Thoughts on straight curious men?

[francisssgorg]

Story time: So recently, I've been going to this ksauna place near my area just to pass time and also, obviously to get some action. Please excuse this lonely gay guy ok? Anyway, so I've encountered a lot of different types of men. All races, all sizes (kidding), all personalities...

Earlier this morning, I came in to the spa, probably around 9:30 am. It's a Sunday, and I haven't thought about how jam packed it could be. Honestly, this specific spa only has the steam room and a certain dry sauna downstairs that could potentially be a location for "sketchy" activities lol. The sauna in the wet area is a bit exposed to staff members who act like they're part of a special entrapment operation every single damn time.

So the crowd that time consists of 2-3 black dudes, 1 b*ttom latino which is a regular in that spa, 1 idk if interested mature latino guy, 1 jewish man, 1 mature white guy who just got scrubbed, several older korean grandpas, and this tall bald white man who honestly looks like goon or an MMA fighter.. At first.. But as I was inspecting his face, he does look cute, despite that big hot bod. Honestly, I was scared to talk to him while he was in the sauna. Most of the people were situated in the steam room, which I'm pretty sure, zero action since a lot of asian grandpas were going back and forth that room. 

I finally plucked up the courage to talk to him. Asked when did he got in the spa, does he usually go there, introduced my name and took his and all that. Honestly, his voice really sounded like a thug at first, but it toned down to almost like a "good boy" kinda voice lol. At that time, the small towel that covers his thing was basically sliding out. I feel like he's trying to signal me something, and his junior is starting to get a semi. Idk why but I just blurted out "do you want me to take care of that?" He kinda hesitated and like was unable to respond for a split second. Then he said "uhmm, idk, probably in the steam room?" so I said sure why not?

When we got inside, there's like a ton of patrons going back and forth the room, so obviously, that spot is a no go. I went out and circled a few times the wet area then showered, then when I saw him sitting back in the sauna, I went inside as well. It just so happened that the guy from the scrub section slipped in to the room as well. I got a little pissed and I whispered "I can't get a break" lol. And then "tsk'd".. The scrubbed guy maybe took the hint and since both of us weren't moving, he got up and went out. Then J (the bald guy) said "So what now?" I told him there's a dry sauna downstairs. Not long enough, a jewish guy was about to enter the room so I stood up and signalled him with my head to go out and get down to the second floor. Honestly, at that point, he became like a kid who was blindly following me, a 5'6 gay guy, and him, probably more than a 6 footer big guy. When we went downstairs, the dry sauna which is a great spot was occupied by two women. He said, so probably we just have to wait then?.. So we waited

I kinda made noises like coughing and scratching noises so those two ladies would be annoyed lol, which they did and they walked out. After that, he stood up, saying, what now? I instructed him to stand up against the wall on the left side of the door. He was trying to remove his shorts and I can really feel his tense body and I saw how scared he was as well. It was kinda cute that I was instructing him what to do. After which, obviously, I s*cked the life force out of him lol! He froze a bit and like in less than a minute he unloaded which I directed to my shirt. We forgot to bring towels. 

So here comes the concerning part: he became speechless after finishing. Like I can see in his face how confused he looks. Honestly I don't know if I would feel bad or something. To us gay guys, we consider these moments like conquests or thrill seeking trysts. Although, benefit of the doubt, idk if he's just pretending to be confused or acting or like really dumbfounded. He was catching his breath afterwards, and honestly I am trying to recall this part of this story and what he said word per word. I believe he said "this is exciting, but honestly, I'm a little confused right now" "Idk why, but I know I've only been with women" and then he sat there quietly. No kidding, just staring at the wall. 

That's when I felt the need to do a pep talk. I just told him that it's ok. You don't have to put labels to yourself. If you know to yourself that you like women and that you are straight, then that's who you are. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes, straight men are just curious. It's just sex. That doesn't define who you are. Sometimes, women can't do stuff that gay men or other men can and is great in doing so. I also told him that you know what, I've seen and have experienced fooling around with married men/committed men here in this spa and their wives or girlfriends were just downstairs. I am not proud of stating that last sentence to him. All I thought at that time is I need to comfort him. 

He was thanking me after that. Saying that he appreciated the way I assured him. Honestly tho, he really is cute lol! Like a big guy but handsome face. He's like a kid at heart. He actually wore his glasses prior to the ladies leaving the room earlier. I just noticed it while I was kneeling down, and praying (jk)... And then before he got out, he said he'll check out the entire place because he's new. I told him, ok, I'll roam around as well. And that if he needs another round, just tap me. 

I actually reserved a massage for 12 noon, prior to that we saw each other again, and he was waving at me, loudly saying "hi!" like he was about to approach me again. I waved back but I was busy with my phone and then I saw him back out. I feel like I should have talked to him a little bit more or took his number. Not to have a hook up buddy (although I wouldn't mind) but to help him navigate his thoughts while he is figuring out himself. 

Point is: and I am one of those (before) gay men as well, who thought that sexuality or gender identity only exists as Girl, boy, gay and lesbian. That if you perform gay sex, you are already considered as gay. But that experience earlier made me think that we should be kinder to people who are exploring with their sexuality. We shouldn't do labels as it might affect them psychologically and emotionally. 

And he is really cute lol! I should have taken his number 🥲

Again, benefit of the doubt, he has a right nipple ring, idk if that counts for something "unstraightly" lol... Jk but yeah, it is not hard to be KIND to others, straight gay bi trans whatever. 

Edited Monday at 01:39 AM by francisssgorg

[mtaabq]

Honestly, I rather admire you for being so bold as to offer to take care of his erection and then put forth the effort necessary to make that happen. Guys who are straight or curious? Speaking only for myself I avoid them based on past experiences but all the power to ya if that is a man whose company you might enjoy. Nipple ring? That means nothing as far as I’m concerned; we gays wore our baseball hats backwards then the straight guys did it. Same with earrings, then nipple rings/piercings and then other hardware. I’m too old and cynical and I know there will always be gay men attracted to straight/curious men; they see it as a challenge. You saw an opportunity to gratify and educate and there is nothing wrong, unusual or untoward in that. When men gather in a spa/sauna environment with minimal clothing shit like this is going to happen. AND I agree with you 100% that it is not difficult to be kind. 

Edited Monday at 02:48 AM by mtaabq
Making an important and necessary addition.

[+ sniper]

Doing this in a coed spa is particularly stupid/dangerous. A woman walking in on that is likely to get you arrested.

That said, in my youth I generally found that yeah there is a subset of the heteroflexible who are so up in their head about it that they seem to get selective mutism when they engage in same sex activity. They are busy walling this activity off in their psyche and talking would shatter the illusion.

Edited Monday at 01:20 PM by sniper

[Peter Eater]

This is why “queer” came into common usage. 

[maninsoma]

When I first moved to San Francisco about four decades ago, I had a co-worker who used to go to a theater that played straight porn instead of one of the two that played gay porn because he said he had more success finding men to service at the straight place.  I didn't understand it at the time but as I got older and more experienced I finally understood his experience.  In a gay place with a lot of competition, you might have less of a chance getting lucky unless you're high on the stereotypical sexual desirability scale (handsome face, hot body) than at a straight place where the guy just wants someone to jerk or suck him off.

[francisssgorg]

9 hours ago, sniper said:

Doing this in a coed spa is particularly stupid/dangerous. A woman walking in on that is likely to get you arrested.

If you ask a lot of gay patrons who regularly comes in these places, they know how dangerous it could be. One of my friends got banned from another spa because of public indecency. But yeah, it's up to you on how you can protect yourself lol.. 

[Vulgarii]

17 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

This is why “queer” came into common usage. 

Which is a slur and I don't use it anymore. People should just say bi or bi curious and call it a day. 

 

The non binary term is a political term and is inaccurate since we are all technically non binary.

[Vulgarii]

"Straight" men have hired me, and I usually scope out a lot about them by looking them up before and afterwards, and they're not my favorite clients at all because they're so quiet and serious. 

I don't find that attractive at all. I don't care how nervous they are, at least try to make it seem like you like me, not like you're going to fight me or something.

 

I had an experience with a client a few years ago. He was very handsome and I let him take the lead, I was drunk and went along with it and things got very racy, and he told me afterwards that it was his first time doing anything like that with a male, and it wasn't his intention.

I usually would ask if the person is okay with this or that, and some clients will really talk to me and ask questions. 

It's odd that latino clients always want to talk on the phone for a long time and in person they always mention trauma from being m0lest3ed when they were younger, and that is a big thing with their demographic, statistically..

But anyway, I tell people I am not their shrink and it is cruel and unethical to bring up topics like that because they don't know me and how I would react to anything like that.

I don't find it hot playing with bi curious men, and I would recommend them counseling...especially to my client who's a known conversion therapist. No joke. 

 

I also am aware of the std rates among women these days like with hpv and I don't want to play with men that play with women, nor with bi couples.

[+ Just Chuck]

I’ve met up with straight men enough that I’ve seen some patterns.  Most of these guys are just time-wasters.  They soak up a bunch of my time with questions in messages asking for me to give them a bunch of details about what will happen when they meet me.  They’re really asking me to write a custom erotic short story for them. After hours of questions asking me to script out everything that could happen, they won’t show for a meeting.  Some have even set a time and place and their final message is “I’m on my way.  I’ll be there in seven minutes” but never show.

After the time wasters, the next most common experience is I meet with a “straight guy” who initially gets into the session and then somewhere midway in goes into a homophobic panic and I spend the next 60-90 minutes acting as an unpaid psychotherapist talking them down from their crisis.  Talking about the Kinsey Scale and Klein Grid usually helps those guys calm down enough that they can leave me to go on with my life.

Once in a while, I’ve had a straight guy who’s genuinely brave enough and ready to actually let go and have a good time. Those have been some great experiences.  

 

Edited Tuesday at 08:32 AM by Just Chuck

[Peter Eater]

4 hours ago, Just Chuck said:

Once in a while, I’ve had a straight guy who’s genuinely brave enough and ready to actually let go and have a good time. Those have been some great experiences.  

In other words, those guys aren’t straight. 

[Peter Eater]

6 hours ago, Vulgarii said:

I had an experience with a client a few years ago. He was very handsome and I let him take the lead, I was drunk

Truly professional behavior. I always appreciate a drunk provider. 

Also, "Queer" was historically used as a homophobic slur, but since 1990 it has been widely reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community as a positive, inclusive umbrella term. See “Queer Nation” for details: “Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about the freedom to be public, to just be who we are.”

https://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/queernation.html

[marylander1940]

On 8/31/2026 at 8:42 AM, maninsoma said:

When I first moved to San Francisco about four decades ago, I had a co-worker who used to go to a theater that played straight porn instead of one of the two that played gay porn because he said he had more success finding men to service at the straight place.  I didn't understand it at the time but as I got older and more experienced I finally understood his experience.  In a gay place with a lot of competition, you might have less of a chance getting lucky unless you're high on the stereotypical sexual desirability scale (handsome face, hot body) than at a straight place where the guy just wants someone to jerk or suck him off.

Makes sense. Most gay men are more picky and want the whole package (young, in shape, handsome, etc) instead of a servicing mouth.

Considering how easy is having sex with a woman I think most guys who after men are kind of bisexual at least. 

[+ Just Chuck]

1 hour ago, Peter Eater said:

In other words, those guys aren’t straight. 

Maybe.  

I don’t think that’s for anyone but them to say.  The Klein Grid differentiates between who you’re attracted to in sexual and romantic ways and what sexual activities you’ll engage in.  There are gay-for-pay guys and there are guys in prison who have gay sex but would never do so outside of those circumstances who identify as straight. 
 

[+ PhileasFogg]

On 8/30/2026 at 8:34 PM, francisssgorg said:

But that experience earlier made me think that we should be kinder to people who are exploring with their sexuality.

Having been “that” guy in the spa and speaking from my own experience, I’ve come to understand that it’s not the cock or vagina that attracts me…it’s the person and the connection that can be formed.

Sometimes, in gay culture, the labels can be made into weapons and I think that’s unfortunate 

Edited Tuesday at 03:12 PM by PhileasFogg

[+ Just Chuck]

On 8/30/2026 at 8:34 PM, francisssgorg said:

...But that experience earlier made me think that we should be kinder to people who are exploring with their sexuality. We shouldn't do labels as it might affect them psychologically and emotionally....

...it is not hard to be KIND to others, straight gay bi trans whatever. 

I agree 100%. 

[moreofthat]

4 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

Truly professional behavior. I always appreciate a drunk provider. 

Also, "Queer" was historically used as a homophobic slur, but since 1990 it has been widely reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community as a positive, inclusive umbrella term. See “Queer Nation” for details: “Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about the freedom to be public, to just be who we are.”

https://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/queernation.html

Yes. Thank you. Though the negative feelings around that word still exist for many people, and they shouldn't have to identify as such, even if their friends and community members do. 

10 hours ago, Vulgarii said:

The non binary term is a political term and is inaccurate since we are all technically non binary.

I'm not sure what you're trying to get across here, but it doesn't feel like your intent is productive. I appreciate @francisssgorg call to be kind to folks of all identities, even ones you might not understand or resonate with. 

[+ sniper]

5 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Makes sense. Most gay men are more picky and want the whole package (young, in shape, handsome, etc) instead of a servicing mouth.

Considering how easy is having sex with a woman I think most guys who after men are kind of bisexual at least. 

Ehhhh....it's easy for a woman to have sex. It is not easy for many men to find a woman to have sex with. That's why so many kinsey 1's and 2's are getting their rocks off in steamrooms.

Now that I'm older and heavier, I have more action with straight-leaning guys who are just looking to get off than with gays. I think their experience with their wives' bodies changing after childbirth leads them to relax their "standards" on body appearance than a lot of gay guys.

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, sniper said:

Ehhhh....it's easy for a woman to have sex. It is not easy for many men to find a woman to have sex with. That's why so many kinsey 1's and 2's are getting their rocks off in steamrooms.

Now that I'm older and heavier, I have more action with straight-leaning guys who are just looking to get off than with gays. I think their experience with their wives' bodies changing after childbirth leads them to relax their "standards" on body appearance than a lot of gay guys.

not dragging this into another subject but let's say things have changed a lot in this century. "Sex and the city" was a parody, now many women behave just like them. Talk to your straight friends about it, especially the younger ones. 🙀 is cheap nowadays. 

I do agree with you that getting a blow job from a gay man is easier than "seducing" a woman despite the fact that sex happens now faster than ever before.

Edited Tuesday at 09:17 PM by marylander1940

[Peter Eater]

21 hours ago, Just Chuck said:

I don’t think that’s for anyone but them to say.  The Klein Grid differentiates between who you’re attracted to in sexual and romantic ways and what sexual activities you’ll engage in.  

Well, that does presume full self-awareness, which is very often not the case. (It is common, for example, for white supremacists to flatly deny that they’re racists. “Who, me?”) Also, the Klein Grid is not a diagnostic tool intended to test and reveal a person's sexual orientation.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 9/1/2026 at 8:45 AM, Vulgarii said:

On 8/31/2026 at 3:37 PM, Peter Eater said:

This is why “queer” came into common usage. 

Which is a slur and I don't use it anymore. People should just say bi or bi curious and call it a day. 

Yes.  Queer literally means strange or abnormal.  I know many of us like the attention of being different, but most just want to be treated that sexual diversity is normal, and not something inexplicable and strange.