Conversation Is Tough

[+ Gar1eth]

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

[Nue2thegame]

You don’t seem to have trouble participating in conversations here. Does he know about CoM? Why don’t you consider talking to him about things that you find interesting here?

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

Go hiking, movies, theater, or just taking a walk on the street. Talk about what's going on: politics, celebrities, watch TV together and talk about it afterwards. 

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, Nue2thegame said:

You don’t seem to have trouble participating in conversations here. Does he know about CoM? Why don’t you consider talking to him about things that you find interesting here?

It's different.... besides many on here project an idealized depiction of themselves when it comes to looks, free sex, money, etc. even sexual orientation, many folks might proclaim to be bi even though they just don't date/hire women at all. 

For the record @Gar1eth WAS (in his previous participation in this forum) and IS (nowadays) one of the most honest posters. 

[+ nycman]

Has ever occurred to you that maybe he likes the fact that you don’t talk a lot?

Maybe he even enjoys the quiet time he gets to spend with you?

Just be you. If it’s meant to be, it will be. 

 

[maninsoma]

I agree that sometimes not talking and just being with someone is fine.

If you agree politically, you can always discuss politics.  In today's world, however, unless you are well aligned I wouldn't discuss politics as that's a sure way to end your friendship/relationship.

How much do you know about each other already?  I'm always interested in learning about someone's family of origin, childhood experiences, highs and lows from their past, etc.  There's truly an endless supply of subject matter.

[marylander1940]

28 minutes ago, nycman said:

Has ever occurred to you that maybe he likes the fact that you don’t talk a lot?

Maybe he even enjoys the quiet time he gets to spend with you?

Just be you. If it’s meant to be, it will be. 

 

 

2 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I agree that sometimes not talking and just being with someone is fine.

If you agree politically, you can always discuss politics.  In today's world, however, unless you are well aligned I wouldn't discuss politics as that's a sure way to end your friendship/relationship.

How much do you know about each other already?  I'm always interested in learning about someone's family of origin, childhood experiences, highs and lows from their past, etc.  There's truly an endless supply of subject matter.

 

I see the point!

 

[MaybeMaybeNot]

Ask him question about sports.  Or, ask about his family,  his past relationships,  his growing up.  Look at the art on his walls and ask about it.  Look through old photos together.  Ask about favorites--movies, vacations,  travel destinations,  TV shows, etc. Ask follow-up questions. Then, if he doesn't reciprocate asking you, don't wait to be asked.  Start sharing your answer.

If you are both quiet,  one of you needs to talk. I have a friend that way. She is not a talker. I ask questions and follow up questions, but she doesn't live a very active life, so when she has nothing to say,  I share a lot. I go into detail.  

Edited yesterday at 04:20 AM by MaybeMaybeNot

[seattlebottom]

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

[marylander1940]

17 minutes ago, seattlebottom said:

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

 

Man fakes being deaf, dumb for 62 years to avoid listening to wife - Punch Newspapers

The couple still raised six children and has 13 grandchildren, all of whom were also convinced that their father was deaf.

“When he was at home, he always faked being deaf. It wasn’t until I saw a YouTube video of him singing during a karaoke night in a bar while he was supposed to be at a meeting for a charity, that I understood everything,” she added.

“My client is pretty quiet and not very talkative, but his wife is annoyingly chatty. If he hadn’t faked being deaf, they would have divorced 60 years ago. In a way, he did it for her and for his family,” he said.

Actually, is a satire but not from The Onion 😆 

[mtaabq]

1 hour ago, seattlebottom said:

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

I have to admire and respect your candor. 

[+ SidewaysDM]

8 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

My advice, is to embrace your quietness. Being truly authentic to your true personality is essential. If your partner truly cares for you, he will accept and respect you, just as you are. Don’t try to be something you are not. 
 

I understand your struggle better than most. I have been a quiet and shy person, all of my life. I am now in my sixties. My partner excepts the fact that I am a quiet and reserved person. We are both retired and we enjoy the quiet pleasures of life together. We have very different interests and personalities. We have made it work and been happy for over 25 years. 

[TonyDown]

10 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

 

 

I see the point!

 

My best friend is straight.

He does stand-up, takes acting classes, likes opera, symphony, and theater.

I make it work.  I like my friend.

[Nightowl]

9 hours ago, seattlebottom said:

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

I’m the same way.  I don’t see the point of small talk when I don’t care about the other person, have no interest in him/her, and probably will never see him/her again.  It’s why I tend to avoid parties.

[marylander1940]

1 minute ago, Nightowl said:

I’m the same way.  I don’t see the point of small talk when I don’t care about the other person, have no interest in him/her, and probably will never see him/her again.  It’s why I tend to avoid parties.

@Gar1eth is currently dating this guy. He's not a neighbor in the elevator or someone at an office party. 

[Nightowl]

3 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

@Gar1eth is currently dating this guy. He's not a neighbor in the elevator or someone at an office party. 

I’m responding to @seattlebottom’s comment, not @Gar1eth

[marylander1940]

33 minutes ago, Nightowl said:

I’m responding to @seattlebottom’s comment, not @Gar1eth

I think was referring to not caring about anybody else in general though and not a "small talk".

Edited yesterday at 02:40 AM by marylander1940

[BSR]

8 hours ago, SidewaysDM said:

My advice, is to embrace your quietness. Being truly authentic to your true personality is essential. If your partner truly cares for you, he will accept and respect you, just as you are. Don’t try to be something you are not. 
 

I understand your struggle better than most. I have been a quiet and shy person, all of my life. I am now in my sixties. My partner excepts the fact that I am a quiet and reserved person. We are both retired and we enjoy the quiet pleasures of life together. We have very different interests and personalities. We have made it work and been happy for over 25 years. 

Great advice, except that I have to wonder if @Gar1eth is actually quiet and reserved.  As much as he initiates and weighs in on threads in this forum, I  have to think he’s a chatterbox, or at least someone who wants to be chatty but has yet to figure out how to go about it.

My first thought after reading the original post is if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  If both of you are OK with long and frequent silences, then keep doing what you’re doing.  But I get the sense that Gar1eth isn’t OK with it, or at least is somewhat uncomfortable with it.  Then my advice would be to get into whatever sport is your new guy friend’s favorite.  Every single sports fan on the planet loves to talk about his favorite sport/team/player.  Before you protest that you’re simply not a sports fan, give it a try.  Find the cutest/handsomest/hottest player on his favorite team and just follow that player.  If I can watch a hot guy read the phone book, I can certainly watch him play a sport I don’t understand.  Listen to the commentators & analysts because good ones really help you understand the sport.  And once you’ve figured a few things out, ask your guy friend some questions.  Since every sports fan is full of opinions, I’m pretty sure your friend will gladly share his despite how quiet he is otherwise.

As a tiny tyke, I became a die-hard tennis fan only because a young Bjorn Borg was sex on a stick.  Even though Borg retired decades ago, I grew to love tennis for the sport itself, hotties aside.  Lest you think you’re too old to get into it, I was well into adulthood when I became a die-hard baseball and football fan.  Two of my best gay friendships sprung from mutual love of a sport.  While we can talk sports for hours, conversation always strays into other topics as well.  Yuppers, not just straight guys bond over jock talk.

[+ SidewaysDM]

1 hour ago, BSR said:

Great advice, except that I have to wonder if @Gar1eth is actually quiet and reserved.  As much as he initiates and weighs in on threads in this forum, I  have to think he’s a chatterbox, or at least someone who wants to be chatty but has yet to figure out how to go about it.

My first thought after reading the original post is if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  If both of you are OK with long and frequent silences, then keep doing what you’re doing.  But I get the sense that Gar1eth isn’t OK with it, or at least is somewhat uncomfortable with it.  Then my advice would be to get into whatever sport is your new guy friend’s favorite.  Every single sports fan on the planet loves to talk about his favorite sport/team/player.  Before you protest that you’re simply not a sports fan, give it a try.  Find the cutest/handsomest/hottest player on his favorite team and just follow that player.  If I can watch a hot guy read the phone book, I can certainly watch him play a sport I don’t understand.  Listen to the commentators & analysts because good ones really help you understand the sport.  And once you’ve figured a few things out, ask your guy friend some questions.  Since every sports fan is full of opinions, I’m pretty sure your friend will gladly share his despite how quiet he is otherwise.

As a tiny tyke, I became a die-hard tennis fan only because a young Bjorn Borg was sex on a stick.  Even though Borg retired decades ago, I grew to love tennis for the sport itself, hotties aside.  Lest you think you’re too old to get into it, I was well into adulthood when I became a die-hard baseball and football fan.  Two of my best gay friendships sprung from mutual love of a sport.  While we can talk sports for hours, conversation always strays into other topics as well.  Yuppers, not just straight guys bond over jock talk.

You have made several excellent points. Some of my assumptions were probably not correct. Especially the fact that he may not be an introvert or reserved. 
 

Also, your point of taking an active interest in at least one sport, could be a game changer, and spark a lot of interesting conversations. 
 

I have witnessed myself, how taking a joint interest in sports, can really benefit and help improve your conversations with a friend or partner. My partner and I recently got into watching football and baseball. We are now die hard Eagles and Phillies fans! We are both in our sixties! It has been enjoyable to watch together and has sparked plenty of great discussions. We even plan to attend a Phillies game this summer! Btw: We love watching Bryce Harper play! 
 

Thanks, BSR for some great insights! 

[jeezifonly]

Suggest spending a day volunteering together - ask if there's any causes or organizations he thinks might benefit from your time. Always be prepared to offer with one you support as well. You'll have something in common to discuss afterwards, guaranteed. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

@Gar1eth, I think I speak for many of us here who think you’re precious…but that doesn’t mean you’re perfect.   Just be in the moment with your new friend. And don’t overthink it.  You’ll find the way.   Maybe, just maybe, for him it’s about presence but not words.

BTW: if my life depended on talking about sports, it would be a quick end to my illustrious presence.  😉

[marylander1940]

10 hours ago, BSR said:

Great advice, except that I have to wonder if @Gar1eth is actually quiet and reserved.  As much as he initiates and weighs in on threads in this forum, I  have to think he’s a chatterbox, or at least someone who wants to be chatty but has yet to figure out how to go about it.

My first thought after reading the original post is if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  If both of you are OK with long and frequent silences, then keep doing what you’re doing.  But I get the sense that Gar1eth isn’t OK with it, or at least is somewhat uncomfortable with it.  Then my advice would be to get into whatever sport is your new guy friend’s favorite.  Every single sports fan on the planet loves to talk about his favorite sport/team/player.  Before you protest that you’re simply not a sports fan, give it a try.  Find the cutest/handsomest/hottest player on his favorite team and just follow that player.  If I can watch a hot guy read the phone book, I can certainly watch him play a sport I don’t understand.  Listen to the commentators & analysts because good ones really help you understand the sport.  And once you’ve figured a few things out, ask your guy friend some questions.  Since every sports fan is full of opinions, I’m pretty sure your friend will gladly share his despite how quiet he is otherwise.

As a tiny tyke, I became a die-hard tennis fan only because a young Bjorn Borg was sex on a stick.  Even though Borg retired decades ago, I grew to love tennis for the sport itself, hotties aside.  Lest you think you’re too old to get into it, I was well into adulthood when I became a die-hard baseball and football fan.  Two of my best gay friendships sprung from mutual love of a sport.  While we can talk sports for hours, conversation always strays into other topics as well.  Yuppers, not just straight guys bond over jock talk.

Agreed. 

Folks are not as self-confident as they portray to be on here when it comes to face-to-face interactions.

Eye-candy is always a great way be drawn to sports, I wish that was enough to make some folks get off the sofa...

I thought you were more of a Rafa Nadal person.

[wsc]

On 3/21/2026 at 1:01 PM, marylander1940 said:

 

Man fakes being deaf, dumb for 62 years to avoid listening to wife - Punch Newspapers

The couple still raised six children and has 13 grandchildren, all of whom were also convinced that their father was deaf.

“When he was at home, he always faked being deaf. It wasn’t until I saw a YouTube video of him singing during a karaoke night in a bar while he was supposed to be at a meeting for a charity, that I understood everything,” she added.

“My client is pretty quiet and not very talkative, but his wife is annoyingly chatty. If he hadn’t faked being deaf, they would have divorced 60 years ago. In a way, he did it for her and for his family,” he said.

Actually, is a satire but not from The Onion 😆 

After his wife had died the husband confessed to a friend that he hadn't said a word to her for over twenty years. "Why was that?" asked the friend. "I didn't want to interrupt her."