Why are the guys I book canceling?

[NickInAtlanta]

Tried booking two different guys two Fridays in a row, both canceled. The first one, texted 30 min before to say his stomach hurt and he couldn't bottom. Second, texted 45 min after we were scheduled to meet, said he was dealing with family drama. Both were booked a week in advance. Out the cost of a hotel room for both nights, and wasn't able to get anyone else last minute.

Any idea what I'm doing wrong? Just trying to not be alone, can't keep wasting money on hotels for nothing... 

[Kevin Slater]

My experience informs me that the likelihood of a booking actually happening is inversely proportional to the amount of advance notice.

I've always experienced it from the escort's perspective, but perhaps it holds both ways.

Kevin Slater

[Jamie21]

Possibly you’re picking the wrong type of guy… the flaky type who’s doing the work as a bit of fun and easy money and something ‘better’ has come along so they bailed on you. Especially as it’s a Friday and they didn’t need to front the cost of anything.

[Luv2play]

I'm currently in Montreal (where incidentally the weather is gorgeous, dined outdide last night with my escort). I booked the weekend about 2 months ago and started looking at RM ads last week to make some arrangements. 

My date last night was with a well reviewed guy who has done some porn. He communicated well throughout and showed up at my hotel on the dot for a 4 hour engagement that included dinner at a nearby restaurant we could walk to. 

We played before and after dinner and had a great evening. I would repeat.

Got another date tonight and something for Sunday. We'll see how it goes. I've gone through the same process with tonight's date but the Sunday one I left till yesterday to arrange. 

I tried a new hotel and its great. Two beds, one for playing and one for sleeping. I guess careful arranging can help prevent flakes from ruining your time, especially when you go to the expense of travel and hotels. That's always been my experience. I can't recall a single flake who cancelled at last minute.

Edited November 5, 2022 by Luv2play

[NickInAtlanta]

Thanks to everyone that has responded to me. Hoping to try again, or maybe I should just take the hint...?

[+ DrownedBoy]

I'm noticing that a lot too lately.

In the past few months, I had 2 guys cancel on me.

To be fair, though, they were both really young and others later told me they were unreliable.

As for doing same day - I just wish that if there are escorts who are ready to come "right now," they indicate it in their RM ad. I've texted waaaaay too many people with "Available" on their ad, who never bother answer (or do so a day or 2 late). I really can't find escorts who are that ready anymore.

So if they don't want to schedule ahead of time, and they don't want to come when called, what do you do?

Edited November 5, 2022 by DrownedBoy

[BuffaloKyle]

I try to stick to well reviewed and recommended providers. It seems rentmen is really flooded with new ads and review less guys lately. 

[Jamie21]

5 hours ago, NickInDenver said:

Thanks to everyone that has responded to me. Hoping to try again, or maybe I should just take the hint...?

If you’re talking to the right escorts…it definitely won’t be you. 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Possibly you’re picking the wrong type of guy… 

I think this right here is the key. I do believe @Kevin Slater's assessment that long lead times don't work for most escorts or clients, but I'm the total opposite. I love scheduling in advance. You've just got to get a sense of who you're working with. 

[BonVivant]

Depends how well you know the guy. If it’s going to be an overseas trip planned months in advance, I only go with a known, reliable guy. If going to a city, then I’ll just set it up once I’m there based on who is available. Having said that, maybe you just had bad luck. Part of the game is that sometimes it doesn’t work out. Always have a backup plan or plans. 

[Guest leftbench23]

I was stood up earlier this week while traveling for work. I only reached out the day before and confirmed everything a few hours before the appointment. But nothing when it was time start.

Another peeve is when providers ask to move the start time 30-60 minutes later because they “ran to the gym” or “was getting something to eat.” I’m old fashion in that you keep the appointment time you booked… work personal activities around your clients!

[Luv2play]

My date tonight went very well. Arranged last week and we both kept in touch leading up to tonight, not every day but once or twice.

And then today several times to reconfirm our arrangements.  

[Jarrod_Uncut]

35 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

My date tonight went very well. Arranged last week and we both kept in touch leading up to tonight, not every day but once or twice.

And then today several times to reconfirm our arrangements.  

That’s great, but you’re also comparing Canada to Denver. Which is in America. As far as I recall: Canada doesn’t prosecute sex work or do they operate on the Nordic model? 

I haven’t been to Montreal before (would love to, and Toronto) but you’re likely dealing with people with more European influence. America is full of rude flakes, whether you paying or not. And in the Midwest states, it’s actually courteous to ghost and flake on someone. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

4 hours ago, leftbench23 said:

I was stood up earlier this week while traveling for work. I only reached out the day before and confirmed everything a few hours before the appointment. But nothing when it was time start.

Another peeve is when providers ask to move the start time 30-60 minutes later because they “ran to the gym” or “was getting something to eat.” I’m old fashion in that you keep the appointment time you booked… work personal activities around your clients!

Hmm, well I think you just have to be a little more patient. 30-60 minutes out of, how many years of your life?
 

Though I understand being on time is important, When it matters. But I find many gay dudes who overly fixated on being on time; tend to want the world to revolve around them, when they snap their fingers. F your hunger, f your stretching and stress relieving routine: show up for me when I want you to.

Example: I had planned to do a video shoot with a porn guy (in Denver in fact). We discussed in advance, to meet on a certain day. But that certain day was the day after I had just arrived. And I needed to go to the gym, because couple days prior: The hotel gym time was ruined because 15 kids decided to go to the pool, which was connected to the gym. Which they turned into a playground. So I had to cut my session early.

Now: I arranged the hotel, and I drove in from out of town (luckily not just for him). I said I could do 5 p.m. He’s like: let’s do 4:30. Then around 2-3 p.m. he’s hinting he could meet even earlier. Meanwhile, I just had 2 bookings the night before and the morning of, I’m trying to adjust to a different city, I skipped breakfast already and needed a gym and proper food. So I offered my availability for the following days.

He just flew off the hook, got a fit and cancelled on me. I told him, if you made the concessions today…just come, I don’t want to have you hanging. He’s just like nope, he’s not feeling it anymore. I was available for 4 more days and he couldn’t be bothered. 
 

Sometimes when you’re dealing with other people in a sexual capacity, you have to somewhat set aside what’s “proper”. Married guys likely don’t set timers to arrive in bed on time for sex. You’re dealing with something intimate and variable. Maybe the person is late because they need more time to prepare before sex, whether that be gym, food (I try not to eat too close to sessions anyway…but if I’m going to drink with a client I don’t want to be quickly inebriated on an empty stomach), etc. 

And if you’re dealing with a traveling provider, one needs to be even more lenient. Stop working on 30-60 minute windows. Plan to set aside an entire time of day. Clients will reserve all day to spend with their annoying family members that they can’t stand, but won’t even give an escort a 45 minute grace period. 

Edited November 6, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ keroscenefire]

I feel like Denver is kind of rough lately. A lot of former reliable regulars have stopped escorting for the time being and a lot of the new guys are either flakey or expensive or both. 

Personally I think you might weirdly have better long contacting people the day before or even the day off. And also multiple guys. This weekend, I contacted 5, only two messaged me back in time and one of them wanted a very high amount for his time. 

I'm trying to find another great Denver regular, but no luck. I'll definitely let you know if I do though.

[BuffaloKyle]

1 hour ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Hmm, well I think you just have to be a little more patient. 30-60 minutes out of, how many years of your life?

I agree and have said on here before that it is always a good idea to have buffer time around your appts both clients and providers. I always expect it because when I host both with providers and regular hookups whenever they say on the way be there in 15 min it always is 30 min, I don't know why! 😆

[Jamie21]

3 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Hmm, well I think you just have to be a little more patient. 30-60 minutes out of, how many years of your life?
 

Though I understand being on time is important, When it matters. But I find many gay dudes who overly fixated on being on time; tend to want the world to revolve around them, when they snap their fingers. F your hunger, f your stretching and stress relieving routine: show up for me when I want you to.

Example: I had planned to do a video shoot with a porn guy (in Denver in fact). We discussed in advance, to meet on a certain day. But that certain day was the day after I had just arrived. And I needed to go to the gym, because couple days prior: The hotel gym time was ruined because 15 kids decided to go to the pool, which was connected to the gym. Which they turned into a playground. So I had to cut my session early.

Now: I arranged the hotel, and I drove in from out of town (luckily not just for him). I said I could do 5 p.m. He’s like: let’s do 4:30. Then around 2-3 p.m. he’s hinting he could meet even earlier. Meanwhile, I just had 2 bookings the night before and the morning of, I’m trying to adjust to a different city, I skipped breakfast already and needed a gym and proper food. So I offered my availability for the following days.

He just flew off the hook, got a fit and cancelled on me. I told him, if you made the concessions today…just come, I don’t want to have you hanging. He’s just like nope, he’s not feeling it anymore. I was available for 4 more days and he couldn’t be bothered. 
 

Sometimes when you’re dealing with other people in a sexual capacity, you have to somewhat set aside what’s “proper”. Married guys likely don’t set timers to arrive in bed on time for sex. You’re dealing with something intimate and variable. Maybe the person is late because they need more time to prepare before sex, whether that be gym, food (I try not to eat too close to sessions anyway…but if I’m going to drink with a client I don’t want to be quickly inebriated on an empty stomach), etc. 

And if you’re dealing with a traveling provider, one needs to be even more lenient. Stop working on 30-60 minute windows. Plan to set aside an entire time of day. Clients will reserve all day to spend with their annoying family members that they can’t stand, but won’t even give an escort a 45 minute grace period. 

I find it annoying, when someone is late. Especially if their excuse was reasonably within their power to avoid. This seems to happen a lot with video shoots with porn models.

Example, I arranged to film with a model at his place. We agreed a time and I turn up 5 minutes before the time agreed. I message him to say I’m outside. No reply….then after 10 minutes he says ‘sorry I was asleep’…give me half hour. This is around 11am.  So I wander around his area for half hour then message again… ‘yeah come up’, he messages back. 

Once inside he’s obviously just woken, and says to me “do you want some breakfast?” as he prepares his food. I think ‘well I came here to eat but it’s your arse I was thinking of, not grapefruit and cereal’ but I’m kind of trying to be relaxed so I say “oh thanks just a glass of juice”.  So we sit while he eats breakfast….then he says he has to douche…. It’s now almost midday. I have other stuff to do later. I ask “how long to douche?”….he says “oh I dunno, usually half hour…depends”.  Now if I’m bottoming I really don’t like to douche immediately before a shoot, that’s far to stressful. Why hasn’t he done all this before the agreed time? 

While he’s douching I set up cameras and light so things are ready. After his preparation he wants a little time to settle down so we sit and chat. Eventually after 2 hours we get some filming done. It’s so unprofessional.

He was young, early 20’s and I find this kind of attitude more common with younger guys. When I collaborate with guys older, like 40 or so they are on time, are professional, easy to work with. It’s a job, you book and agree a time and duration because people make plans. I can understand unexpected travel delays etc but not things like ‘I needed the gym’ or ‘I have to douche’ or something when those things should have been planned for in advance. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

It seems to me like a lot of EDIT new and young ENDEDIT escorts don't understand how important it is to be punctual.

If you're a businessman at, say, a convention or staying at a hotel, you have precise hours when you can discreetly receive escorts.

If you sell your time but can't accommodate someone's schedule, you may be in the wrong business.

Edited November 6, 2022 by DrownedBoy

[Jarrod_Uncut]

23 hours ago, keroscenefire said:

I feel like Denver is kind of rough lately. A lot of former reliable regulars have stopped escorting for the time being and a lot of the new guys are either flakey or expensive or both. 

Personally I think you might weirdly have better long contacting people the day before or even the day off. And also multiple guys. This weekend, I contacted 5, only two messaged me back in time and one of them wanted a very high amount for his time. 

I'm trying to find another great Denver regular, but no luck. I'll definitely let you know if I do though.

From having visited recently, Denver is quite rough around the edges. However, it’s nothing really new: it’s been going the same direction since I left in 2016. Lot of druggie amateur types getting into the biz, costs of hotels have gone up unnecessarily. Clients are likely just as flaky as the providers. 
 

However, that’s also why having boundaries and structure is important when dealing with cities like that. I used to freely post in Denver with no deposits. If I did that now, I’d be a sitting duck. Even when I attempted to have 1 guy meet without a deposit, he kept flaking, 2 times a row. 
 

it’s like I have to be reminded a million times why I collect deposits now, despite the forum telling me no, no, no. 

19 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I find it annoying, when someone is late. Especially if their excuse was reasonably within their power to avoid. This seems to happen a lot with video shoots with porn models.

Example, I arranged to film with a model at his place. We agreed a time and I turn up 5 minutes before the time agreed. I message him to say I’m outside. No reply….then after 10 minutes he says ‘sorry I was asleep’…give me half hour. This is around 11am.  So I wander around his area for half hour then message again… ‘yeah come up’, he messages back. 

Once inside he’s obviously just woken, and says to me “do you want some breakfast?” as he prepares his food. I think ‘well I came here to eat but it’s your arse I was thinking of, not grapefruit and cereal’ but I’m kind of trying to be relaxed so I say “oh thanks just a glass of juice”.  So we sit while he eats breakfast….then he says he has to douche…. It’s now almost midday. I have other stuff to do later. I ask “how long to douche?”….he says “oh I dunno, usually half hour…depends”.  Now if I’m bottoming I really don’t like to douche immediately before a shoot, that’s far to stressful. Why hasn’t he done all this before the agreed time? 

While he’s douching I set up cameras and light so things are ready. After his preparation he wants a little time to settle down so we sit and chat. Eventually after 2 hours we get some filming done. It’s so unprofessional.

He was young, early 20’s and I find this kind of attitude more common with younger guys. When I collaborate with guys older, like 40 or so they are on time, are professional, easy to work with. It’s a job, you book and agree a time and duration because people make plans. I can understand unexpected travel delays etc but not things like ‘I needed the gym’ or ‘I have to douche’ or something when those things should have been planned for in advance. 

Now, that’s just something totally different and disorganized. That’s NOT the time windows I refer to, at all. Especially since you went to his place. 
 

In my case, I was informing the guy ahead of time, and just having a reasonable conversation about coordinating time with him, before he even stepped foot out of his place to come to me.
 

11 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

It seems to me like a lot of EDIT new and young ENDEDIT escorts don't understand how important it is to be punctual.

If you're a businessman at, say, a convention or staying at a hotel, you have precise hours when you can discreetly receive escorts.

If you sell your time but can't accommodate someone's schedule, you may be in the wrong business.

Who is the you, that you refer to? 
 

I relate to your concerns, however what “should be” versus what it actually is are 2 different things. A provider should be able to accommodate client’s schedules. However, at what cost? At what level? 
 
I had a client earlier today, asking if I could meet in the next hour…and he also added that he has too many people at his place so he needs to come to me. All understandable, it happens. But, who says I don’t also have a bunch of people at my place? Who said that? And since when did I need to be ready to accommodate “within the next hour” to host?

I told him: I’m glad you reached out, but I’m not available within the next hour today, because (insert real life stuff). However, I can see you (insert time I can meet). He was like cool, got the basics and he sent the deposit…and we’re all good: to meet 2 days from now. 
 

So I understand accommodating someone’s schedule: IF the provider is given the appropriate time to do so. Which should not mean, unannounced. 

[dbar123]

In my limited experience I have much better luck with escorts over 30. The younger guys seem to take schedules less seriously.

I might also suggest trying vendors who do incall. They tend to be more on time

[Jarrod_Uncut]

23 hours ago, dbar123 said:

In my limited experience I have much better luck with escorts over 30. The younger guys seem to take schedules less seriously.

I might also suggest trying vendors who do incall. They tend to be more on time

There’s definitely a vintage perk about booking an older provider over 30. However, some of the older guys like myself did start in their 20s.
 

In the above example that @Jamie21 mentioned, “He was young, early 20’s and I find this kind of attitude more common with younger guys.” that seems to be similiar. 

However despite the video shoot with the guy I was planning with falling thru, a client requested a visit not far from the time. So I picked up a new client in the process. Sometimes if someone want to act like they can’t be bothered, another person will. Some people want me to bend over backwards for them, but they won’t even do the same.

Would that porn guy have driven 600 miles to my city, got a hotel room for us to shoot in? Probably not…

Edited November 9, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

3 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

. Some people want me to bend over backwards for them, but they won’t even do the same.

I usually get asked to bend over forwards. Or is that a different thing? 
 

[coriolis888]

On 11/5/2022 at 6:35 AM, Luv2play said:

 

My date last night was with a well reviewed guy who has done some porn. He communicated well throughout and showed up at my hotel on the dot for a 4 hour engagement that included dinner at a nearby restaurant we could walk to. 

 

When an escort is going to collect four hours of money, it is unlikely you will have a "no show". 

Or, if an escort is reading this response, am I incorrect about the four hours versus the usual one hour of earnings effecting the likelihood of the escort making a timely appearance?

Edited November 11, 2022 by coriolis888
clarity

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 11/9/2022 at 2:32 AM, Jamie21 said:

I usually get asked to bend over forwards. Or is that a different thing? 
 

I’m glad you think invalidating a personal observation is a backdrop to make a flirty joke out of: 

Invalidation sends the message that a person’s subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.

https://drjamielong.com/validation-5-things-not-to-say/

Edited November 14, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

Although it was referencing your post ….it wasn’t actually about you or intended to invalidate your experience.   I apologise for the unintentional invalidation. It was just meant to bring some levity to the conversation. It’s important to smile 😊. 

I don’t see things like that Dr Long quote because I guess I don’t need my subjective emotional experience to be validated, at least not on a forum like this! It’s my experience and I don’t mind whether someone else who I don’t know validates it or not, but I realise you’re different @Jarrod_Uncut so I’m really disappointed you didn’t like the joke and that I upset you. I’m resolved to not interact in future unless it’s to positively validate your point.