Stan14 Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 Met a nice looking man named Phillip on Bear411.com, nickname Phuckbear. After some messages exchange he suggested to meet offline at some place at Chicago downtown, this Saturday. He does not look like a shy novice, he mentioned he practiced to arrange a sex parties of 10-20 participants. Friday noon he texted me: "Clark st is hosting a huge street fair this weekend, Traffic is going to be insane. Call me so we can make alternate arrangements' I responded: "We can go to Touche on Halsted, or else we go right to Steamworks, how about that?" His response was: "I am being overly cautious, I already have a very satisfying sex life. With several amazing sexy as Phuck men. I'm not interested in random hookups. I don't think we are a good match" Before that he sent me a few quite sexy pics of himself, we had a nice conversation on the phone (see image) I responded to that: "Wow! You are right, I would be better off staying away from unpredictable persons." I also asked: "what triggered your panic? My mentioning of Steamworks?" Got no response... As of now my verdict is: "Just an asshole. Forget it." But still feel disappointed... I still think Steamworks is a nice safe controllable environment, you can go intimate there, or just cruise around and enjoy a hot tub if it did not click. Any comments on that? What exactly has happened? What did I do wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pubic_assistance Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Sounds like he wanted a "date", and you wanted a dirty hook up. No mystery here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ BenjaminNicholas Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Anyone who can't say or type the word fuck is an instant red flag. Adults talk like fucking adults. You dodged a bullet. I hope you went to SW and got laid like a Chicago mason. + Vegas_Millennial, thomas, pubic_assistance and 4 others 4 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie21 Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 You thinking that something might be wrong with you from that exchange tells me definitively that ….Nothing Is Wrong With You. TorontoDrew and thomas 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maninsoma Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Why does either of you have to be "wrong?" It just didn't work out. pubic_assistance and SirBillybob 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 1 hour ago, BenjaminNicholas said: Anyone who can't say or type the word fuck is an instant red flag. Adults talk like fucking adults. You dodged a bullet. I hope you went to SW and got laid like a Chicago mason. I'm so relieved that I can type the word f**k, I mean fu*k, I mean intercourse, oh whatever! And I don't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Luv2play, + Charlie, + BenjaminNicholas and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirBillybob Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 You said he practiced to arrange large sex parties. It appears he practices to arrange sex parties of all sizes. Maybe when he pherfects his phractice the phucking will phinally phrevail. wsc, marylander1940, thomas and 1 other 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeezifonly Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Your profile might need reassessment. Be clear about goal re relationship, hookup, dating, FWB etc. Nothing is wrong with YOU. If an object of interest says “we’re not a match.” It just means you’re not a match. The realization can happen to any one, at any point. Before the first face-to-face, or after 30 years of marriage. As it’s not the latter in your case, best to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ BenjaminNicholas Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 1 hour ago, SirBillybob said: You said he practiced to arrange large sex parties. It appears he practices to arrange sex parties of all sizes. Maybe when he pherfects his phractice the phucking will phinally phrevail. Reading this, my inner monologue is lisping so much, I feel like I'm hosting The Paul Lynde Halloween Special. marylander1940, wsc, MikeBiDude and 3 others 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirBillybob Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Thorry. + BenjaminNicholas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 On 6/9/2023 at 11:44 PM, Stan14 said: Met a nice looking man named Phillip on Bear411.com, nickname Phuckbear. After some messages exchange he suggested to meet offline at some place at Chicago downtown, this Saturday. He does not look like a shy novice, he mentioned he practiced to arrange a sex parties of 10-20 participants. Friday noon he texted me: "Clark st is hosting a huge street fair this weekend, Traffic is going to be insane. Call me so we can make alternate arrangements' I responded: "We can go to Touche on Halsted, or else we go right to Steamworks, how about that?" His response was: "I am being overly cautious, I already have a very satisfying sex life. With several amazing sexy as Phuck men. I'm not interested in random hookups. I don't think we are a good match" Before that he sent me a few quite sexy pics of himself, we had a nice conversation on the phone (see image) I responded to that: "Wow! You are right, I would be better off staying away from unpredictable persons." I also asked: "what triggered your panic? My mentioning of Steamworks?" Got no response... As of now my verdict is: "Just an asshole. Forget it." But still feel disappointed... I still think Steamworks is a nice safe controllable environment, you can go intimate there, or just cruise around and enjoy a hot tub if it did not click. Any comments on that? What exactly has happened? What did I do wrong? Nothing! he suggested you guys meet offline and after changing plans he asked you for a new place to meet and your reply pissed him off? He's a tease collecting likes getting folks to desire how he looks in his pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 What's wrong with you? Probably not much except excessive sensitivity over perceived rejection. My advice is not to dwell over these apparent brush-offs. It happens to everyone. Over the years, I've never dwelled on my attempts which didn't land. I have kicked myself for not trying when I wished I had. When I first moved to LA, I was totally smitten by the hotel manager ("Lindoro") at the hotel I stayed while looking for houses to buy. It never worked out between us, but that never upset me much. In fact, we're still friends and I can sometimes use his Friends & Family discount at his hotel family of properties. I never would forgiven myself if I hadn't tried, though. Don't be afraid of rejection, for one can never know the reason, which can be myriad. Be afraid of not trying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: Met a nice looking man named Phillip on Bear411.com, nickname Phuckbear. After some messages exchange he suggested to meet offline at some place at Chicago downtown, this Saturday. He does not look like a shy novice, he mentioned he practiced to arrange a sex parties of 10-20 participants. Friday noon he texted me: "Clark st is hosting a huge street fair this weekend, Traffic is going to be insane. Call me so we can make alternate arrangements'... So far, so good. However, the use of "Phuckbear" as a screen name is kind of silly unless "Fuckbear" was already taken or was disallowed. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...I responded: "We can go to Touche on Halsted, or else we go right to Steamworks, how about that?" Quick question: Did you and he decide to meet at a bar or dis you decide to meet for coffee or a meal? Asking because suggesting a leather bar or bathhouse as a substitute for a coffeehouse or restaurant could be seen as a flag. Not a red flag, maybe a very light yellow one. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...His response was: "I am being overly cautious, I already have a very satisfying sex life. With several amazing sexy as Phuck men. I'm not interested in random hookups. I don't think we are a good match"... OK, what did he think would happen as a result of meeting on Bear 411? Bible study? A crocheting circle? Singing the Great American Songbook? His response is ridiculous and there's no need for ridiculousness in any of our lives. Oh, and "sexy as Phuck men" is silly. If he can't write the word "fuck" he's not worth your time. Please tell me he didn't say he likes to tease a man's musky rose blossom before engaging in sexual intercourse. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...I responded to that: "Wow! You are right, I would be better off staying away from unpredictable persons." I also asked: "what triggered your panic? My mentioning of Steamworks?" Got no response... I think you should have just stopped when he said you weren't a match. Calling him unpredictable and referring to his "panic" is insulting, even if you didn't intend it that way. No need to stoop to his level. It is easy for me to say that when I'm not on the receiving end of his messages, but still. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...Got no response... I wouldn't respond to "What triggered your panic" either. Frankly, just walking away seems like an excellent approach, even though his reaction to your suggestion was ridiculous. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...As of now my verdict is: "Just an asshole. Forget it." But still feel disappointed... I understand why you feel disappointed. However, I don't think he is an asshole. He probably doesn't like backrooms and bathhouses. Now, seeing as he arranges sex parties that does seem odd. Reminds me of a guy who I met for an afternoon of watersports who, after six hours of peeing on each other, got agitated when I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands while he was peeing in the toilet. Apparently, he was (wait for it) pee shy. It takes all kinds. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...I still think Steamworks is a nice safe controllable environment, you can go intimate there, or just cruise around and enjoy a hot tub if it did not click... You and I will need to agree to disagree here UNLESS you arranged to meet at a gay bar in downtown Chicago that has a back room. If that's the case then, I agree, Steamworks is a good choice. On 6/9/2023 at 8:44 PM, Stan14 said: ...What did I do wrong? I don't think you did anything "wrong" per se nor do I think one of you needs to be right and the other wrong. He changed his mind and decided you are not a match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirBillybob Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 (edited) Maybe I am missing something but I thought the bear was named Philip and his handle was simply a lexical blend (portmanteau), not representative of hesitancy in erotic language use. But if he hooks up with many sexy as phucks he may be phussily phukcing himself in the mirror? Edited June 14, 2023 by SirBillybob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 8 minutes ago, SirBillybob said: Maybe I am missing something but I thought the bear was named Philip and his handle was simply a lexical blend (portmanteau), not representative of hesitancy in erotic language use. But if he hooks up with many sexy as phucks he may be phussily phukcing himself in the mirror? I thought the same until he referred to "sexy as Phuck" men. That takes euphemism to an entirely new level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luv2play Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 As a young lad I was pee shy but after many years of having sex with men and developing a taste for watersports that has completely disappeared. I was therefore a little disappointed last week when an escort said he was pee shy. Then to my surprise during the course of the overnight session he completely lost that shyness. What a pleasant surprise. + Pensant and SirBillybob 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirBillybob Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 46 minutes ago, rvwnsd said: I thought the same until he referred to "sexy as Phuck" men. That takes euphemism to an entirely new level. The OP also wrote: see image. So I’m not ruling out typos or unintended misrepresentations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wsc Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 As the warden said to Cool Hand Luke, "What we got here is failure to communicate." SirBillybob 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirBillybob Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 (edited) 51 minutes ago, wsc said: As the warden said to Cool Hand Luke, "What we got here is failure to communicate." Phlayed by Phaul Newman in a Phlorida phrison camp. Edited June 15, 2023 by SirBillybob + BenjaminNicholas and wsc 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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