The Ex BFE

[Reluctant Daddy]

I recently had an extended session with a semi regular that was a bit bizarre, to say the least. It started off fine, but over the course of the session, it didn’t seem to go well. He initially agreed to go to dinner with friends of mine, but when the time came, he begged off saying that they would know something was up (“I mean look at you, and look at me”). He bolted after every meal, leaving me at the restaurant and wondering if he was coming back. When we went out, he seemed to walk ahead or behind me, like he didn’t want to be seen with me. When playtime came, he wasn’t able to “clean up” (though subsequent posts and reviews, he didn’t seem to have any issues with this for his other sessions). I usually enjoy my time with him, but this time left me reeling. Should I discuss this with him, or should I just walk away and say it’s over?

[P Gren]

I recently had an extended session with a semi regular that was a bit bizarre, to say the least. It started off fine, but over the course of the session, it didn’t seem to go well. He initially agreed to go to dinner with friends of mine, but when the time came, he begged off saying that they would know something was up (“I mean look at you, and look at me”). He bolted after every meal, leaving me at the restaurant and wondering if he was coming back. When we went out, he seemed to walk ahead or behind me, like he didn’t want to be seen with me. When playtime came, he wasn’t able to “clean up” (though subsequent posts and reviews, he didn’t seem to have any issues with this for his other sessions). I usually enjoy my time with him, but this time left me reeling. Should I discuss this with him, or should I just walk away and say it’s over?

Sounds more like an ex-BFE ...

[+ Avalon]

I could understand an escort not wanting to introduce a client to his friends. But why should an escort object meeting a client's friends if that's what the client wants?

 

After the way he treated you write him off. There are other more professional escorts.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Take a few days and then send him an email letting him know how much you enjoyed sessions in the past. Then tell him one or two major things (no need to cover the full list) where his level of service fell short in your recent time together and let him know that the time for your business relationship has come to end.

 

Write the note and save it as a draft, then read it again several hours later to make sure it matches what you want said and send it.

 

The purpose of sending the note won't change your decision, but it might highlight something he didn't realize he had done.

[LookingAround]

In general I’m inclined to talk things out but I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

[+ azdr0710]

I think you've suggested in previous posts that you feel you aren't good at asserting your feelings and saying what you're thinking.....

 

if you can get past that - and if you're comfortable enough with him to talk freely - I'd just call him up, keep it friendly and light, and ask him if he was feeling uncomfortable around you....tell him, yes, the age difference probably looked awkward and ask what does he think of that.....then ask if he'd rather not meet up anymore.....let him talk and explain his concerns

[caliguy]

Just meet the kid in private and don't take him out on town and embarrass him anymore. The horror. That or just find someone more mature. He sounds pretty juvenile.

[Arbimuscle]

It makes you go f*** it, I'll just stay home with him keep him naked the whole time.

[MikeyGMin]

I think you should probably separate the playtime behavior and the "out in public" behavior.

 

If you hired him to bottom and he can't or won't get ready, then he isn't performing the service you hired him for. I would either talk to him about it or simply stop calling him.

 

I believe the "out in public" behavior is much more complicated. I'm very fond of an extremely attractive young man who is less than half my age. We go out a lot. He has never said a word because he's much too sweet, but I make a point of never putting him in a situation where we might run into his friends. Discretion is important to him and there really is no way to explain me. (I can't be passed off as an older relative because I'm not Latin.)

 

We stick to places where an eyebrow might be raised or someone might wonder about an obviously intimate dinner, but the judgment is more likely to fall upon me.

 

Only you can decide whether it's worth trying to talk it out or just move on. I know I like my "kid" a lot. I would sure try talking it out with him before moving on.

[Reluctant Daddy]

I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

 

I don’t think it was meant to be an insult, but at the time it felt like a thousand paper cuts splashed with lemon juice.

 

I think you should probably separate the playtime behavior and the "out in public" behavior.

 

If you hired him to bottom and he can't or won't get ready, then he isn't performing the service you hired him for. I would either talk to him about it or simply stop calling him.

 

I believe the "out in public" behavior is much more complicated. I'm very fond of an extremely attractive young man who is less than half my age. We go out a lot. He has never said a word because he's much too sweet, but I make a point of never putting him in a situation where we might run into his friends. Discretion is important to him and there really is no way to explain me. (I can't be passed off as an older relative because I'm not Latin.)

 

We stick to places where an eyebrow might be raised or someone might wonder about an obviously intimate dinner, but the judgment is more likely to fall upon me.

 

Only you can decide whether it's worth trying to talk it out or just move on. I know I like my "kid" a lot. I would sure try talking it out with him before moving on.

 

I think he made an effort to get ready to bottom, but indicated that he was having trouble. After seeing that he was able to pull it off for other clients for much shorter sessions it just made me wonder why he couldn’t manage it for me.

 

The age dynamic never seemed to be an issue during previous meetings, so I’m not quite sure what was different this time. We were in neutral territory so I don’t think running into his friends would have been an issue.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I did have some fun with him. Overall, the session felt strange and not at at like prior sessions, and I don’t know what that was about. I had intended to hire him over this past holiday weekend (I had booked my flight and hotel, thankfully smart enough to go with refundable/credit towards on each), but I just couldn’t go through with it.

 

I think you've suggested in previous posts that you feel you aren't good at asserting your feelings and saying what you're thinking.....

 

That’s a problem I’m having. I’m not sure I can muster the courage to say anything. I really suck when it comes to situations like this.

[jawjateck]

It's over. It happens. Don't feel stressed about clearing the air with him. You are totally OK if you choose to have no further contact with him. Later, if he asks "what's up? where'd you go?", then you can either ignore him or tell him his shortcomings, but when the hurt is fresh, it's tough to know what's right.

 

Some guys are "coach"able. Some guys are a mess. In this hobby, it pays to discern the difference.

[LADoug1]

In general I’m inclined to talk things out but I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

 

It could mean that it was HE who felt out of place and conspicuous. Not necessarily an insult. Talk it out with him. Communication is king.

[wklucas]

<<<LookingAround said: ↑

I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

I don’t think it was meant to be an insult, but at the time it felt like a thousand paper cuts splashed with lemon juice.>>>>

 

 

I'm a decent looking guy in decent shape & mostly have a classy, quality, laid-back, casual way of dressing / wardrobe....in Las Vegas (of all places where other folks, for the most part - mind their own business & don't always give others that much thought or judgment).....I hired a total drop-dead gorgeous stud....we meet out for drinks before "play"....in the conversation the guy makes the comment that anybody / everybody who sees us together knows the score & knows the only reason why he would ever be out with me.....I got up from the table, dropped a few bucks for time & trouble already spent.....& left him in the dust.....again, this in Las Vegas of all places.....I took his words as an extreme insult.

(& oh yeah, I salvaged that nite with somebody else).

[Populist Fury]

He bolted after every meal, leaving me at the restaurant and wondering if he was coming back. When we went out, he seemed to walk ahead or behind me, like he didn’t want to be seen with me.

 

Honey, it's over. Save your dignity & cut all ties with this guy. There are plenty of sweet guys out there, find one, & spend your money on him instead. Quit enabling a jerk...

[Populist Fury]

<<<LookingAround said: ↑

I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

I don’t think it was meant to be an insult, but at the time it felt like a thousand paper cuts splashed with lemon juice.>>>>

 

 

I'm a decent looking guy in decent shape & mostly have a classy, quality, laid-back, casual way of dressing / wardrobe....in Las Vegas (of all places where other folks, for the most part - mind their own business & don't always give others that much thought or judgment).....I hired a total drop-dead gorgeous stud....we meet out for drinks before "play"....in the conversation the guy makes the comment that anybody / everybody who sees us together knows the score & knows the only reason why he would ever be out with me.....I got up from the table, dropped a few bucks for time & trouble already spent.....& left him in the dust.....again, this in Las Vegas of all places.....I took his words as an extreme insult.

(& oh yeah, I salvaged that nite with somebody else).

 

My kind of guy <3 I would've done the same thing, but probably more dramatic than u lol

[MikeBiDude]

It’s over.....hard to accept sometimes - I know it’s happened to me.

[bigvalboy]

I'm a decent looking guy in decent shape & mostly have a classy, quality, laid-back, casual way of dressing / wardrobe....in Las Vegas (of all places where other folks, for the most part - mind their own business & don't always give others that much thought or judgment).....I hired a total drop-dead gorgeous stud....we meet out for drinks before "play"....in the conversation the guy makes the comment that anybody / everybody who sees us together knows the score & knows the only reason why he would ever be out with me.....I got up from the table, dropped a few bucks for time & trouble already spent.....& left him in the dust.....again, this in Las Vegas of all places.....I took his words as an extreme insult.

(& oh yeah, I salvaged that nite with somebody else).

 

Two thumbs up.

[Reluctant Daddy]

It's over. It happens. Don't feel stressed about clearing the air with him. You are totally OK if you choose to have no further contact with him. Later, if he asks "what's up? where'd you go?", then you can either ignore him or tell him his shortcomings, but when the hurt is fresh, it's tough to know what's right.

 

Some guys are "coach"able. Some guys are a mess. In this hobby, it pays to discern the difference.

 

This was a soul crushing, humbling and rather expensive lesson to learn

[BluDay]

When playtime came, he wasn’t able to “clean up” (though subsequent posts and reviews, he didn’t seem to have any issues with this for his other sessions).

 

Unless the other sessions were the same day, he might have been having a, lets call it "digestive issue". It can happen to anyone, and he seems to have been honest that he wasn't ready. Bottoming takes a bit of preparation, and if it's not done correctly the results are unpleasant. It doesn't seem like he was faking to get out of it, since you've had other sessions.

 

He initially agreed to go to dinner with friends of mine, but when the time came, he begged off saying that they would know something was up (“I mean look at you, and look at me”).

 

Depending on how "out" he is, he may just have gotten cold feet. He doesn't know your friends and may have realized it would be tough on him to be with them and obviously an escort. It's quite different from even a meal with just you, everyone is a stranger, and it's entirely possible that you are two people who are friends. Or uncle and nephew.

 

As a client wanting to show off a hot companion, it's one thing. It's another to be the one shown off and face the thought of people going "He's selling his body for money". It can be a very uncomfortable situation for someone. I really can't blame him for being nervous.

[rvwnsd]

If this has turned into a soul-crushing experience, then I think you should discuss the comment with him. As others have pointed out, he might feel out of place with you and your friends for a number of reasons: you were going to a place that's more expensive or upscale than he is accustomed to, he might feel intimidated by your friends, or who knows what. Regarding his inability to bottom, there are "digestive issues" that could have come into play, his ass might be sore from eating spicy foods or from a previous digestive issue, or he might not have been able to thoroughly clean out despite all his best efforts. All three have happened to me.

[caliguy]

there are "digestive issues" that could have come into play, his ass might be sore from eating spicy foods or from a previous digestive issue, or he might not have been able to thoroughly clean out despite all his best efforts. All three have happened to me.

I thought that it was bottom 101 doing the fun time before and dinner after. I know some that won't eat all day preparing for it.

[Gadfly22]

It's over. It happens. Don't feel stressed

 

Honey, it's over. Save your dignity & cut all ties with this guy.

 

It’s over.....hard to accept sometimes.

 

Hmmmm a trifecta of similar replies. My question: How can something that never was be over?

[LookingAround]

Hmmmm a trifecta of similar replies. My question: How can something that never was be over?

Agreed. The whole thing is a paid fantasy anyway. Like going to the theater. People act like it’s a “real” relationship. People will reply “but it IS real because it’s two people!” Yes but in the end it’s a “real” pretend relationship. Nothing truly real is going on if you have to pay them to do it.

[Gadfly22]

Agreed. The whole thing is a paid fantasy anyway. Like going to the theater. People act like it’s a “real” relationship. People will reply “but it IS real because it’s two people!” Yes but in the end it’s a “real” pretend relationship. Nothing truly real is going on if you have to pay them to do it.

 

I was just being a wise ass . It does hurt when you find out they don't feel the same about you as you do about them (even though you knew it all along). I just had a fave guy shock me this past week by telling me he quit escorting cold turkey (no pun). It did hurt. I felt like I was being dumped. (which is what I began hiring escorts to avoid)

[LookingAround]

Gadfly yes indeed and I don’t want to minimize it. Just when things get a bit far reaching I can’t restrain myself.