DWnyc

Are Indians immune to harboring racial preferences and stereotypes towards others? Surely not …

We’re going around in circles. No, it’s not about safety for all providers all the time. I would urge anyone speaking on behalf of providers on this issue who really does not believe that some (not all, maybe not even more than a small percent) would use a picture to filter clients on issues such as age, body type, ethnicity etc needs to just dig a little deeper on this. It’s very obvious beneath a not-subtle veneer. For those who have genuine security concerns - I think you are in the minority, but then you need to do a better job of explaining that and what you specifically need, and be aware how this can be interpreted by some. If the response is “I don’t care about that possible interpretation” that itself speaks volumes.

Depends if it’s before agreeing to an appointment, or not.

And it sounds like you’re one of the “good” ones - perhaps the majority. You likely provide an outlet for some that addresses their mental health as well as other needs. But there are plenty of providers out there for it to be a “thing” where dollars and morals aside there is no problem in treating people badly for this type of reason alone. I think some gay men get a kick out of bullying those for whom the journey is / has been tougher. No different from the bullies in high school. And compensates for their own lack of self esteem and worth. So they don’t think about the loss of income or reputation that can come from bad behavior. Yet they forget their own history, and what it might have been like had one been born a generation or two earlier, let alone in some of these other worlds even today.

Sure - I’m explaining a dynamic, not advocating for it, and I never ever have asked anyone to bring their price down in this business. having said that I can’t see myself ever saying “no no, it’s true the previous price you quoted me didn’t work, but now that you’ve offered me a lower price, I’ve changed my mind and do actually want to hire you, but can’t pay you less than you were originally seeking, god forbid, the world would end if that happens, so I’m retracting and now agreeing to hire you at your original pre discounted rate”.

I’m not the one making the decision, calculation or offer here.

I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but some might read this and assume you’re saying because of your age and demographic you should be exempt from scrutiny …

There’s the old wives (?) tale of how some fathers in some cultures take their sons to a brothel (I don’t mean disrespect by using that term) when they turn 16 or 18 to initiate them into adulthood … it’s a shame that there isn’t an equivalent dynamic to help those men who seek experiences with other men from a trusted senior perspective

(When I want to use the bathroom during the session) ”oh don’t mind my bf, he was staying in there until you leave”

More than once I’ve shown up and a provider expressed surprise thinking I wouldn’t. Apart from the worry that they may then have double booked assuming I wouldn’t … I’m like … nothing happened in our interaction that I would assume is an outlier .. so does that happen to you often?

Exactly. But you can extend that to: for the first or only hour, if I can’t lock in this potential client who seems interested … and my rate seems too high for him … and my alternative for that time, realisticall, is zero … and my break-even calculation is way lower then what I’m asking anyway even with a discount … I can come down a little …

As with so many of these questions there's no right answer and sometimes it’s about a providers preference, which of course should be respected, but the clients question also shouldn’t be seen as offensive.. My red flag is where when the response to such a neutral question results in anger or rudeness rather than a simple answer (I’d prefer no answer to rudeness).

It’s why it’s not surprising that some, if they have a status update on latest potential schedules, offer discounts for multi hour sessions or volunteer price reductions on days they think they are slow — as long as they don’t damage brand or set revised expectations with the client getting the discount or anyone they speak with

I’ve heard providers talk of their partners. Am often curious how does that work in terms of jealousy and other concerns but it’s obviously a sensitive topic and haven’t ever really discussed with anyone. Apart from one provider who I correctly guessed was in an abusive situation and I think there was an element of “who else would have me” that encouraged him to stick around.

I don’t haggle either. Where did I say I did? But im also not going to ignore market adjustments. Nor am I going to treat providers as a charitable donation. It would be the same if a providers rates went up along with the market and I denied that reality and insisted on paying historical rates (which I would have no ability to enforce anyway). The umbrage doesn’t quite work in the rules of our market economy and is largely one sided.

Hmm. I partly agree. And I hope you’ll see from our exchange I do have some empathy. I think a similar argument (sacrificing one’s needs in order to serve) could be made about several professions most of which many would argue are undervalued. I’m thinking nurses, Nannies, and teachers who can’t afford to live in the neighborhoods where they make impact, not to mention fire fighters, police, army etc But it’s also not a charity and providers surely do have other options, especially the “good ones” investing time And money in training before taking the plunge or who continue to do so. I don’t mean that to sound entitled or insensitive - but I’m not sure the joy of service that for many Nannies and nurses outweighs the conditions is the same in this industry for providers. There’s more to say including do providers understand that clients are creating or accessing wealth that required something to be created in order to pay in the first place and that might have not come without sacrifices at that end … but I’ll leave that for now so as not to make it sound like a frivolous rebuttal on a serious topic. And I’ll reiterate my point earlier - it saddens me for those providers who feel unable to enjoy this part of their lives.

I’ve had a mixed bag on repeats. A couple turned into weird friendships where lines got blurred on both sides and it got awkward despite best intentions. One tried to scam me on the 3rd meet and had it not been for that there might have been more but if so it would have crowded out others and the variety for me is part of the fun. The guy I’ve seen most regularly has been solid and reliable, with irregular patterns - once every 2 months to once every 5 or 6 and somehow the balance works where he’ll send a random photo or joke because it’s relevant in some way to something we’ve talked about and vice versa and it doesn’t feel like I’m being clingy or he’s indirectly hitting me up. Right before one holiday at a scheduled appointment we just ended up talking as he was very down about family stuff - and he initially wouldn’t take the fee but I told him it was a holiday gift. He invited me back that night in a much better mood and that would fall under the “freebie” category 😊

It saddens me if it means people feel they miss out on something or the possibility of something that could make such a difference in their lives … like one part of the brain goes numb to something

Exactly, 100% agree. Hence my examples of property market transactions. It only becomes a moral issue if one side is totally wrong on value (client overvalues and provider undercalues) and the other side knows this but takes advantage when finalizing (and even then some would argue it’s still not a moral issue voluntary). neither side should get special treatment (providers get a premium, clients get a discount) just because of the nature of the business.

If only if it were that easy to “prove” a point. Since we’re playing the anecdotes game … 1) bought an apt when the economy tanked around 2008 … got a 25% discount on asking price. I wouldn’t have bought it at asking price. 2) sold another property when the market was booming around 2013 and it got into a bidding war and I ended up getting about 20% more than asking Till date no charges have been pressed against me for extortion. 3) my friend in a city which has had a particularly bad property market running counter to all national trends has her house on the market for a year and came close to accepting 10% less than asking but is holding out … and in the process has spent likely more than that 10% on tax and interest and maintenance that she wouldnt be able to claim back in her annual return but she still thinks that’s a rational position. She had to move (her reason for selling) and so is paying for two properties despite only using one. She may get a shock if she runs a spreadsheet showing the cumulative effect of the scenario she is living especially if she factors in inflation and opportunity of lost interest in the cash she would have received. The examples are carefully chosen and true. What’s your point?

I think it’s also the blurring of paid vs voluntary intimacy. It can totally screw up how one views any kind of relationship (not just sexual). Being on call all the time isn’t that different from if you’re a nurse, doctor, management consultant, investment banker etc

Once I factor in my commission there won’t be much of a discount left 😊

If I read this correctly the guy is saying he went from 2-3 bookings per day to completely dead days after asking for deposits? doesn’t this mean the deposit model isn’t working for him?

Only caveat would be … are they charging and getting that rate for just a few or all their bookings - and for as much volume as they would like. I think some providers get giddy or overconfident after one or two successful bites at a price that is actually premium in their market (assuming this means they themselves are premium whatever that means) without realizing the rest of the market doesn’t price them that way. Then they interpret those unwilling to pay that amount as cheap, nefarious etc. Difficult to fix without a clear service differential that justifies pricing tiers. On average I would say 50% of those I approach who are prepared to have a conversation (remembering that many don’t reply at all) … and then I don’t proceed with (not only because of price but they may assume that’s the reason) come back with a revised price offer. typical reductions are $300 to $250 and anything above $300 to 275 or $300. Some providers can complain till they’re blue in the face that it doesn’t happen so frequently or that this is the result of haggling on my part (it never is but even if it was, if the price reduction is voluntarily offered, where’s the problem?).

Thank you for articulating this - means you are aware of this dynamic and I’m sure you make a big difference to many peoples lives. I don’t consider myself in this category … yet … but I’m fully aware I may well be one day even if temporarily. Boundaries of course must be set by providers and respected by clients @Simon Suraci.