Do guys flirt or cruise on the Gym Floor (not in the locker room or sauna) anymore?

[musclelover]

I go to one of the gayest gyms in NYC - and most of the guys are in very good "gayborhood" shape - some standouts for sure, but the vast majority are nicely muscled and toned (and almost kind of look the same!).

I was working out the other day - and while people tend to use their smartphones a little too much while working out - but in-between my sets I noticed not just 1 or 2 or 3 guys staring at their cellphones, but EVERYONE was, without exception.

Also, I've noticed that I hardly ever see anyone talking to anyone else.  And there seems to be almost no eye contact whatsoever, as if everyone is making a concerted effort to NOT notice or check out anyone else.

So I'm wondering if I'm alone in this observation - or in a throwback to what Carrie Bradshaw might type at the beginning of a SATC episode:  "Do guys even discreetly check out or cruise or flirt with each other at the gym anymore (while working out, not in the locker room, sauna, etc.)?"

[LookingAround]

They’re all on Grindr and they cruise each other but via Grindr!

[musclelover]

10 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

They’re all on Grindr and they cruise each other but via Grindr!

Yeah, I check out my Grindr too while I'm working out, but not incessantly, and very discreetly.

But can't you do both?  

Maybe not, especially because everyone is peering into their phones and has their AirPods in their ears, conveying in essence a "do not approach" message.

Do others agree that the gym is now a Grindr zone?

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I think it all depends on the guy and what his gym goals are.

There are days when I really don't want to be bothered when lifting.  I'm in the zone and it's a pain in the ass for me to have to stop and make conversation or even look at my phone.  I have Airpods in and a playlist that doesn't require me to screw with my device.  Just a set it and forget it kinda thing.

Not that I haven't hooked up from a gym (or, yeah, in a gym), but it's not what I expect when I go in.  My main concern is pushing past plateaus and keeping in the best shape I possibly can be.

Edit:  I also think there's a large subset of the younger generation that doesn't know how to flirt or easily converse on an in-person, intimate level.

Edited August 14, 2022 by BenjaminNicholas

[nate_sf]

My experience is mixed. I go to three different branches of the same gym chain; two are in SF, the third is in the suburbs. Smart phones are ubiquitous, but I would not go as far to say that people are avoiding talking or eye contact. I have my workout programs on my cell phone so have my nose in my phone as much as the rest of them, plus I use it as a chance to catch up on texts and emails between sets.

Each of the branches has its own vibe. There is one branch that is particularly gay, and guys talk to each other all the time. There are a lot of regulars, and they seem to know each other and it's quite sociable. But there are also guys who keep to themselves. In particular, if someone is wearing ear buds, that seems to indicate they want to be left alone.

There is cruising at all three, with the cruising at the suburban gym a bit more discreet but it happens. This includes both the gym floor as well as the steam room. The steam room in the suburban gym can be social, with guys talking about all kinds of things... fortunately I rarely get drawn into conversations about sports. It can also be cruisy when the stars align, and then there is less talking and more visual cues. At the gay branch, I don't recall anybody having a regular conversation in the steam room ever.

I don't go out of my way to talk to people at the gym, but whenever I've said something to someone they've been receptive and friendly. There are a few guys I see regularly enough so we nod to each other but don't necessarily talk.

I notice a fair amount of guys checking each other out at all of the locations. They don't make a big thing of it, but aren't trying too hard to hide it either.

[musclelover]

27 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

I think it all depends on the guy and what his gym goals are.

There are days when I really don't want to be bothered when lifting.  I'm in the zone and it's a pain in the ass for me to have to stop and make conversation or even look at my phone.  I have Airpods in and a playlist that doesn't require me to screw with my device.  Just a set it and forget it kinda thing.

Not that I haven't hooked up from a gym (or, yeah, in a gym), but it's not what I expect when I go in.  My main concern is pushing past plateaus and keeping in the best shape I possibly can be.

Edit:  I also think there's a large subset of the younger generation that doesn't know how to flirt or easily converse on an in-person, intimate level.

Hi BenjaminNicholas, I'm pretty much in total agreement with you.  

Like you, I go to the gym to achieve my training goals - and I really enjoy getting in the zone during my workouts.  But, unlike so many others (who I assume are there to make some progress with their physiques, ESPECIALLY at the very "scene-y" gym that I go to), I don't immediately default into my cellphone after I complete a set (pet peeve:  the guys who text for 5 minutes after a set while sitting on a machine. RIGHT???).

And I'm not suggesting that guys should go to the gym to turn it into a social, bar-like atmosphere, but I guess what I find so perplexing is that the gym seems to have become the polar opposite.  

So I think that the point of my posting is not so much the lack of flirting or cruising (and I think that you're correct that many guys just don't seem to know how to anymore without a phone in hand), but - wow - the lack of any real social cues going on.  Case in point:  if you ask someone to "work in," it's like you're speaking a foreign language! (although that might be a consequence of the pandemic).

Perhaps my commentary is more specific to the gym that I go to, given how I've described it.  I'm just really not sure at this point.

 

[pubic_assistance]

I'm 51 and I still get the occasional gym hook up.  I don't see a massive change in the habits of gay men at the gym. Yes, they definitely look at their phones too much but I don't feel anyone is completely oblivious to what's right in front of him.

Of course I also am not shy. If I find someone attractive, they are well aware I am looking .

Someone once gave me great advice when it comes to flirting in public. "What's the worst that can happen ? ...they just say no ! "

Subtlety doesn't work in public anymore when their face is in their phone.

 

[+ Pensant]

In both of the places I live I fortunately have access 24/7 to private gyms where I rarely see more than 3 other people. On the island, it is nice to see the occasional kids home from college working out without shirts. Oddly, I enjoy silence when I lift. I don’t even like music while driving. Yes, I’m an odd duck.

[KrisParr]

Speaking of phones and working out … the gym I used to go to was open 24/7 and I’d often go at odd hours - a lot fewer people and the pool was usually to myself. But I moved -  new gym has fewer hours and I swear 90% of the men have a phone glued to their person. So I want to use one of the shoulder press machines - two dudes sitting on the seats, texting, oblivious that I’m waiting. So I politely ask … are you about finished finding your Grindr match? No, I don’t say that, but one guy told me to cool it - he was resting between reps. Seriously? Or guys walking into each other because they have their phones in their face. My phone? In my locker.  Jeez …

[+ azdr0710]

34 minutes ago, KrisParr said:

 one guy told me to cool it - he was resting between reps.

that's pretty egregious!......I think it's considered standard protocol to move if somebody asks......in fact, I always stand and move a bit away between sets anyway because I don't want to be "that guy"......

[Winky]

Are people seriously looking on Grindr for other guys who are in the same gym at the same time? 

I'm a tech-forward guy who believes iPhones have made our world a better place, but this makes me sad.

I have a private trainer who comes to my house. I've been thinking about going back to the gym, but this thread has set back those plans.

[pubic_assistance]

3 minutes ago, Winky said:

Are people seriously looking on Grindr for other guys who are in the same gym at the same time? 

Some people have terrible gaydar and others have this assumption they will be beat to death if they accidentally hit on a straight guy.

So Grindr is like a security blanket

 

[pubic_assistance]

You're proving my point.

Your fear is paralyzing you.

Even in today's politically correct world, flirting isn't going to get you banned from your gym.

"Fear of being labeled gay" ?

I'm not even gay and being labeled gay doesn't bother me in the least. Who cares what other people label you ? It's 2022. You be you.

You don't WANT to fraternize at the gym ? Don't.

But to say that it doesn't happen because it's against the rules is ridiculous. You can't ban fraternizing between men.

 

[caliguy]

This is an age related thing. People above a certain age or at least 35 aren't connected to their phones the way say twenty something's are. 

[MarkNY]

20 minutes ago, caliguy said:

This is an age related thing. People above a certain age or at least 35 aren't connected to their phones the way say twenty something's are. 

Except at 50 where we start using it all the time for the magnify feature or just to have larger type to read news now that the paper is out of reach

[KrisParr]

“As to users being on their phones, my beef with using phones is that a lot of guys will sit at a workout machine and text and make long phone calls, thus, tying up a machine while others are waiting to use the machine they are sitting at while on their phone.”
 

This drives me crazy. I’ve talked to the gym manager about the issue and he’s caught in a tough spot - sort of boils down to which customer to piss off. And there are so many signs posted about everything that no one reads them.  

 

[dbar123]

On 8/16/2022 at 5:04 PM, KrisParr said:

Speaking of phones and working out … the gym I used to go to was open 24/7 and I’d often go at odd hours - a lot fewer people and the pool was usually to myself. But I moved -  new gym has fewer hours and I swear 90% of the men have a phone glued to their person. So I want to use one of the shoulder press machines - two dudes sitting on the seats, texting, oblivious that I’m waiting. So I politely ask … are you about finished finding your Grindr match? No, I don’t say that, but one guy told me to cool it - he was resting between reps. Seriously? Or guys walking into each other because they have their phones in their face. My phone? In my locker.  Jeez …

I recently had a 20-something woman get all pissed off at me because she was using 3 different machines simultaneously to do a superset and I had the nerve to just start using one of the machines she wasn’t using at the moment 

[+ azdr0710]

32 minutes ago, dbar123 said:

I recently had a 20-something woman get all pissed off at me because she was using 3 different machines simultaneously to do a superset and I had the nerve to just start using one of the machines she wasn’t using at the moment 

yeah, generally accepted gym protocol certainly forbids hogging/monopolizing more than one machine for a superset....she did not have a right to complain.......

[Rudynate]

My gym is mostly straight - but it is chock full of gorgeous young college-age guys - mostly Latin or Asian.  I don't go there to cruise - I'm definitely there for the iron,  but I definitely appreciate my surroundings.  I chat guys up all the time and I have friendly gym-buddy relationships with lots of guys.   It's always an enjoyable time.  I've really missed it since I've been sick.

[CuriousByNature]

Wow - I had no idea that using the gym came with so many issues.  This reinforces my decision to stay home watching tv on the sofa... LOL. 

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, Rudynate said:

My gym is mostly straight - but it is chock full of gorgeous young college-age guys

Don't always assume that outwardly sporty demeanor means that no one sucks dick.

I made that mistake all through high school and college. I had the false impression that masculine/ sporty guys are straight and the effeminate guys in musical-theatre, were gay. ( Like an idiot I thought I was some weird exception to the rule since I was neither gay nor straight ).

Years later one of my teammates comes out to me as gay. I ask how long he felt that way and said "since high school" ..and then goes on to tell me about how he had sex with half the wrestling team !! All those guys who I would have sworn were 100% straight.

Gaydar doesn't always work unless you're accustomed to picking from the "mostly straight" jocks.😉

Edited August 18, 2022 by pubic_assistance

[Rudynate]

Of course, I know that.   I've had surprising things happen at my gym.  MSMs pop out of the woodwork anywhere you go.  Even though my gym is mostly straight, this is San Francisco, after all - so there are plenty of gay members.  Because of the mix, you would just never call this a "gay" gym.  I like it  - especially because there are so many men of color.  My husband isn't comfortable with it- he prefers a "gay" gym.   The one thing about the clientele that tries my patience is all the women monopolizing any piece of equipment that they can use to build their booties.  

[pubic_assistance]

13 hours ago, Rudynate said:

My husband isn't comfortable with it- he prefers a "gay" gym.

I went to a gay gym once, many years ago.

The weight room was empty but the steam room was PACKED ! 😉

 

Edited August 19, 2022 by pubic_assistance

[Rudynate]

44 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I went to a gay gym once, many years ago.

The weight room was empty but the sauna was PACKED ! 😉

 

That must have been a loooong time ago.  I've been going to gay gyms for nearly 40 years and any one that I have been in is full of extremely fit gay men busting their asses.

[+ 7829V]

I've received oral sex and jacked off with guys at the sauna. You can tell who's looking by how they spread their legs, how they look at you, how they touch themselves...