A personal moment

[Archangel]

So…I’ve been doing a little think. Classic reflective behavior.

I want to say something, and I want to say it without flailing or making a scene (too late, I know). The truth is, I’ve been a bit much. Not in the fun, “he’s a bit much but we love him anyway” way. No. In the “oh god, he’s typing again” way. And I’m sorry. Sincerely.

What I meant as cleverness or edge? It read like I was spoiling for a fight. What I called commentary? Often just me trying to land a punchline that nobody asked for. I’ve had outbursts. I’ve made attacks—yes, me. Not at me. From me. I brought a little too much theater, a little too much vinegar, and not enough chamomile tea energy. And if you’ve ever logged on and sighed because you saw my username—hi, I get it.

There are people here who just float. They speak and everyone nods, like, yes, brilliant. Me? I drop in like a raccoon in a dog park. Loud. Confused. Unwanted. I thought I was adding to the conversation, but really I might’ve been the reason some of you muted notifications.

And look, this isn’t me begging for absolution. This isn’t my tearful apology tour. This is me saying I’ve read the room—and the room has fluorescent lighting and a clipboard now—and it’s clear I need to recalibrate. There’s a rhythm here, and I’ve been clapping on the ones and threes. I’m going take a breath, find the beat, and talk less.

I don’t expect confetti or cookies. I just want to own what’s mine, and not in a diva way. In a “I’ll be chill this time” way. I’m working on being less of a crash cymbal and more of a triangle—still present, but, you know, lightly. Tastefully.

Thank you for your patience. Or your eye rolls. Honestly, either is valid.

[sider]

It’s so hard to get tone across in written word, whether it be a post on a website forum or just a simple text! I often read something that some else has posted and come up with a quick, witty reply. But, after typing it out, almost always delete it because it doesn't sound the same as it does in my head!

[Archangel]

6 hours ago, sider said:

it doesn't sound the same as it does in my head

Truth. Sometimes no matter how much caution you think you’re exercising too, there’s some hidden trap you walk right into. 

[+ APPLE1]

Some of my favorite pieces have both cymbal crashes and triangle tingles. Sometimes one really makes me appreciate the other.
But typically, one directs  me to contemplate if the other truly is preferable. 

[LookingAround]

I have no idea what the OP is trying to say beyond the metaphors. 

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, LookingAround said:

I have no idea what the OP is trying to say beyond the metaphors. 

I think he is announcing that he is trying to change his voice to make it more empathetic and constructive, and less self centered and aggressive. I think that the intention is commendable, especially in the current political and cultural context.

I used to make these announcements when I was trying to redirect myself, and many times I would fail to meet my promises. As being human and imperfect is often taken as being hypocrite, I stopped making announcements and just try to do better. 

[+ Charlie]

I would have been pleased to have each of you as a student.

[CuriousByNature]

Each of us is a work in progress  

[Archangel]

2 hours ago, Charlie said:

I would have been pleased to have each of you as a student.

What did you teach?

[+ Charlie]

22 minutes ago, Archangel said:

What did you teach?

English composition.

[Archangel]

31 minutes ago, Charlie said:

English composition.

I love to write. When I’m impassioned, it flows. Scribal logorrhea! 😂 

[+ José Soplanucas]

48 minutes ago, Charlie said:

English composition.

Now that you added that piece of info, your previous comment gains a completely different meaning.

 

[Nightowl]

Self-reflection is always good.  Uncomfortable perhaps, but beneficial in the long run.  I admire you for making the effort and being open about it.  

[+ Charlie]

3 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

Now that you added that piece of info, your previous comment gains a completely different meaning.

 

Perhaps I should have explained that it would be a pleasure to have you as students, because you are very articulate, so I wouldn't have to do much work.

[Nightowl]

4 minutes ago, Charlie said:

Perhaps I should have explained that it would be a pleasure to have you as students, because you are very articulate, so I wouldn't have to do much work.

I have been impressed by how articulate many of the posts on CoM have been. It’s very refreshing given what one often sees on social media.

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

Perhaps I should have explained that it would be a pleasure to have you as students, because you are very articulate, so I wouldn't have to do much work.

LOL. Well, it looks like you would be a great teacher.

[Archangel]

2 hours ago, Nightowl said:

I have been impressed by how articulate many of the posts on CoM have been. It’s very refreshing given what one often sees on social media.

Social media is where intelligibility goes to die a slow, languorous death. I was having a back-and-forth with a man (guessing from his profile picture a former marine) on my town’s general FB discussion group a few days ago. He took it upon himself to, what I’m sure he thought, cleverly and indirectly insult me by mis-orienting(?) me sexually and then used the would “complement” when he meant “compliment.” My response, which I thought was cleverly indirect, totally missed him and he proceeded in outright attack what he believed to be my political leaning. All that bereft of punctuation of course. Alas…

[Nightowl]

14 minutes ago, Archangel said:

Social media is where intelligibility goes to die a slow, languorous death. I was having a back-and-forth with a man (guessing from his profile picture a former marine) on my town’s general FB discussion group a few days ago. He took it upon himself to, what I’m sure he thought, cleverly and indirectly insult me by mis-orienting(?) me sexually and then used the would “complement” when he meant “compliment.” My response, which I thought was cleverly indirect, totally missed him and he proceeded in outright attack what he believed to be my political leaning. All that bereft of punctuation of course. Alas…

I’ve had experiences like that.  Once the insults start, their only value is entertainment. 

[Archangel]

1 hour ago, Nightowl said:

I’ve had experiences like that.  Once the insults start, their only value is entertainment. 

It wasn’t even entertaining. It’s only halfway entertaining if they recognize it. Otherwise it’s wasted vexation. 

[Nightowl]

6 hours ago, Archangel said:

It wasn’t even entertaining. It’s only halfway entertaining if they recognize it. Otherwise it’s wasted vexation. 

True

[Bokomaru]

@Archangel when I joined this forum I quickly realized that there were some fairly negative people to be avoided. Plus, I would confuse who was who. Therefore, I started making notes about people. It provides context for reading their posts in the future. 
 

For what it’s worth, I have six notes written about you, and none are about you being negative or aggressive. Although you voice your opinions strongly sometimes, it’s never been exceptionally toxic in my view. 
 

If you want to know what I’ve written about you, you’re welcome to DM me. 

[Archangel]

@Bokomaru, that is kind! It’s like the file! 😂 

[soloyo215]

I remember only one user here who was insufferable for always trying to find ways of attacking others at a personal level (tried to attack me for my intelligence). I don't know if that person was booted out or blocked, but that's the only user that can think of as aggressive.

To me, I can't care less about other people posting negative comments, and if I don't find them to be the type of comment that adds to the thread, I just skip it. I'm not an admin here, so it's not my job to monitor or facilitate conversations.

I myself post things that can be perceived as negative, but normally I keep thinks in I statements, and I make sure that it's something I am confident about, it's first hand information, it's verified information, it's my own experience, or it's a strong opinion that I have. If others react in certain ways about it, it's not because I'm just babbling or not knowing what I am talking about.

Like my mother used to say: "Every time you say something, make sure that (1) you know what you're saying, and (2) you know why you're saying it".

If you need acceptance, can't take criticism, want to make friends at any cost, then what you post might need to have certain appeal. Just my thoughts.

[Archangel]

4 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

I keep thinks in I statements, and I make sure that it's something I am confident about, it's first hand information, it's verified information, it's my own experience, or it's a strong opinion that I have.

Having to footnote everything in a conversation and ready to defend it with sources kills stimulating back-and-forth. That said, there are definitely those who’ve formed opinions divorced of any kind of reality-based facts. And are happy to spout them. I believe if you’re a semi-aware person in today’s world, you should be able to have a conversation about various topics without needing to verify everything you say. And if you’re talking with semi-aware people they should be respectful enough to disagree without being disagreeable. Sadly, we live in a world where discussing things doesn’t happen anymore but instead we debate and argue to come out “convincing” or “winning.” I can fall victim to this. Try to take leave of a fruitless argument and you’re perceived as weak or stupid. But sometimes it’s better to just shake the dust off your feet and say you’re done, no matter if the others feel you’re a weakling or they “won.” The thing about wrestling with swine in the sty is the pigs enjoy it and in the end everyone is still covered in mud and shit.

[Archangel]

4 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

If you need acceptance, can't take criticism, want to make friends at any cost, then what you post might need to have certain appeal. Just my thoughts.

Some people have a natural charisma. I haven’t decided if that’s a blessing or a bane…