The Ex BFE

[+ Topseed]

Move on.

[+ sniper]

Is there any chance people HE knew were in the area and he doesn't want his friends/family knowing what he's doing? You mention him bolting after meals that were apparently not with your friends.

 

Alternately...the guy could have some general anxiety issues and have been having panic attacks and it really had nothing to do with you at all.

[+ Gar1eth]

Discretion is important to him and there really is no way to explain me. (I can't be passed off as an older relative because I'm not Latin.)

 

We stick to places where an eyebrow might be raised or someone might wonder about an obviously intimate dinner, but the judgment is more likely to fall upon me.

 

 

You could always be extended family-like his mother’s brother-in-law.

 

I’m not sure I understand. If discretion is important, why are you going to places where eyebrows might be raised or where someone might wonder about an intimate dinner?

 

Gman

[Reluctant Daddy]

Agreed. The whole thing is a paid fantasy anyway. Like going to the theater. People act like it’s a “real” relationship. People will reply “but it IS real because it’s two people!” Yes but in the end it’s a “real” pretend relationship. Nothing truly real is going on if you have to pay them to do it.

 

Part of it is a paid fantasy, but not at all like the theater. At the end of a play, I don’t sit down over a meal with the cast members and trade stories about our lives. I don’t curl up with them on the couch and watch a bad scary movie and laugh over it. Beyond that pretend part of him being into me, there’s a certain amount of bonding that happens. It’s human nature to try to connect on a certain level.

 

I’ve never liked the term BFE, and see my hiring more as a FB relationship. I never once believed that he was the BF I’d never have. I don’t care for PDA’s, and there’s no illusion that he’s ever going to fall for me. I’m twice his age, not a looker, and not rich enough to be a catch.

 

The soul crushing, humbling part for me is the realization that he apparently sees me less as a person and more of an ATM that sucks dick. And that stings just a little.

[+ Avalon]

I recently had an extended session with a semi regular that was a bit bizarre, to say the least. It started off fine, but over the course of the session, it didn’t seem to go well. He initially agreed to go to dinner with friends of mine, but when the time came, he begged off saying that they would know something was up (“I mean look at you, and look at me”). He bolted after every meal, leaving me at the restaurant and wondering if he was coming back. When we went out, he seemed to walk ahead or behind me, like he didn’t want to be seen with me. When playtime came, he wasn’t able to “clean up” (though subsequent posts and reviews, he didn’t seem to have any issues with this for his other sessions). I usually enjoy my time with him, but this time left me reeling. Should I discuss this with him, or should I just walk away and say it’s over?

 

 

Bad sex aside when you wanted him to go to dinner and meet your friends was he still on the clock or was this to be on his own time?

[rvwnsd]

I thought that it was bottom 101 doing the fun time before and dinner after. I know some that won't eat all day preparing for it.

Well, to be frank, if I had "digestive issues" yesterday I would not be able to bottom today. We all know that had the escort cancelled and said he was ill the result would be:

 

[MikeBiDude]

Well, to be frank, if I had "digestive issues" yesterday I would not be able to bottom today. We all know that had the escort cancelled and said he was ill the result would be:

 

At least!

[MikeyGMin]

You could always be extended family-like his mother’s brother-in-law.

 

I’m not sure I understand. If discretion is important, why are you going to places where eyebrows might be raised or where someone might wonder about an intimate dinner?

 

Gman

Discretion is important to him not me. He is not out to his friends about his "side job," so we avoid establishments and even entire parts of town where we might run into them.

 

He doesn't care what strangers think though, so we go to plenty of places where people (who aren't clueless) are going to notice the older guy and the beautiful young man having dinner together. It's not just the age difference. He is truly stunning...and I...unfortunately...am not.

 

I know that if I saw us out together I would wonder what the situation was?

[+ Gar1eth]

Discretion is important to him not me. He is not out to his friends about his "side job," so we avoid establishments and even entire parts of town where we might run into them.

 

He doesn't care what strangers think though, so we go to plenty of places where people (who aren't clueless) are going to notice the older guy and the beautiful young man having dinner together. It's not just the age difference. He is truly stunning...and I...unfortunately...am not.

 

I know that if I saw us out together I would wonder what the situation was?

 

I think I used to wonder what people thought when I took my college-age niece out for a meal. She is quite pretty.

 

Gman

[Reluctant Daddy]

Bad sex aside when you wanted him to go to dinner and meet your friends was he still on the clock or was this to be on his own time?

 

The sex as a whole wasn’t bad. The whole bottoming issue was the problem for me. As for dinner, he was on the clock at the time.

[adventurous old guy]

Take a few days and then send him an email letting him know how much you enjoyed sessions in the past. Then tell him one or two major things (no need to cover the full list) where his level of service fell short in your recent time together and let him know that the time for your business relationship has come to end.

 

Write the note and save it as a draft, then read it again several hours later to make sure it matches what you want said and send it.

 

The purpose of sending the note won't change your decision, but it might highlight something he didn't realize he had done.

I resonate with Sam. This is great advice in general for situations in life where feelings get engaged and hurt.

 

As for the OP's core question, I'm with those here who would tick up communication. You like this guy, have some kind of a pleasant history, so work up the gumption to share that he hurt your feelings and ask him what's going on. If he's in his 20s, he might still be working through where he's going in his life, why he's doing what he does. God knows I made a bunch of cringeworthy statements and clueless decisions in my 20s which I now process as "growing up." Bottom line, in making the "look at us..." comment he was dialing direct, saying what was on his mind, albeit self absorbed. This gives you permission to do the same thing. Tell him it felt like 1000 paper cuts with lemon juice -- that's poetic btw and should be a conversation changer-- and see what his reaction is, and then if his behavior changes, which is the real test.

Edited November 28, 2017 by adventurous old guy

[+ Avalon]

The sex as a whole wasn’t bad. The whole bottoming issue was the problem for me. As for dinner, he was on the clock at the time.

 

Thank-you! As he was on the clock then he should have gone with no complaints. He lacks professionalism.

[Reluctant Daddy]

He lacks professionalism.

 

But he hasn't in the past with me. I'm trying to wrap my head around why things happened they way they did. If there was something personal going on with him that impacted the session, if he's just tired of me as a client, etc. It was a departure from previous sessions I've had with him. And I wanted opinions from more seasoned clients on whether they would try to salvage the relationship or just walk away from it.

 

I know communication is key, but I'm terrible with it. Will it come off as whiny, will I sound like a butthurt bitter client? Does it even matter at this stage of the game?

[caliguy]

he was on the clock at the time.

Wow. Paper cuts indeed. It's one thing when you're in private which I thought the dinner was but he was getting paid to be there. Then he says look at you and look at me and bolts. Here you are still trying to find a way to make it work. He must be really hot is all I can say.

[+ Avalon]

But he hasn't in the past with me. I'm trying to wrap my head around why things happened they way they did. If there was something personal going on with him that impacted the session, if he's just tired of me as a client, etc. It was a departure from previous sessions I've had with him. And I wanted opinions from more seasoned clients on whether they would try to salvage the relationship or just walk away from it.

 

I know communication is key, but I'm terrible with it. Will it come off as whiny, will I sound like a butthurt bitter client? Does it even matter at this stage of the game?

 

Since it bothers you I think you should ask him.

[MscleLovr]

@Reluctant Daddy, because you say you're terrible at communication and, unlike the young man, have problems being direct and assertive, I'm going to give you my advice in the form of bullet-points. To put them in context, I'm an older man, fit and in decent shape, and I dress well. Until a few years ago, when I met my much-younger boyfriend who now lives with me, I too used to hire fit-bodied young men.

 

1. The young man behaved badly. The reason is irrelevant. He was on-the-clock and he should have been kind and considerate in public.

 

2, If the young man is dazzlingly handsome, has a beautiful physique and performs in bed exactly as you like, you may want to retrieve the situation. Simply state that your feelings were hurt and that you'd like to understand what happened. Suggest that he come over for a drink so you can talk privately. State that this meeting will be off-the-clock and unpaid. If he won't see you to resolve this matter, he does indeed view you just as an ATM.

 

3. If the young man isn't your hottest companion ever, move on. Contact other young men that interest you. Spend your money having fun with them and take them out to dinner or on trips that interest you.

 

4. The age-gap will always be 'the elephant in the room'. Accept that it may seem curious to your friends and to strangers. You may get some odd glances in public but most people are unconcerned. Don't let it spoil your fun.

[adventurous old guy]

Reluctant Daddy -- another tack is for you to tell us where you live and describe more specifically the kind of guy who floats your boat. Folks here may have recomendations for guys who will treat you better than this guy. Just a thought...

[+ sniper]

Without dismissing that you felt hurt, lots of people in their 20s are still in their flaky years. You may just have happened to hit him on his good days previously and hit him on his bad day this time.

[+ sniper]

The other question is was this your first "extended" session with him? That could really be the issue. Most people can do anything for an hour or two, but keeping up the facade for a day or more takes a certain type of person.

[Reluctant Daddy]

The other question is was this your first "extended" session with him? That could really be the issue. Most people can do anything for an hour or two, but keeping up the facade for a day or more takes a certain type of person.

 

I've had prior extended sessions with him, which makes it all the more puzzling.

[BluDay]

I've had prior extended sessions with him, which makes it all the more puzzling.

 

Since you've had other long sessions, and he was worth having another, could he have just been having a bad night? If an ordinarily good companion has a bad night, I don't think that's enough to quit them, and if, since you say his not 'out' about his business, got a bit of cold feet at being very public about it, can you be very surprised?

 

For a bottoming session, unless he was trying to get out of it (which he generally hasn't) it could just be that he couldn't get ready. For meeting your friends, that might be difficult enough if he was just a buddy, if he was sure they would know he was escorting for you, it might have just been too much for him to handle.

 

He seems to have been great for you for a long time, have you considered how he might be beating himself up for not meeting your expectations?

 

Reading your descriptions of the encounter, it seems like a tough bit for him (meeting your friends) plus an unfortunate occurrence of unpreparedability. If they had been two different sessions, would it be as big of a problem?

[Reluctant Daddy]

I believe that he may have seen this post, and has been discussing it with others. If that is correct, he hasn’t reached out to me to discuss it and probably not be interested in continuing the hiring arrangement. And if that is the case, it’s time to close this chapter in my life. If he reads this last post from me on this, I want him to know that I had a lot of fun and happy times with him, I have no ill feeling toward him, and that I wish him well. His presence in my life will be sadly missed

 

I had fun kid. Thanks

[jjkrkwood]

<<<LookingAround said: ↑

I’m not sure I could get past the “I mean look at you, and look at me“ comment.

I don’t think it was meant to be an insult, but at the time it felt like a thousand paper cuts splashed with lemon juice.>>>>

 

 

I'm a decent looking guy in decent shape & mostly have a classy, quality, laid-back, casual way of dressing / wardrobe....in Las Vegas (of all places where other folks, for the most part - mind their own business & don't always give others that much thought or judgment).....I hired a total drop-dead gorgeous stud....we meet out for drinks before "play"....in the conversation the guy makes the comment that anybody / everybody who sees us together knows the score & knows the only reason why he would ever be out with me.....I got up from the table, dropped a few bucks for time & trouble already spent.....& left him in the dust.....again, this in Las Vegas of all places.....I took his words as an extreme insult.

(& oh yeah, I salvaged that nite with somebody else).

 

Perhaps the reaction was a bit harsh, because maybe he comment was more about HIM, and not an insult to you. Maybe he was uncomfortable with escorting in general and seld conscious about public apppearances with an older gentleman ? If he was that "drop-dead" hot I would have continued with the date "privately because what he said was probably TRUE anyway..... "everyone DID know the score" as is usually the case in these situations . (older gent with young eye-candy) Same would have been true if it were a M/F hookup....

[wklucas]

Perhaps the reaction was a bit harsh, because maybe he comment was more about HIM, and not an insult to you. Maybe he was uncomfortable with escorting in general and seld conscious about public apppearances with an older gentleman ? If he was that "drop-dead" hot I would have continued with the date "privately because what he said was probably TRUE anyway..... "everyone DID know the score" as is usually the case in these situations . (older gent with young eye-candy) Same would have been true if it were a M/F hookup....

 

you're assuming that I am / I was a much older gentleman.....gentleman - yes, generally I am....(that much) older - wrong assumption.....anyway, I also think you're wrong about saying that everyone knows the score when seeing older/younger couples together.....especially in Las Vegas where there are no safe assumptions.....sometimes maybe good guesses but even a good guess is way different from an assumption......(looks & actual age aside, I maintain the mindset of a 22 year old & am enjoying that fact - it fits my own personal-choice lifestyle).

[jawjateck]

I believe that he may have seen this post, and has been discussing it with others. If that is correct, he hasn’t reached out to me to discuss it and probably not be interested in continuing the hiring arrangement. And if that is the case, it’s time to close this chapter in my life. If he reads this last post from me on this, I want him to know that I had a lot of fun and happy times with him, I have no ill feeling toward him, and that I wish him well. His presence in my life will be sadly missed

 

I had fun kid. Thanks

 

Good for you to resolve this positively in your own mind and then move on. As a client, pursue what you want and need. Don't settle for less. Don't accept half measures. Happy hunting, RD!