Trying to Understand Providers

[Veryshyone]

I am curious to know how providers are able to "perform" with individuals they are not attracted to. Is it a sense of simply providing a service to those who desire their services? Considered their job to make money alone? Some people hate their typical jobs, is it the same for providers? Are providers repulsed by some of their clients but yet follow through for the $$$? I understand clients need to vet providers, do providers refuse some clients, if yes, under what circumstances. I really want to understand as I embark with hiring providers. Any suggestions on how I should mentally approach hiring?

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, Veryshyone said:

I am curious to know how providers are able to "perform" with individuals they are not attracted to

I wrote this comment recently: 

There are several similar comments on the thread.

 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, Veryshyone said:

Is it a sense of simply providing a service to those who desire their services? Considered their job to make money alone? Some people hate their typical jobs, is it the same for providers?

Here's a similar mental question:   Would you be an escort?  The responses are enlightening. 

In summary:  In all jobs, you have to like what you do in order to succeed long term.  But, it's still a job and most people wouldn't do even a job they "love" for free.

 

 

[Veryshyone]

Thank you for providing this Vegas. I am curious.

[LookingAround]

2 hours ago, Veryshyone said:

Are providers repulsed by some of their clients but yet follow through for the $$$? ......Any suggestions on how I should mentally approach hiring?

Of course they are. They grin and bear it and pretend in order to earn the money like any job. It's called acting. 
You approach by not over thinking and not worrying about it. 

[Mark_fl]

Personally, I like when I see they are accepting of all ages and body types. I'm in the world of average plus a little weight, so I describe myself best I can so if they want to decline, flake, or ghost, I'm saving myself some disappointment.  It's fine,  good even, if they insist on cleanliness. 

Red flags are when they give discounts for younger guys, or mention any physical preferences of their own.

[DMonDude]

43 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

You approach by not over thinking and not worrying about it. 

Agreed.

I really struggled in my early hiring days (and every once in a while still do) with having like that disassociating out of body moment during or after a meeting with a provider where i think about the fact that they likely are not attracted to me and possibly even may have been actively struggling to perform with me and just were really good at the job. I can't see it on their face but i know it's likely there in their mind.

You have to have a certain mental strength/security with yourself to not let that aspect get to you. I'm mostly fine about it now though, i focus on being a client that is easy for the provider to work with (which after browsing this place for a while you will see how much providers appreciate multiple non-appearance based things about us clients). Think of it like trying to be attractive to a business as a customer or collaborative working partner, you're not trying to be attractive to a potential mate. In the business/customer sense, you absolutely can be incredibly attractive to providers. If you perform for them in that sense, they will perform for you and everybody wins.

[CuriousByNature]

They take the Victorian approach.  They close their eyes and think of England.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

this is a very interesting situation.

 

As a 65 year old man of size - I describe myself in my first communication with a provider - as such 

65 yr old blonde bear 120KG clean shaven looking for .......    a 2 hour meeting on Tuesday night if you can host that would be great .....

First up it gives them to opportunity to say no - it won't work, or ghost me, or start a conversation along the lines of that works for me,  I note your interest in bondage or ws etc and go from there.

When I am hiring I don't care how they act as long as they get into it - satisfy my needs and its a cordial pleasant meeting.

Equally if I am in an expensive restaurant I want the waiter to tell me what the side dishes are, his recommendations and share his knowledge about the French burgundy I am considering ordering - does it go with the fish etc (and we know red does not normally ).

Its a service I am paying for and I expect the provider to be able to provide a good meeting based on ABC and D and do it with a smile on his face, some sexy sounds of appreciation and groans when he cums.

The provider has chosen his line of work - the rest does not matter to me.

Because of my approach and vetting I am rarely disappointed 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[+ Jamie21]

Try not to worry about these things. They’re not your problem. As others have said, focus on being a good client when you hire. That will endear you to him and as long as you hire the right guy you’ll have a great experience. 

However, if you really want answers here’s mine, from a provider’s perspective.

Performing?: Don’t assume that attraction has to be physical (this is linked to the ‘be a good client request’). Attraction can be to any personal attribute or even to a situation. One can tell oneself a story or go to a past situation in one’s memory. Of course it doesn’t always work. Every provider has experienced times when they couldn’t perform. That’s normal and usually nothing to do with the client. Remember that: nothing to do with the client. 

Love the job?: Yes, it’s not an easy job to do for any length of time if you don’t love it. So hire experienced guys not newbies. They love meeting good clients. Note the ‘good’ clients bit. 

Vet clients?: Yes, but subtly, via pricing and availability. I don’t ask for pics but a potential client starting their message with ‘hey’, sending an ‘available now?’ message at any time or especially after 10pm at night, sending a cock pic, asking for a discount or generally behaving sketchily will never get booked regardless of what he looks like or promises. So in that sense all the assholes are vetted out. This again links to the ‘be a good client’ point. 

So like I said, don’t worry about the provider’s job in the transaction, focus on yours and it will be fine. 

 

 

 

[+ TravisChambers]

Good question! I can only speak for myself of course, but there are a few answers here. The first thing is I genuinely love meeting new people as well as sex and physical connection; that’s what drew me to the work in the first place. It’s a great learning experience to be meeting guys of many different backgrounds and lifestyles rather than just living in the bubble in which I might otherwise find myself. In terms of initiating contact, it helps that I’m an empath and within a few minutes can generally discern the type of person he is inside. Everyone in this world has beautiful and interesting parts to his character, so I look for that and connect with it. Most people despite their flaws are good people who mean well and are trying their best. We’re never the villains in our own stories. Once I figure out the lense through which someone views the world, I can understand his behavior, even when we’re very different people. I also think about the fact he likely works really hard for the money he’s spending and how everyone deserves to feel seen, understood, and appreciated—especially those of who reach out to me. They deserve connection and compassion much more than the rest of you who have not, obviously. In terms of physical performance, just the act of being tuned in to someone mentally usually gets me aroused, but of course there are a variety of pharmacologic tools from pills to injectables as fall backs. During the encounter, I can say that it’s very easy to enjoy myself with clients. Hooking up from some dating app can have me deep in my head and focused on my insecurities and what the other guy is thinking, etc, which can make it hard to relax and be present; however, when I’m with a client, there’s something very validating and liberating in the knowledge that he finds value in my company and selected me from a catalog of gorgeous men, and that sense of being chosen usually makes me feel even more connected and appreciative of what we’re able to provide each other. I don’t mean financial or physical but the mutual feeling of acceptance and validation.

I can’t think of times I’ve actually been appalled by a client except for when related to certain behaviors. For example very early on when I started, I had a client ask for a lower rate to simply use some toys on me with no sex, which seemed reasonable at the time; however, without kissing or foreplay he began penetrating me with a dildo in such a rough and dispassionate way, I eventually told him I was uncomfortable, and he didn’t have to pay me anything if we could please stop. He replied “you know we have the ability to rate you on RentMen, right?” I let the session continue to preserve my five-star rating, but that was the moment I stopped considering discounts or other variables and basing the rate strictly on my time. Aside from threatening comments like that or refusal to pay agreed rates after a long session, it would be hard for me to find a client appalling, especially based solely on appearance. We’re all much more similar than we are different.

Anyway, this is only my experience, but hopefully it gives some insight into how we try to quickly connect with a new client and still create a meaningful encounter.

[Veryshyone]

Really great feedback! I also like to see providers accepting all ages and body types. I'm a bit older, 58, in good shape and treat everyone with respect and kindness. Comments here are helping with the psychological aspect.

[Nightowl]

5 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

They take the Victorian approach.  They close their eyes and think of England.

I was going to say the same thing but you beat me to it! 😂

[jmichaeliii]

I have found that if you read enough provider profiles you will notice patterns of who is gonna be good and who you should avoid.  Not a flawless method but has worked well for me.  Same with reviews on the platforms and here.

I hire locally and where I travel for work and a lot of good points have been made in this thread.  Be a good client and providers will treat you like gold.  

A good client doesnt waste time, is kind and respectful, does repeat business and is always clean when a meet happens.

I have said many times here that I am an average guy, late 50s and a little overweight.

I have had some fantastic, passionate times with guys I know are way out of my league and I just soak it in and enjoy.  I have also developed friendships with a few of guys.  Follow these rules, dont overthink it and enjoy!

 

[+ SidewaysDM]

5 hours ago, Bargara Leatherboy said:

this is a very interesting situation.

 

As a 65 year old man of size - I describe myself in my first communication with a provider - as such 

65 yr old blonde bear 120KG clean shaven looking for .......    a 2 hour meeting on Tuesday night if you can host that would be great .....

First up it gives them to opportunity to say no - it won't work, or ghost me, or start a conversation along the lines of that works for me,  I note your interest in bondage or ws etc and go from there.

When I am hiring I don't care how they act as long as they get into it - satisfy my needs and its a cordial pleasant meeting.

Equally if I am in an expensive restaurant I want the waiter to tell me what the side dishes are, his recommendations and share his knowledge about the French burgundy I am considering ordering - does it go with the fish etc (and we know red does not normally ).

Its a service I am paying for and I expect the provider to be able to provide a good meeting based on ABC and D and do it with a smile on his face, some sexy sounds of appreciation and groans when he cums.

The provider has chosen his line of work - the rest does not matter to me.

Because of my approach and vetting I am rarely disappointed 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am finding your approach to work well for me, as well. Here is my intro: Hi I am a 64 year old chub (6’ 2”) 285lbs. closeted, married to wife for 25 year. This gives the provider enough information, to not respond or politely say they are not interested. Surprisingly, I have not been ghosted, flaked or turned down. I have great respect for the numerous provders that are welcoming to older, big guys like myself. I am finding they are kind, caring and great fun! I have gotten over the fact they may not be physically attracted to me, Their job is to satisfy my needs, and the perform and do it well. It it is an act, then they are great performers! As they should be. 

[jmichaeliii]

17 minutes ago, SidewaysDM said:

I am finding your approach to work well for me, as well. Here is my intro: Hi I am a 64 year old chub (6’ 2”) 285lbs. closeted, married to wife for 25 year. This gives the provider enough information, to not respond or politely say they are not interested. Surprisingly, I have not been ghosted, flaked or turned down. I have great respect for the numerous provders that are welcoming to older, big guys like myself. I am finding they are kind, caring and great fun! I have gotten over the fact they may not be physically attracted to me, Their job is to satisfy my needs, and the perform and do it well. It it is an act, then they are great performers! As they should be. 

I am not going to fool myself that a lot of this is acting, but I do think there are times when the provider is also getting enjoyment.

One of my providers has told me that he enjoys when we meet because I make him feel loved.  I have been lucky enough to find several providers that are simply good people and that helps a lot.  Take it for what its worth, but I always enjoy a more intimate and passionate session versus just a quickie and thats it.  And I am very interactive if you hear what Im saying.  I am also well past the shy point when I meet someone.  I get to fulfill my fantasies with several gorgeous guys and they seem to like it too!

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

15 hours ago, Veryshyone said:

Are providers repulsed by some of their clients but yet follow through...?

I've often thought of this when I think how do certain married people continue to have sex with their husbands/wives?

[DenverDad]

I couldn't do the job but I'm very grateful to find men who do and do it well.

[Elite_XL]

Generally, it is how each one of us is wired. I get easily aroused from touch and intimacy, while something that puts me off is the smell and hygiene. It differs from one person to another.

It does have a lot to do with making the provider feel valued. If there is pressure or tension, dont expect us to perform properly. 

[jmichaeliii]

6 minutes ago, Elite_XL said:

Generally, it is how each one of us is wired. I get easily aroused from touch and intimacy, while something that puts me off is the smell and hygiene. It differs from one person to another.

It does have a lot to do with making the provider feel valued. If there is pressure or tension, dont expect us to perform properly. 

that is valuable info to hear.  i absolutely love the intimate part of the experience and my regulars seem to share your viewpoint.  

I hope they know I value them.. I do say it every now and then to all, but I also try to show it when we are together.  It is funny because I have a regular who is amazing in the bedroom, and he works a physically demanding 9-5 job.  When we first met, he liked being the alpha, but after a few sessions I now get him to relax for part of the session and let me work on him!  He seems to love it and it turns me on that he loves it.

[jeezifonly]

Would I enjoy watching a magic show as much if I knew how every illusion and trick worked? Probably not. I assume that pretense of desire from the provider is part of the show. Some are better at playing the scenes, some dazzle with movement and technical prowess. 

Chemistry relies on participation of both, and as a client, I offer an older handsome face, promptness, cleanliness, kindness, non-obsequious compliments, a sense of humor, and verbal responsiveness when I like what he's doing. 

My disappointments are few and far-between. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, jeezifonly said:

Would I enjoy watching a magic show as much if I knew how every illusion and trick worked? Probably not.

👏 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

12 hours ago, TravisChambers said:

without kissing or foreplay he began penetrating me with a dildo in such a rough and dispassionate way, I eventually told him I was uncomfortable, and he didn’t have to pay me anything if we could please stop. He replied “you know we have the ability to rate you on RentMen, right?” I let the session continue to preserve my five-star rating, but that was the moment I stopped considering discounts or other variables and basing the rate strictly on my time

This is absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry that this awful man did this to you. 

[Veryshyone]

TravisChambers, I am so sorry to hear that a client would do that. I can't imagine what you went through and don't understand people who are so abusive. 

[+ TravisChambers]

15 hours ago, Veryshyone said:

I also like to see providers accepting all ages and body types. I'm a bit older, 58, in good shape and treat everyone with respect and kindness.

Try not to make assumptions about what others find attractive. Before I learned RentMen was even an option I used the app Daddy Hunt, and my filters were frequently set to >50. You may be accepted not in spite of your age or body but because of it!