Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[Dru10664629]

I fell for my masseur. Twice we even worked out together, and he became my motivation to get back in shape. I thought he was single… until I found out he has a wife and child living in the same apartment I used to visit. I was shocked, heartbroken, and overwhelmed. I’ve deleted his number and our chats — no more seeing him, for my own peace. Still, he’s the only masseur who ever did massage the way I needed it.

[Luv2play]

23 hours ago, Dru10664629 said:

I fell for my masseur. Twice we even worked out together, and he became my motivation to get back in shape. I thought he was single… until I found out he has a wife and child living in the same apartment I used to visit. I was shocked, heartbroken, and overwhelmed. I’ve deleted his number and our chats — no more seeing him, for my own peace. Still, he’s the only masseur who ever did massage the way I needed it.

I think someday you may live to regret your reaction. It all depends. 
I have a regular provider who over time let me know he has a wife and child. Because we get on so well in the bedroom, it didn't faze me. 
Previously I had also discovered his real name. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and slowly revealing ourselves to each other, altho I tend to be an open book. But a provider sometimes needs to take longer to trust his client. I try not to judge people and try to see things from their perspective. 

[Dru10664629]

5 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I think someday you may live to regret your reaction. It all depends. 
I have a regular provider who over time let me know he has a wife and child. Because we get on so well in the bedroom, it didn't faze me. 
Previously I had also discovered his real name. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and slowly revealing ourselves to each other, altho I tend to be an open book. But a provider sometimes needs to take longer to trust his client. I try not to judge people and try to see things from their perspective. 

I respect that different people have different boundaries and comfort levels. In my case, he did not disclose that he has a wife and child — I discovered it on my own after 6 months — and that changed everything for me. I also recognize that my feelings were one-sided, and I don’t want to invest energy into something that has no real future. I value honesty, availability, and emotional safety, so stepping away is me being smart and protecting my peace, not something I’ll regret.

[Luv2play]

No real future? What were you looking for, a husband?

You say he fulfilled your needs as a masseur and a training coach. And you had feelings for him. He probably sensed that, and that is why maybe he was reluctant to disclose his marital status. 
 

You don’t say how you went about finding that out. I hope it wasn’t in an unsavoury fashion. 
 

Nevertheless it was you who tried to cross the boundaries of what is after all a transactional relationship. He was providing a service for money. I think your expectations were unrealistic. 

[+ SirBillybob]

It’s the load bearing; structural cheques called for. 

Edited January 26 by SirBillybob

[Dru10664629]

9 hours ago, Luv2play said:

No real future? What were you looking for, a husband?

You say he fulfilled your needs as a masseur and a training coach. And you had feelings for him. He probably sensed that, and that is why maybe he was reluctant to disclose his marital status. 
 

You don’t say how you went about finding that out. I hope it wasn’t in an unsavoury fashion. 
 

Nevertheless it was you who tried to cross the boundaries of what is after all a transactional relationship. He was providing a service for money. I think your expectations were unrealistic. 

I didn’t go looking for someone married. I believed he was single because that is how he presented himself. 

Yes, I developed feelings unconsciously. That happens when you consistently spend time with someone who feels safe, supportive, and encouraging. I did not create any drama towards him, i handled it quietly and respectfully. 

This isn’t about trying to cross boundaries or chase unavailable people. It’s about realizing the situation had no real future and having enough self-respect to walk away. As choosing distance is me protecting myself.

[MassageCommunityMember]

On 1/22/2026 at 9:23 AM, ReynST said:

I finish my massages with a hug and it is the one thing he needs to keep going. When his marriage turns sour, when a parent passes, and when he loses his job or his children lash out, he comes. He comes other times as well, but always when he's at his lowest. I give him a hug and sometimes he cries, sometimes uncontrollably. He says that he tries so hard and I say nothing back. I hold onto him as long as he needs someone to hold on to and when the tears have stopped, I let him go. I wipe him down with warm towels, he thanks me and he goes his way. 

The first time he said "I love you" I said "you're welcome". He wanted to express his thanks using stronger words and I gave my response to his gratitude. 

He says I love you every time afterwards and he's been saying it for for years. Recently he moved to a different coast. He has a fulfilling new position and a new house in suburbs of an exciting new city. He also has a great relationship with his children.

Whenever he visits, he comes and he's full of smiles but even still he sometimes cries, and sometimes uncontrollably. And he says I love you.

It's still just a thank you 

(Yes, this is a true story)

This doesn’t surprise me at all.  You are so giving and gracious.  You allow a lot of space for healing and create space that feels safe.  I’m grateful for you and your gift of restorative and awakening energy. 
 

and since this is in a thread about falling for your provider, no I haven’t.  🤓

Edited January 30 by MassageCommunityMember

[Callas]

I think I’m about to fall for another provider. I meet him weekly trying to forget the previous crush. It’s been ~15 months. 

i didn’t miss him. It was just physical. But recently I started to miss him if I don’t see within 5 days between meetings.

why does my heart have to be so weak? I’m so disappointed in me. How to stop falling in love and just enjoy the physical pleasure?

He is the only one I see once weekly. I used to solely see my crush ~2–3x / week, but now I spend the other 1–2x on multiple others. 
 

I probably cannot stop seeing him until he breaks my heart just like my crush, or worse. I’m so helpless 😭

[Manhattan]

On 2/3/2026 at 4:15 AM, Callas said:

I think I’m about to fall for another provider. I meet him weekly trying to forget the previous crush. It’s been ~15 months. 

i didn’t miss him. It was just physical. But recently I started to miss him if I don’t see within 5 days between meetings.

why does my heart have to be so weak? I’m so disappointed in me. How to stop falling in love and just enjoy the physical pleasure?

He is the only one I see once weekly. I used to solely see my crush ~2–3x / week, but now I spend the other 1–2x on multiple others. 
 

I probably cannot stop seeing him until he breaks my heart just like my crush, or worse. I’m so helpless 😭

You are a true romantic @Callas . Don't lose that.

Some people are more likely to catch feelings than others, but we all do it eventually. I've had crushes on masseurs, dated masseurs, and had purely physical experiences with masseurs. It's all part of the messy joy of human connection. 

Be nice to yourself and accept that feelings are an important part of what gives you pleasure. Your emotions will pass so be patient. 

[+ Axiom2001]

In my knowing that my time with the providers was only for a limited time, I never was in love with any of them, but I did enjoy being with these men conversing and fuckin'!  I think some of them liked me as well, but in retrospect, we knew our boundaries in terms of our bonding and connecting.

One very intelligent, dapper, and quite hung and uncut young guy who was a naturalized citizen seemingly enjoyed my company, for he would always avail himself when I requested.  We had super-great convo, and when it came time to become passionate and sensual/sexual, he knew how to fulfill my needed sexual appetite.

One year when I went to the Dominican Republic, I had an accident by falling in a wide drainage hole that was between curb and street and tearing a ligament in my knee.  After I flew back to the States and had my surgery and had returned home to recuperate, I rang my tall, dark, handsome, and heavily hung East Indian/naturalized American.  He drove from the San Jose area to Monterey to give me what I needed, and of the times that I have been fucked, he rendered one of the better ones for me at this particular time.  

I appreciated him and still, at times, mentally recapture the times that we were together--enjoying each other's company as well as the sex.

[JungleForest]

Because I was started developing feelings for him.

Yes, I know, classic. 

I recognized it happening in me and nipped it in the bud. The provider told me he was coming to town and I told him although I enjoyed seeing him that the relationship was becoming more than transactional for me. That for my wellbeing I had to stop seeing him.

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc. Not really posting for advice just wanted to vent and hear if anyone has had to stop seeing a provider for any reason and how they reacted to it. 

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, JungleForest said:

Because I was started developing feelings for him.

Yes, I know, classic. 

I recognized it happening in me and nipped it in the bud. The provider told me he was coming to town and I told him although I enjoyed seeing him that the relationship was becoming more than transactional for me. That for my wellbeing I had to stop seeing him.

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc. Not really posting for advice just wanted to vent and hear if anyone has had to stop seeing a provider for any reason and how they reacted to it. 

You did something I couldn't do. I fell in love with a provider and told him how I felt. Instead of cutting me off, we continued  to hook up for over six years! There's A LOT more to this story believe me! Lol. I am glad you cut it off before it got messy.

[+ glutes]

Forest, it is a jungle out there.

You are not the first one, and won't be the last.

 

[Wings246]

9 hours ago, JungleForest said:

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc.

"Zilch" may not be the response you wish for, but truthfully, it's the best gift you can possibly receive.  It affirms the fact that the relationship was purely transactional; it expedites your waking up to reality.  If he were to lead you on by giving you some ambiguous signals, the final outcome would've been more painful.  Ripping the bandaid off is the most ideal course of action here.

[big-n-tall]

All the time. lol!

Seriously I’ve come to love (platonically) a number of the providers I’ve met. Many of whom have become genuine friends. We talk regularly and we even hang out off the clock. Some of them I still hire… some have retired but we remain in contact and travel together. One guy I met a few years ago calls me family, I still hire him on occasion. I just visited with him for about a week purely to hang out with no funds exchanged and no bedroom activities.

There is a provider who I have known for about 15 years, I have a deep affection for. I’ve talked about the situation in the past on the previous iteration of the forum. Although we’re not quite a couple, it’s probably the closest thing to one. He rarely charges me for encounters. We communicate a lot off the clock. However, I will give him some funds to cover gas and tolls when he travels to see me. I’ve told him how I felt about him and he has reciprocated the same sentiments. I’m happy to remain extremely close friends but if it goes beyond that point… I’d be happy to.

Talking with a number of providers over the years, I know they do sometimes get into serious relationships with clients. I don’t know how common it is. I wouldn’t even suggest seeking out or trying to force something that isn’t there, but it does happen.

We are all human… mostly lol! Some are better at guarding and controlling their emotions in this hobby. Others just let their emotions carry them wherever. I lie somewhere in the middle, I think. I don’t go into these encounters seeking friends or anything beyond the transactional portion of it. It’s just that of all the guys I’ve seen since starting this hobby… a relatively small number of them and I just bonded.

Edited yesterday at 03:58 PM by big-n-tall

[Veryshyone]

I think it is easy to fall into the moments of being touched, aroused, cuddled, kissed, penetrated, as one would desire from a partner. Wondering how life would be if that was available 24/7. I snap myself into reality that these sessions are there to escape the realities of life and loneliness. Sure, to have these experiences at your disposal would be ideal but for me I realize it is not possible. Regardless of the provider, someone stated on this forum, if it wasn't for the $$$, I wouldn't be in the provider's circle. That keeps me grounded and not falling for someone. Now, I must admit, I do care about people and am very empathetic but realize a provider's life nowhere coincides with mine.