Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[marylander1940]

On 7/8/2026 at 5:50 PM, LaffingBear said:

Fall for as in love?  Nope.

But one of my earliest hires... i sorta developed daddy feelings.  He was in his mid-20s, I  was near 40.  I paid for his flights to visit me.  We arranged hybrid visits, lots of time off the clock punctuated br some hourly sessions.   As I learned about his tough times, I was building a desire to be a benefactor.   He wanted none of that.  And I learned that "we're paying for time," is a good thing, and expecting time off the clock as part of a longer package arrangement is a very bad idea.

Exactly, always pay as you go!

[Wanderoz]

For me  things have somettimes developed into an FWB relationship that continues off the clock until the whole thing gradually fizzles out — because it is not falling in love, more like falling in lust. 

Edited August 3 by Wanderoz
Correct mispellings.

[moreofthat]

I have one masseur who I see on occasion who has been very upfront that he would be open to having sex and other non-massage activity with no money exchanging hands. He's handsome and fun, but not really my type. I haven't taken him up on the offer, but haven't taken it off the table either. I don't really worry about him catching feelings - I think he's just someone who really enjoys connecting with people sexually, and I happen to be (one of) his type(s), or so he says. Boundaries are hard for almost everyone - and not just in relationships where there is some physical exchange. I'm fortunate to have my head on straight when it comes to this hobby, but I really struggle with boundaries in other types of relationships, even when I know, rationally, what the right thing for me is. Good luck out there, all of you!

[Luv2play]

On 1/26/2026 at 4:05 AM, Luv2play said:

No real future? What were you looking for, a husband?

You say he fulfilled your needs as a masseur and a training coach. And you had feelings for him. He probably sensed that, and that is why maybe he was reluctant to disclose his marital status. 
 

You don’t say how you went about finding that out. I hope it wasn’t in an unsavoury fashion. 
 

Nevertheless it was you who tried to cross the boundaries of what is after all a transactional relationship. He was providing a service for money. I think your expectations were unrealistic. 

I’ve just said goodbye to my regular after another overnight. We’ve done this three times since I last posted in January on this topic. 
Our relationship is just getting better and growing. On the sexual side , we continue to to explore new experiences or extending ones we’ve made a regular feature.

Our overnights are 19 hours, 5pm to 11 or so the next morning. Relaxed pacing allowing two meals. Try different restaurants to make each date novel in that respect.

[3rdChapter]

On 7/13/2026 at 10:15 PM, Muscle_Admirer said:

I've never really taken the time to introspectively explore my feelings for other men until recently. What I've realized is that I'm simply not wired for traditional monogamy. In past romantic relationships, I usually feel genuine attraction and affection for the first six months to a year. But after that, the intensity fades, things start to feel routine, and I find myself craving variety and newness. It's not that I stop caring about my partner… it’s just that the spark becomes dull for me, and I need something fresh to feel fulfilled.  I think this transition is traditionally seen as the evolution of love, but I’ve never experienced it as being mind-blowingly intense as I’ve seen it described on occasion.

This pattern is ultimately what led me to transactional connections with escorts. For me, it’s a clean, no-strings-attached way to meet an immediate intimate need. Hiring ensures that I can select a top-notch partner on my terms.  I can connect with an attractive person for a short time, compensate them fairly, and then go on with my life without expectations or complications. It works well with how I’m built.

I do enjoy kissing in the moment because it feels good during physical intimacy, but I’ve never experienced it as something that creates deep emotional bonding. Once the encounter ends, I feel satisfied and complete. Because of this, I don’t believe I’ve ever truly been “in love” in the lasting, enduring way many people describe. What I’ve felt in romantic relationships has been closer to strong affection or infatuation. That excitement tends to wear off after a while, and the connection usually settles into something more like a close friendship in the context or a romantic relationship.

This is simply how intimacy and love have shown up for me.  I’m curious how others have experienced the intersection of romantic love, physical desire, and emotional needs… especially in relation to our shared hobby.

This resonates with me.  I have experienced the mixed feelings of wanting more after an especially great sexual encounter - be it with a paid provider, or with a regular hook up through Grindr.   When you experience incredible chemistry and sexual compatibility, your brain goes into that territory of questioning if there could be more.   When that happens, I'm quick to remind myself that it's next to impossible to maintain that level of intensity and avoid routine as a relationship becomes established.  I know that from painful past experience - and maybe it's my fault for not knowing how to keep the sparks flying and work on perpetual re-invention of the relationship... but I've never been successful at that.

So, I choose to preserve the great sex by keeping it special - a repeat hire (or hookup) several weeks later, as schedules and life allow.  The anticipation builds, the excitement returns just like, or sometimes even better than, the first time.   The paid providers are easier to keep around since it's a business to them.  The regular hookups not so much... but when they stick around, it can be great. 

[Mark_fl]

34 minutes ago, 3rdChapter said:

This resonates with me.  I have experienced the mixed feelings of wanting more after an especially great sexual encounter - be it with a paid provider, or with a regular hook up through Grindr.   When you experience incredible chemistry and sexual compatibility, your brain goes into that territory of questioning if there could be more.   When that happens, I'm quick to remind myself that it's next to impossible to maintain that level of intensity and avoid routine as a relationship becomes established.  I know that from painful past experience - and maybe it's my fault for not knowing how to keep the sparks flying and work on perpetual re-invention of the relationship... but I've never been successful at that.

So, I choose to preserve the great sex by keeping it special - a repeat hire (or hookup) several weeks later, as schedules and life allow.  The anticipation builds, the excitement returns just like, or sometimes even better than, the first time.   The paid providers are easier to keep around since it's a business to them.  The regular hookups not so much... but when they stick around, it can be great. 

I'm kind of the opposite of this. I find getting a new provider stressful. When I find a provider that ticks all my boxes, and seems to enjoy our session and appreciate my business, I lose the interest in searching for a new guy. I actually stop looking at ads, etc. and just look forward to my next appointment.

[ACluelessGent]

On 8/3/2026 at 9:22 PM, Wanderoz said:

For me  things have somettimes developed into an FWB relationship that continues off the clock until the whole thing gradually fizzles out — because it is not falling in love, more like falling in lust. 

Exactly the same!

[3rdChapter]

14 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

I'm kind of the opposite of this. I find getting a new provider stressful. When I find a provider that ticks all my boxes, and seems to enjoy our session and appreciate my business, I lose the interest in searching for a new guy. I actually stop looking at ads, etc. and just look forward to my next appointment.

Yes, Mark, I agree with you.  Searching for a new provider is a bit nerve-wracking    I was referring more to the idea of preserving the excitement of the great sex with one given provider once you find him, by spacing out his visits and keeping them special.  As opposed to giving in to the mostly irrational urge of escalating the relationship into something more permanent.  How long do you typically go between appointments with your regular(s)?

[Mark_fl]

7 minutes ago, 3rdChapter said:

Yes, Mark, I agree with you.  Searching for a new provider is a bit nerve-wracking    I was referring more to the idea of preserving the excitement of the great sex with one given provider once you find him, by spacing out his visits and keeping them special.  As opposed to giving in to the mostly irrational urge of escalating the relationship into something more permanent.  How long do you typically go between appointments with your regular(s)?

Tough to say. Until very recently, I only hired on business travel, so repeating wasn't easy as cities changed.

Now that I'm home, possibly for good, maybe every month or two, time and funds permitting.  I had one masseur I loved the first time, but suddenly wasn't comfortable doing the same things the next time, so I stopped seeing him.

More recently I had a great massage, and returned a couple of weeks letter for a more escorty session before he left town, and it was great. If he stayed here,  I'd try and see him monthly, but I'm not sure when he'll be back, so I may have to find yet another.

So I really don't know what it would be if I found someone I liked who was permanent here. I'd guess roughly 1-2 months though until I get rich. 

[jonasfoleson]

No, I never have. it's unpopular opinion, but then it's pretty sad to do so. They're doing it for a job, that's it. there is no true "love" there.

[polysome]

5 hours ago, jonasfoleson said:

No, I never have. it's unpopular opinion, but then it's pretty sad to do so. They're doing it for a job, that's it. there is no true "love" there.

But the best ones are so good that the illusion feels real.

[jonasfoleson]

22 hours ago, polysome said:

But the best ones are so good that the illusion feels real.

a misguided illusion.

[DMonDude]

On 8/19/2026 at 8:59 AM, jonasfoleson said:

a misguided illusion.

Saying a known illusion feels real isn't misguided, they're just saying the performance is good and believable.

Edited Thursday at 08:35 PM by DMonDude

[ACluelessGent]

On 8/19/2026 at 6:59 PM, jonasfoleson said:

a misguided illusion.

Who cares. It feels good and that's all that matters.

Edited 22 hours ago by ACluelessGent

[Mark_fl]

2 hours ago, ACluelessGent said:

Who cares. It feels good and that's all that matters.

Isn't the misguided illusion what we're paying for? 😜

[ACluelessGent]

Just now, Mark_fl said:

Isn't the misguided illusion what we're paying for? 😜

Precisely. Recent experience: first time lunch meeting with a young escort and he kisses me like I am his bf. Isn't this a wonderful illusion worth paying for?

[Rod Hagen]

For fuck's sake, stop calling it an illusion where established escorts are concerned.  My Journal confirms that while escorting in my 20s and 30s and 40s I was turned on by every type of man out there and I'm not the only escort who felt/feels that way.  

[DMonDude]

4 minutes ago, Rod Hagen said:

For fuck's sake, stop calling it an illusion where established escorts are concerned.  My Journal confirms that while escorting in my 20s and 30s and 40s I was turned on by every type of man out there and I'm not the only escort who felt/feels that way.  

That's likely not the norm though across the board. If you enjoy the job and can have fun doing it that's great, but plenty whether established or not are indeed performing and creating an illusion/show for the client. That's just how it is for some. And there's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't be bothered by it.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

14 minutes ago, DMonDude said:

That's likely not the norm though across the board.

Established escorts, many of whom have contributed here, beg to differ.  They genuinely love and find many of their clients sexy.

[DMonDude]

10 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Established escorts, many of whom have contributed here, beg to differ.  They genuinely love and find many of their clients sexy.

Sure, but that doesn't change what i said. For some that isn't the case, and that's ok. It doesn't have to be real to be good. That's part of being good at the job. This isn't a knock or something they need to be defended against.

Edited 16 hours ago by DMonDude

[Mark_fl]

5 minutes ago, DMonDude said:

Sure, but that doesn't change what i said. For some that isn't the case, and that's ok. It doesn't have to be real to be good. That's part of being good at the job. This isn't a knock or something they need to be defended against.

I don't think a customer service job exists where the employee is nearly as happy dealing with the customer as they sound like they are. 

"Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?" ring a bell?

[DMonDude]

3 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

I don't think a customer service job exists where the employee is nearly as happy dealing with the customer as they sound like they are. 

"Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?" ring a bell?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Mr.Peach]

On 6/13/2024 at 10:35 PM, Rgsnva said:

Just wondering if anybody else does this dumb thing or if it’s just me.  I only started hiring about 3 years ago, but I can see a pattern. (Okay, only twice, but still…). When I hire a man repeatedly because there’s great intimacy (at least from my perspective, I start to lose my grip on the reality and develop feelings.  I misread cues and think there’s a mutual thing developing.  Then the reality has to hit home that I’m not a romantic interest or even a hookup interest and I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t paying. The man I currently see regularly - he pushes all my buttons physically and emotionally, and I could fall head over heels for him.  But I see him in rooms with guys who are hookups, not clients, and he talks about trips in which he meets someone in a room, they chat and are hot for each other, and travel to meet.  And it has to hit me then that I’m not one of those guys he met because he was attracted to them.  Big blow on both my ego and my heart.  Anybody else? Thoughts? Suggestions? And you don’t need to tell me it’s all my own fault - I already own that.  

Not a good idea at all! Nothing I can add to what others have said. I feel foolish now when I look back on my little crush I had with one on my regulars.