How do you get them to wash?

[inkball]

I am new to the hobby, so please forgive me for being ignorant of the etiquette. On two occasions I have specifically asked guys if they are ok with me rimming them, well in advance of our appointment. In fact, one of the guys reminded me to shower before he arrived, apologetically explaining that he asks that of everyone. I responded essentially, "no problem, I was going to ask you to be clean before I eat you out." 

When he arrived, he dropped his pants, bent over, and I smelled his stinky butt. It put me off the entire session. This happened again with an experienced provider/porn star. Is there a polite way to ask them to wash up/douche beforehand? How do you prevent this from happening?  

[ShortCutie7]

It’s not an impolite ask… just say “please”! That said, it might help if in the moment you suggest he quickly clean himself (if feasible)- it’s entirely possible he DID clean up before he left and was messy by the time he arrived. Shit [literally] happens!

[+ Jamie21]

Hmm it’s kind of no excuse if you’ve pre advised them you want to rim them. They should be clean. If I know a client wants to rim me, or if he’s seen me previously and I know he rimmed me last time (or he gave me the impression he wanted to) then I’ll specifically clean myself. Similarly if he wants to finger me then I clean out. I get really anxious about being clean for that. 

It sounds like you hired guys who aren’t that bothered about pleasing you; they just want your money as easy as possible. 
 

 

[DMonDude]

I've seen mentioned here before a good way to make sure the other person is clean (if you want to ask in a non-offensive or indirect way) is to suggest showering together as part of foreplay. I initially saw it here suggested from the provider perspective wanting clean clients, but i could see it working the other way around too.

I haven't run into this myself, i've been lucky with very cleanly providers that i eat out (even the one actually straight/straight-ish one i hire sometimes knew to keep it super clean back there). But if it were an issue, before meeting them the next time i'd maybe ask via text while setting up the next session "could you make sure to shower shortly before our meet?" Maybe if i was feeling self conscious about them taking the request the wrong way i might add on "because i really liked the scent of your body wash on you" or something. Lot of people use scented body washes or scented soaps of some kind, so wouldn't be an unreasonable or unrealistic thing for someone to say they enjoyed.

Edited Thursday at 01:07 AM by DMonDude

[soloyo215]

4 hours ago, inkball said:

I am new to the hobby, so please forgive me for being ignorant of the etiquette. On two occasions I have specifically asked guys if they are ok with me rimming them, well in advance of our appointment. In fact, one of the guys reminded me to shower before he arrived, apologetically explaining that he asks that of everyone. I responded essentially, "no problem, I was going to ask you to be clean before I eat you out." 

When he arrived, he dropped his pants, bent over, and I smelled his stinky butt. It put me off the entire session. This happened again with an experienced provider/porn star. Is there a polite way to ask them to wash up/douche beforehand? How do you prevent this from happening?  

They are not being very polite showing up unclean, especially if there has been conversation about expectations of work performed in that area. I think that in a good tone you can state that you did no feel comfortable with the smell when he dropped his pants. It's not ideal and I can see that being a mood killer, but letting him know it's best for both and in the long run.

[Redwine56]

14 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

They are not being very polite showing up unclean, especially if there has been conversation about expectations of work performed in that area. I think that in a good tone you can state that you did no feel comfortable with the smell when he dropped his pants. It's not ideal and I can see that being a mood killer, but letting him know it's best for both and in the long run.

Separate and apart from specific preparation for scheduled action, I hear at times that some guys don't know how to properly clean themselves.  Apparently, they don't realize that they have to spread those cheeks and open up that a-hole under the shower for a thorough cleansing.  Just running the ass cheeks under the shower is not gonna do it.  Then of course, if the guy showered and took a shit afterwards, no wipes will clean as well as getting that a-hole under the shower.  Not passing the "sniff test" is a definite turnoff.  

[SecretProvider]

read the pushback i got here on this thread when i explained that it is decent courtesy to wash thoroughly before a session.....

I have had experience with people who have no idea, but was genuinely shocked that some people just don't seem to care or worse feel entitled to show up dirty adn expect an intimate experience.  

 

 

[liubit]

I am a glutton when it comes to eating ass, and I always tell my hires to expect a long, deep, and very wet rimming from my avid tongue. I have never had a cleanliness issue down there. 

I must say that the scent of a musky ass turns me on very much, so while I ask them to clean themselves to get rid of all shit remains, dingleberries and the likes, I still enjoy the natural smell of a sweaty shit-free hole, even if powerful. Different strokes…

[+ KensingtonHomo]

This is why I almost never rim a guy - provider or general hook up. Men do not know how to wash their asses. Ask your married girlfriends-their husbands' underwear is skidmark city. 

That said, if someone is engaged in sex work, there's really no excuse not to be clean. There are YouTube tutorials and countless articles and books on how to douce or even just wash your asshole well. 

[ACluelessGent]

15 hours ago, inkball said:

I am new to the hobby, so please forgive me for being ignorant of the etiquette. On two occasions I have specifically asked guys if they are ok with me rimming them, well in advance of our appointment. In fact, one of the guys reminded me to shower before he arrived, apologetically explaining that he asks that of everyone. I responded essentially, "no problem, I was going to ask you to be clean before I eat you out." 

When he arrived, he dropped his pants, bent over, and I smelled his stinky butt. It put me off the entire session. This happened again with an experienced provider/porn star. Is there a polite way to ask them to wash up/douche beforehand? How do you prevent this from happening?  

That's disgusting. I am sorry this happened to you. And you don't need to seek a polite way to tell them the obvious, just send them away and cross them out.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

8 hours ago, SecretProvider said:

read the pushback i got here on this thread when i explained that it is decent courtesy to wash thoroughly before a session.....

I have had experience with people who have no idea, but was genuinely shocked that some people just don't seem to care or worse feel entitled to show up dirty adn expect an intimate experience.  

 

 

I actually went and read that car crash. It completely supports my no rimming policy. If I hooked up with bottoms, I might do it. We tend to know how to have sparking clean asses. But the amount of pushback on that thread to just proper hygiene (yes, washing your ass crack is part of that) is just completely insane. 

If I were in the OP's position, I would initially request the provider shower. If I got any pushback, I'd send them packing. 

[rvwnsd]

6 hours ago, liubit said:

...I must say that the scent of a musky ass turns me on very much, so while I ask them to clean themselves to get rid of all shit remains, dingleberries and the likes, I still enjoy the natural smell of a sweaty shit-free hole, even if powerful. Different strokes…

I'm the same way - dirty ass is not OK, but musky ass is fine. There are plenty of men, and I am one of them, whose ass will be musky within a short time after showering. So, a question for @inkball to ask himself - was this natural musk or feces? (You don't have to answer) Either way, the way to handle this is to ask your guy to shower at your place because you like to eat out a freshly-showered ass.

[+ Yellowrod]

I have found Italians to be the cleanest in that department - thank god for the prevalence of bidets in that country.   Just my experience.  Even hairy guys that I've hooked up with, who I thought might be questionable in terms of ass hygiene have surprised me in a good and exciting way. 

[inkball]

4 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

I'm the same way - dirty ass is not OK, but musky ass is fine. There are plenty of men, and I am one of them, whose ass will be musky within a short time after showering. So, a question for @inkball to ask himself - was this natural musk or feces? (You don't have to answer) Either way, the way to handle this is to ask your guy to shower at your place because you like to eat out a freshly-showered ass.

It was the "I never learned to wipe" smell. I was surprised because one of them was a fairly well known porn star who has both rimmed and been rimmed on camera. 

[nomad]

Just say NO if its beyond funky down below front or back.  

[soloyo215]

23 hours ago, Redwine56 said:

Separate and apart from specific preparation for scheduled action, I hear at times that some guys don't know how to properly clean themselves.  Apparently, they don't realize that they have to spread those cheeks and open up that a-hole under the shower for a thorough cleansing.  Just running the ass cheeks under the shower is not gonna do it.  Then of course, if the guy showered and took a shit afterwards, no wipes will clean as well as getting that a-hole under the shower.  Not passing the "sniff test" is a definite turnoff.  

True. I completely agree. Actually, I believe providers can attest to that more than clients. There have been posts about men getting massages without being clean, and if I remember correctly, there is a masseur that decided to keep wet wipes handy.

[d.anders]

On 6/11/2026 at 8:27 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

Men do not know how to wash their asses. Ask your married girlfriends-their husbands' underwear is skidmark city. 

There are a growing number of gastroenterologists on YouTube, attempting to educate viewers on good anal health. Most say it is vitally important not to over-clean the anus. I realize gay men often live by their own rules, but it is interesting and cautionary how those rules often conflict with medical science. I have always had a gay PCP in NY, but many gays don't have that. If you can't have sensitive, intelligent dialogue with a medical professional, it's incumbent upon you to take on pro-active research. A lot of these doctors answer questions in the YouTube Comments section for free.

I had a few friends in the 70's who were passionate about ass eating in the bathhouses. They suffered through so many gastrointestinal problems that never seemed to fully go away. If you hope to live beyond 50, it's good to ask about private behaviors that could affect your health in your senior years. I find fecal matter a serious turn-off, but many gay men don't. To each his own.

[msenge]

Is this even a question that needs to be asked? If you have to remind a provider to take a shower, they shouldn't be doing this job. It's just common courtesy to show up clean and fresh for your clients.

[Redwine56]

1 hour ago, d.anders said:

There are a growing number of gastroenterologists on YouTube, attempting to educate viewers on good anal health. Most say it is vitally important not to over-clean the anus. I realize gay men often live by their own rules, but it is interesting and cautionary how those rules often conflict with medical science. I have always had a gay PCP in NY, but many gays don't have that. If you can't have sensitive, intelligent dialogue with a medical professional, it's incumbent upon you to take on pro-active research. A lot of these doctors answer questions in the YouTube Comments section for free.

I had a few friends in the 70's who were passionate about ass eating in the bathhouses. They suffered through so many gastrointestinal problems that never seemed to fully go away. If you hope to live beyond 50, it's good to ask about private behaviors that could affect your health in your senior years. I find fecal matter a serious turn-off, but many gay men don't. To each his own.

With all the viruses prevalent out there today including ecoli, I cannot fathom how someone can feel safe eating shit.  😟

[ACluelessGent]

9 minutes ago, Redwine56 said:

With all the viruses prevalent out there today including ecoli, I cannot fathom how someone can feel safe eating shit.  😟

You got rimming all wrong. But apart from that, is it safer to eat sperm, spit, piss? What do you suggest? Sterilized abstence?

[d.anders]

1 hour ago, ACluelessGent said:

What do you suggest? Sterilized abstence?

It really is a tough call for sexually active gay men, especially those who watch a lot of porn. Real life is not porn.

I had a partner since college, and my partner wanted monogamy (long before gay marriage). I truly loved him, so I gave him what he wanted. Never cheated. I never had to worry about STDs or anything else. Never had any. After my partner died, and I started getting HE massages, I really had to think about the risks I was willing to take. Since I was a much older man when I became single again, it was easier for me to be more disciplined. If you limit your partners, and limit your unsafe activity, the numbers are in your favor. However, with lots of anonymous sex, life becomes a greater gamble.

[Redwine56]

23 hours ago, ACluelessGent said:

You got rimming all wrong. But apart from that, is it safer to eat sperm, spit, piss? What do you suggest? Sterilized abstence?

Like many other decisions in life, it's a risk vs rewards kind of shuffle.  To each his own.  But one bad decision can be the cause of much pain and suffering.  

[ACluelessGent]

1 hour ago, Redwine56 said:

Like many other decisions in life, it's a risk vs rewards kind of shuffle.  To each his own.  But one bad decision can be the cause of much pain and suffering.  

Fully agree. Specially the decision to abstain from life's pleasures.

[topunderachiever]

[Sunshine987]

On 6/10/2026 at 5:33 PM, inkball said:

When he arrived, he dropped his pants, bent over, and I smelled his stinky butt. It put me off the entire session. This happened again with an experienced provider/porn star. Is there a polite way to ask them to wash up/douche beforehand? How do you prevent this from happening?  

I had this same issue a couple years ago. It was probably the second time so it just surprised me since he knew my preferences. I don’t remember how I handled it but we didn’t see each other again, even tho he reached out a few times.