Offended by vetting

[KennF]

Ok. So I'm asking...

 

I was doing my research on a potential escort, they have limited reviews, and no one has talked about them on here. So, I did phone number and image searches. The phone number came back with there name and I did a Google search on that. Nothing on the image search (which is good, I guess).

 

Anyway, in our back and forth, I mentioned his name, instead of his screenname (which isn't a stage name but a description). He started questioning me on if I knew him and how I found his name. After I told him, he went quiet on me (I think the term is ghosted, but not sure).

 

Well, I heard back and he admitted that he was thrown a bit and taken aback.

 

My question... did I do something wrong? Should I have kept my research/vetting secret? How do you respond to things your clients find out about?

[big-n-tall]

Ok. So I'm asking...

 

I was doing my research on a potential escort, they have limited reviews, and no one has talked about them on here. So, I did phone number and image searches. The phone number came back with there name and I did a Google search on that. Nothing on the image search (which is good, I guess).

 

Anyway, in our back and forth, I mentioned his name, instead of his screenname (which isn't a stage name but a description). He started questioning me on if I knew him and how I found his name. After I told him, he went quiet on me (I think the term is ghosted, but not sure).

 

Well, I heard back and he admitted that he was thrown a bit and taken aback.

 

My question... did I do something wrong? Should I have kept my research/vetting secret? How do you respond to things your clients find out about?

 

I think it was a mistake for you to mention that you found all this "personal" info about him, especially since you have never met him. It freaks people out to feel like they are being spied on. Some people are oblivious how much info one can find with one picture or number. This why I tell working guys to don't use pics on social media on your ad.

 

This is a sticky situation. I understand vetting someone to be sure about the guy, but at the same time I liken it to the government spying on an individual. If someone knew the government was spying on them they'd be in an uproar. Oddly enough people have no problem doing it to other people. Put yourself in his shoes, if he found out all this info about you in the same manner... would you be ok with it? Most wouldn't be.

 

Anyway, most of the guys I've met usually told me a great deal about them selves without me prying or asking. I don't pry, or try very hard not to. The only time I've told an escort I found something personal is after i've gotten to know him at least somewhat. I think most (but not all) guys would be bothered, at least somewhat, having a complete stranger find out personal stuff not readily put out there.

Edited August 28, 2017 by big-n-tall

[Kevin Slater]

How would you feel if he mentioned your personal details?

 

Kevin Slater

[MikeyGMin]

I think it was a blunder, but I'm interested to hear what the escorts will say. I do my homework and due diligence. I know they do theirs. But it's best to never reveal anything until you've gotten very comfortable with each other.

 

One time a phone number lead directly to a young man's personal Facebook page. I didn't even mention that until after we had met and I could do it in a way that didn't freak him out. And I only mentioned it because he was young and inexperienced and it was such a huge mistake on his part.

[Good Grief]

How would you feel if he mentioned your personal details?

 

Kevin Slater

 

Precisely @Kevin Slater

 

I've used this gif before. Based on the above response I feel it deserves to be used again.

 

[KennF]

How would you feel if he mentioned your personal details?

 

Kevin Slater

 

I am not sure the comparison is equal.

 

As a client, I am not putting myself out there. I am neither the product or the seller.

 

I am not attempting to hide my identity, but I do keep my personal life personal, including severely limiting the amount and type of data I share with any website or company. However, if the provider called me by name, I'd move right along. I know my personal information is out on the internet. If for no other reason than I own property, so my tax bills and deed are part of the public record.

 

Do you think it is reasonable for a client to not do his due diligence?

 

I think it was a mistake for you to mention that you found all this "personal" info about him,

 

I think you're overstating things. All I did was mention his real first name, instead of his screen name. I actually never disclosed/discussed the thing(s) I found.

 

 

Based on the implications here, I probably shouldn't have been personal and should have continued to call him "thick-n-hung", or "SexyBottom", or "AllDayLong", or "ItalianStallion", etc...

 

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

[MikeyGMin]

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

In situations where the escort has chosen a non-name name for his ad, one of the first things I ask him is "What should I call you?" I try to make it clear that I'm not asking him for his actual name.

 

That's what I do, but that doesn't mean it's right. I just remember an escort framing the name question that way many years ago, and it has always felt right.

[big-n-tall]

I am not sure the comparison is equal.

 

I think you're overstating things. All I did was mention his real first name, instead of his screen name. I actually never disclosed/discussed the thing(s) I found.

 

 

Based on the implications here, I probably shouldn't have been personal and should have continued to call him "thick-n-hung", or "SexyBottom", or "AllDayLong", or "ItalianStallion", etc...

 

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

 

Ok. Point taken. However, still he probably thought (as you stated) you knew him or he thought you knew more info about him than he expected or wanted. It clearly bothered him, whether you just mentioned his name or if you had disseminated more personal stuff to him. Which goes back to my point... it was an mistake for you to have mentioned info he had not expressly stated. No harm, no foul (since you are still talking to him). Lesson learned.

 

Anyway @MikeyGMin suggested a good way to approach it.

Edited August 28, 2017 by big-n-tall

[Good Grief]

 

...I probably shouldn't have been personal and should have continued to call him "thick-n-hung", or "SexyBottom", or "AllDayLong", or "ItalianStallion", etc...

 

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

 

Yes, you should have continued to call him by the screen name until he gave you another to use, if he wanted to.

 

You overstepped.

[LookingAround]

 

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

 

When they tell you their name. Not before.

[+ kov78]

Yes, you should have continued to call him by the screen name until he gave you another to use, if he wanted to.

 

You overstepped.

 

If the screen name is just a funny gimmicky name and not a "real" name, I ask what should I call them. I also do a little research before I hire, even if its just the look around this forum. I have found real names before, but i NEVER call them that and never say that i know. I want them to enjoy our time together to. Yeah, i think a lot of clients think its all about them but who wants to be with someone if they feel totally uncomfortable or awkward around you.

[510guy]

I would think all providers would expect people to do a phone number search. That is nothing out of ordinary I think. I would think an escort would yes maybe be freaked out at first but then realize he should use a second number rather than personal number for work. I would have no problem if someone I was hiring did a number search on me. I have tried and nothing shows up.

 

I one time did a number search and it brought me to his tennis club posting.

[Kevin Slater]

Do you think it is reasonable for a client to not do his due diligence?

 

Safety is a two-way street. Do you think it is reasonable for an escort to not do his due diligence?

 

Kevin Slater

[LaffingBear]

As a client, I learned the personal info and ID of an escort. But it was due to his revealing errors.

• First visit, he sat down next to me to show me something on his laptop, and the boot-screen had his real first name
  
• Subsequent visit, in bed, he wanted us to watch porn on his laptop... and the wallpaper was about his business/alternate career.
  
• Subsequent visit, took a call from his girlfriend while walking with me, and as I stepped away, he grinned and motioned me to stay, but be quiet. While relating a story to his gf, he used his last name.
  
• Later in same weekend visit, he went to restaurant bathroom, leaving his cell on table. I didnt touch it, but when he returned, realizing he'd forgotten his cell, he accused me of looking at it - so he obviously cared about privacy.
  

I considered warning him to be more cautious, telling I now knew his full name, hometown, business name, etc. I would NEVER share that info. But I decided to just say nothing....

 

So, I realize off-topic as I didnt vet him.... but I did learn his personal private info.

 

For escorts: clients have big eyes and ears - its not only active probing and research that might reveal personal details.

[+ oldNbusted]

How would you feel if he mentioned your personal details?

 

I might be surprised he chose to mention it, but my first question would be how he found them. I hope he would tell me, I might be impressed.

 

Safety is a two-way street. Do you think it is reasonable for an escort to not do his due diligence?

 

I asume they do to whatever extent possible. I leave reviews, so I expect a new guy would actually contact someone I've left a review for. I have no idea if that is common for guys to do or not.

[Guy Fawkes]

Yes, you did. You violate his privacy.

Ok. So I'm asking...

 

I was doing my research on a potential escort, they have limited reviews, and no one has talked about them on here. So, I did phone number and image searches. The phone number came back with there name and I did a Google search on that. Nothing on the image search (which is good, I guess).

 

Anyway, in our back and forth, I mentioned his name, instead of his screenname (which isn't a stage name but a description). He started questioning me on if I knew him and how I found his name. After I told him, he went quiet on me (I think the term is ghosted, but not sure).

 

Well, I heard back and he admitted that he was thrown a bit and taken aback.

 

My question... did I do something wrong? Should I have kept my research/vetting secret? How do you respond to things your clients find out about?

[rvwnsd]

Ok. So I'm asking...

 

I was doing my research on a potential escort, they have limited reviews, and no one has talked about them on here. So, I did phone number and image searches. The phone number came back with there name and I did a Google search on that. Nothing on the image search (which is good, I guess).

 

Anyway, in our back and forth, I mentioned his name, instead of his screenname (which isn't a stage name but a description). He started questioning me on if I knew him and how I found his name. After I told him, he went quiet on me (I think the term is ghosted, but not sure).

 

Well, I heard back and he admitted that he was thrown a bit and taken aback.

 

My question... did I do something wrong? Should I have kept my research/vetting secret? How do you respond to things your clients find out about?

 

While I understand the desire to do some vetting, I think you overstepped when you called him by his given name. As someone else suggested, when the name listed in an escort's ad is not a name typically associated with a person it is wise to ask what he would like you to call him. It sounds like you stumbled upon his name, which will happen, but it does not sound like you stumbled upon using it.

[+ Eric Hassan]

I am not sure the comparison is equal.

 

As a client, I am not putting myself out there. I am neither the product or the seller.

 

I am not attempting to hide my identity, but I do keep my personal life personal, including severely limiting the amount and type of data I share with any website or company. However, if the provider called me by name, I'd move right along. I know my personal information is out on the internet. If for no other reason than I own property, so my tax bills and deed are part of the public record.

 

Do you think it is reasonable for a client to not do his due diligence?

 

 

 

I think you're overstating things. All I did was mention his real first name, instead of his screen name. I actually never disclosed/discussed the thing(s) I found.

 

 

Based on the implications here, I probably shouldn't have been personal and should have continued to call him "thick-n-hung", or "SexyBottom", or "AllDayLong", or "ItalianStallion", etc...

 

So then, since I'm hiring a personal connection and interaction, when is it appropriate in this type of situation to call someone by their name?

 

What you *could* have done is ask him what name he'd like to be called by you.

[instudiocity]

If I wanna fuck anonymously, I sure as hell want the other fucker to be anonymous, too!

 

After all, I'm not trying to fall in love just experience an awesome exchange of sexual behaviors.

[+ SundayZip]

Yes, you did. You violate his privacy.

 

What specifically did the OP do that violated the escort's privacy? Are you suggesting that he should not have done a phone number and image search?

[Strafe13]

I don't think the OP violated the escort's privacy, per se, (at least not affirmatively so) since he performed a rather simple online search that wasn't out of the ordinary. Had the OP hired a private investigator to dig up stuff, or rummaged through the escort's wallet while he wasn't looking, or something of that nature, then I think qualifies as actually invading someone's privacy. Blurting out the escort's name in a non-public setting when he doesn't know that you know his name, but where you haven't exposed or outed him, could be seen as a bit tacky or overstepping bounds, but I don't see what the OP did as violating the guy's privacy. It was a mistake, sure, but not nefarious.

 

I've learned the real name of my fave escort by accident, and he doesn't know that I know it, but I don't think that I violated his privacy. We had told each other our real first names on our first date because we had a good connection and, perhaps, chemistry. At an in-call in his apartment on maybe our second or third meeting, he went to use the restroom as I was getting dressed. During this time his cellphone buzzed and flashed because he presumably got a message or other type of alert. It got my attention and caused me to instinctively look in that direction, and what looked like his work ID was next to his phone. We were in his small studio apartment, so I was already standing next to the dresser on which the phone and ID were placed when I was getting dressed. In the second or two it took to glance towards the phone, I inadvertently saw his full name on the ID, which was photo and name side up. I've never told him this because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. But then again, I assume that he had felt comfortable enough with me (either consciously or unconsciously) not to take extra precautions to hide things of that nature.

 

Did I really violate my fave escort's privacy? If I mistakenly drop his full name in private conversation, is that then a violation of his privacy? I think it would definitely be an error to ever let him find out why I know in such a careless manner, and I could see why, absent an explanation, he would assume that I had violated his privacy in order to learn such information. But I don't think it would be fair or accurate to say that I had actually violated his privacy. I've thought about revealing this to him just in the interest of full honesty and openness between us, and to avoid potential future snafus, but I'm afraid that he might overreact or jump to the wrong conclusion. I'd be interested in hearing from the other escorts on this.

[maninsoma]

I think I only did something similar once. I generally do a reverse image search and phone number search on guys I might hire. One guy I decided I did not want to hire was using a photo that linked to a youtube channel and on his channel he had various videos with family members working in a family business. I told him what I was able to find just based on a reverse image search and suggested that if he cared about privacy that he should not use the same photos for escorting that he uses elsewhere. I also made it clear that I wasn't intending to hire him but simply felt like he should know that he was perhaps revealing a lot more about himself than he intended. He didn't reply to me but he did remove the photo from his ad.

[Pepper Young]

Image search? Phone number search? Who has time for this? I vet by reading reviews and communicating with the guy. Of course I ask him his name because I can't imagine calling him Hungmuscle69 in bed. If he lacks reviews or has poor communication and it doesn't feel right, I move on.

[+ Keith30309]

I don't want to know anything about a trusted companion except if there's likely to be some kind of connection.

If someone tells me their real name all it's going to do is confuse me - my mental capacity allows for the recollection of only one name per face.

(Unless his screen name is something like "Ebony Anaconda AssWrecker" in which case "Bob" would be better.)

[maninsoma]

I should clarify: I am not doing pre-hire searches in order to find out personal information about escorts or masseurs. I do searches in order to weed out guys I don't want to contact (indication of fake pictures being used, negative reviews, social media presence that lets me know I wouldn't click with the guy).