rn901

I appreciate @Yoyotonodo that such last-minute cancellations are aggravating. As a client in the past, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. 
 
When I hired, sometimes plans would go awry and I might have to cancel. But I’d always do so 48-72 hours in advance of the planned date. On every date I made, I would text in the morning and seek confirmation before 11am. If I didn’t hear back within 5 hours, I’d know the evening date wasn’t going ahead. 
I don’t agree. I can think of 3 escorts who cancelled on me last-minute. It’s frustrating and disappointing, but I guess it’s just an aspect of the business. 

Yes I don’t just block. If the client comes back after a last minute cancellation to make another booking then I’ll say “you cancelled last minute last time so this time I need a deposit”. The reasonable clients agree, those who don’t care will refuse to pay a deposit; but that’s fine, then they don’t get a booking. 
I don’t incur large costs up front (I don’t travel far) so my loss from a cancellation is time and opportunity rather than financial but it’s still annoying. Other clients might have been turned down to take the booking too. It’s one of the features of the work that’s annoying but it can be managed. 
 

I think it is fair to reimburse for the session that was missed last minute if the provider already travel or made plan for the time. After all he is happy and will make you even happier in bed. 

Recently I had a few clients that cancel very last minute. I understand they are busy with work sometime but this kind of last minute cancellations is very troublesome for providers. Some of us have to travel, move meetings around etc and a few cancellations like this will set us back so much financially and time wise. Worse is that some clients feel no issue with cancelling on us and just think that this is no big deal at all. What do you do with clients who cancel very last minute? I hate to do deposits as it is not convenient on clients and also intrusive of their privacy but should we just block a client if they cancel last minute without offering any compensation for our time? 

Agree!! You pick clients as much as clients pick you. You learn how to market to attract quality clients, you learn how to provide a better quality service than the average (actually that’s not difficult; there’s lots of amateurs), you learn how to get clients to come back. High quality repeat clients are your core business. Get those and you’re doing great. 

Bottom line, you can be critical without being an asshole.
Know that difference.  It's what separates trash from treasure.

This is just essentializing the incentives and markers of late-stage capitalism and patriarchy to some biological imperative. It's not. While biology plays a role, our desires are primarily shaped by our experiences, cultures, and psychology. All of these are also geographically and historically situated. For example, as recently as WWII, a man was not considered queer unless he bottomed. (See George Chauncey's Gay New York. In much the same way, how we discuss even physical characteristics are historically and culturally constructed. 
No one is saying we don't have your preferences and turn-ons. That's cool. What some of us object to is using degrading and dehumanizing language ("fat," "ugly," racial tropes, etc.) to describe providers. It's not that hard. People post about guys I don't find remotely desirable ALL THE TIME. And I don't comment on them. I feel no need to "yuck someone's yum" or to say nasty things about sex workers. 
If a client has a concern that the person they're going to meet with may look different, ask for a quick FaceTime or for them to send a current time stamped pic. 

The term "woke" is not only right wing vocabulary. Some of us are bored by victim mentality being pulled out as a weak defense of every disagreement. You dishonor people who have genuinely been abused by jumping on the bandwagon and declaring every disagreement a hate crime / racism or abuse .

This is an important point. I’ve actually asked providers who post pictures of themselves with different hair color what it is right now. I don’t think that’s unfair. We’re cataloging through these guys to find something that potentially pleases us. It’s already a marker, and provider’s should know they’re going to be assessed on things that might be superficial. We’re not looking to become soulmates or life partners here. We’re looking for a business transaction. The business is intimate and personal, but it’s still business. So it’s okay to assess based off likes and dislikes, but there’s definitely a way to do that which is professional and polite. No need to be rude or hateful about it.  

I don't think this has anything to do with being "woke." Just like honoring someone pronouns, or being a good neighbor, not making negative comments on a provider you've never met, or judging their body harshly, is just being a decent, respectful person. I feel like online anonymity gives people license to behave in ways they never would in person. My general rule is if I wouldn't say this in person, I don't say it online. 

I don't know how most of these guys do it.
Although I have multiple "types" I know there are many people who I couldn't possibly get excited over. I am a fitness freak and the slightest bit of fat sends me into limp dick territory. So kudos to these guys who can get it up no matter how unattactive people may be .

Yes.
It's been a subject of conversation here .
I must say I sympathize with the providers.
Such an intimate type of encounter can't always be successful with every type of customer

Thank you ! 👍

"If it offends me or makes me uncomfortable then it must be wrong" is not how we derive a thought-out sexual ethics in a free society. Bodily autonomy and consent are guiding principles. Anyone who argues otherwise is acting like a tyrannical child and should be pushed back against by other leftists who actually have read the decades long feminist debates on pornography/free speech and have thought these things out. The toxic atmosphere of contemporary politics has silenced intelligent progressive minded people who have been enabling this kind of nonsense for too long. The attacks on free speech have spilled over into attacks on sexual freedom and bodily autonomy. That's what this is. What will these attacks spill over into next if left unchecked and allowed to continue? Tyrants never stop. You might not be into this or that kink, but they will violate your boundaries and self-determination next if enabled enough. 

I'm a lawyer (in California) and I've been a managing partner at two firms, and for what its worth, when I was in law school many years ago, I received the award for the highest grade in the school in Legal Ethics.  I cannot speak to how the State Bar (or the law in general) would deal with this in other states, but there are definitely some issues of concern here.

As far as having an ongoing sexual relationship, the California Rules of Professional Conduct are pretty clear:  CRPC 1.8.10 says:  "A lawyer shall not engage in sexual relations with a current client who is not the lawyer’s spouse or registered domestic partner, unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the lawyer-client relationship commenced. (b) For purposes of this rule, “sexual relations” means sexual intercourse or the touching of an intimate part of another person* for the purpose of sexual arousal, gratification, or abuse."  (Interestingly, however, unlike many rules, before the State Bar will open an investigation, they have to ascertain whether that would pose a hardship on the client."  So, technically, because you were screwing before hiring him or his firm, the relationship could continue.  However... (and there's always a "however" with lawyers) one could argue that there was never a consensual relationship, because under California law, one cannot enforce a contract for an illegal act, and prostitution is illegal in the US, save for a few licensed brothels in Nevada in rural counties.  Furthermore, since prostitution - under the rather archaic and puritan laws in the US - is considered a crime of moral turpitude, discovery of this information could absolutely lead to disciplinary action by the State Bar, ranging from a private reproval all the way up to disbarment.  (I would suspect that the State Bar would probably go with a minimum of suspension with a further ethics requirement, depending on the aggravating and mitigating circumstances.)

Cancelling the meeting was definitely the right thing to do, as it avoids that awkwardness that could easily arise, especially in a small firm.  He may well be a damned good lawyer (perhaps needing extra money to pay student loans, save for a house, help an ailing family member, or perhaps just a thrill seeker), and his firm might be excellent, but there are plenty of excellent lawyers out there.

I do, however, think that you need to let him know what is going on.  You had a good time with him, and you presumably like him as a person.  You might even want to repeat.  But I think that out of respect for him, you should tell him how you came to know about his day job so that he can take the necessary precautions to reduce the possibility of being "found out" by someone at the firm (maybe even a gay partner who hires him!)  Unfortunately, there are a lot of mean people out there, and while you have handled this well (and preserved his discretion), there are many queens out there who would love to make this guy's life a living hell just for the "fun" of it.  

Maybe I should hire him and check out his briefs 🙂   

I do not know why one would assume this story is apocryphal.  I know at least two providers who are lawyers and one who is a doctor and another who is an accountant and another a civil engineer.   Some people can multi task and  if he has the skills, why not.   
 

Oldies but goodies 

You may have less rage if you minded your own business and respected the sexual autonomy of other consenting adults. Their personal private sex lives are not obligated to accommodate what offends you or doesn't offend you personally. No one has such a dictatorial right over the sex lives of other people. It's difficult to even fathom the level of entitlement it takes to think one does have such a right to deny such sexual agency in others. Yes, it is a collective rather than individual problem. It is a complete disregard for the sexual autonomy/freedom of others, the self-agency of others, the privacy of others and the boundaries of other people beyond oneself. I'll say it again- no one has the right to dictate what one consenting adult can or cannot do with another consenting adult in mutually enjoyable consensual sexual activity.

Also again, since you ignored this repeated point in this thread, somehow the rampant misogyny is okay in the BDSM scene but raceplay is not. If you condemn raceplay but have nothing to say about the constant reenactments of sexual violence or the daily stream of homophobic/misogynistic epithets in the scene then you are inconsistent and you are a hypocrite. You're just condemning what's more stigmatized and taboo at the current moment. At least Andrea Dworkin and Catharine A. MacKinnon were consistent in their obnoxious puritanical opposition to sexual freedom and self-autonomy. You are not. 

'Against All Enemies: An American's Cold War Journey' by Jeffrey M. Carney
This mans life story fascinates me. He was a gay airman in the U.S. Airforce long before "Don't ask, don't tell" at the height of the Cold War. His journey has been a fascinating one though his book is poorly written and was never properly proofread it seems. I do realize the difficulty he had getting it published due to censorship from the United States Government and it's a story few care to know. A proper thorough proofreading would have corrected grammatical and syntax errors and more. That said, it's still an interesting biography and it reads like a spy novel, a real page turner in my humble opinion. I hope one day somebody makes a Mini-Series/Movie out of it and exposes both sides for what they were and this man's story.    
 

 

I prefer at least one face pic, although I understand why some providers might not want to post one, and I can live without it. Beyond that, 10 or 12 pics are adequate, as long as all the "important" details are covered, or rather, not covered, so I can see and assess the goods. 
Three things I don't understand about the pics some providers provide:
Giving us the finger - what an absolutely infantile and off-putting gesture. Saying he has a large endowment in an add with 73 pics, not one of which shows a d**k. Including 73 pics in an add (or some similarly excessive number). I've never had occasion to reflect, I was really not sure about hiring this guy, then I saw Pic 72. Wow! That sealed the deal. At some point, that many pics just gets tiresome, especially if 28 of them are essentially the same pose.

This is depressingly reminiscent of the Planet Romeo site. It’s revamp, now a few years old, is a textbook example of how to ruin an effective, user friendly website. 

No Escape: The True Story of China's Genocide of the Uyghurs.
by Nury Turkel
A powerful memoir by Nury Turkel that lays bare China’s repression of the Uyghur people. Turkel is cofounder and board chair of the Uyghur Human Rights Project and a commissioner for the United States Commission on International Religious Freedom.
In recent years, the People’s Republic of China has rounded up as many as three million Uyghurs, placing them in what it calls “reeducation camps,” facilities most of the world identifies as concentration camps. There, the genocide and enslavement of the Uyghur people are ongoing. The tactics employed are reminiscent of the Cultural Revolution, but the results are far more insidious because of the technology used, most of it stolen from Silicon Valley. In the words of Turkel, “Communist China has created an open prison-like environment through the most intrusive surveillance state that the world has ever known while committing genocide and enslaving the Uyghurs on the world’s watch.”
 As a human rights attorney and Uyghur activist who now serves on the US Commission on International Religious Freedom, Turkel tells his personal story to help explain the urgency and scope of the Uyghur crisis. Born in 1970 in a reeducation camp, he was lucky enough to survive and eventually make his way to the US, where he became the first Uyghur to receive an American law degree. Since then, he has worked as a prominent lawyer, activist, and spokesperson for his people and advocated strong policy responses from the liberal democracies to address atrocity crimes against his people. 
The Uyghur crisis is turning into the greatest human rights crisis of the twenty-first century, a systematic cleansing of an entire race of people in the millions. Part Anne Frank and Hannah Arendt, No Escape shares Turkel’s personal story while drawing back the curtain on the historically unprecedented and increasing threat from China. 

Origin: A Genetic History of the Americas, is by Jennifer Raff, a Professor of Anthropology and Genetics. It's an attempt to analyze the evidence--genetic, anthropological and archaeological--for and against various theories about where the variety of peoples in the Americas that the first European explorers encountered, when they began arriving on the Atlantic shores in the 15th century, had come from. As soon as they realized that this wasn't Asia and these people weren't "Indians," they had to try to find some explanation for their existence. The Europeans arrived with the belief that everything worth knowing about history was in the Bible, yet it said nothing about these continents or people and their societies. The early beliefs, such as that  these were the "Lost Tribes of Israel," didn't pan out, and as modern sciences developed, what knowledge they provided led to many new theories that were advanced and discarded.
The scientific discoveries in geological sciences led most of us who were educated in the first two-thirds of the 20th century to be taught that the inhabitants of the Americans had crossed a land-bridge between Siberia and Alaska, and had traveled south once the glaciers that covered much of North America receded, However, the developments in genetic science during the last decades have led to questioning of many of the details that were originally proposed by anthropologists and archaeologists. Raff is a highly trained geneticist, who takes the reader through the process of extracting information from human remains, as well as the evidence from archaeology and anthropology that are coordinated with the genetic evidence, but many of the chapters may make your mind reel while trying to keep everything straight. The short story is that, yes, the basic theory of the crossing from Siberia is correct, but the timelines and the distribution of the peoples who came are much more complicated than we were taught in high school.
I can't pretend to remember all of it, or even understand some of the conclusions, but I found the journey fascinating.

You may have less rage if you minded your own business and respected the sexual autonomy of other consenting adults. Their personal private sex lives are not obligated to accommodate what offends you or doesn't offend you personally. No one has such a dictatorial right over the sex lives of other people. It's difficult to even fathom the level of entitlement it takes to think one does have such a right to deny such sexual agency in others. Yes, it is a collective rather than individual problem. It is a complete disregard for the sexual autonomy/freedom of others, the self-agency of others, the privacy of others and the boundaries of other people beyond oneself. I'll say it again- no one has the right to dictate what one consenting adult can or cannot do with another consenting adult in mutually enjoyable consensual sexual activity.

Also again, since you ignored this repeated point in this thread, somehow the rampant misogyny is okay in the BDSM scene but raceplay is not. If you condemn raceplay but have nothing to say about the constant reenactments of sexual violence or the daily stream of homophobic/misogynistic epithets in the scene then you are inconsistent and you are a hypocrite. You're just condemning what's more stigmatized and taboo at the current moment. At least Andrea Dworkin and Catharine A. MacKinnon were consistent in their obnoxious puritanical opposition to sexual freedom and self-autonomy. You are not. 

We didn't get an STI but we did have a provider who contacted us when he tested positive for gonorrhea. He called and seemed very nervous. I assured him that I was very glad he contacted us, and we made arrangements to get tested. We were negative. To me, this showed me that he was professional and care about his clients. 
We've wanted to hire him again but he does this part time so our schedules just haven't aligned.