Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[Rod Hagen]

19 hours ago, DMonDude said:

Sure, but that doesn't change what i said. For some that isn't the case, and that's ok. It doesn't have to be real to be good. That's part of being good at the job. This isn't a knock or something they need to be defended against.

Saying something does not make it true.  It's how you feel likely because you can't imagine being turned on by an average or god forbid below average client.  That makes sense. Standard tastes are standard because they are held by the majority and most gay men only want hot and skilled guys, so anything else is at best settling, at worse a chore, at the very worst unmanageable. 

Since you live in your own head, like we all do, it's probably hard for you to comprehend that throughout  time lots and lots of prostitutes don't feel that way about appearance or sexual proficiency, which is why we stick with it.  There are lots of Rod Hagens and Benjamin Nichols and Mike Gaites and Calvin Culvers and Dane Scots who do this for years, decades, with a smile.  Do you imagine that we are gluttons for punishment?  Sure on any particular day it may feel like a chore because the escort has other things he's thinking of, life, or maybe he came accidentally earlier in the day and is now trying to muddle through.  Muddling through occasionally is true of any job, even the ones we love. But if you love your job, that's only occasionally.  Many guys love escorting and enjoy their varied clients. 

But I'm the one who brought up longterm escorts which kinda derailed this conversation a bit I suppose.  I only did that because I always want to encourage people to either hire the escorts who are established, or if that's not possible to select the ones with the most reviews (use a proxy server) on Rent men from reviewers that seem to write "real" reviews.  But it that's not possible, then yes of course a lot of those unestablished guys may very well be grinning and bearing it just to get by for a bit to get over a $ slump.  I hope they make you believe it.  But there are lots of guys in the major cities available to you who are not faking. 

Edited August 23 by Rod Hagen

[Rod Hagen]

Just now, Mark_fl said:

Not as much as you think.

And have you ever heard them say "whom" instead of "who" when they answer? I haven't.

That's why I put a smiley face on it.  

[DMonDude]

1 hour ago, Rod Hagen said:

Saying something does not make it true.  It's how you feel likely because you can't imagine being turned on by an average or god forbid below average client.  That makes sense. Standard tastes are standard because they are held by the majority and most gay men only want hot and skilled guys, so anything else is at best settling, at worse a chore, at the very worst unmanageable. 

Since you live in your own head, like we all do, it's probably hard for you to comprehend that throughout  time lots and lots of prostitutes don't feel that way about appearance or sexual proficiency, which is why we stick with it.  There are lots of Rod Hagens and Benjamin Nichols and Mike Gaites and Calvin Culvers and Dane Scots who do this for years, decades, with a smile.  Do you imagine that we are gluttons for punishment?  Sure on any particular day it may feel like a chore because the escort has other things he's thinking of, life, or maybe he came accidentally earlier in the day and is now trying to muddle through.  Muddling through occasionally is true of any job, even the ones we love. But if you love your job, that's only occasionally.  Many guys love escorting and enjoy their varied clients. 

But I'm the one who brought up longterm escorts which kinda derailed this conversation a bit I suppose.  I only did that because I always want to encourage people to either hire the escorts who are established, or if that's not possible to select the ones with the most reviews (use a proxy server) on Rent men from reviewers that seem to write "real" reviews.  But it that's not possible, then yes of course a lot of those unestablished guys may very well be grinning and bearing it just to get by for a bit to get over a $ slump.  I hope they make you believe it.  But there are lots of guys in the major cities available to you who are not faking. 

It's really not this serious, all i said is that those who are doing a performance are still doing good work and the clients who enjoy it aren't misguided. I literally never said others who are having fun or are turned on in their sessions aren't or that no provider ever is genuinely turned on. Nothing i said is a slight to you or the providers you mentioned. You are greatly misreading everything i have said and inserting a ton of intent that isn't there. I was simply defending the art of the "illusion" that another commenter here said is misguided.

Edited August 23 by DMonDude

[Rod Hagen]

21 hours ago, DMonDude said:

It's really not this serious, all i said is that those who are doing a performance are still doing good work and the clients who enjoy it aren't misguided. I literally never said others who are having fun or are turned on in their sessions aren't or that no provider ever is genuinely turned on. Nothing i said is a slight to you or the providers you mentioned. You are greatly misreading everything i have said and inserting a ton of intent that isn't there. I was simply defending the art of the "illusion" that another commenter here said is misguided.

It is good work.  I hope most are enjoying it like I did, and if they aren't, or not as much, and they are good performers, then good for them, good for everyone. :-)

[jonasfoleson]

On 8/22/2026 at 2:54 PM, ACluelessGent said:

Who cares. It feels good and that's all that matters.

It’s their job. It’s not loving sex. If you think that it’s not a job and they have to enjoy it as loving, that’s on you 

[jonasfoleson]

On 8/20/2026 at 9:34 PM, DMonDude said:

Saying a known illusion feels real isn't misguided, they're just saying the performance is good and believable.

Known? Escorting is a job. Falling for an escort is sad asf 

Edited August 26 by jonasfoleson

[ACluelessGent]

1 hour ago, jonasfoleson said:

It’s their job. It’s not loving sex. If you think that it’s not a job and they have to enjoy it as loving, that’s on you 

Pls read what I said.

[DMonDude]

3 hours ago, jonasfoleson said:

Known? Escorting is a job. Falling for an escort is sad asf 

No one said it isn't a job, what point are you trying to make? I think you are conflating "suspending disbelief" and saying "wow this is great it feels real!" (which is not the same thing as believing it's real) for a good performance with actually falling in love with an escort (which indeed is bad). These are not the same thing.

Edited August 26 by DMonDude

[+ sync]

This pitfall is not limited to "hires."  There are countless stories concerning celebrities that have fallen prey to infatuations that escalated into stalkings.

A former co-worker of mine decided to end his relationship with a girlfriend to focus on his career.  The girlfriend would not let go and the situation became very intense.  Eventually, they parted, I don't know how amicably. 

My point is that it is not uncommon to fall for someone unatainable, I've been there.  It hurts for awhile, of course, but surrendering to logic and reason significantly eases the pain of withdrawal.

[Peter Eater]

On 8/23/2026 at 9:00 AM, Rod Hagen said:

Calvin Culvers

I’ve had every guy you named. Paid and not! All fun. 😉

[Heartnet24]

This thread has been very illuminating to me, and I wanted to give a summary of my story and see people's opinions. I first started seeing an escort in January 2025, the first meeting didn't go great (he had the flu) but after that they started going really well. As in I would pay for an hour, and end up staying 6+ hours and we would just hang out and watch movies. I did help him a little bit financially off the clock (like a few hundred here and there to buy things for his house because his heirlooms got damaged). Over the next year, he did ask for money, but it was airways a pay now, perform later situation that he did always follow through on. 

In January 2026, this changed. He asked for money, and i told him that I needed to be paid back, as I was going on a long trip i needed to save for (spoiler alert, he never did pay me back, which I'm rather ambivalent about, honestly). That time up until about a month ago, I would give him money if he needed it, and if i said I needed paid back, he paid me back 90% of the time. I'd say in March we started transitioning into being friends, and we would spend every day together, and have since. At this point, he's doing everything in his power to not borrow money from me, as he's aware of my financial situation. For example, today he had rent problems, and i offered to help a little bit, which he flatly refused, but he did ask if I could go with him to sell some items he was sentimentally attached to. 

As a probably relevant side note, while it has been diminishing lately, we have maintained a pretty physically intimate relationship, such as cuddling, or constantly having a hand on a thigh. 

I guess my problem is two fold. And for context, I have zero dating history besides a 12 year toxic situationship. But the first problem is I'm developing feelings for him, and he has explicitly said he's not looking for a relationship. The second problem is that I would like to have non transactional sex with him, and ive mentioned it twice. The first time in May, he said he was open to it, but was a little wary because he was staying to care for me and he didn't want to make it weird. The second time, last month, he said he'd prefer to not be in that situation. 

Let me first say, that I'm not going to push him to have sex or be in a relationship if he doesn't want to. My questions that I would appreciate advice on are 1) im not upset that he's sexually active both on and off the clock, but he's just not with me, and that does bother me, and i don't know how to reconcile that fact. 2) i don't know if I'm overly invested in him and have an uneven relationship with him, and whether I should back off to figure myself out, or if I should try to have a conversation with him to define our relationship. My fear is that I've conflated how we are now with the sexual intimacy we had while I was hiring him. 

 

[Nue2thegame]

It sounds to me like your relationship has transitioned from a typical client-provider relationship to one of being close friends, which might be enough for you. It sounds like he likes you but needs other sexual relationships, transactional or not. That’s not likely to change and there’s nothing that you can do about it. I’d focus on doing the things that you enjoy doing together, and it sounds like there’s a lot, and see how the sex part evolves. Many of us, as we have grown older, get a lot of satisfaction from different compartments of our increasingly complicated lives. 

[maninsoma]

8 hours ago, Heartnet24 said:

This thread has been very illuminating to me, and I wanted to give a summary of my story and see people's opinions. I first started seeing an escort in January 2025, the first meeting didn't go great (he had the flu) but after that they started going really well. As in I would pay for an hour, and end up staying 6+ hours and we would just hang out and watch movies. I did help him a little bit financially off the clock (like a few hundred here and there to buy things for his house because his heirlooms got damaged). Over the next year, he did ask for money, but it was airways a pay now, perform later situation that he did always follow through on. 

In January 2026, this changed. He asked for money, and i told him that I needed to be paid back, as I was going on a long trip i needed to save for (spoiler alert, he never did pay me back, which I'm rather ambivalent about, honestly). That time up until about a month ago, I would give him money if he needed it, and if i said I needed paid back, he paid me back 90% of the time. I'd say in March we started transitioning into being friends, and we would spend every day together, and have since. At this point, he's doing everything in his power to not borrow money from me, as he's aware of my financial situation. For example, today he had rent problems, and i offered to help a little bit, which he flatly refused, but he did ask if I could go with him to sell some items he was sentimentally attached to. 

As a probably relevant side note, while it has been diminishing lately, we have maintained a pretty physically intimate relationship, such as cuddling, or constantly having a hand on a thigh. 

I guess my problem is two fold. And for context, I have zero dating history besides a 12 year toxic situationship. But the first problem is I'm developing feelings for him, and he has explicitly said he's not looking for a relationship. The second problem is that I would like to have non transactional sex with him, and ive mentioned it twice. The first time in May, he said he was open to it, but was a little wary because he was staying to care for me and he didn't want to make it weird. The second time, last month, he said he'd prefer to not be in that situation. 

Let me first say, that I'm not going to push him to have sex or be in a relationship if he doesn't want to. My questions that I would appreciate advice on are 1) im not upset that he's sexually active both on and off the clock, but he's just not with me, and that does bother me, and i don't know how to reconcile that fact. 2) i don't know if I'm overly invested in him and have an uneven relationship with him, and whether I should back off to figure myself out, or if I should try to have a conversation with him to define our relationship. My fear is that I've conflated how we are now with the sexual intimacy we had while I was hiring him. 

 

The obvious solution is for you to look for other men to date.  It's nice that you've developed a friendship with this guy and you can continue being friends, but maybe take some of that time that are you are using to hang out with him and use it to seek out other men who might be interested in dating you.

[Mark_fl]

It sounds Ike he likes you, but is not interested in a sexual relationship with you. Sure, if you're willing to pay, he'll continue his services.  Personally,  I'd not want to continue this relationship.  I have no problem paying for an attractive guy to make believe he's into me for an hour or so, but if we were to have a real friendship,  I'd find it unappealing for him to want to charge me for intimacy.  The lines here are so blurred, I'd be inclined to either cut it off completely, or keep the friendship platonic AND FREE and see how long this guy remains interested in spending time with you.

Good luck. 

Edited Thursday at 11:50 AM by Mark_fl