DWnyc

I’ve only once paid for a providers hotel. He was a regular. He tricked me - I’d already paid him for the session and he wanted the funds to pay for the room as his credit card was apparently blocked. It was a loan … until it wasn’t … and the session never happened anyway because of some drama at his end. He promised a redo but disappeared even though he is still active on the sites. He was a regular. For someone who claimed financial hardship (which he did) he didn’t stop to think he lost the future stream of my regular bookings which would be many multiples of what he effectively stole from me. Not my job to pay for his hotel or someone’s rent if I visit their place. Not their transport to get to my town if they were coming anyway (rather than me requesting them to) and If they want to incorporate a pro rata supplement to their rate let them try it and I’ll see what it looks like but it probably won’t look good. Because I assume the first rate they quote me covers all of that and leaves them a nice margin that makes it worthwhile. From my experience dabbling in the hobby I would say the best providers (or rather the ones I respect the most and the ones with longevity and largest client base) aren’t the “hottest” but the ones who demonstrate an understanding of basic economics and long term strategy. Not to mention customer service that doesn’t leave me feeling disrespected, offended or as if I’m just a cash machine.

You need to familiarize yourself with what most people are seeking and finding on Grindr. It’s not a potential boyfriend to cuddle with in front of the tv. You are framing common behavior in gay hooking up culture as being “what you’d seek an escort for”. There is absolutely nothing atypical about someone on Grindr saying he likes endowment also saying he’s not going to pay for it. If he hangs around long enough he’ll likely find it, give up in that session, or alter his requirement on endowment (but not on paying someone).

Grindr is NOT for sourcing clients. It may happen but those are outlier cases. So when I hang out with friends and acquaintances and I don’t pay them to spend time with me, am I scouring from the dredges of the thrift store? Your tone talking about people seeking “free sex” on there as if they are doing something wrong is something I find disturbing. That’s how most initial intimate interaction occurs (unpaid, regardless of flowers and dinner which is not the same thing). That’s normal and nothing wrong with that if consensual. And check out what the straight kids are doing on Tinder. If Grindr etc connects people for consensual interaction that’s a good thing. It brings people together and like it or not that’s now part ofour societal norm. It’s overwhelmingly unpaid because that’s how it’s intended. And paid interaction is not the statistical norm. And most people can’t or won’t do that. And people aren’t “cheap” because they want to engage in what is now normal social interaction. It’s when you use words like that or frame it that way that I get offended. So anyone who doesn’t want to engage you is “cheap”? I’m not trying to curb your free speech … just giving you one honest reaction. You’ll be complaining about going to the library next and saying the men there are just looking for books and not paid interaction … how dare they waste providers’ time like that 😉

Wish the debate wasn’t just about looks but incorporated health risks (heart disease, diabetes etc). Not saying people are doing that here but that’s the cultural bias.

I went maybe 10 years ago when on a quick trip … remember it was very well maintained but such places across the country have fallen into such disrepair (eg New York, providence, Philadelphia) … if they’re at all still around. The other place I went in that area (Water Garden in San Jose) I heard couldn’t reopen after covid.

If that’s your only option I’d say go! These businesses can’t survive if relying only on two nights a week so I’m sure they have traffic at other times, maybe just different crowds

I take offense (not personally) at referring to online dating apps as “thrift store”. There are plenty who would refer to the RM apps and both the providers and clients using them in certain ways that all of us on here might find offensive too. The needs and outcomes of apps like Grindr are different from the RMs. You’re in serious business trouble if you think Grindr is your competition in any way. Time, inconvenience etc that comes from using those apps have low effective value to the demographic markets you describe. Of course apps like Grindr affect how people communicate when it comes to arranging to meet. Just like Craigslist did before and gay bars did too once people didn’t have to hang out in public restrooms and behind the bushes in a park as the only way to meet. Engaging providers is not the default norm in how people seek intimacy, but the preserve of a few lucky folks. And if people are assuming you are an extension of Grindr you need to assess that and cut them off quicker if it happens as much as you say and as it seems to affect you. Or perhaps think about how you are marketing yourself.

@Jamie21 and other providers, curious if you do often get clients seeking “lessons” or maybe just validation … not so much on looks or body type stuff but on technique, how they perform etc And are you “honest” or always positive even if you could offer helpful feedback …?

I think two days would actually give you many ups and downs, no pun intended, in the average male horniness cycle. And there’s a serious point in there too.

Yes, I would, just like I’d rather see if they had a temper or were showed signs of stealing or being violent … before I showed up and experienced it myself.! To add to the bottom line I’d say let this requirement (often not applied to all) be publicly displayed in their ad, and if it’s not and potential clients start experiencing it, let it be publicized in forums such as this, as the existence of that screener (even if, or specially if selectively applied) is a data point that the provider should be fine dealing with.

Every so often on here we see both providers and clients talking about this hobby as serving the needs of the undesirable, those who couldn’t find companionship in real life etc and I think that’s unfair. Among the many needs providers can fill is exactly what you are seeking … ie patient judgement~free experiences to push your boundaries per your direction and under your control in a way that can be difficult with people in your life whether long term or new. Take advantage of the resources around you and enjoy!

Haha thanks for the reminder. I’m of the sort that misses or misunderstands cues verbal and non. So I would take that as a sign that the provider is saying “stop that, not interested” … and more than once I’ve also been told “hey why did you stop I was enjoying that!”.

That looks like MrNumber / it’s not exclusive to providers, anyone can see what’s there (and post feedback on someone) based on their phone number and quite a lot of providers have some interesting write ups … so I’m sure potential clients do too

If you feel you need to proceed with caution, why proceed at all?

More than once I’ve been given bank details or a link to a website or asked if I prefer Venmo or cashapp etc before the first question is even asked (ie even if I’m not a scammer, pay me for the privilege of even considering you as a potential client). Moving on …

Bad teeth … 😊

I’d say more a pet peeve than a red flag but if I ask 3/4 questions and some are left unanswered (eg rate) even after follow up, I can’t tell is that because of negotiation, a sensitivity about putting something in writing because of the nature of the transaction etc. My biggest red flags are providers asking for deposits and photos or other identifying information (full legal name, “real” phone number not burner etc). Added to that I also have no patience for obvious rudeness or demonstrating a short fuse. Not the kind which may be a misunderstanding because a text exchange where i may misunderstand tone, but aggressive language, calling me an idiot or saying something like “can’t you read? It’s on my ad” (and it isn’t always or is buried and unclear”). Or arrogance and haughtiness “don’t waste my time” in the ad type stuff before we even speak. Putting that in writing isn’t going to change any potential time waster’s behavior but stating it that way sends a different message. I know I’m not a time waster and am sincere, even if mistakes convey another message to someone who doesn’t know me, and there are ways to politely say the same things. Am not going to be naked in front of you if all this is considered acceptable behavior. As @Jamie21 says some of these topics have been discussed a lot so I won’t go into detail other than to say I know some are ok with some of these, I am not.

To be fair the provider may be thinking conversely, I don’t have the time to reply in detail As I’m busy with something else (maybe answering other messages) and this way I at least am responsive ..,

Text is my preferred … immediate, you can be very brief, and less formality That’s not to say I condone being rude or abrupt given how texts can sometimes go, and I think sometimes misunderstandings can also happen because of this … what some consider ghosting or abruptness is normal for some demographics and in their minds more efficient.

Re using email / how often checked I think there’s also a generational issue. Older folks tend to email more and text less, and reverse for say 40 and below. I fall in the category of equating them all / they come to the same handheld device.

Some providers even say in their ads “last minute ok” or even “preferred”. So it’s what works for them. I don’t think there’s a clear value judgement here on either model (last min or same day bookings ok or not ok).

A friend reminds me on this topic, his view is there’s something wrong if an online hookup agrees to meet without a face Pic, and the opposite is true if a provider demands one in order to meet.

Sure .. there’s that, there’s also the provider just not being strategic. We shouldn’t assume every provider is thinking long term, and may rely on a sense of prospects always being there. I’ve lost count of how many times a provider has been unresponsive either mid text exchange or no comms at all in response to my first one … and then maybe a day later or even longer like a week … I’ll hear from them. Might be “sorry I missed this … are you still interested …” or they may carry on as if there was no lag in response. And that could be so many things … they really did miss it, were busy and didn’t catch up on comms missed, having a bad day or jn a bad mood (we’re all human after all) and so on. But as you say a thick hide helps.

Ultimately if we are all sane and rational we will do what’s best for us, either monetarily (if that’s the main consideration) or otherwise (eg work life balance, avoiding triggers etc) if we control the process … which a provider typically does (but most workers don’t). So nothing really to debate here …

I often ask questions of a provider where the may have been in their ad. Not to torture them, but because I missed it. The biggest issue for me typically is if someone can host, non starter if they can’t. So if I don’t see the answer to that I’ll start by asking. A few times I’ve received a response on the lines of “as clearly stated I can’t host”. Done. I’ll move on. Once I asked and then while looking at their profile I gain it said they can’t … so I wrote straight back and said “sorry, ignore, just realized you can’t host” and he wrote back immediately “o should change that, actually I can …” and I ended up hiring him … an example of why seeing stated conditions as biblical edicts isn’t always the way to go.