Is bottoming really not for me afterall?

[pubic_assistance]

54 minutes ago, desertguy1954 said:

The feeling of his dick pushing against my hole slowly opening me up as he gets ready to give me the ride of a lifetime. 

I was never much of a bottom. But when I was younger I attracted a lot of older very masculine men who were tops...so I would be expected to bottom after a "date". The physical act is uninteresting to me but the mental/emotional aspects of a handsome, masculine male using me for his pleasure would overwhelm whatever physical discomforts I had. I also enjoyed several sex parties where I would lay in a sling and let everyone fuck me for hours. In that case the sheer sluttiness of the moment was the alure..(and of course getting fucked in a sling does make taking lots of dick easier.)

[Marc in Calif]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I also enjoyed several sex parties where I would lay in a sling and let everyone fuck me for hours. In that case the sheer sluttiness of the moment was the alure..(and of course getting fucked in a sling does make taking lots of dick easier.)

Yes. The gay community used to be so much more liberating and free than it is now. Bath houses are mostly closed. Saunas aren't what they once were. And private sex parties tend to be much rarer. 

Edited February 22 by Marc in Calif

[Becket]

Agreed. Find someone you really want to have sex with. Preferably someone with an average size penis. Use some anal ease cream or anything with Lidocane. Lube up with that stuff. Another good product is (don't laugh) Preparation H Cooling Gel. It has pnenylephrine in it, which loosens or reduces swelling in tissue. It really helps me. And relax. And tell the guy you're nervous or tense. Let him (if he will) tease you with a finger, then another. And it may hurt somewhat at first. But hang in there. Breathe deep. It gets better. Fantasize that you're giving yourself to this guy. Keep breathing deep. Make it as romantic as possible, whatever position is most desirable for you. Sometimes both being on your sides reduces the initial soreness.

After all that if it's still not fun for you, accept the bitter truth. You're a total top.

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

Yes. The gay community used to be so much more liberating and free than it is now. Bath houses are mostly closed. Saunas aren't what they once were. And private sex parties tend to be much rarer. 

Who knows. Perhaps actual sexual liberation  is not serial fucking in bath houses, but developing healthy intimate relationships. Perhaps the younger gay generations are the actually liberated ones, and we are the sad sluts always looking for something we cannot find. 

[Guest]

I don’t know; sounds reasonable and all but definitely not as hot as being a slut.

[+ José Soplanucas]

30 minutes ago, Km411 said:

I don’t know; sounds reasonable and all but definitely not as hot as being a slut.

Hey, I am a Slut with capital S. And yet, while diving into the immense joy of Runaway Sluteness, I envy them.

[Guest]

It’s not beyond your reach!

[Guest]

Wait…

Lust

Slut

Do you see that?

[Thelatin]

15 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

and we are the sad sluts always looking for something we cannot find. 

I resemble that comment.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

On 2/22/2024 at 9:28 PM, Marc in Calif said:

The gay community used to be so much more liberating and free than it is now. Bath houses are mostly closed. Saunas aren't what they once were. And private sex parties tend to be much rarer

not really.  In the US, it has simply changed in most cities.  there are still sex-parties everywhere & more underground/temporary venues for sex.  The thing that has changed is who they let in & who they don’t.  Most have some sort of door policy or advance list required.  Thats how it is in NYC.  And then there are the exceptions to all of that like in Ft Lauderdale.  

In other major cities outside the US, saunas & sex-clubs are still very common.  I’d say there’s more sex happening now compared to decades ago.

It’s not that it’s less free or less liberating - it’s far more likely that some are just aging out of those environments, particularly in the US where older gay men tend to become invisible. Im traveling outside the US now & in the city I’m visiting - there are at least 4 sex-clubs, several saunas with slings and everything else you can imagine.  It’s far from being over.
The younger generation would argue the apps make them more free & liberated than having to go to a public venue and mix with those they wouldn’t otherwise. 

and back to topic - if someone thinks bottoming isn’t for them, then they just haven’t found a good top yet: a complete & total game-changer.  Lots of guys think they can top - very few actual good ones. 

 

Edited February 26 by SouthOfTheBorder

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

6 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

not really.  In the US, it has simply changed in most cities.  there are still sex-parties everywhere & more underground/temporary venues for sex.  The thing that has changed is who they let in & who they don’t.  Most have some sort of door policy or advance list required.  Thats how it is in NYC.  And then there are the exceptions to all of that like in Ft Lauderdale.  

I would agree.  There's a lot of sex still happening, but it's in more controlled environments.

Airbnb/hotel sex parties with tight guest lists are a thing.  If you don't look the part, you don't get in.

Baths in the US are slowly dying and that's a bummer:  One of the last egalitarian(ish) spaces for guys to all show up, get naked and see what happens.  While I was never a fan of the really sketchier baths, the decent ones left are still pretty fun. with a good selection of guys.

There's also still a strong sauna scene outside of the States (thankfully).

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 2/20/2024 at 12:32 PM, socurious said:

Well, in the first place,  I haven't bottomed for anyone yet and it's likely the result of procrastination. But it's also that I like the idea of finding "the right one". I'm just always too busy. Long story...

Right to the point, it hurts. My dildo is extra-large though. But I just can't emulate sex... It only feels good after a while and when I'm excited jerking off watching some movie before reaching orgasm. I was wondering if real dicks feel different and not as hurtful. It really makes me horny the idea of getting fucked by someone I like. 

I'm interested in reading what the experts think. 

 

 

 

Think of the money as your client inserts his dick into your ass for the first time.  That should help take your mind off the pain!

[SouthOfTheBorder]

20 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Think of the money as your client inserts his dick into your ass for the first time.  That should help take your mind off the pain!

a reluctant bottom is a bad bottom - every single time.  desire is the necessary ingredient 

[+ WilliamM]

On 2/20/2024 at 3:34 PM, samhexum said:

I love a good pun.

That comment is as old as  "What's My  Line" when  Sal Mineo was the mystery guest 

Edited February 28 by WilliamM

[socurious]

Update: I keep practicing with my XL dildo and I need to take 2 hours to relax before I reach climax!! Emulating sex hurts unless I'm about to cum. 

[socurious]

And it hurts even more trying to do doggy style!!

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

14 hours ago, socurious said:

Update: I keep practicing with my XL dildo and I need to take 2 hours to relax before I reach climax!! Emulating sex hurts unless I'm about to cum. 

As others have said.... Dildos are nothing like the real thing.

I've taken hundreds of cocks off all sizes.  I've hosted orgies and gang bangs.  But what I won't do:  is use a dildo.  Dildos gives me no pleasure, only pain.

Try switching to a small, narrow, smooth vibrator.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

14 hours ago, socurious said:

And it hurts even more trying to do doggy style!!

It's always best to practice with another human first!

Seriously, though, doggie was the last position that felt comfortable for me.  Try either on your back in missionary (in a sling helps) or mounting as a cowboy while the top lays on his back.  Cowboy is probably the best position to learn because it puts the bottom in control of speed and position.  Doggie is probably the hardest at the beginning; but, it is the most fun once you've mastered the feeling and have become a true slut with your ass in the air!

Edited March 10 by Vegas_Millennial

[DWnyc]

And here’s where a provider can help you. Set up an appointment with someone who doesn’t think you’re roleplaying or at least will go along with you to your face, and practice, ease into it, if they’re good they’ll know what to do.

The way most hookups go or darkroom encounters will likely see you feeling frustrated and maybe saddened with how your partner may react. 

 

[erickgreynolds]

I don’t bottom all the time and I have to be into it to do it. There usually has to to some time spent getting me used to the idea with a tongue, fingers, a vibe and either spit or lube.

Without that foreplay, WOW! Even a small prick can feel like a red hot poker!

I remember the very first time I had a cock in my ass - sixth grade with my friend Shane. He was well on his way to developing a cock like his Dad displayed in Polaroids we found. Dad looked like John Holmes. Just unreal huge.

At 11 Shane was not there yet, but well on his way! I felt that cock for weeks after.

I think that once you get it in your head that it will hurt, it’s going to. No matter how many cocks you have had.

[+ Axiom2001]

 

On 2/22/2024 at 11:09 AM, desertguy1954 said:

I agree, I am a bottom and I love my toys, but nothing compares to the real thing.  The feeling of his dick pushing against my hole slowly opening me up as he gets ready to give me the ride of a lifetime.  Yeah, nothing comes even close to that feeling

As another mentioned, dildos are not as pliable as "the real thing."  Thus they do tend to hurt one's tight "Chunnel."  

When one is "doing the deed"-- I like to be lying on my back with legs in the air so that the TOP can reach my 3rd ring.  An example of this occurred mid year of 2023.  My go-to guy visited me at my hotel.  After we'd partaken of some very mellow and tame 420, we came back to the hotel and began to play.  Damn, he was oh so fucking good when he decided to "take all of it" while I lay on my side.  Oh, oh, oh, while he plowed in such a friggin' sexy manner--it felt extremely and extraordinarily good that it frightened me; I nicely asked for him to stop, for although I don't have heart problems, his vigor and talent and technique gave me worry in this area.  He stopped; he did not say anything; and to this day I wonder what were his thoughts in my asking him to abort this mighty sexy and very, very, very feel good session.

Because he's changed his identity in his ad on Rent.men from "bi to straight" I decided NOT to engage his services anymore.  

...too bad, too, for he certainly knew how to use his 8 inch uncut cock.

I want an extraordinary fuck now by a 22cm.  I want to be the ultimate slut.

[LAboy]

Much like everyone else has stated; a dildo is nothing like the real thing. Not only is a dildo rigid, you don't allow yourself to relax your body, but instead trying to extend and reach to play with yourself.

I say just try the real thing. The WORST that can happen is you can't take him at first, but you have the toy readily available for the guy to use on you. You'll be in a relaxed position to take the toy and to open up. Then may be, JUST may be, he will transition you to the real thing. 

But hey, if you're not a bottom, at least you tried! Be proud of your tophood! 

[Jamie21]

I find to focus on your breathing as he enters you is advisable. He should enter slowly to allow your muscles to relax while you breathe deeply. Usually when I top anxious clients I say to them to breathe deep and long as I go in. Once it’s in, and they relax then it’s possible to begin a rhythm. 

If I’m bottoming I prefer to start in cowboy, because I can control the pace and angle it goes in, especially if he’s big. I think if you’re practicing to bottom with a dildo it’s like practicing to ride a bike by using a gym cycle. You need to get on a cock and practice. Use a top who will let you go at your pace and try different things. After you have practiced you’ll probably be fine. Then you can enjoy the pleasure of bottoming in all sorts of ways. 
 

[Enronnja]

On 2/22/2024 at 12:28 PM, Marc in Calif said:

Yes. The gay community used to be so much more liberating and free than it is now. Bath houses are mostly closed. Saunas aren't what they once were. And private sex parties tend to be much rarer. 

Actually, private sex parties have taken over a lot. If you go on Sniffies, parties and hotel anon cum dumps are the norm. They are heavily vetted though, if you don't meet a particular requirement: BBC, BWC, fit, muscular, handsome or combination of all, you are unlikely to be invited. I've been to two anon-cum dumps, the first one blew my mind, but it was really high risk. Second one, I just couldn't stay hard. Bath houses still remain my main go to, but even that is fading, cost of entry has gone up, most guys walk around like headless chicken for hours, but you get lucky most of the time there.