Everyone's last time

[CuriousByNature]

Apologies in advance if this topic is too melancholy, but the recent death of an elderly uncle I helped take care of made me think of the various 'lasts' he experienced in the days leading to his passing.  His funeral was uplifting because he lived nearly 94 years in relatively good health, and he was not fearful about his impending demise.

But it got me thinking that most of us will never know when our various 'lasts' will take place.  The last time we watch our favourite tv show, the last time we ever eat a meal, the last time we visit with friends or family.  Other routine matters too, like the last time we shave, or the last time we get dressed.  

I'm not one to dwell on death at all, nor have I ever had the attitude of, 'this may be the last time I ....'   So I'm not sure why this train of thought jumped into my head today.  Maybe we just need to be thankful for the time we do have, and try to appreciate those things we might easily take for granted.

[+ Charlie]

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week, and as I move around the house, I can't help thinking about the last time he did something here or saw something that I have changed since he went into an assisted living facility. Yesterday I was going through his clothing to decide what to throw away and what to donate, and I couldn't help trying to remember the last time I saw him wear an item. I stopped hiring 11 years ago, and sometimes I wonder why I bother to read threads about new escorts, since I don't plan to hire again. I used to travel all over the world, and I can't help wondering whether I have seen certain places that were important to me for the last time. I used to be a frequent opera-goer, and as I listen to a recording, I wonder when or if I will make the effort necessary to see a performance again.

I enjoy reminiscing, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life just thinking about time last time I saw or did something. I hope to continue seeing and doing old things and maybe new ones, until I am unable to do anything except remember the last time.

[CuriousByNature]

21 minutes ago, Charlie said:

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week, and as I move around the house, I can't help thinking about the last time he did something here or saw something that I have changed since he went into an assisted living facility. Yesterday I was going through his clothing to decide what to throw away and what to donate, and I couldn't help trying to remember the last time I saw him wear an item. I stopped hiring 11 years ago, and sometimes I wonder why I bother to read threads about new escorts, since I don't plan to hire again. I used to travel all over the world, and I can't help wondering whether I have seen certain places that were important to me for the last time. I used to be a frequent opera-goer, and as I listen to a recording, I wonder when or if I will make the effort necessary to see a performance again.

I enjoy reminiscing, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life just thinking about time last time I saw or did something. I hope to continue seeing and doing old things and maybe new ones, until I am unable to do anything except remember the last time.

I am so, so sorry for your loss @Charlie.  I hope you are surrounded by support during this time of grief.  May you know a sense of peace over the coming days, weeks and months, despite this profound loss.  I am glad that you continue to be active on this forum - you have so much wisdom that you share with everyone, and your contributions are much appreciated.  I think you have a great perspective about not spending the rest of your life thinking about the last time you did something, but rather, planning to do additional things moving forward.  I truly hope you have many years of health and happiness ahead, with new experiences to enrich your life even further.  Blessings to you during this difficult time, and may the happy memories of your spouse uplift you always.

[samhexum]

32 minutes ago, Charlie said:

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week, and as I move around the house, I can't help thinking about the last time he did something here or saw something that I have changed since he went into an assisted living facility. Yesterday I was going through his clothing to decide what to throw away and what to donate, and I couldn't help trying to remember the last time I saw him wear an item. I stopped hiring 11 years ago, and sometimes I wonder why I bother to read threads about new escorts, since I don't plan to hire again. I used to travel all over the world, and I can't help wondering whether I have seen certain places that were important to me for the last time. I used to be a frequent opera-goer, and as I listen to a recording, I wonder when or if I will make the effort necessary to see a performance again.

I enjoy reminiscing, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life just thinking about time last time I saw or did something. I hope to continue seeing and doing old things and maybe new ones, until I am unable to do anything except remember the last time.

 

4 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

I am so, so sorry for your loss @Charlie.  I hope you are surrounded by support during this time of grief.  May you know a sense of peace over the coming days, weeks and months, despite this profound loss.  I am glad that you continue to be active on this forum - you have so much wisdom that you share with everyone, and your contributions are much appreciated.  I think you have a great perspective about not spending the rest of your life thinking about the last time you did something, but rather, planning to do additional things moving forward.  I truly hope you have many years of health and happiness ahead, with new experiences to enrich your life even further.  Blessings to you during this difficult time, and may the happy memories of your spouse uplift you always.

I couldn't say it any better, @Charlie, so I won't try.  I wish you comfort and peace of mind.

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week, and as I move around the house, I can't help thinking about the last time he did something here or saw something that I have changed since he went into an assisted living facility. Yesterday I was going through his clothing to decide what to throw away and what to donate, and I couldn't help trying to remember the last time I saw him wear an item. I stopped hiring 11 years ago, and sometimes I wonder why I bother to read threads about new escorts, since I don't plan to hire again. I used to travel all over the world, and I can't help wondering whether I have seen certain places that were important to me for the last time. I used to be a frequent opera-goer, and as I listen to a recording, I wonder when or if I will make the effort necessary to see a performance again.

I enjoy reminiscing, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life just thinking about time last time I saw or did something. I hope to continue seeing and doing old things and maybe new ones, until I am unable to do anything except remember the last time.

Much love and blessings to you! 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week, and as I move around the house, I can't help thinking about the last time he did something here or saw something that I have changed since he went into an assisted living facility. Yesterday I was going through his clothing to decide what to throw away and what to donate, and I couldn't help trying to remember the last time I saw him wear an item. I stopped hiring 11 years ago, and sometimes I wonder why I bother to read threads about new escorts, since I don't plan to hire again. I used to travel all over the world, and I can't help wondering whether I have seen certain places that were important to me for the last time. I used to be a frequent opera-goer, and as I listen to a recording, I wonder when or if I will make the effort necessary to see a performance again.

I enjoy reminiscing, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life just thinking about time last time I saw or did something. I hope to continue seeing and doing old things and maybe new ones, until I am unable to do anything except remember the last time.

Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. Your words resonate with me. Many years ago, I lost someone who was more than just my partner—he was the one who taught me the depths of what love could mean. He was the first to make me believe in a future where love felt safe, certain, and lasting.

When he passed, I fell into the same pattern you described, replaying all the “lasts.” The last time we laughed together. The last time he surprised me with something small but thoughtful—a flower he picked on his way home or a favorite bottle of wine. The last time he said my name. The last time he touched me. Those memories became sacred but also suffocating.

One day, while going through some of his things, I came across an old note he had written to me. It wasn’t meant to be profound—it was just a grocery list with a little message scribbled at the bottom: “Let’s make this a good day.” That simple phrase stuck with me. I realized I had been focusing so much on what was gone that I had stopped allowing myself to create new moments, new memories, new beginnings.

It wasn’t about replacing him or forgetting what we had. It was about honoring him by continuing to live in the way he had encouraged me to—with openness to joy and possibility.

Now, when I think of him, I don’t just remember the endings. I celebrate the beginnings—the first time he made me feel seen, the first time I let my guard down and trusted someone completely, the first time I realized that love doesn’t need to be perfect to be real. Those firsts don’t take away from the love I’ve shared with others before or since—they’re a part of the larger tapestry of who I am and how I’ve loved.

I hope, as you move through your grief, you’ll give yourself the grace to hold on to the past while also leaving space for new beginnings. Life may feel heavy now, but it’s still full of so much to discover and cherish. Even the smallest steps forward can remind us that love, in all its forms, is worth pursuing—until the very end.

[mike carey]

I'm so sorry to hear that @Charlie. Requiescat in pace.

[MikeBiDude]

@Charlie you’re in my thoughts. We met once at the PS weekend, must have been 3-4 years ago. All my best.

[Andy768]

Maybe it's just following my tendency toward dark things, but I actually love this topic. And I'm really impressed with what the posters above have shared - how eloquently you wrote about your "last time" experiences and how genuinely those feelings came through in your stories. I am sorry for your losses - yours in particular, Charlie, it being so recent and your spouse. May your husband rest in peace.

As an overly sentimental person myself, I am grateful to NOT know the last time. I'd make way too big a deal of it. I just try to keep in mind to cherish life while I have it.

Edited November 22, 2024 by Andy768

[liubit]

I am deeply sorry for your loss, @Charlie. You are a very valuable and valued member of this community of ours, please keep posting your insightful comments here: we all benefit from your wisdom. My heartfelt condolences. 

[Luv2play]

@Charlie I want to join others in expressing my condolences for your great loss. You and I have been on this forum for over two decades and I have always appreciated your contributions to the discussion here.

I feel a certain kinship with you just because we have travelled similar pathways in our lives albeit with some differences as well. I think the fact that we have as adults lived through more than five decades and witnessed so many societal changes in North America makes us fellow travellers. 
 

The one big difference is you chose to become a Westerner while I always felt more at home in the East. I retired more than twenty years ago and Canadian friends of mine who lived in PS urged me to move there.  I visited twice but was not attracted. Vive la difference!

But I hope you find comfort in your friends and keep up the tennis! 

Edited November 23, 2024 by Luv2play

[soloyo215]

@Charlie and @CuriousByNature:

I'm sorry for your loss of a loved one. And I loved reading your words.

My condolences to both.

[pubic_assistance]

On 11/21/2024 at 1:49 PM, Charlie said:

I think this is a very natural response to the death of a loved one. My spouse died last week,

So sorry for your loss. Sending my condolences.