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Hiring after a breakup


xax
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I am going through a tough breakup that has left me feeling ashamed of failure and hopeless about ever finding love. In short, I’m emotionally vulnerable/in need of some validation. Part of me wants to hire for sex to help make myself feel better/wanted/prioritized, but the other part of me that completely overthinks everything knows that anything the escort says or does would be an act anyway, so the validation would be fleeting at best, completely mechanical at worst. 

Anyone have any advice on how to make the most out of hiring an escort to help get over a tough breakup? Is there anything I should request? Would it be awkward to provide the full context to someone I want to hire? Or perhaps the answer is to not even go there in the first place?

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I’ve used escorts to get over the pain of a breakup in the past and I think 
it’s helpful as long as you go into it with your eyes wide open. This hobby
is not a substitute for love. Never has been. Never will be. At best, it’s a 
a nice distraction for an hour or two. 

I wouldn’t suggest bringing all your breakup baggage to your appointment 
with the escort. You’re going there to escape that, not unpack it. If you need 
to unpack it, you should talk to friends or see a therapist.

An escort can put you on the road to recovery, but you still have to drive the bus. 

Edited by nycman
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4 hours ago, nycman said:

I’ve used escorts to get over the pain of a breakup in the past and I think 
it’s helpful as long as you go into it with your eyes wide open. This hobby
is not a substitute for love. Never has been. Never will be. At best, it’s a 
a nice distraction for an hour or two. 

I wouldn’t suggest bringing all your breakup baggage to your appointment 
with the escort. You’re going there to escape that, not unpack it. If you need 
to unpack it, you should talk to friends or see a therapist.

An escort can put you on the road to recovery, but you still have to drive the bus. 

This is sage advice.  

Let me add that there are some escorts out there who have no problem dealing with letting you talk through the breakup.  It's human nature to want to share your pain in an attempt to minimize/normalize it.  Just be open and honest, if you're comfortable.

NYC's last line was the ultimate takeaway:

An escort can put you on the road to recovery, but you still have to drive the bus. 

 

Edited by Benjamin_Nicholas
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9 hours ago, xax said:

I am going through a tough breakup that has left me feeling ashamed of failure and hopeless about ever finding love. In short, I’m emotionally vulnerable/in need of some validation. Part of me wants to hire for sex to help make myself feel better/wanted/prioritized, but the other part of me that completely overthinks everything knows that anything the escort says or does would be an act anyway, so the validation would be fleeting at best, completely mechanical at worst. 

Anyone have any advice on how to make the most out of hiring an escort to help get over a tough breakup? Is there anything I should request? Would it be awkward to provide the full context to someone I want to hire? Or perhaps the answer is to not even go there in the first place?

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this pain. 

9 hours ago, xax said:

...In short, I’m emotionally vulnerable/in need of some validation...

There are definitely escorts who can help you find the validation you want and need. When you are at a place where you can hire, find a few escorts and ask about them here in The Deli.

9 hours ago, xax said:

...Part of me wants to hire for sex to help make myself feel better/wanted/prioritized...

So far, so good.

9 hours ago, xax said:

the other part of me that completely overthinks everything knows...

OK, we need to stop right here. You do not know what other people when they pay you a compliment. What you intend to say is "the other part of me that completely overthinks everything thinks..." 

We tend to use these words interchangeably, but they don't mean the same thing. (You aren't the only one :) )

9 hours ago, xax said:

...anything the escort says or does would be an act anyway, so the validation would be fleeting at best, completely mechanical at worst...

There are escorts who truly enjoy being with their clients. The trick is finding one of those escorts. As I said above, when you are ready to hire, pick out a handful of ads and ask for feedback here on the Forum. 

 

9 hours ago, xax said:

...Anyone have any advice on how to make the most out of hiring an escort to help get over a tough breakup? Is there anything I should request? Would it be awkward to provide the full context to someone I want to hire? Or perhaps the answer is to not even go there in the first place?

Yes, I do have some advice. First and foremost, learn to take compliments and feedback at face value. It takes practice, but it will make life much more enjoyable. Second, remember that this is all about you. Third, be upfront with yourself about what you want when you hire. Do you want a F-buddy experience, a romantic evening, a dominant guy, etc. Once you know what you want, you can ask an escort for what you want. The notion that this is all about you is worth repeating. 

Regarding whether or not to provide the full context to someone you want to hire, you might want to mention the situation (I'm hiring to help me get through a breakup) and leave it at that. As @nycman said, unpacking your breakup is for friends or a therapist, not an escort. The escort is there to make you feel good. 

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1 minute ago, DrownedBoy said:

I've met very few escorts who wouldn't at least listen to me talk about my "regular" sex life. Only a few of them counseled me back, though.

One minor warning - don't get dependent on hired companionship, even if you keep it as a hobby. And try not to hire when you're depressed.

Yes don't ever hire just if you're lonely or depressed. You'll feel great when you are having your session but will feel just as bad after if not worse. 

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@xax, the original poster - may I just say that no matter what you decide to do, know that you have all of us out here that feel terrible that you're going through a bad time. We've all been through bad breakups (I will assume) and we all know that feeling you describe. We can give you advice on whether to see an escort or not, but I think more importantly we can tell you that we have your back, and that we wish you the best. 

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Thank you all for your thoughtful advice and kind words to help me see my situation in a different light. It’s nice to feel understood and not judged.

I think given what people have said, I am going to wait until there’s a little more emotional distance from the breakup before hiring, and instead use it as a “gravity assist” to propel myself to better days when I’m done being sad and depressed about it.

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1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Escorts are good at fulfilling sexual needs but the profession is not designed to take care of the emotional. That's what your friends are for.

I think some escorts are glad to meet for all sorts of reasons outside the bedroom. And some may be good listeners who are glad to provide a sympathetic ear. Friends are wonderful, of course, but sometimes people do feel the need to turn to someone else - maybe someone impartial, someone new, etc. 

I've told the story out here of the guy who has been my only "regular," who I also consider a friend even though I do hire him as an escort - and the time a few years ago that he made a last-minute visit to help me through a very emotional time. He was incredible to me, and helped in all sorts of ways beyond the usual. (And no, we didn't have sex that day, though he did offer a therapeutic non-sexual massage, which was awesome.) Yes, he's someone I knew previously and had already established a nice relationship with, but he still didn't need to help me the way he did. I couldn't be more grateful. 

I think that if one is looking for a session that is more a cuddle/talk/get your feelings out kind of thing, just tell your escort of choice that's what you're looking for, and if they feel they're up for that kind of meeting, why not? And certainly if you're just looking for an hour or two of wild sex to put your energy into something other than grieving, that's perfectly valid too. As long as you know that you *may* find yourself just where you left off afterwards. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the time fully. Carpe escort. :-)

 

Edited by bostonman
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2 hours ago, bostonman said:

I think some escorts are glad to meet for all sorts of reasons outside the bedroom. And some may be good listeners who are glad to provide a sympathetic ear.

I don't doubt that to be true. But they are merely listening and don't know you or care about you enough to guide you through the sense of loss that comes with a break up.

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11 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I don't doubt that to be true. But they are merely listening and don't know you or care about you enough to guide you through the sense of loss that comes with a break up.

Just to clarify, I was not thinking of hiring an escort to talk through my breakup. I have a therapist and friends for that. I would be hiring for a sexual reason, but more in the hopes that it would be somehow emotionally healing for me vs simply fulfilling a carnal desire. 

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2 hours ago, xax said:

I would be hiring for a sexual reason…in the hopes that it would be somehow emotionally healing…vs simply fulfilling a carnal desire. 

Give yourself some more time @xax As others have posted, we’ve all gone through this.
 

My suggestion is to treat yourself to something you enjoy doing - it doesn’t matter whether it’s lunch and a movie with a friend, a serious massage or working out with a personal trainer.

And when you’re feeling more frisky, set up an appointment for a great date with a good guy. 

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On 8/2/2021 at 2:47 AM, xax said:

Just to clarify, I was not thinking of hiring an escort to talk through my breakup. I have a therapist and friends for that. I would be hiring for a sexual reason, but more in the hopes that it would be somehow emotionally healing for me vs simply fulfilling a carnal desire. 

I tend to think it would not be emotionally fulfilling in the long run, though it might well be in the moment. But I'd say if you put too much expectation in it, you could be setting yourself up for more depression afterwards. If you can simply enjoy the moment for what it is, that's great, though. 

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On 8/1/2021 at 11:45 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Escorts are good at fulfilling sexual needs but the profession is not designed to take care of the emotional. That's what your friends are for.

I disagree a little bit because there are escorts who are outstanding on the emotional part as well, almost as good as a therapist, but you are right in the sense that you can count these providers with the fingers of one hand. Unfortunately there is nothing on the Rentmen reviews system to signal that one provider could be good at this. This is why I will always read the reviews to find some insights about the provider.

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1 minute ago, lonely_john said:

Unfortunately there is nothing on the Rentmen reviews system to signal that one provider could be good at this. This is why I will always read the reviews to find some insights about the provider.

Speaking of which - it used to be possible, with a VPN, to read any specific client comments on the RM reviews, but lately that doesn't seem to be working for me. Does anyone know if that's a change on RM's end, or should I just try a different VPN? 

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1 hour ago, bostonman said:

Speaking of which - it used to be possible, with a VPN, to read any specific client comments on the RM reviews, but lately that doesn't seem to be working for me. Does anyone know if that's a change on RM's end, or should I just try a different VPN? 

seems to be working for me using the way I always have....which is:

go to the hide me proxy in Google Chrome: https://hide.me/en/proxy 

enter (copy and paste) the provider's review page in the white box in the "browse securely on the fly" box........may have to ok the "over 18" thing a few times

change proxy location to Germany....don't choose more options

click on "go" and scroll thru the reviews for the occasional one with some text

Edited by azdr0710
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On 8/5/2021 at 12:38 AM, bostonman said:

Speaking of which - it used to be possible, with a VPN, to read any specific client comments on the RM reviews, but lately that doesn't seem to be working for me. Does anyone know if that's a change on RM's end, or should I just try a different VPN? 

I use a VPN and can see it. It depends on the country you are VPNing from. I use 🇧🇷 Brazil!  😉 

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