When do I become a creepy stalker?

[+ APPLE1]

18 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I guess I believe you, but count me as very surprised. Not my experience. It sounds as if you missed out on opportunities due to flakiness, though. It seems as if the OP has either moved on or waited and waited, though. 

OP here. I have done both. I have moved on and gotten the services I wanted in a time frame similar to what I wanted, and I have waited to see if there was ANY response (ie - sorry I was out of town, I have been incredibly busy this trip, etc). However, WHEN to move on, wasn't my question. The question was, and I may have inadvertently wrote it with some ambiguity, 'if there is NEVER a response, do I reach out again my/their next trip, the next time I am looking to hire, etc. If so, how many times before I stop inquiring.'

That's certainly not a criticism of the direction this thread took, or anyone's response. Obviously, discussions take turns, and segways develop. Truth be told, as you will read below, the turns this discussion took, we're helpful to me in answering my own questions.

I recognize that I don't have an employer / employee relationship with providers. They are independent contractors. Therefore, there's no reason to treat them any different than a contractor I contact to cut down a tree next to my house. I don't pay him a weekly salary, and he may very well not respond to me. I can hire someone else, and the next time I need another one cut, if I feel his reputation and circumstances warrant it, I can reach out to him again to see if I get a response. 2 or 3 times of reaching out for subsequent tree cutting jobs wouldn't make me feel like a pest or a stalker, so it shouldn't make me feel that way reaching out to ANY service provider.

Finally, I think I can also apply the adage that I have found true for any service: good, cheap, fast - pick 2! Maybe good and cheap makes a provider too busy to respond immediately. Maybe good and fast makes a provider able to sit around most of the day and respond immediately because he is pricing himself above a reasonable rate. I can say from experience, that I have had clients who want their issues addressed IMMEDIATELY. Personally, I either make them pay through the nose for it, OR I decide they are too much work and refer them elsewhere.

Edited March 25, 2023 by APPLE1

[Guest]

1 hour ago, APPLE1 said:

...'if there is NEVER a response, do I reach out again my/their next trip....

My advice is no. 

[Jamie21]

Of course it works both ways. Many times I get messages asking about my availability, services, rates etc and the client simply fails to reply when I go back. Here’s a few recent examples:

 

No response to my last message. You’ll see I responded within an hour of each message. And my message has been read (the advantage of WhatsApp🙂). 

Or this recent example:

In that one, when he messaged at 2pm I was with a client. The ‘services’ remark (there’s no ‘?’ …but I took it as a question asking what are my services?) is difficult. Aside from no response to my reply (this is now 3 days later) his style of questioning really didn’t deserve a response did it!

I give a bit of understanding if English isn’t his language but really…’services’ isn’t giving me confidence he’s going to book. 

Or this one maybe?

So I didn’t respond to the 00:56 message because I was asleep. I wouldn’t do a booking at that time at short notice anyway (wrong kind of client). But hey I replied and he was fine to suggest different times. I replied back within 20 minutes and it seems he’s disappeared? That was an encounter avoided fortunately!

And finally this one:

Obviously he just wanted to tell me he saw my add. How lovely, at least I know my advertising is visible (even if it only attracts the diffident 🙂). 

All of these examples of indifferent communication are from the past 2 weeks. Is it any wonder that some providers just don’t bother to respond to enquiries that look like they’re going nowhere? I don’t condone it, I reply to every message as soon as possible but I totally understand why people sometimes just wouldn’t bother. 
 

 

 

 

[Simon Suraci]

10 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Of course it works both ways. Many times I get messages asking about my availability, services, rates etc and the client simply fails to reply when I go back.

^THIS. I get so many messages from potential clients exactly like those examples from @Jamie21. The client inquires and then ghosts. Some of them do the same thing weeks or months later, and ghost again. Sometimes multiple times. I still respond politely and in a timely manner, every time, because it’s my job. Dealing with this stuff is part of the work, and not letting the frustration get to me. A lot of providers just don’t have the patience for it.

[Rod Hagen]

On 3/22/2023 at 11:05 PM, Unicorn said:

3 hours is enough time to wait for a response. This allows for the possibility he's with a customer or at the movies or a long meal. This is especially true if you call around 10 AM, when the escort is unlikely to be doing any of those things. After 3 hours, move to the next one on your list. Most people can be expected to at least be able to request a bathroom break every 3 hours. How often in life is one in a situation in which one cannot at least excuse oneself for a moment--enough time for a text---during any 3-hour period? Not answering after 3 hours says something about the provider: unprofessionalism most likely, perhaps even rudeness. Most businesses spend a lot on advertising. The least a provider can do is provide a brief, polite response--even if it's to say he's not available. 

3 hours?  What the heck?!  Dude, yes you pay me (eventually), but I work with you, not for you.

Well, now I know that through the decades I've lost (many?) clients by taking longer, sometimes days if I'm Mountain Biking/Snowboarding/Traveling all at once, to respond.  Which is great!  Clients in a hurry aren't often a good match for me.

p.s .Let me add that if I do take a long time to respond to clients, often or sometimes, I have no right at all to bitch about lack of business. But still, what the heck, three hours?!  Feels like your snapping your fingers at us. If the urge is that urgent can't you just jack off and then plan better next time? :-)

Edited March 25, 2023 by Rod Hagen

[Guest]

19 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

...You’ll see I responded within an hour of each message....

...All of these examples of indifferent communication are from the past 2 weeks. Is it any wonder that some providers just don’t bother to respond to enquiries that look like they’re going nowhere? I don’t condone it, I reply to every message as soon as possible but I totally understand why people sometimes just wouldn’t bother. 

It sounds like you're a good man, and I'm sorry you have to deal with BS sometimes. It also sounds as if you don't take your frustrations on your other customers, which is smart business-wise, as well as the decent and courteous thing to do. Most people, especially those who deal with the public, have to deal with bad apples. I'm glad you still behave professionally, and kudos to you. 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

...Well, now I know that through the decades I've lost (many?) clients by taking longer, sometimes days if I'm Mountain Biking/Snowboarding/Traveling all at once, to respond...Let me add that if I do take a long time to respond to clients, often or sometimes, I have no right at all to bitch about lack of business...

Well, if you're going to have a policy of not responding to potential customers when you're on vacation, I can think of a number of more considerate work-arounds. First of all, you could put on your website, as lots of other escorts do, "Out of town 3/22-29." Another considerate response would be to set your text to have an automatic response of "Unavailable until 3/29." Hell, it would be super-easy to simply turn the notifications off on your business phone, so that the sender would immediately get the message "RH has notifications silenced," and your hapless potential customer would know to move on. Barring any of those simple solutions, is it really that much of a bother while you're on a hydration break from your mountain biking or on the ski lift while snowboarding to simply text back "Sorry, out of town until the 29th."? It quite literally only takes lifting a finger. How long do you expect your potential customers to be waiting for you, and realize that you're not going to respond? 2 hours? 3 hours? 6 hours? 2 days? 5 days?

One could conclude that the fact that there are escorts like you who think it's fine not to respond for days on end if ever is as strong an argument as one can muster for moving on after 3 hours. It seems you've just made the argument FOR the 3-hour strategy I suggested, rather than the other way around. I don't think that simple lack of consideration for your potential customers' time and feelings constitute any kind of argument for the client to wait indefinitely. Why do you believe that the clients' time is of no importance, but you can't take a few seconds out of your busy vacation?

I would add "to text you" to this quote:

And, I'm sure glad you don't bitch about lack of business! 😉

 

[spidir]

On 3/22/2023 at 8:58 PM, APPLE1 said:

Do you always get responses from a prospective provider? How many times do inquire before giving up, or assuming they aren't interested, and label you as a weird stalker? Does it vary for local vs visiting providers?

No, I don't always receive responses from providers. I generally don't try again if it was my first time contacting a prospective provider. I do follow up (e.g., one time) if the provider failed to confirm or is a no show for our meeting. I enjoy authentic and caring conversations by displaying patience and respect to others. I do not expect a provider to respond to me any quicker than I am obligated to respond to their text message.

[Rod Hagen]

21 hours ago, Unicorn said:

t on your website, as lots of other escorts do, "Out of town 3/22-29." Another considerate

 

And, I'm sure glad you don't bitch about lack of business! 😉

 

Oh my gosh I miss the days of Voicemail, when I would go on a trip and leave a welcoming message:  "Hello and thank you for calling you've reached the home number of Rod Hagen.  Unfortunately, I am going to be out of town through February 17th, so please leave a message, and I will get back to you as soon as I return.  And in the interim, I highly recommend you checkout my website at www dot RodHagen dot com.  Thanks again for calling, and I will talk to you soon."

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rod Hagen

[NativeNewYorkGuy]

By the way, Mahatma Gandhi NEVER said that quote about the customer being the most important visitor.

A huge percentage of quotes found in Internet memes are fake. Usually, it's unlikely quotes (with very contemporary psychobabble or buzzwords) attributed to people like Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain. Apparently, there is a large amount of fake Gandhi quotes out there too.

DID GANDHI REALLY SAY THAT?

7 GANDHI QUOTES THAT ARE TOTALLY FAKE

The basic rule-of-thumb is that if the quote makes you say, "Wow! Can you believe that so-and-so said such-and-such?--it's probably fake. 

[MikeBiDude]

11 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

Oh my gosh I miss the days of Voicemail, when I would go on a trip and leave a welcoming message: 

Similar to auto-reply texts and emails in today’s tech world 😉

[mike carey]

8 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

Similar to auto-reply texts and emails in today’s tech world 😉

Indeed, similar but different.

An answering machine carried the promise, or at least the implication that 'I'll get back to you', whereas an auto-reply is almost 'Fuck off, I'm too busy/couldn't be bothered'. Not always, and almost certainly not intentionally, but still. Of course, an auto-reply followed in reasonably short order by an actual response cancels that impression.

[Simon Suraci]

@MikeBiDude @mike carey @Rod Hagen Do any of you know how to set up auto text replies on an iPhone? I would use this feature to indicate I am working and will get back to someone asap after my current appointment ends, usually within 1-2 hours.

[mike carey]

1 minute ago, Simon Suraci said:

@MikeBiDude @mike carey @Rod Hagen Do any of you know how to set up auto text replies on an iPhone? I would use this feature to indicate I am working and will get back to someone asap after my current appointment ends, usually within 1-2 hours.

Sorry Simon, I'm an iPhone illiterate, strictly android. Not that I could set that up on my phone!

As an aside, I've loved your sensible contribution to the forum.

[MikeBiDude]

9 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

@MikeBiDude @mike carey @Rod Hagen Do any of you know how to set up auto text replies on an iPhone? I would use this feature to indicate I am working and will get back to someone asap after my current appointment ends, usually within 1-2 hours.

Try this….you can customize your reply. Like many things Apple it’s there but not entirely straightforward 

https://support.apple.com/en-in/HT208090

[JayinHKNYC]

Some of these responses are realistic, logical reviews of the situation, and then there's what almost seemed like a Saturday Night Live guest ranting with Colin Jost and Michael Che. A comical exaggeration.

[Rod Hagen]

21 minutes ago, JayinHKNYC said:

Some of these responses are realistic, logical reviews of the situation, and then there's what almost seemed like a Saturday Night Live guest ranting with Colin Jost and Michael Che. A comical exaggeration.

And, which ones are comical?

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rod Hagen

[Rod Hagen]

39 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

@MikeBiDude @mike carey @Rod Hagen Do any of you know how to set up auto text replies on an iPhone? I would use this feature to indicate I am working and will get back to someone asap after my current appointment ends, usually within 1-2 hours.

No, sorry.  Sounds like Unicorn has all the right answers on responses, ask him :-)

[Simon Suraci]

50 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

Try this….you can customize your reply. Like many things Apple it’s there but not entirely straightforward 

https://support.apple.com/en-in/HT208090

Thanks @MikeBiDude. I’ve tinkered with the driving focus feature with limited success in the past. Doesn’t always work, not sure why. Hoping there was some other way I haven’t found yet, but alas probably none yet to date. Appreciate the response! Thank you as well to @mike careyand @Rod Hagen.

The trouble with the driving focus method is that it only auto-replies to existing contacts in your phone, not new random numbers. The people I really need the auto reply for is new clients not yet in my phone. They don’t know what to expect, and the auto reply reassures them I will get back asap. Existing clients know I’m reliable and will get back in a timely manner, so it’s not as necessary to auto reply to them. 🤷‍♂️ 

[Rudynate]

On 3/22/2023 at 8:58 PM, APPLE1 said:

Do you always get responses from a prospective provider? How many times do inquire before giving up, or assuming they aren't interested, and label you as a weird stalker? Does it vary for local vs visiting providers?

I try twice.  But that's just me.  To me, if I have tried twice and not gotten a response, it has already gone off the rails, for whatever reason, and best to give up on it.  There are lots of great-looking men out there waiting to  hear from you. 

[Guest]

I picked up my domestic partner, who used to escort, back from the airport last night (he attended a wedding on the East Coast). He didn't know about this discussion, of course, and I asked him on our drive back home "When you were escorting, how long would you take to respond to texts from potential customers?". He answered "Within an hour or two at most. I liked to be considerate." His words, no prompting. As it turns out, he was the 2nd escort I attempted to contact the day I met him 2 years ago. The first didn't answer within 3 hours, so I moved on. I shudder to imagine how different both our lives would be had I simply waited for the 1st escort to respond. He may not have been the absolute #1 in terms of looks, but he more than makes up for it with his wonderful personality. 🥰 

[Rod Hagen]

2 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I picked up my domestic partner, who used to escort, back from the airport last night (he attended a wedding on the East Coast). He didn't know about this discussion, of course, and I asked him on our drive back home "When you were escorting, how long would you take to respond to texts from potential customers?". He answered "Within an hour or two at most. I liked to be considerate." His words, no prompting. 

Being Horny is not an emergency.  You and the Zillenials, who can't STOP texting, you polled can say three hours or less is what is considerate/best, but that doesn't make it so, just as I could never claim reasonably, in these contemporary times, that several days is considerate.

I wonder if it's exactly your kind of impatience that's responsible for our "old" professional classification, "Call Boys". :-)  Bring me your dick, NOW!!!

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rod Hagen

[Jaroslav]

On 3/23/2023 at 3:48 AM, nycman said:

I agree. I used to have a "24-hour" rule, but I quickly learned 
if I don’t get a response within the hour, the likelihood of 
getting a response decays exponentially each passing hour. 

My 24 hour rule left me alone in a hotel room way too many
times. Even if they did respond after the 3 hour mark, those
individuals would often flake. 

So, 3 hours it is. 

I find it incredibly gobsmacking just how poor at communicating some providers are. When I hire, I want a BFE, so communicating is important for when we’re not fucking. If basic communication is a struggle, then the meetup is going to be poor. 

[Jaroslav]

On 3/25/2023 at 6:10 PM, Rod Hagen said:

I work with you, not for you.

I understand the spirit of this, but the one who is getting paid does work for the one paying. You can set the parameters of what you offer when, but ultimately the escort is working…hence why I’m paying. You’re working with someone if I ask you to bring another escort to work with you.

Arranging a mutually agreeable time to meet isn’t working with me. It’s arranging an appointment. And it’s especially not working with me if you tell me you’re availability and I have to accommodate you. Working with you in that sense means you’re just as willing to restructure your schedule for me as I am for you. I’ve hired very few escorts who will make changes to their schedules for me.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

... you polled can say three hours or less is what is considerate/best...

I'm not sure if I understand what you're trying to say, but what I posted was not an attempt at an opinion poll, if that's what you were trying to say. I'm simply sharing my experience and advice, coming from many years of hiring. As a customer, my experience is that if I don't get a response within 3 hours, it's best to move on. No response in 3 hours usually means at least one of three things (1) the escort is on a long journey, and truly unavailable (such as a long-haul flight), (2) the escort isn't serious about escorting (as I recounted, sometimes I see the ad for a non-responder disappear by the next week or two), or (3) the escort has poor customer service attitudes. Of course, more than one factor can be at play, such as when you go on vacation (truly unavailable) and can't be bothered to take a few seconds to let your potential customers know. 

We have heard from the experiences of both client and provider in this string. One client admitted that he likes to wait as long as it takes, and often goes home hiring no one. We have heard from escorts who usually respond within an hour or two, even when some of their customers are flakes, because they feel it's the right thing to do. And we have heard from you, who states he can go for days without returning a text because he has all of the clients he needs, and therefore is unconcerned about the person on the other end, whose patience has been abused. Certainly no one has put forth a real reason why an available escort would be unable to respond to a text within 3 hours during waking hours. The most anyone has been able to come up with if they disagree is some sort of eye-roll emoji or the like. 

The OP, and any posterity reading this string, can make up their own minds whether to take my advice or not. It's no sweat off of my brow either way. 

Edited March 28, 2023 by Unicorn