Is this a community?

[+ DynamicUno]

Judging from the actions by several people over the years to keep the review site and forum alive, from Hooboy and then Daddy, and now RadioRob, there is certainly a core community.  The concern when certain frequent members have gone silent or when people learned of their passing is also a factor in my mind.  

Every club/community/organization has people at various levels of engagement, some are outliers and only engage on a superficial level, and for them it's not really a community they've invested in.  Others are daily contributors who would feel a loss if this space were to disappear.  

[+ Charlie]

8 minutes ago, José Soplanucas said:

Yes

I do not think so. I bet you many members have never posted.

Visitors can read posts, but I don't think one can become a member without posting.

[+ José Soplanucas]

10 minutes ago, Charlie said:

Visitors can read posts, but I don't think one can become a member without posting.

I think you might be wrong, but I am unsure. @mike carey @MikeBiDude @RadioRob, is it possible to create a profile and join the forum without ever posting? If yes, is it possible to know the number of members who have never posted?

[+ José Soplanucas]

22 minutes ago, DynamicUno said:

Judging from the actions by several people over the years to keep the review site and forum alive, from Hooboy and then Daddy, and now RadioRob, there is certainly a core community.  The concern when certain frequent members have gone silent or when people learned of their passing is also a factor in my mind.  

Every club/community/organization has people at various levels of engagement, some are outliers and only engage on a superficial level, and for them it's not really a community they've invested in.  Others are daily contributors who would feel a loss if this space were to disappear.  

This is a thoughtful response. 

[marylander1940]

I do have a sense of community with some members of this forum but at same time I see others as my late homophobic uncle. 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

Divisive topics like out of the blue calling Americans stupid in a thread completely unrelated to the subject? 

the difference is intent 

I didn’t intend to trigger anyone by that observation. and it wasn’t posted as bait either.

I wouldn’t make that same observation about another country - just my own. 

back to topic - it wasn’t an attempt to be divisive 

Edited June 26, 2023 by SouthOfTheBorder

[SirBillybob]

23 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

I do have a sense of community with some members of this forum but at same time I see others as my late homophobic uncle. 

But I presume never late for a verbal gay-bashing tailgate.

[SirBillybob]

The best designed poll method for shedding light would be a mandatory monthly poll tax of $1. Wanna see community leaners and lurkers alike scatter to the 4 winds? That. I would pony up if everybody did. 😏

Edited June 26, 2023 by SirBillybob

[SouthOfTheBorder]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I know some people have left and returned under a new screen name...but are people here using multiple screen names ?

yes - there are people using aliases 

it’s not something to be overly alarmed about - but you should be aware.  it’s extremely common in this kind of anonymous forum. and there’s nothing that can be done about it 

I’ve heard stories about personal or other identifying information incidentally disclosed in PMs and then that person gets doxxd ,stalked or other by some with too much time.  I think it almost always happens via PMs, so that’s just a warning to those who don’t know. 
 

[+ José Soplanucas]

7 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

I think you might be wrong, but I am unsure. @mike carey @MikeBiDude @RadioRob, is it possible to create a profile and join the forum without ever posting? If yes, is it possible to know the number of members who have never posted?

I feel ignored.

[Simon Suraci]

I feel COM is a community based on many shared interests. Because hiring in the M4M space is particularly niche, those interests tend to be overlapping and specific. Even among gay men who have sex with men, many shared interests tend to emerge. 

We tend to focus on our differences and bicker about those, even with rage and personal attacks at times (which makes me sad) - especially with regard to religion, politics, and identity e.g. race and gender. Nobody is forcing members to read or engage with the topics they don’t like. If something doesn’t interest you or you disagree with comments, it’s perfectly fine to scroll and move on. To scroll, or to troll, that is the question!

Despite some very deep divisions along the big no-no topics for thanksgiving dinners, we really are more more similar to one another than we are different, due to our shared niche interests and shared experiences. We may not live in the same places, but I feel connected to a wider community here because it’s a bunch of people who more or less get where I’m coming from and care about things I care about and want to talk about things I want to talk about. Maybe not sports or what you ate for breakfast (in my case), but many of the other categories I very much enjoy reading.

In places like Reddit you have to search for very specific niche topics, and even then the audience tends to be broader and less engaged, and some of your niche interests don’t always overlap like they do here. You might read some conversation input from a member and never hear from them again. Here, active members tend to be more engaged and for the longer term.

The overlap between all of us is much greater than a place like Reddit, and therefore much smaller and more specific. With fewer total people, it’s easier to connect with people. I think of it as more like a cocktail party in terms of scale compared to a stadium sporting event.

Lurkers exist here, as you will find anywhere. No getting around that. Same with problematic people. They exist 🤷‍♂️ 

[Jamie21]

I’m not bothered what names we attach to it but what I do care about is the interesting and respectful debate about topics we have a shared interest in.

If we weren’t interested in sex work (from either side of the perspective: hirer or provider) then we wouldn’t be here. What keeps me here is the different perspectives of people who share my interests (plus it’s good for business of course!).

I like that there are a range of opinions and that on the whole people who participate debate the subject rather than resort to ad hominem criticism. I don’t engage on Twitter for example because it rapidly descends into personal abuse. On here that doesn’t happen so much, probably because it’s well administered and I think the participants feel a sense of ownership. That’s extremely valuable! Worth looking after and nurturing. 

[ICTJOCK]

On 6/26/2023 at 8:29 AM, pubic_assistance said:

I'm going to guess that @José Soplanucasdefines a "community" as a bunch of people who  tend to always agree with one another, where C.o.M.org is indeed an open forum where people do disagree about numerous issues. Personally, I think a community CAN have a common bond while still disagreeing about the various matters within their common interest. After all if everyone just posted happy agreement with everything that everyone said, it wouldn't be much of a learning experience.

 

I would agree with this assessment.   As a new member here,   I can give a fresh look at this topic.   I'm impressed with the number of dedicated members (several have reached out to me and offered words of welcome).    It starts with the administrators and the effort given.    This is really a quality forum site and real effort has been made to be successful.    It has been a positive experience for sure.     For those who come and go,  it serves a positive purpose for information,  but for others,  it can be a place for learning,  encouragement and yes,  friendship.    So use it as you may.     I am appreciative for it.

[Becket]

Seems communal in nature to me.

I share items, things often embarrassing, even humiliating. I trust that most of what I write on this forum will be honored as private and confidential (though there is no promise or guarantee that my privacy is protected).

I prefer to share some things to one person and not another, thus increasing the intimacy and privacy of the item.

I have made new friends from this community; people who are like minded, of similar age and experience, and do not (usually) criticize and judge me.

I would be sad if this community went away.