Do you agree with this advice?

[Guest]

I was listening to some quotes from Barbara Bush on the news today, and I heard from her talk to the Wellesley College graduating class of 1990: "At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a children, or a parent." (June 1,1990)."

Well, that seems to be great advice for a college dropout who inherits large sums of money and never earned a dollar in her life, but I'm not sure it's great advice for most people. Things would not have gone well for me if I had failed even a single test in college (or med school). I feel I have had plenty of time to spend with friends and family, and do not regret the hard work I put into getting where I am. I would not feel "Oh well," if I lost a patient due to excessive time socializing instead of paying attention to work, nor would I feel good if I were a lawyer and my client ended up in jail because I didn't pay enough attention to that job.

What about you? Do you agree with her advice? Do you regret having spent too much effort on your career instead of on socializing?

[+ Topseed]

No. I was intensely focused on my career. Doing so helped me retire early. I have moved on to a variety of activities I find fulfilling.

 

Even during my time of full-time employment I never defined myself by my business card. Doing so seems limiting.

[+ Kman]

I have heard this same type of advice from elderly people and they are usually refering to people who are only about their work and rarely take time for friends or family, They are not saying don't work hard, there just needs to be a balance.

[Rudynate]

As the OP pointed out, easy for her to say that- she married well.

[EZEtoGRU]

I have heard this same type of advice from elderly people and they are usually refering to people who are only about their work and rarely take time for friends or family, They are not saying don't work hard, there just needs to be a balance.

I agree with you here. Her point was to make sure your life remains balanced if at all possible.

[wklucas]

As the OP pointed out, easy for her to say that- she married well.

 

 

A reporter on CNN just NOW repeated a Barbara Bush quote that she remembered from a past interview - "The best thing I ever did in my life was to have married George Bush"

[Redwine56]

A reporter on CNN just NOW repeated a Barbara Bush quote that she remembered from a past interview - "The best thing I ever did in my life was to have married George Bush"

Yes, but knowing the type of woman she was and the life style that she lived, in her case, I don't believe it was all about the money. She and George were a devoted couple, raised a large family together, all well educated. In today's world, it is usually all about the money but I don't believe that applies to Barbara. She didn't exude a lavish lifestyle and her support of reading and education was genuine.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

The important section of the quote is “at the end of your life” which makes it probably true. Though there may be professional regrets during my life, they pale in comparison to the the things that I already regret in my personal life: personal fitness, remaining single, and not being around my nephews when they were teenagers.

[mike carey]

If I understand correctly, when she dropped out of college to marry George it was before he had made his money, although I don't know how much he had to start with. She could not have known where he or their marriage would go, and how the future would play out. Oh, and her trademark pearl necklaces have been universally referred to as fake pearls, not what you would expect of someone who was 'all about the money'.

[+ tassojunior]

In other words, on your deathbed how would you complete "I wish I had a couple hours for one more........"

 

If your answer is bookkeeping or tax return or contract closing, you're a loser. Nobody likes you. Your mom just tolerates you.

 

I always say I would love to go fucking my friend of 2 years who's the most amazing fuck of my (long) life. The richest man in the world, John Rockefeller, went that way. They had to cover the erection on the body. I'd choose that over morphine.

[+ tassojunior]

If I understand correctly, when she dropped out of college to marry George it was before he had made his money, although I don't know how much he had to start with. She could not have known where he or their marriage would go, and how the future would play out. Oh, and her trademark pearl necklaces have been universally referred to as fake pearls, not what you would expect of someone who was 'all about the money'.

 

Before he had made his money? He was the son of Senator Prescott Bush of Connecticut who had made his fortune on Wall Street and in banking not by hard work but by marrying a rich woman and financing Nazi businesses in Germany.

[mike carey]

Before he had made his money? He was the son of Senator Prescott Bush of Connecticut who had made his fortune on Wall Street and in banking not by hard work but by marrying a rich woman and financing Nazi businesses in Germany.

I was alluding to the oil money he made in Texas, and I did say I didn't know how much money he had before that. Point taken.

[JayCeeKy]

Mrs. Bush's advice is fine for a college graduation speech, but my experience is that most people, at the latter stages of the life cycle, evaluate their "success" in life not only on their relationships (especially family), but also on their professional and their extra-familial endeavors (e.g. awards, accomplishments, social status, military service, occupational achievements). I worked with residents in nursing homes at one point - and they will regale you, not only with the names and ages of people they co-created, but also with the little (and big) achievements in their lives ("Back in '44 I fought at Guadalcanal" or "I was named All-State tennis champ in '65"). Psychologist Erik Erikson said that people in their 60's usually look back on their lives and assess whether they did anything significant with their time on earth.

 

So, if I had to give one of those commencement addresses, I would emphasize that although family is a priority, having professional and personal goals, working hard, and never giving up on success (learn from Ray Kroc who started his first franchise at age 62, or Harlan Sanders who started KFC also at age 62) are also important.

[+ tassojunior]

I was alluding to the oil money he made in Texas, and I did say I didn't know how much money he had before that. Point taken.

 

He and a partner did develop what became Pennzoil, a very successful company. But his family's business became Merrill Lynch and her family owned a publishing company so she wasn't risking much dropping out of college to marry him.

[Rudynate]

Yes, but knowing the type of woman she was and the life style that she lived, in her case, I don't believe it was all about the money. She and George were a devoted couple, raised a large family together, all well educated. In today's world, it is usually all about the money but I don't believe that applies to Barbara. She didn't exude a lavish lifestyle and her support of reading and education was genuine.

 

 

She's made her share of bone-headed remarks. The one that stands out for me is when she and Poppy Bush toured a shelter in Houston during Katrina and she remarked on what an opportunity it was for all these displaced people to get to make a fresh start in Texas. The lines from the Wellsley speech are another.

[MikeyGMin]

No one will ever know until they hit that moment, but yes I do believe it. I base that on the death of my partner. I regretted then, and still do, the years I spent away from him in the military. It jump-started my career, but I would rather have had the extra time with him.

[+ Charlie]

I would interpret her comment to mean that your relationships with people are more important than the things you can list on your CV. I would agree on that as a message to young people graduating from college.

[Redwine56]

She's made her share of bone-headed remarks. The one that stands out for me is when she and Poppy Bush toured a shelter in Houston during Katrina and she remarked on what an opportunity it was for all these displaced people to get to make a fresh start in Texas. The lines from the Wellsley speech are another.

Unless I am naive, I would take that comment and put a positive spin on it. Knowing that these people lost everything they had, Barbara was reaching out and welcoming them to her home state of Texas to begin anew. It would be even nicer to know that she gave a generous donation to the cause but I don't take that comment as an insult to those affected by Katrina.

[+ tassojunior]

her comments on the Katrina victims were that they "were underprivileged anyway so they were coming out pretty well" (minus family and friends who had died of course).

 

and as the president's wife, a woman, she took it on herself to attack Anita Hill's testimony against Clarence Thomas " a good man who was being smeared by this woman". She repeated that charge in her memoirs. She never let up victim-shaming Anita Hill.

 

She may have been blunt and out-spoken but she wasn't either warm or a woman of the people.

[+ WilliamM]

I would interpret her comment to mean that your relationships with people are more important than the things you can list on your CV. I would agree on that as a message to young people graduating from college.

 

I really like Barbara Bush. But she dropped out of college after her first year to marry George H. W. Bush.She did an enormous amount of volunteer work, raised a large family, was a good friend. Seeming she was happy to stay with her husband through his many high-level jobs in China and the United States. So Mrs. Bush has a very crowded CV.

 

However, I do necessarily agree that people always come first.

[Guest]

If I understand correctly, when she dropped out of college to marry George it was before he had made his money, although I don't know how much he had to start with. She could not have known where he or their marriage would go, and how the future would play out. Oh, and her trademark pearl necklaces have been universally referred to as fake pearls, not what you would expect of someone who was 'all about the money'.

Not only did George senior come from a moneyed family, she came from a very financially privileged family herself. I guess her comments might have been more meaningful to me if she were a woman who had balanced a successful career and family. She lived a wonderful, privileged life, and I'm happy for her. But she never really did anything to earn her privilege, unless one considers pleasing one's husband (and being born well) as something one does to earn privilege. She apparently wielded a lot of power and influence, but none of it the result of her own accomplishments. She never had to work hard (or work at all), run for office, or do anything extraordinary herself. I guess we can all feel a little jealous at the wonderful life she lived. But, unlike she, I can look back at the blood, sweat, and tears I had to go through to get where I am, look back at all of the hundreds of lives I've saved and/or at least improved, and take pride in that. I can understand where her comments came from. Maybe, just maybe, deep inside of her there was some sense of embarrassment at having her privileged life come from relationships rather than from any personal accomplishment.

[+ quoththeraven]

She's a complicated person, like most of us are. I appreciated her gumption and didn't appreciate her cluelessness. Stacked up against her insensitivity about Katrina is her personal kindness to and interest in the domestic staff at the White House. She came from a class and era that believed rich people had a duty to give back to the wider community, that while they earned or were entitled to their privilege, they also had a responsibility to make the world a better place. With a few exceptions, like Warren Buffett and Bill and Malinda Gates, that's pretty much gone.

 

But all this talk of accomplishments and what not are giving me hives. I actually agree with her and with those who interpret her words as advocating balance, where work doesn't preempt family time or seeing one's children grow up and attending their games or plays. And the denigration of relationships over career and personal accomplishments comes across as a lowkey dig against women, against whom the deck is stacked at work and if they are mothers are encouraged to put family first and act as unpaid child care worker, chauffeur, coach, etc.

 

It's a little ridiculous to be criticizing someone else's life and words when you haven't, and aren't interested in, walking in her shoes.

Edited April 19, 2018 by quoththeraven

[+ Kman]

So the question is would you work if you didn't have to? And I'm talking before retirement.

 

I would have to say I wiuld work...maybe not the job I have now, but at least volunteer.

[MikeBiDude]

I actually agree with her and with those who interpret her words as advocating balance, where work doesn't preempt family time or seeing one's children grow up and attending their games or plays.

I agree with this.....

[marylander1940]

As lovely as that statement is let's remember she was born to a prosperous family and marry into another one. She was also born W.A.S.P. in 1925 that alone would be a good start in life unlike those ethnic Italians, Irish, Polish, Jews, etc. Is very easy to make that statement if you never have to worry about money nor suffer segregation or negative stereotypes from birth that no matter how you behave in your life you just can't get away from them.

 

One more thing she lived through the depression as a child, I don't know how her family did during that time but some families with money went bankrupt during those days.