Therapy

[shawshini]

I’ve been in therapy on and off for most of my adult life, dealing with depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, to name just a few…

Although I feel comfortable bringing my full self to therapy most of the time, one thing I haven’t discussed yet is hiring.  Just coming upon a year doing this and I have some feelings. Would there be any legal ramifications for myself or the therapist?  I assume no because the activities are between two consenting adults over 18, and I’m not causing harm to myself or others, but still not sure about bringing it up.  My therapist is extremely inclusive and we’ve discussed many other scenarios.

Any thoughts or experience with this?

[+ Lucky]

If you are comfortable with hiring, why bring it up and expose yourself to the therapist's hangups about paying for sex?

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

10 hours ago, jtmick said:

Any thoughts or experience with this?

My therapist knows.  Hiring or getting paid for sex is not an insecurity for me or a hangup for my therapist.  It is a part of who I am and what brings me joy.  He also rightfully agrees that we all pay for companionship in one form or another.  My therapist has helped me mentally deal with things that I wanted to change such as alcohol consumption and my work performance.  For example,  he'll bring up how I don't need alcohol to talk with an escort, so I should be able to talk with strangers at a bar without alcohol as well. 

[shawshini]

18 minutes ago, Vegas_nw1982 said:

My therapist knows.  Hiring or getting paid for sex is not an insecurity for me or a hangup for my therapist.  It is a part of who I am and what brings me joy.  He also rightfully agrees that we all pay for companionship in one form or another.  My therapist has helped me mentally deal with things that I wanted to change such as alcohol consumption and my work performance.  For example,  he'll bring up how I don't need alcohol to talk with an escort, so I should be able to talk with strangers at a bar without alcohol as well. 

Thank you!  This response is so helpful. I’m not insecure about hiring either, I’ve actually used it as a tool to become more comfortable in my own skin, and this is what I’d like to explore further with my therapist. 

[+ Lucky]

1 hour ago, Vegas_nw1982 said:

My therapist knows.  Hiring or getting paid for sex is not an insecurity for me or a hangup for my therapist.  It is a part of who I am and what brings me joy.  He also rightfully agrees that we all pay for companionship in one form or another.  My therapist has helped me mentally deal with things that I wanted to change such as alcohol consumption and my work performance.  For example,  he'll bring up how I don't need alcohol to talk with an escort, so I should be able to talk with strangers at a bar without alcohol as well. 

I like your therapist! Keep seeing them. Pretty soon they may get you caring about 15 million dead people!

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

5 hours ago, Lucky said:

I like your therapist! Keep seeing them. Pretty soon they may get you caring about 15 million dead people!

I'm glad you like him!  I'd happily recommend him to others in town.  My neighbors have used his services as well.  He's not for everyone, however.  For example, he doesn't adorn a mask 😷or ask his clients to wear one, and that may be a trigger for some thems.

A few years ago he helped me realize it was normal for most people to have sex on their mind throughout the week, and it would be healthy to go out and enjoy it rather than staying home.  I definitely feel my life is more in balanced now.

 

Edited May 16, 2022 by Vegas_nw1982
Edited for pronouns

[guy7777]

I was nervous telling my therapist that I hired a couple of guys, but I felt I needed to discuss the issue since at first I had some mixed feelings about paying for sex. I told him after I was seeing him for at least several months. I think that discussing the issue with him wind up being helpful and gave me some insight

[Guest]

On 5/16/2022 at 8:59 AM, Vegas_nw1982 said:

...My therapist has helped me mentally deal with things that I wanted to change such as alcohol consumption and my work performance...

[Guest]

On 5/15/2022 at 10:15 PM, jtmick said:

…Although I feel comfortable bringing my full self to therapy most of the time, one thing I haven’t discussed yet is hiring.  Just coming upon a year doing this and I have some feelings. Would there be any legal ramifications for myself or the therapist?...

I can't speak for the law everywhere, but I'd guess the law is pretty similar in most places as it is in California. In general, a therapist is only allowed (and should) break confidentiality when there's a specific threat to self or others. He couldn't tell your partner or spouse simply because he felt it was possible you might transmit an STD to this partner or spouse, for example. Any violation of confidentiality, other than to protect yourself or others from serious harm, would entitle you to substantial financial compensation. 

[jeezifonly]

A couple times I met well known provider, and we connected well on a personal level during our meetups. He is also a therapist. I’m thinking of checking into that part of his work. He already knows I hire. I would easily find a new provider if his therapy skills line up with his intellect and other warm interpersonal qualities. 

[Rod Hagen]

My sense is that a gay, older, male, mental health therapist, would be more likely to handle the information that you hire much better than a younger, gay, male therapist. 

They, and women of all ages, are likely to see it as exploitive, and you'll waste too much time explaining how you think/know it is not the case, in your experience 

Remember, the 50 minutes is about you, and you are not helped by working against their ill-informed prejudice.  Good luck!

 

Edited May 23, 2022 by Rod Hagen

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

My sense is that a gay, older, male, mental health therapist, would be more likely to handle the information that you hire much better than a younger, gay, male therapist....

I'm not so sure it would make that much of a difference. Therapists are trained to be nonjudgmental, and any good therapist is nonjudgmental. 

[Rod Hagen]

18 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I'm not so sure it would make that much of a difference. Therapists are trained to be nonjudgmental, and any good therapist is nonjudgmental. 

Sure...in fantasy land.  Clearly, you don't, often, talk to therapists outside of professional situations, or, when you do, they are on guard.  Truth is, they bring their shit to every session.  And, sometimes they check it, and sometimes the shit slips by.

Edited May 24, 2022 by Rod Hagen
WTF is up with my commas today?

[dbar123]

I would ask your therapist escort for a therapist referral. He might be better able to steer you to someone who won’t have that checked baggage. All the better if he tells you that he is willing to do it himself

[+ Coolwave35]

My therapist, a middle aged woman, knows I hire. Often. 

[caramelsub]

I’ve never had a male therapist. I just find it awkward talking about my sex life, with another man, especially if they are straight. I prefer to talk to a woman. 

[EastCoastBtm]

I'm 49.  My gay male therapist is 45.  Totally understands everything.  I finally have someone to be totally honest and feel no shame with.

[+ glennnnn]

Yes! Add 20 years and you have my therapist and me. What a trip.

[+ Coolwave35]

My friend is a surgeon and recently said in conversation “I firmly believe that most people and 100% of women should have a therapist.”  Although wildly misogynistic, I thought it was funny. 

[Luv2play]

1 hour ago, Coolwave35 said:

My friend is a surgeon and recently said in conversation “I firmly believe that most people and 100% of women should have a therapist.”  Although wildly misogynistic, I thought it was funny. 

Why in heaven's name would a normal, well adjusted person need a therapist? 

[+ nycman]

36 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

Why in heaven's name would a normal, well adjusted person need a therapist? 

When I meet a “normal, well adjusted person”, I’ll be sure to ask them.

[Prime38]

Everyone benefits from therapy, even normal, well adjusted people. The main reason they seem normal and well adjusted is because they have people in their life to speak with about their problems, fears, and phobias, and they most likely get advice/tools from them on how to survive in this sometimes incredibly harsh world. Every human needs some kind of therapy to understand their mind, it’s just some people need it more than others that come from a licensed professional in psychology.

Edited October 29, 2022 by Prime38

[Luv2play]

Maybe it helps me that I took an undergraduate degree in psychology and sociology. I then studied law and graduated with a degree in law. I acquired a lot of theoretical and practical knowledge of human behaviour. Along the way I learned a lot about myself as well. 

Society was undergoing incredible changes in the 1960's when I was in school and university. I was undergoing changes in myself and learning to live with being gay in a largely straight world. 

I managed to survive and I would say thrive in those times despite the difficulties of fitting in. Having friends, family and colleagues and some lovers along the way gave me great support. I also tried to be nice to people along the way. You get back what you give. 

I never felt the need for therapy. Having gay family doctors at crucial times in my life helped. I consider myself lucky but I also made good decisions for myself as well. Like avoiding drugs, too much alcohol and other self destructive behaviour. 

Edited October 29, 2022 by Luv2play

[caramelsub]

I think it’s good to have a paid support professional to check in with on a regular basis. I’m not really close to my family, and don’t always feel comfortable disclosing aspects of my personal life to friends. So sometimes I feel pretty isolated. That’s where the therapist comes in to play, to listen to your problems objectively and provide a shoulder to lean on. I don’t have substance abuse problems either, but I couldn’t imagine not having someone to listen to my problems, and provide guidance. I’m lucky I have insurance to pay for it, otherwise I would not be able to afford the hourly fee they charge.

Edited October 30, 2022 by caramelsub

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

I am grateful for my therapist.  He works for his own practice, and I pay him with cash.  I may be inclined to feel the system were against me, too, if I lived in a place where the only access to help was from government funded providers.  I realize that not everyone is in the position to pay for therapy on their own, so government funded providers are a good backstop to have for a segment of the population, similar to government funded primary education.