Overlap Between This Hobby & Real Life

[BtmBearDad]

From a boozey conversation with a very good friend, and fellow hobbyist - do the gents you engage in this hobby reflect the gents you date, hook up with, are partnered with in your real life? 

My friend as an example is married to a regular, run of the mill white guy. Pale, smooth, slightly built, and handsome enough. But in this hobby, my friend searches exclusively for hairy, thick, bearish/muscle bear types. We also have a mutual friend who possesses a DOD, and has always been all top in his relationships, but in this hobby he puts the “pow” in power bottom, engaging total tops only, (usually more than one in a session). 

Is it just a case “getting what you can’t get at home” or am I missing something? 

For me, there’s definitely overlap between the gents I engage, and the men I date, hook up with, have been in relationships with. It’s not 100% by any means, but if you lined up the last 3 guys I engaged with 3 guys I’ve dated, they may not look alike, but there would be similarities. 

Thoughts? 

[MscleLovr]

Total overlap. 
 

I’ve always been most attracted to handsome, very fit preppy young men 21+. And in bed I’m only a lazy selfish top with a dominant streak. So I only ever dated muscleboys who played bottom and were eager cocksuckers to completion.

[56harrisond]

I definitely have a type, so there's total overlap.

✔️ Muscle, fit tops

[+ Charlie]

There is definitely a difference between the guys I used to hire and the guys I dated or partnered. For hot and dirty sex, I liked big, hairy tops, but for an emotional relationship I wanted guys I could relate to on a personal level as friends, with whom I shared values and non-sexual interests. I rarely found men who fit both descriptions.  I have been happily married for years to a guy who is older and shorter than I, slim (when we met) and almost devoid of body hair, and cute (when we met) but not a head-turner on the street. The sexual spark between us when we met was not based on physical attributes but personality. One doesn't flip through the photos on RM looking for emotional compatibility.

When I am watching a sporting match on TV, the camera often switches to a prominent player's wife or girlfriend watching in the stands, and I am struck by how often she is the classic "trophy wife," looking like a plastic fashion model, and I wonder what their private relationship is like. I think back to my high school days and the hottest guy in the class: tall, handsome, built and a jock. He could have had almost any girlfriend he wanted, but instead he dated and married a classmate who was short, fat and homely, but with a lively personality. They had a happy marriage with several children, and his death from cancer in his 50s caused her to become an active fundraiser for a cancer society;  she is now the mayor of their town. I don't see that kind of future for most of those trophy wives.

[MscleLovr]

45 minutes ago, Charlie said:

the hottest guy in the class: tall, handsome, built and a jock.…married a classmate who was short, fat and homely, but with a lively personality.

So @Charlie “the hottest guy” was emotionally mature and intelligent too

[jeezifonly]

My dating and relationship filter differs from my hiring filter. I’m happily partnered (married 15, together 35, so my relationship filter is permanently out of commission) and I’ve always enjoyed the boundaries of time in hiring. There’s a single purpose, and most profiles give me enough info to choose from to meet the goal. I don’t have a single specific type, never have. Although for the past 20 yrs I’m far more likely to hire a guy who might be filmed by Pantheon rather than Sean Cody. 

[pubic_assistance]

I'm married to a woman so it's definitely about what I don't get at home.

Plus my romantic life is pretty solid and after 16 years of marriage our sex life is satisfying but no fireworks like when we were young. 

So my goals in meeting people outside the relationship would be for a wild and crazy session that would represent the complete opposite of my home life. 

[Decatur Guy]

There's partial but not full overlap.

Most of the guys I hired tend to be more physically handsome than the no-fee guys, for instance, even if they are the same "types." I almost always bottom with guys I hire, but until the past five years or so, I was more versatile with no-fee guys. While I have no real attraction by age, guys I hire tend to be younger, but that's because most providers are younger than 40.

But in both groups, I value masculinity, friendliness and a certain sexual confidence.

[+ tassojunior]

I've lived most of my life in DC so prostitution is is prevalent and the norm.