DWnyc

You can actually now get burner “permanent” numbers that are recognized by apps like Grindr - either as a premium from eg Burner or as a pay as you go e/sim from eg T mobile where you can register and assuming you don’t need the number any more, cancel after a week or so

Texting some info they would have had to look up as a follow up with no message implying they were seeking a rebooking … based on some conversation that took place, usually very vanilla … a local restaurant name, a hotel they liked when visiting somewhere you discussed, a brand of something talked about etc … that’s when you know you’re dealing with a real human being at the other end of the “transaction”

Or just move on the next guy or no guy if it doesn’t work for you - both providers and clients (3 line solution vs … )

He’s the same on grindr and sniffies if you come within a ~1000 ft radius of him. Have lost track of how many times he’s reached out to me unprompted. Have blocked him more than once but he resurfaces pretty quickly.

A reminder of free market economics. nothing stopping you from going on strike if you feel so strongly, and maybe invite other providers to join you. Look forward to your reporting back how that’s going for you.

I don’t assume anything about a provider. And so many providers have info that is incorrect, outdated, not relevant apparently because they are traveling but haven’t updated their info etc, Sometimes they keep things vague or undisclosed to lure in enquiries, much as we hear apparently it is so annoying to ask basic questions as might be expected in a customer facing business. And I’ve lost track of how many times a provider has said something like “it’s in my profile” when it isn’t or worse “can’t you read?” When there is nothing there on that subject. It brings out the contempt for clients and unwarranted self importance one segment of providers might harbor. if it’s not clear whether a provider hosts, i ask, and if their situation doesn’t work, I move on. If mine doesn’t for them, they can too. And if such an unoccupied question along with others like it brings out an attitude - another reason to just move on. can’t see why this is such a huge issue for anyone.

Never had a situation where the lines got blurred and ended well. I for one find it hard to pay once we’ve had interaction that is unpaid. I’ve never sought unpaid time with providers - it’s always been them extending or seeking me out proactively - and if they’re really doing their job well it’s easy to believe they’re doing so out of genuine interest. I don’t make the mistake any more (happened frequently in my early days)- I assume zero interest in unpaid time together from anyone in the business if the context of our first meeting is a paid session - but it happens from the provider side to this day. my cynicism tells me it’s not really them confusing pay vs play as much as an unprofessional way to drag out bookings.

Consent and being able to communicate boundaries - even for scenarios where one thinks not required - is important. Make sure that at least isn’t lost in translation.

Get used to more and more of that as time goes on … I recently had a provider ask if I was ok with filming. First time I’ve been asked in that context (have been asked in hookups a few times before).

It varies by provider. I’ve had many many offers of repeat sessions for a discount, usually I don’t take them up on it unless it is a repeat I would have seen anyway. I’ve also had people I decided not to go with initially after back and forth (maybe because of price, maybe not) who came back with lower price offers. Some have even added things like “I really need the business because …” either while trying to get me to book, or during the session. Reasons have included cash flow problems (rent or credit card due), sinister goings on (a guy chasing him for money owed), a crisis (parent sick, need to fly home and not work for a few weeks) or even happy reasons (made the money I needed to on this trip so now it’s just gravy) etc

Gay men also have higher incidence of eating disorders and key nutrient deficiency and that can play havoc with health as they get older (or is that something else gay men are less likely to do?)

Likewise for incidence of prejudice masked as preference … (expecting the eye roll emojis from the predictable regulars and warning note from moderators)

But if they restrict those matching “their own needs/tastes” in such a way that means they’re not making the margin they want, or are acting contra to their own stated policies, and reserving the right to be whimsical … there isn’t really much that can be done on the magic wand front to get them where they feel they should be.

And to add, most clients who expect the provider to host are incorporating the cost and effort of securing the venue into the rate agreed. So if the quoted rate is at what the client believes is market (including hosting costs) and there is then expectation for him to arrange a venue without a rate adjustment, the economics changes. I don’t know if hourly or cheap motels are an option in @Jarrod_Uncut’s geographies but in places like NYC and DC that’s a coin toss on who is absorbing $300+ for a last minute booking.

I don’t understand …. If you can host you will, if you can’t or decide selectively you don’t want to, you won’t. The localized market in your circumstances will respond accordingly, What else are we talking about here?

It’s one of the few areas where clients have the upper hand in this business. No one cares about a clients brand - if there’s a problem they can create a new profile, get a burner number etc and no one will be the wiser, harder for a provider where accumulated value is based on reputation, branding etc

To add to the list, a provider once said when I made a similar joke (back handed compliment) about how he was so good he was going to bankrupt me “baby, if you keep making jokes about my rates I’m going to start joking about your performance …” … ouch …

Nothing I guess. Plus you score a few more points on the member scorometer as a newbie as we react.

Be careful … sometimes this can be the prelude to requests for money, a place to crash for a few days etc Not always, but it can happen

Queens is the most diverse place on the planet … if it exists anywhere you’ll find it there! 😊

911 is obligated to come to you if you have need. a provider isn’t, it’s a negotiation.

I rarely make appointments other than the day of - and one of the big reasons is this, as it happened quite a few times (including a couple of forfeited deposits so that’s not the reason as far as I’m concerned). More frequent was when I reached out to confirm only then would they tell me they couldn’t make it anymore (so maybe they would have ghosted if I hadn’t?) I’ve even had ghosting when making an appointment 3-4 hours before the scheduled time - I call / text etc to confirm at every step of my journey to minimize time wasted in event that happens m.

I was just making a joke … don’t read too much into it. yes providers have complimented me on all the things you mention, frequently. Is it “sincere” however? As in did the person issuing the compliment genuinely feel what he expressed verbally (and non verbally 😊)? Who knows? more importantly, who cares? when you say “like it has happened to others” (ie they have received sincere compliments from providers and have reported back) - how can they, similarly, be sure that the compliments are “sincere”? If they seek that validation and feel like they received it, great. If they weren’t seeking it and it was a pleasant surprise, also great. and so forth and so forth. In this hobby we seek an experience made up of many components - and these can be very personal and differ from person to person. I personally don’t need to leave feeling like the provider has validated my looks or skills etc so I don’t put too much weight on all this.

If the question is about wanting anonymity with RM (ie they don’t get your details) one option is to use a cloaked credit card ( many card providers offer this) - so RM doesn’t get your details but it will still show up on your statement (so your ba k will see what you paid for)

There’s of course the other aspect. The industry is unregulated and in some geographies ambiguous legally. It is also by its nature very private and with stigma for both clients and providers (and kudos to those who don’t feel that way). So they are prepared to accept involuntary premiums / discounts and bad behavior as the price of discretion. This is one aspect that holds back natural market forces addressing over (or maybe under) pricing. RM reviews and discussion on this forum, while helpful, don’t count as meaningful regulation despite best intentions; participation is unrepresentative and with bias, and there is no enforcement ability.