descriptions in an ad (other than age / size fibbing) most off-putting

[viewing ownly]

I thought of this when I saw someone asking about a "magic hands" provider. If one needs to describe their hands as magical, I continue looking. It's also not uncommon to see the ones who boast "the best you'll ever have" as being the most forgettable ones many people see only once.

Self-promotion is a mighty challenging task. Perhaps I should consider a profession to assist those wanting to put their best words forward for the prospect of greatly increasing their clientele.

[soloyo215]

Just my view, and only my view.

I dismiss some of the exaggerations and look at the overall information of the profile. That gives me a better picture of the provider. I have hired providers with cheesy phrases in their descriptions and other gimmicks and never had a reason to complain, but that's just me. I don't go to a bathhouse for the background music, so I don't visit a provider profile for his prose.

[Lazarus]

11 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

I thought of this when I saw someone asking about a "magic hands" provider. If one needs to describe their hands as magical, I continue looking. It's also not uncommon to see the ones who boast "the best you'll ever have" as being the most forgettable ones many people see only once.

Self-promotion is a mighty challenging task. Perhaps I should consider a profession to assist those wanting to put their best words forward for the prospect of greatly increasing their clientele.

I was with someone who told me he had “magic hands”.  He ended up lifting a credit card out of my pocket. He admitted it to me about a year later. (RIP Larry)

[+ poolboy48220]

Any mention of "findom" shuts me down. Others have said on this forum that it's often just a part of what the provider's offering, but I can't help but think it's going to come up at some point.

[maninsoma]

Findom, as Poolboy48220 mentioned.

PNP.

Boasting.  Confidence is great, but writing things like "I'm the best escort you'll find on this site" or something along those lines is not attractive.  Beyond that, it's just stupid.

[Ali Gator]

I jump to the reviews, first. I skip right over the reviews which include the word "amazing" - especially when it's written AMAZING (all caps). That just tells me the one who received the service is 'easily amazed'. A rub and tug will amaze them. I'm not that easily amazed. 

I can tell when a review seems honest - it doesn't have too many sugary coated words. You can understand the experience with fewer words. 

As for the ads themselves, if they're promising too much - I skip. I've learned too many times that 'kissing' means 'kissing them on the cheek or neck' and 'mutual oral' means they will lick the tip and not go down (but its so nice when a guy will go all the way down and tell you how much he enjoys it). 

[soloyo215]

3 hours ago, poolboy48220 said:

Any mention of "findom" shuts me down. Others have said on this forum that it's often just a part of what the provider's offering, but I can't help but think it's going to come up at some point.

I think that that's not a cheesy description of themselves. That pretty much states what you can expect from the provider. I see a difference between poor imagination and use of overinflated words when describing themselves, the use of cheesy gimmicks in prose and in their pictures (like the soccer players/construction workers/medical staff/police officers guys), and stating what their intent or what they are willing to be/do for you. Like you, I immediately dismiss any profile that involves "findom", "sugar daddy", or the actual use of the word "relationship" in certain contexts.

Edited December 28, 2023 by soloyo215

[Ali Gator]

What exactly is findom ? I never heard of this before. 

[MikeBiDude]

5 minutes ago, Ali Gator said:

What exactly is findom ? I never heard of this before. 

Urban Dictionary: findom

WWW.URBANDICTIONARY.COM

---

Findom is a shortened combined version of the term Financial Domination, similar to Femdom which is short for Female Domination. Financial Domination is a...

Search our forum keyword "findom" dozens of posts.

[Ali Gator]

Wow!  Never heard of it. 

[viewing ownly]

We're always learning. I didn't know what SPH was until last week. I qualify! (small penis humiliation, for the newly educated).

[jmichaeliii]

I get so frustrated when there is someone you want to try with limited info in their ad and you basically get blown off when you ask a couple clarifying questions.

I always lead that I want to book an appointment... then I will ask a couple simple questions regarding hosting/outcall, rates and maybe one more thing.  In return you get a 2 word response..obviously not answering anything you ask.  Then it either takes hours to hear back or not at all.

I'm in the Philly area and I have 3 guys that are terrific to work with, but some of the others couldn't care less if they get your business.

[Simon Suraci]

18 hours ago, poolboy48220 said:

Any mention of "findom" shuts me down. Others have said on this forum that it's often just a part of what the provider's offering, but I can't help but think it's going to come up at some point.

Here below is one example post for others to cross reference your point above.

Providers are appealing to wide audiences. Why exclude a provider that markets to more than one subset of people? How else will clients with niche interests find the providers who can best meet their needs? 

Providers listing water sports, for example, doesn’t mean ws is inevitably going to come up in your sessions or that he will pressure you into doing that. It just means he is open to providing piss play to clients who want it. Maybe you just want to top or bottom or enjoy oral play. That’s totally fine. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to force you to give or receive a stream of urine.

A good provider concerns himself with what YOU want and does his best to fulfill it. What he does or is open to doing with other clients is irrelevant to his session with you. I see no reason to exclude a provider that interests you and can meet your needs. He’s not going to force other client fantasies on you. It just doesn’t make sense for a provider to do that. That logic applies to findom or any other niche interest.

Let’s say for some strange reason he does have a weird agenda to pressure you into watersports or [fill in the blank interest]…you’re still a grown ass adult with the capacity to say “no, thanks” and stick to the activities you requested and that he agreed to render. Worst possible scenario: he brings up some activity you’re not into, you say no, and you’re still in control. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do!

What are you so afraid of? Please do explain. I don’t mean to put this question on one person btw. I know others feel the same and I would like to get to the bottom of this whole “yuk other clients’ yums” dynamic. It makes no sense to me. I want to understand where these feelings are coming from and why they are so relevant to so many clients’ hiring decisions. I want to understand why clients feel the way they do, to inform my marketing decisions.

What I am hearing is that for a client like you to even consider hiring, your man must ONLY list interests on his profile that conform to YOUR specific needs - to the exclusion of ALL others. Please tell me I’m wrong. I’m pretty sure most clients are more reasonable than that, but that’s what I’m hearing here. I fail to see how one interest would be any different than another. What is it about listing findom in a profile - among many mainstream interests - that makes you immediately eliminate a provider? 

 

 

[Guest]

As someone who hires, I will not pass over a potential provider merely because he lists a niche practice that doesn’t interest me. In some cases, though, it’s evident that a provider specializes in the practice, eg, moniker, description, social and/or hashtag emphasis, in which case I will pass.

Conversely, I’m sometimes looking to explore, and am interested in a specialist. I will want to know from their profile that they know what they’re doing and not just listing everything to capture the broadest audience.

So, I suppose like all good marketing it’s about authenticity and striking a balance.

Findom in particular stands apart for me. I don't judge the practice but do view it as a red flag because (1) I don’t understand it, (2) it seems highly vulnerable to exploitation, and (3) it seems so highly specialized that only a small number of providers would know how to practice it responsibly despite its increasingly common reference in profiles.

[maninsoma]

I'll reply, Simon.

With watersports, even though I'm not interested in it, I wouldn't necessary reject a guy who lists that in his ad because, as you wrote, I wouldn't assume that the provider attempts to force watersports into every encounter.  It's just an item available on the menu, so to speak. 

With findom, I don't think of it as just an activity available on the menu.  It's an attitude on the part of the provider -- give me money and then I will demand even more money.  The client is supposed to get a kick out of just being exploited.  I would be concerned that this speaks to a provider's character and that he would cop that stance with me, even if I didn't ask for it.  I'm not interested in throwing money at someone who then insults me and tells me to give  him even more money. 

[+ Pensant]

11 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

With findom, I don't think of it as just an activity available on the menu.  It's an attitude on the part of the provider -- give me money and then I will demand even more money.

Certainly not my cup of tea either; but some clients crave humiliation and exploitation. It’s a small subset to be sure, another part of the spectrum of fetishes.

I’m turned off by bragging or any allusion to royalty (King, prince etc.).

[+ poolboy48220]

3 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

What I am hearing is that for a client like you to even consider hiring, your man must ONLY list interests on his profile that conform to YOUR specific needs - to the exclusion of ALL others. Please tell me I’m wrong

Yes, you're wrong, in my case at least. Findom, to me at least, is in its own special category; I do have the feeling that this would come up whether or not I said I was not into it. And I suspect not all providers are good enough to let it drop. 

I have ruled out other providers listing something that I'm not into (fisting for example) but in the case I'm thinking of, the provider's ad seemed VERY much into fisting. 

[soloyo215]

12 hours ago, jmichaeliii said:

I get so frustrated when there is someone you want to try with limited info in their ad and you basically get blown off when you ask a couple clarifying questions.

I always lead that I want to book an appointment... then I will ask a couple simple questions regarding hosting/outcall, rates and maybe one more thing.  In return you get a 2 word response..obviously not answering anything you ask.  Then it either takes hours to hear back or not at all.

I'm in the Philly area and I have 3 guys that are terrific to work with, but some of the others couldn't care less if they get your business.

Welcome to Philly, the city of poor attitude and mediocrity.

That said, I've found the dismissive replies that don't address the questions in other providers. The moment that I get one of such answers, I just move on. There are plenty of providers to choose from, and I personally don't get hung up on one provider. If I get a response much later, depending on the response, I'd give the provider a chance. There are legitimate reasons for providers to not respond right away, such as traveling, tending other clients, or just self-care. To me it's more about the type of response I get. I've gotten a lot of poor attitude in Philly, so many times I don't even bother. Good that I travel and also have my reliable regulars in Philly.

As for the things that the provider offers, to me those are things that the provider offers, not something that I have to do if I hire him. I don't buy everything there is on display in a store; I just go get what I need. Same thing with providers. Advertising that he is willing to do something doesn't mean that it's what I hire him for. When there are specialized providers, they are clear (in my experience) about what exactly they are after, what type of clients they are catering, and sometimes they even have photos. Best is to communicate, and of there's no response or a poor one, then that is comunicating something.

[Simon Suraci]

4 hours ago, Km411 said:

I will not pass over a potential provider merely because he lists a niche practice that doesn’t interest me. In some cases, though, it’s evident that a provider specializes in the practice, eg, moniker, description, social and/or hashtag emphasis, in which case I will pass.

Fair enough. I hear this. Specialty or focus is a different take than simply someone offering a menu item. I want to emphasize this important difference.

4 hours ago, maninsoma said:

It's an attitude on the part of the provider -- give me money and then I will demand even more money.

I’m hearing that clients perceive listing findom means the provider is unable or unwilling to separate the findom dynamic from his interactions with clients with mainstream interests. I’m hearing the perception is that a findom is only and ever a findom, and will perform for clients in no other capacity…AND that he will be aggressive about only demanding more and more $, regardless of the client’s lack of interest in findom.

These assumptions are simply unfounded. Does anyone here actually have experience with findom-on-the-menu providers forcing that dynamic on mainstream interest clients? Or are these only assumptions? Were those providers advertising only that service, or other services too? Could you not simply say ‘no thanks’, and move on AFTER it becomes apparent that the provider is not the right fit for you…as you would for any other interest?

I’ve considered listing findom to capture the minority who specifically seek this kink out, BUT reading this here tells me that I can’t do that because I will lose far more mainstream clients than I will gain niche clients. Clients, I am hearing, can’t (read: won’t) comprehend that it’s merely a menu item and are so viscerally afraid that findom dynamics will be ‘forced’ upon them (as if clients have no say in that matter…) that they will exclude providers because of it … even though nothing has substantiated that initial assumption.

Thank you, that answers my overall question. I don’t think I am going to change anyone’s mind on the topic because the reactions here come from the amygdala, rather than the calm reasoning parts of the brain. These notes tell me no provider can list findom as a menu item without being perceived by many as a findom-only provider. That assumption is illogical, but that’s what clients perceive. It comes from a deep seated fight-or-flight fear reaction.

5 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I would be concerned that this speaks to a provider's character and that he would cop that stance with me, even if I didn't ask for it.

I am perfectly capable of serving niche client interests without any spillover to my mainstream interest clients. It has no impact or reflection on my character. If anything, it shows that I am inclusive and willing to entertain a broad range of clients. However, knowing what I read here reinforces to me that I can’t advertise niche interests. It will actually hurt my business to do so. Not because I actually am whatever scary thing clients assume I am, but because clients are unable, unwilling, or too afraid to look past their own assumptions. The safest bet is to advertise broad appeal interests and only entertain niche interests when clients specifically ask for them. 

4 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

I don't buy everything there is on display in a store; I just go get what I need. Same thing with providers. Advertising that he is willing to do something doesn't mean that it's what I hire him for.

^This, exactly. Some clients take a more mature approach. Unfortunately, it sounds like a lot of clients don’t, particularly when it comes to findom.

4 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

Best is to communicate, and if there's no response or a poor one, then that is communicating something.

^More generally, yes, communication is key. It doesn’t really matter what a provider lists or omits. If you ask him and he says yes, there’s your answer. If he fails to communicate or does so poorly, that gives you another clue that he’s not a match for you.

[viewing ownly]

This is important to this discussion. When an advertiser has their list of likes, is everything for them already pre-listed, or does an effort need to be made to either check boxes on purpose, or un-check boxes of things that aren't of interest?

I'll give an example of foreskin. I see that it's deliberately not in some men's list of likes, but do not know if they're making the effort to un-check that, or not checking it off with their other interests. For the record, I've never seen an example of an uncut provider not interested in having uncut clientele. 

[Bokomaru]

@Simon SuraciFindom is not simply an activity it is a dynamic, and a category unto itself. Imagine for a moment the client who is into findom. In general he’s looking for an asshole (AKA self proclaimed “alpha,” complete with some level of toxic masculinity). Fine. That’s what he’s into. Do you want to portray yourself as that?  If you merely tack it onto your list of interests you get the downside (clients assuming you’re into an activity that can be very coercive) without the upside (being seen as a dom capable of pulling off this tricky scenario… unless of course you take pains to explain how you manage to do findom well). 
I would usually not consider hiring a dom who listed findom because I think it lends itself to unethical behavior. Like PNP it can be done responsibly, but that’s the exception. And someone who’s engaging in it at all is a red flag for me. Even if he’s not doing it with me. 

I will add that since money is being exchanged anyway, I can see how that might open the door to some findom roleplay. But certainly I think it would be a mistake to include this in your marketing because the issues are too nuanced.
 

[+ Charlie]

From the definitions I have read of findom, it is not a single act that is part of a possibly one-time sexual experience with the escort, but an ongoing commitment to the escort, and one from which it could be difficult to extract oneself. If a client is interested in that experience, I doubt that he would mention it while setting up a first appointment with a provider; therefore, I don't see any reason to include it in an ad as an interest of the provider. Listing it in the ad makes it appear that the provider is thinking about it as a possibility before he has even been approached by the client, which is why it is a red flag for many potential clients who consider it as frightening as being tied up and fucked by a thug who is high on drugs.

[Simon Suraci]

Understood. I don’t currently and won’t in the future list findom on my ads. I will continue to work as I do now, by only engaging clients who specifically ask for it and who give clear consent (without any coercion on my part) before starting to engage the client in any findom roleplay scenario. At the end of the day, that’s all it is to me: roleplay by client request and by client consent.

I’m still curious to hear answers to these. Maybe it would be better addressed in a new thread:

On 12/29/2023 at 10:25 AM, Simon Suraci said:

Does anyone here actually have experience with findom-on-the-menu providers forcing that dynamic on mainstream interest clients? Or are these only assumptions? Were those providers advertising only that service, or other services too?

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

14 hours ago, Bokomaru said:

In general he’s looking for an asshole (AKA self proclaimed “alpha,” complete with some level of toxic masculinity)

Not true.  An alpha can easily give a sub what he's looking for without being toxic, mean or a shithead.

Now, if that's specifically what a client wants, that's a whole other thing. 

Findom and domination have a lot of nuance.  It's a long term mind game as much as it's physical gratification.  

[Bokomaru]

7 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Not true.  An alpha can easily give a sub what he's looking for without being toxic, mean or a shithead

Clarification: not true in general for doms. True in general for findoms, is what I meant. If you disagree with that, then we must agree to disagree.