 
But I still like the RM chat feature for the reasons mentioned, particularly if the client has added info to their profile. It works fine for hires that are further out in the future and there is more time for back and forth. 

When I was 17, back in the Dark Ages, I was cruised by a young man in the men's room of the  Port Authority bus terminal in mid-town Manhattan.  Curious, I followed him outside, where he introduced himself with a slight accent as "Michel." He smiled and asked, "Are you gay?" I was familiar with that adjective, meaning "light-spirited and enthusiastic," and since his name suggested he might not normally be an English-speaker, I figured it must be his awkward way of asking if I were interested in accompanying him. When I said, "Yes," he smiled and invited me back to his rented room nearby. When we arrived, he took off his clothes, so I did the same. To my surprise, he then kissed me passionately, threw me on his bed, and started preparing to fuck me. Shocked, I said, "Wait! What are you doing?" Giving me a puzzled look, he said, "But you said you were gay?!" I replied, "I thought you were asking if I were happy to meet you!" That's when he realized that he had picked up a complete neophyte, and he had to stop and calmly explain what "gay" meant to someone cruising in New York. He then proceeded to teach me everything that gay males did together. I was a willing pupil.

It is always more comfortable to simply be out than to be outed involuntarily, or to have to find an appropriate opportunity to explain one's sexual orientation to someone. One of the advantages of legal same sex marriage is that I don't have to declare to anyone, "Hey! I'm gay!" In casual conversation with someone, I am likely to mention my spouse, and when I use the pronoun "he" to refer to him, the job is done.

Most providers want a text since they will know you're more serious and not just looking for free chatting. But as @Decatur Guy said I as well like to initiate contact on messenger so I can get a quick feel for the provider and see what their rate is and if they are a good fit for me. Then I can move it onto text. I remember one provider I hit up and they responded with very incoherent replies back. I was so glad in that case to not have texted. Much easier to say no and move on through messenger than text. You never know if a provider will get pissed off and possibly spam bomb your number. Plus I like to have the provider check out my client page for all my stats and info and save them from asking for all that info.

The push notifications for the RM chats seldom if ever work, so the provider is not aware of there being a message unless he logs in. Whereas if it’s a text directly to him, he’ll see it right away. 
I try to check in on my RM chats a few times a day. But it’s frustrating to find a chat with something like “are you available this afternoon” when I’m only just checking hours later. 
But I still like the RM chat feature for the reasons mentioned, particularly if the client has added info to their profile. It works fine for hires that are further out in the future and there is more time for back and forth. 

As we used to say in the men's coming out group I co-facilitated, the only person you need to come out to is yourself. Everyone else is optional.
We also used to say that you need to protect and provide for yourself. If being out would jeopardize your safety, living situation, or livelihood, then don't come out until you are in a better situation.
That said, when being closeted starts gnawing at a person and they feel like they are "living a lie" or "not being genuine," it's time to think about what one is getting from being closeted vs the hesitation to be out. 
To answer your question, everyone has a different feeling about men who are not out. Additionally, there are as many definitions of "being out" as there are people. I consider myself to be an out gay man. I have no qualms discussing dating men vs women, I have no qualms about joining LGBT groups at work, and I don't hide who I am. However, I don't declare to everyone I meet that I am gay. I did that 25 years ago and there's no reason to keep doing it. If someone doesn't understand what it means when I discuss a boyfriend, or joining an LGBT employee resource group, or any other myriad things gay men do, then that's on them. I'm a terrible artist and can't draw them a picture.

Sometimes younger Americans forget how dangerous it often was in the past to be "out" in America, and how dangerous it still is in many parts of the world. Gay men anywhere have many reasons other than legal or physical danger to want to stay "in the closet." Being openly gay may affect their livelihood, their acceptance in a religion that is important to them, their personal relationships with family or other important persons in their lives. One's sexual orientation or sexual behavior is something that one can manage to hide more easily than one's race, physical disabilities, lack of education or financial means, and other issues that affect one's social interactions.
That being said, staying in the closet can have psychological repercussions, given how important one's sexuality is to a healthy, integrated personality. In my late teens, I had what was loosely called a "nervous breakdown," and my parents sent me to see a counseling psychologist. He gave me the best advice--and surprising advice in those days--which was to always tell the truth to myself about who I was, and to be honest with my loved ones, even if it was hard to do. In other situations, be as honest as you could be pragmatically (this was in the early 1960s, when being homosexually active  was illegal and could get one expelled from school, fired from a job, banned from the military, and even sent to prison). I went home from his office, and told my parents I was "homosexual" (they had no idea what "gay" meant), and to my relief they did not seem openly upset (my mother asked, "How do you know?" which caused me to start laughing and relax). I was already out to a couple of my closest friends, and from then on I was ready to admit my orientation to anyone else who asked. Within a couple more years I had met new friends who were very active in the burgeoning gay rights movement and had joined them in their activities; when a photo appeared in a major newspaper of me taking part in a protest, I gave up any pretense of not being gay.
I do not condemn anyone who stays in the closet for a good reason, though I still would encourage them to be as honest with themselves and as open with others as is possible for them. I agree that those who are stridently homophobic are usually fighting against fear of being perceived as gay by others.
 

I think you’re on the right track here. Maybe at least five photos. They don’t need to show your face but should give a sense of what you’re like. I don’t think you need to worry about the notecards with your profile… usually the catfishing involves too-good-to-be-true Instagram type images, and almost always show the guy’s face. With your faceless pics people will just assume you’re wanting to be discreet. 
Speaking of discreet, you could mention in your ad text something about discretion being important to you, and that you’ll offer that in return. That will help explain the faceless pics, and will also offer assurance to clients who may also value privacy. Small town after all!
As for what’s changed in 2023, I’m not sure how long you’ve been away, but the biggest change is probably the communication styles. Lots more text exchanges than years ago. There’s no shortage of discussions in that regard on this forum!

I think you’re on the right track here. Maybe at least five photos. They don’t need to show your face but should give a sense of what you’re like. I don’t think you need to worry about the notecards with your profile… usually the catfishing involves too-good-to-be-true Instagram type images, and almost always show the guy’s face. With your faceless pics people will just assume you’re wanting to be discreet. 
Speaking of discreet, you could mention in your ad text something about discretion being important to you, and that you’ll offer that in return. That will help explain the faceless pics, and will also offer assurance to clients who may also value privacy. Small town after all!
As for what’s changed in 2023, I’m not sure how long you’ve been away, but the biggest change is probably the communication styles. Lots more text exchanges than years ago. There’s no shortage of discussions in that regard on this forum!

The advantage of a hire vs a hookup is you can be more direct if you’d like. He’s there to provide you a service, on your terms. If he walks in the door and you want to jump his bones right then and there, you can do it! Or if you want to take it slow, chat and maybe have a drink first, that’s your call too. You don’t need to be too worried about what he might think the way you might with a hookup.
 
Of course don’t be a jerk since he’s a person too, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you’d like. 

I think you’re on the right track here. Maybe at least five photos. They don’t need to show your face but should give a sense of what you’re like. I don’t think you need to worry about the notecards with your profile… usually the catfishing involves too-good-to-be-true Instagram type images, and almost always show the guy’s face. With your faceless pics people will just assume you’re wanting to be discreet. 
Speaking of discreet, you could mention in your ad text something about discretion being important to you, and that you’ll offer that in return. That will help explain the faceless pics, and will also offer assurance to clients who may also value privacy. Small town after all!
As for what’s changed in 2023, I’m not sure how long you’ve been away, but the biggest change is probably the communication styles. Lots more text exchanges than years ago. There’s no shortage of discussions in that regard on this forum!

The advantage of a hire vs a hookup is you can be more direct if you’d like. He’s there to provide you a service, on your terms. If he walks in the door and you want to jump his bones right then and there, you can do it! Or if you want to take it slow, chat and maybe have a drink first, that’s your call too. You don’t need to be too worried about what he might think the way you might with a hookup.
 
Of course don’t be a jerk since he’s a person too, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you’d like. 

I think you’re on the right track here. Maybe at least five photos. They don’t need to show your face but should give a sense of what you’re like. I don’t think you need to worry about the notecards with your profile… usually the catfishing involves too-good-to-be-true Instagram type images, and almost always show the guy’s face. With your faceless pics people will just assume you’re wanting to be discreet. 
Speaking of discreet, you could mention in your ad text something about discretion being important to you, and that you’ll offer that in return. That will help explain the faceless pics, and will also offer assurance to clients who may also value privacy. Small town after all!
As for what’s changed in 2023, I’m not sure how long you’ve been away, but the biggest change is probably the communication styles. Lots more text exchanges than years ago. There’s no shortage of discussions in that regard on this forum!

The advantage of a hire vs a hookup is you can be more direct if you’d like. He’s there to provide you a service, on your terms. If he walks in the door and you want to jump his bones right then and there, you can do it! Or if you want to take it slow, chat and maybe have a drink first, that’s your call too. You don’t need to be too worried about what he might think the way you might with a hookup.
 
Of course don’t be a jerk since he’s a person too, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you’d like. 

Just joined the site after years from watching from the sidelines - heya!
I am returning to SW through RM after a hiatus of a couple years, as 1. guys keep hitting me up on Grindr making offers and 2. my longtime sponsor, with whom I had many beautiful experiences, recently passed away, reminding me how important and powerful this work can be. My former profile had face and body pictures and descriptions of things I can provide, but now I intend to be much more selective, and much more discreet. I now live in a small town in a small state where discretion feels right. I posted a new profile, with just two pictures, face cropped out, and a description that I hope communicates that I am warm and friendly and I know what I am doing. I am curious if guys here would shy away from a profile with only two pictures, both without faces. I am also interested in any other general advice you have for returning to the biz in 2023. Thank you so much, and glad to finally join this site. 

For me, our own forum mod NateSF tops the list. An absolutely first class experience in every way! 
YourHunk (aka Nate from Long Beach) is also on my list of truly unforgettable men. 
It's a never-ending battle to keep these two from taking over my daydreams. 

Really wonderful series, very poignant and moving. The last scene (I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it) brought tears to my eyes. 

Really wonderful series, very poignant and moving. The last scene (I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it) brought tears to my eyes. 

Maybe I'm old fashioned or had learned this from my mom, but I thought it's customary to provide service folks with small gifts or bonuses this time of year. A little cash or something to the mail carrier, paperboy (if there is still such a thing), hairdresser/barber, cleaners, etc.
So I'd think if an escort or massage provider is a regular, a small gift would be in keeping with this tradition. Of course there is passion involved with an escort/masseur's services so that might confuse things a bit, but a bit of extra cash or a small gift seems just fine.

It actually is working again for me.