Is it insulting not to leave a tip?

[sbguy]

Is it insulting to a provider if I don't leave them a tip?  I ask because I recently saw a provider for a two hour session (at $350/hr) and I didn't leave a tip.  After I sent them a thank you note afterwards and didn't hear back, I thought perhaps my not leaving a tip left them feeling insulted.  Thoughts?  

If a tip is given, what is a reasonable tip?  

I am asking as I don't want to ever leave a provider feeling insulted or unappreciated.  

[Boink]

Conversely, I snuck a hefty tip and thank you note into a provider's 'pay envelope' after a satisfying session and never heard a word back.  What does that tell me?

 

[Jamie21]

I can only speak for myself and I’m not insulted by the absence of a tip. I’m delighted to receive one of course but it’s never expected.

In fact what makes me more happy is a message afterwards from my client saying they enjoyed the session or a good review on Rentmasseur and best of all if they come back as repeat clients.

Those are the biggest indications for me that I’m doing something right, not a tip (but they’re always welcome!). 

[+ FrankR]

On 3/17/2022 at 7:41 PM, FrankR said:

This topic (“tipping”) shows up every few years. It usually ends in back and forth disagreements between members that have strong feelings but generally end up being unhelpful.

My takeaway has always been to do what works for you and help you achieve your objectives.

I value my regulars - I choose to tip them because they meet or exceed my expectations. You do you. 🤷‍♂️

Frequently discussed… I will correct myself. This topic seems to show up every few months, not years.

Edited April 23, 2022 by FrankR

[Jamie21]

1 minute ago, Boink said:

Conversely, I snuck a hefty tip and thank you note into a provider's 'pay envelope' after a satisfying session and never heard a word back.  What does that tell me?

 

Not much…and this is possibly why: I’m very careful about initiating contact with clients after their session. I assume people want discretion and not to have their provider send an unsolicited message…even if it is to say “thanks for the tip”. Golden rule…never contact clients unless they have contacted you and expect a response. Your guy was probably being discreet for you. 

[coriolis888]

1 hour ago, Boink said:

Conversely, I snuck a hefty tip and thank you note into a provider's 'pay envelope' after a satisfying session and never heard a word back.  What does that tell me?

 

Unappreciative!

[EastbayMike]

No. 

[Boink]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Not much…and this is possibly why: I’m very careful about initiating contact with clients after their session. I assume people want discretion and not to have their provider send an unsolicited message…even if it is to say “thanks for the tip”. Golden rule…never contact clients unless they have contacted you and expect a response. Your guy was probably being discreet for you. 

Nah. A simple 'thank you' would have spoken a lot for his character and in this case would have hooked me as a regular customer.  The lack of response tells me he has no interest in seeing me again.

[Kevin Slater]

7 minutes ago, Boink said:

Nah. A simple 'thank you' would have spoken a lot for his character and in this case would have hooked me as a regular customer.  The lack of response tells me he has no interest in seeing me again.

Wow.  You asked a question, someone provided a thoughtful answer, and you show total disregard for his perspective and shoot him down.  So why did you form it as a question when you're clearly not interested in any answer that disagrees with your take?

Kevin Slater

[Jamie21]

55 minutes ago, Boink said:

Nah. A simple 'thank you' would have spoken a lot for his character and in this case would have hooked me as a regular customer.  The lack of response tells me he has no interest in seeing me again.

Well as you appear to have made your mind up you’ll never know what he thinks will you! 

[Boink]

2 hours ago, Kevin Slater said:

Wow.  You asked a question, someone provided a thoughtful answer, and you show total disregard for his perspective and shoot him down.  So why did you form it as a question when you're clearly not interested in any answer that disagrees with your take?

Kevin Slater

It was asked rhetorically.  Jamie has his opinion, I have mine. (and I didn't mean to 'show total disregard for his perspective'. I just don't think it fit my particular circumstance.)

Edited April 24, 2022 by Boink
spelling

[Boink]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

Well as you appear to have made your mind up you’ll never know what he thinks will you! 

You're right there. A simple 'thank you' would have removed all doubt.

[arnie]

I had always been the case before tipping became so rampant, that if you were using a provider for a service that was self employed, like the owner operator of a hair cutting shop, as opposed to one of the employes that only got part of the fee charged, that you did not leave a tip.  Now things have changed, but a few years ago I used a self employed (legit) massage therapist that actually refused a tip, as a professional he charged for his service and that is what he got paid. 

Anyway when someone is charging $200 and more, he asked for his substantail fee and I pay it but I in no way feel obligated to leave a tip.  For excort services in a few times a year for many many years I have never left a tip.  And when I go to a massage therapist who is self employed ( not massage envy or the like) and they charge 70 to 100/hour, I also do not leave a tip,  You set your professional fee and I pay it.  

[Guest leftbench23]

Since many of the providers I have been with, they expect their payment up front. To me, there is limited opportunity to leave a tip after the session. I never know how it will go.

[coriolis888]

3 minutes ago, leftbench23 said:

Since many of the providers I have been with, they expect their payment up front. To me, there is limited opportunity to leave a tip after the session. I never know how it will go.

You made very good points.  

Providers who insist on being paid in advance somewhat "shoot themselves in the foot" with respect to a possible tip for good service. 

This is because the incentive to include a tip in the fee is somewhat diminished because money already was transferred.

[BonVivant]

No. The rate is the rate. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 4/23/2022 at 2:25 PM, Jamie21 said:

Golden rule…never contact clients unless they have contacted you and expect a response. Your guy was probably being discreet for you. 

Hmm…I have to counter this slightly. I’ve reached out to many a client after the fact or down the line and it hasn’t been an issue. Unless the person specifically asks you not to, and/or doing it discreetly shouldn’t be an issue.

Otherwise, how would traveling guys really ever reach out to regulars? They aren’t always “looking” on the sites, so a brief and non invasive message shouldn’t pose a threat. 

[John]

I think a thank you after the meeting is great.  Just a "I enjoyed meeting you and hope to hear from you again." Makes me, the client, feel good.

I don't tip. Never will.  I have, however, told providers priced below market that they should charge more and, putting my money where my mouth was, paid more.

[Hlparx]

On 4/23/2022 at 11:57 AM, sbguy said:

Is it insulting to a provider if I don't leave them a tip?  I ask because I recently saw a provider for a two hour session (at $350/hr) and I didn't leave a tip.  After I sent them a thank you note afterwards and didn't hear back, I thought perhaps my not leaving a tip left them feeling insulted.  Thoughts?  

If a tip is given, what is a reasonable tip?  

I am asking as I don't want to ever leave a provider feeling insulted or unappreciated.  

 

On 4/23/2022 at 12:21 PM, Jamie21 said:

I can only speak for myself and I’m not insulted by the absence of a tip. I’m delighted to receive one of course but it’s never expected.

In fact what makes me more happy is a message afterwards from my client saying they enjoyed the session or a good review on Rentmasseur and best of all if they come back as repeat clients.

Those are the biggest indications for me that I’m doing something right, not a tip (but they’re always welcome!). 

 

On 4/23/2022 at 3:12 PM, Boink said:

Nah. A simple 'thank you' would have spoken a lot for his character and in this case would have hooked me as a regular customer.  The lack of response tells me he has no interest in seeing me again.

Just piping in to say that there seem to be a lot of assumptions along the way that may not be warranted.  For one, I'm not sure why "no response to a thank you message" means "insulted by the lack of a tip."  For starters, was there any discussion or hint that a tip might be desired or was expected?  You're also assuming that he's seen your message and that, even if he did, he didn't just forget to respond to it.  With one of the providers that I see regularly, I think I once saw him on a Sunday, thanked him by text for coming by, and he responded four or five days later, with a brief note that he'd just spotted the message.

[sbguy]

5 hours ago, Hlparx said:

Just piping in to say that there seem to be a lot of assumptions along the way that may not be warranted.  For one, I'm not sure why "no response to a thank you message" means "insulted by the lack of a tip."  For starters, was there any discussion or hint that a tip might be desired or was expected?  You're also assuming that he's seen your message and that, even if he did, he didn't just forget to respond to it.  With one of the providers that I see regularly, I think I once saw him on a Sunday, thanked him by text for coming by, and he responded four or five days later, with a brief note that he'd just spotted the message.

Hi HIparx -  There had been no discussion or hint that a tip was desired or expected.  

You have many good points and I'm glad you pointed out to me that I'm making a lot of assumptions (which I realize now that I am).  I realize now that I am just jumping to conclusions with negative thinking  (assuming that I did something wrong to offend him). 

Thank you for providing me with this sanity check.  I really do appreciate it.  😘

Edited April 27, 2022 by sbguy
I goofed on where to put my text/response to the prior thread and had to edit my last saved entry.

[shadeheffashade]

On 4/23/2022 at 12:20 PM, Boink said:

Conversely, I snuck a hefty tip and thank you note into a provider's 'pay envelope' after a satisfying session and never heard a word back.  What does that tell me?

 

That he's a hooker.

[italianboyph]

Me personally I never expect it, but when I do receive one it's always nice. 

[coriolis888]

On 4/26/2022 at 12:42 AM, John said:

I don't tip. Never will. 

I have, however, told providers priced below market that they should charge more and, putting my money where my mouth was, paid more.

One could reasonable conclude that the extra payment you made is a tip. 

[John]

27 minutes ago, coriolis888 said:

One could reasonable conclude that the extra payment you made is a tip. 

Well, the provider had a below-market price.  I told him he should charge market and paid market. I meant it as a comment on his pricing.

[coriolis888]

2 minutes ago, John said:

Well, the provider had a below-market price.  I told him he should charge market and paid market. I meant it as a comment on his pricing.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"  - - - William Shakespeare