Offensive Comments

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 3/8/2023 at 1:43 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

Haters gonna hate.

Like Hooboy once said, you know you're doing something right if they throw rocks.

Creating a public persona, posting photos, expressing your views, selling yourself:  These are things that aren't always going to sit well with random strangers on the internet. 

The worst thing you can do to your enemy is to ignore them.

 

That’s how I feel. Which is also why I throw out the Sharon Osborne “educate me” line, tongue in cheek of course.

People criticize someone’s way of doing things, before being educated on why it’s that way to begin with.

 

 

19 hours ago, Maximus69 said:

I think the most annoying thing is when they ask when are you going to get a job and the judgement on their faces some make when I tell them this is the only thing I do… I mean if you want me to stop you can just pay for all my bills but let’s be real you’re not lol so I will continue doing what I do🤪

I wouldn’t even want that. Had a client who was wanting to see me all the time in Kansas City, and I told him: I’m not making what I need to support myself here. The more you want to see me, the more time I’m having to remain in the area.” Time that I can spend traveling and going to cities where I can actually be busy instead of sitting around wondering what’s wrong with me. He was supportive in helping with my bills, but then that started developing into a “I do this and that so I own your schedule” mentality. And when I let him know otherwise, things quickly fell off. 
 

Even though it was upsetting, I was able to focus back on travels and now I’m half way across the country in California, enjoying the beautiful Pacific Ocean air just walking distance away. Not sitting around dependent on 1 person’s visits to make ends. I don’t want to be reliant on 1 client or “sugar daddy”.
 

I know that’s not what you meant, but I’m just further adding that I agree with you lol.

Edited March 11, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ APPLE1]

On 1/28/2022 at 3:14 AM, Jamie21 said:

It’s impossible to offend me. To be offended you have to take offence and I choose not to accept the offence. It’s their problem not mine. 

Occasionally clients are impolite (things like avoiding eye contact) but that’s probably anxiety or feeling bad about themselves. It doesn’t bother me, in fact it’s a fun challenge to then help them be less anxious and inhibited. 

👍 I TRY to always remind myself that people are very rarely setting out in life to be purposefully mean and hurtful. They are doing the best they can at that moment in time. They may have had a bad day, they may lack knowledge, experience, or forethought, or they may culturally live in a world where the standards of decorum and directness are very different from the world that I live in.

Years ago, I had a bull break my humerus. Where the bone broke through the skin, I was left with a nasty bumpy, red lesion. I had a provider once ask 'why haven't you had that fixed?' I took a breath and decided that he probably really meant something like 'that would bother me if my arm looked like that' or 'if it bothers you, I have heard that X treatment can really improve scars.'

[BtmBearDad]

On 2/13/2022 at 3:33 PM, italianboyph said:

I’ve had “clients” straight up message me and tell me to shave everything and to hit the gym harder to get a six pack, that way I’ll get hired more often. I had another guy today messaging me to tell me to shave my beard cause men shouldn’t have those germ traps on their face. 😂😂

That would be a big fat no to all of that from me - most especially shaving that body of yours! 😜

[BtmBearDad]

To build a bit off of the “you should shave that body” comment directed at @italianboyph, as someone who prefers a naturally hairy body, from a provider perspective, is there a polite or accepted way to ask -of those who go back and forth shaved to hairy- what they are at present? I asked one provider many moons ago, in what I thought was a polite way, I.E., “may I ask if you’re currently hairy or are you are shaved?” He took great offense - replied with something along the lines of “if that’s all you’re looking for there are plenty of guys who are hairy” and some more commentary about him being more than a hairy body. To be fair, hairy or smooth is not a deal breaker, it’s merely a preference, and given his pics showed a mix of hairy and smooth, I wanted to know what to expect. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[italianboyph]

5 hours ago, BtmBearDad said:

To build a bit off of the “you should shave that body” comment directed at @italianboyph, as someone who prefers a naturally hairy body, from a provider perspective, is there a polite or accepted way to ask -of those who go back and forth shaved to hairy- what they are at present? I asked one provider many moons ago, in what I thought was a polite way, I.E., “may I ask if you’re currently hairy or are you are shaved?” He took great offense - replied with something along the lines of “if that’s all you’re looking for there are plenty of guys who are hairy” and some more commentary about him being more than a hairy body. To be fair, hairy or smooth is not a deal breaker, it’s merely a preference, and given his pics showed a mix of hairy and smooth, I wanted to know what to expect. 🤷🏼‍♂️

I don't think it's offensive to ask if they're shaved or natural, especially if they're presenting themselves in different ways. If someone is hairy in their pics and they show up completely smooth/shaved, when you're expecting them to be hairy, you'd be disappointed. 

[BtmBearDad]

5 hours ago, italianboyph said:

I don't think it's offensive to ask if they're shaved or natural, especially if they're presenting themselves in different ways. If someone is hairy in their pics and they show up completely smooth/shaved, when you're expecting them to be hairy, you'd be disappointed. 

That’s my thinking too - but apparently it wasn’t how one provider at least saw it 🤷🏼‍♂️ 

[Simon Suraci]

On 3/15/2023 at 1:29 AM, italianboyph said:

I don't think it's offensive to ask if they're shaved or natural, especially if they're presenting themselves in different ways. If someone is hairy in their pics and they show up completely smooth/shaved, when you're expecting them to be hairy, you'd be disappointed. 

I agree. It’s nice to know what they look like currently. Sometimes asking a provider a question like this signals (inadvertently) that you may not hire them if they answer the question in one way or another that doesn’t align with your preferences. It’s almost better to not have the contact at all than to hear directly from someone in so many words: “I would hire you if you looked x way right now, but you don’t, so I’m telling you directly to your face that you don’t get my business”. It’s kind of cruel, to be dramatic about it. At the very least it’s frustrating or annoying.

The best providers develop a thick skin. When this happens, I say to myself ‘whatever’ and move on. I can’t change myself for one client, for one appointment, so oh well, their loss. I stopped caring about it so much and it’s been freeing.

It’s tough. A provider can’t be all things at all times to all people. One day he may be shaved or trimmed, another naturally hairy. When you ask, it may help diffuse that bomb by mentioning that you’re just curious and that it’s not a dealbreaker.

If it IS a dealbreaker for the client, that unfortunately aligns with many other typical conversations that end up where the client isn’t interested based on the response. Clients should know and it’s ok to ask, and it’s ok to have the preference. It’s even ok to not hire based on the response.

From a provider’s perspective, it’s damned if you shave, damned if you don’t. The next client wants the opposite, the following client doesn’t care, and the following client after that prefers the reverse. That feeling of frustration is probably what set him off. True, he could have handled it much better, but reassuring the provider can help, especially if it’s not a total dealbreaker for you.

In general, I recommend providers pick a lane. Be naturally hairy, or be groomed in a certain way to establish your look, which is part of your brand. That way clients know what to expect and you attract the ones who like your look, whatever it is. Unfortunately you miss out on the clients who prefer the opposite, but that’s part of the biz. People are fickle and they have preferences, no matter how shallow or seemingly insignificant in comparison to other arguably more important factors that make a great provider. 

[Vulgarii]

It's offensive when prospective clients ask me if I'll be erotic with them and if I offer a discount.

It offends me when clients mention their regular masseur is on vacation. That's not info that I need to know. On one hand that could be my opportunity to steal the client but only clients that I never would want to see again ever say that.

It's offensive when clients comment on why I don't have a Spanish surname because they think I'm Latino and forget that this country is a melting pot.

It's offensive when clients ask me why I don't speak Spanish. I don't have to speak it and it's no one's business why.

It offends me when clients mention they were m0lested as k!ds and it's some pity party like I'm their shrink. 

It's offensive when clients will come in and rave about socialism and universal basic income because of some crap they heard on the way over on NPR. I was named after a relative that was killed in a communist country and usually Americans of my particular demographic do not enjoy hearing about socialism.

It offends me when clients will talk about politics and say something assuming I'm also a liberal democrat. 

It offends me when clients talk about cheating on their wives, but I get a kick out of hearing the different reasons they use to justify it. 

It offends me when clients talk about getting a cheaper massage elsewhere like an Asian spa or an $8 massage in Thailand. I like to respond with a very very crude joke when I hear that. 

Part of the job is to just listen and let the client vent, and pretend to be interested. At this point I just don't care so I respond back based on how I feel.

 

 

Edited March 29, 2023 by Vulgarii
Typos

[DWnyc]

One of the first providers I ever saw spent a lot of time telling me about a domestic abuse situation with his partner, and about financial troubles since he lost his day job.

Being inexperienced in the hobby, I went into “close friend” mode, which seemed natural given we were lying together naked, and gave him some uncalled for advice on both issues.

He leapt up and said I had crossed a line, I was so “offensive” to make assumptions about what was right for hmm,  and asked me to leave.

I was a little shocked, and a little sad (again in “friend” mode) but when I look back and based on what I now know and have experienced in the provider/client dynamic I understand boundaries better, though I also wonder how much of what he told me was even real. 

I did send him an apology shortly after which he graciously acknowledged. I also offered to book another session with no mention of these subjects but he didn’t reply to that. 

[Becket]

You handled that situation about as best as could be handled.