How to be middle-class client?

[+ keroscenefire]

Hey all,

 

I've been experiencing some patterns with escorts I've been hiring and thought I would seek advice from all of you. I work in education, which I love, but definitely do not have a very high income as a result. I'm basically at the middle of the middle class and even make extra income by driving Lyft on the side. I do live alone but in a small apartment and for me hiring is truly one of my only luxurious splurges.

 

But recently a lot of escorts I've been hiring seem to be expecting me to be able to spend a lot more money on them than I am really able. Sometimes it comes up in wanting lots of repeat business, or wanting me to take them out to expensive dinners and shopping trips. One guy who I hired because I am wanting to get into more of a BDSM scene is trying to FinDom me, saying he gets off on me giving him cash and other gifts. In that last case, I told him I really couldn't afford to do that, but would love to meet him again for more of a regular BDSM session in the future. He instantly grew very cold and didn't reply after a simple "Thanks for a great night" text.

 

I struggle because a lot of these guys are clearly making more money than I am, and they are really wanting me to spend lavishly on them. I am of course fine paying what is agreed but they are often wanting more than I can really afford a lot the time. It's a hard balance because in many cases I do enjoy their company and I don't want them to become cold because I can't give them what they are asking for. How do I set boundaries to make sure that I can continue this hobby in a more sustainable way? Or is it really just not bothering with the guys that are trying to push more than I can give? Surely if I made more money, I might indulge in that kind of thing, but I really don't.

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[+ azdr0710]

Instead of being the cool, good-looking, utterly irresistible dude that you are, try ramping up the creepy, stinky, WalMart attire-wearing weirdo vibe??!! That should change the gold-diggers' tunes!!

Edited February 22, 2020 by azdr0710

[+ poolboy48220]

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. There are a lot of guys that I would like to see more often but can't afford to. I've told some "I've had a really good time but this is something I can't afford to do very often". If they don't take well to that, it's not my problem.

[+ keroscenefire]

Instead of being the cool, good-looking, utterly irresistible dude that you are, try ramping up the creepy, stinky, WalMart attire-wearing weirdo vibe??!! That should change the gold-diggers' tune!!

 

Haha...I think that may be part of it. One guy that I hosted the second time we met was really surprised by my small apartment. He was like, "I thought you were like this super-successful dude because you dress so well and took me out to such a nice dinner." I was like, "Yeah I can afford that because I live here."

[+ nycman]

I say don’t worry about it.

 

Hire when you want to and when you can afford it.

Lavish repeat business on those with whom you enjoy spending time.

Ditch the losers.

 

Same rules apply wether you’re a billionaire or a pauper.

[lonely_john]

@keroscenefire I find myself in similar situations sometimes, but I notice you like these escorts and the feeling was mutual given that now they look for you. I would say be open about your situation and simply say you can’t repeat often. Those who are professionals will understand and will adapt if you are open about your budget, they will rather prefer to keep you as a client, those who want to keep sucking up your blood and get you broke are losers, get away from them.

[+ keroscenefire]

@keroscenefire Those who are professionals will understand and will adapt if you are open about your budget, they will rather prefer to keep you as a client, those who want to keep sucking up your blood and get you broke are losers, get away from them.

 

Thanks for the support and you're right. I do have a couple of regulars that understand I'm not wealthy. One of them even nicknamed me "teach" and gives me good rates when I take him out to dinner and a play because I think he truly enjoys hanging out with me. And yeah I think I am going to stay away from the findom guy. He was hot in a lot of ways but like wanted to be paid on Venmo in a way that I thought was a little weird. Just not a good vibe with him.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

You be you.

 

If someone makes you feel like that's not enough, they can ceremoniously go fuck themselves

 

The one thing you never want to get wrapped up in is becoming the '$30k millionaire.' That's the quickest way to debt and getting yourself into a whole heap of financial trouble. I see it on a regular basis in Dallas, where people try very, very hard to seem important.

 

Eventually, their rented Range Rovers are repossessed, their leased apartments evicted and their short run in the social circles of Dallas over.

 

Rule of thumb: Don't be Dallas

[instudiocity]

… they can ceremoniously go fuck themselves

That’s a picture!

[BSR]

You be you.

 

If someone makes you feel like that's not enough, they can ceremoniously go fuck themselves

 

The one thing you never want to get wrapped up in is becoming the '$30k millionaire.' That's the quickest way to debt and getting yourself into a whole heap of financial trouble. I see it on a regular basis in Dallas, where people try very, very hard to seem important.

 

Eventually, their rented Range Rovers are repossessed, their leased apartments evicted and their short run in the social circles of Dallas over.

 

Rule of thumb: Don't be Dallas

 

As always, very good advice from Benjamin Nicholas. Aside from avoiding financial ruin, I would avoid the bloodsuckers because there's gotta be something seriously wrong with them. Maybe they're way too desperate, or way too selfish, or way too narcissistic, or way too ... whatever the hell it is, best to stay as far away from them as possible. It sounds like you're happy with a few of your regulars, so good for you.

[+ nycman]

Rule of thumb: Don't be Dallas

Wait....can we still fuck the morning away and have brunch at the Mansion on Turtle Creek?

 

I mean.....let‘s not throw out the baby with the bath water for Christ’s sakes!

[Quincy_7]

Even when I'm in my city I meet escorts in hotel rooms. I think that makes them think I'm just passing through town on business so they never ask me for dinner/shopping trips or anything of the sort thankfully.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Wait....can we still fuck the morning away and have brunch at the Mansion on Turtle Creek?

 

I mean.....let‘s not throw out the baby with the bath water for Christ’s sakes!

 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but The Mansion hasn't been The Mansion since Rosewood was sold to the Chinese in 2011.

 

And now we're seeing things like this:

 

https://www.travelzoo.com/local-deals/Dallas/Restaurant/331823/The-Mansion-Restaurant-Rosewood-Turtle-Creek/?searchGuid=74678981-fac9-41de-9c97-41b30e4d3208&dlocId=32282

 

No bueno.

[rvwnsd]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but The Mansion hasn't been The Mansion since Rosewood was sold to the Chinese in 2011.

 

And now we're seeing things like this:

 

https://www.travelzoo.com/local-deals/Dallas/Restaurant/331823/The-Mansion-Restaurant-Rosewood-Turtle-Creek/?searchGuid=74678981-fac9-41de-9c97-41b30e4d3208&dlocId=32282

 

No bueno.

Jiminy Christmas, for $79 you can go TWICE to the all-you-can-eat Brazilian place in downtown San Diego where handsome, built men ask "would you like another piece of meat?"

[MscleLovr]

they never ask me for dinner/shopping trips or anything of the sort thankfully.

 

When dating men, my rule-of-thumb for working and non-working guys has always been that if, after a date, they ASK for “something extra”, I smile and say No.

 

When I’ve had a great date after dinner with a man and I want to see him again, I take him out for breakfast. If he insists on paying for breakfast, I OFFER to do “something extra” for him when we next spend time together.

[+ nycman]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but The Mansion hasn't been The Mansion since Rosewood was sold to the Chinese in 2011.

 

And now we're seeing things like this:

 

https://www.travelzoo.com/local-deals/Dallas/Restaurant/331823/The-Mansion-Restaurant-Rosewood-Turtle-Creek/?searchGuid=74678981-fac9-41de-9c97-41b30e4d3208&dlocId=32282

 

No bueno.

Ouch...looks like the bath water has already been thrown out.....baby and all.

[+ Pensant]

I’ve never had a provider ask me for anything other than their session rates. Of course, I do buy nice things for my favorites. I must be lucky.

[cany10011]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but The Mansion hasn't been The Mansion since Rosewood was sold to the Chinese in 2011.

 

And now we're seeing things like this:

 

https://www.travelzoo.com/local-deals/Dallas/Restaurant/331823/The-Mansion-Restaurant-Rosewood-Turtle-Creek/?searchGuid=74678981-fac9-41de-9c97-41b30e4d3208&dlocId=32282

 

No bueno.

 

 

 

Rosewood hotel properties are wonderful though

[+ keroscenefire]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. I think part of what I get into is I enjoy the BFE with a lot of these guys. So I'd rather wait to save up money for a month and then take a guy out to dinner and have a longer session. The problem I think is that they expect I can do that often and I just need to set clear boundaries.

[MscleLovr]

I just need to set clear boundaries.

 

I’m certain that is absolutely correct @keroscenefire

 

I enjoy the BFE.....I'd...save up money for a month and then take a guy out to dinner

 

That is very nice indeed of you. I hope the guys you date appreciate you.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Rosewood hotel properties are wonderful though

 

Not to hijack the thread, but yes, I agree. Rosewood is quickly going from a well-kept secret to having a rather nice portfolio of hotels. They're building like crazy over the next five years.

 

London, DC, San Miguel and Abu Dhabi are my favorites.

[+ Reisr30]

When dating men, my rule-of-thumb for working and non-working guys has always been that if, after a date, they ASK for “something extra”, I smile and say No.

 

When I’ve had a great date after dinner with a man and I want to see him again, I take him out for breakfast. If he insists on paying for breakfast, I OFFER to do “something extra” for him when we next spend time together.

I usually do longer sessions 4+ hours including a nice dinner. I have never had a provider treat me to anything; I’m not expecting it by the way but it’s interesting to see others have this experience. Also most of the guys I have met are great so this doesn’t change my feelings about them. I just find it interesting I guess

[nate_sf]

Not to hijack the thread, but yes, I agree. Rosewood is quickly going from a well-kept secret to having a rather nice portfolio of hotels. They're building like crazy over the next five years.

 

London, DC, San Miguel and Abu Dhabi are my favorites.

 

The Rosewood in Menlo Park is legendary for its Thursday "cougar nights." Great people-watching if you're in the neighborhood, all for just the price of a fancy cocktail!

[nate_sf]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. I think part of what I get into is I enjoy the BFE with a lot of these guys. So I'd rather wait to save up money for a month and then take a guy out to dinner and have a longer session. The problem I think is that they expect I can do that often and I just need to set clear boundaries.

 

I see nothing wrong with being transparent with finances. When I was escorting regularly, there were a couple of regular clients who would invite me on trips and let me know what they were spending on the expenses. I knew these were salaried guys who were comfortable but were not of unlimited means, and I did not begrudge them for sharing the the details. Since I enjoyed their company and was excited to go to the destinations they had in mind, I adjusted my fee accordingly provided it still made some sense financially.

 

As for the "FinDom" guy... that's a real hustle! Maybe some people get off on that (there was an episode of HBO's "High Maintenance" that focused on this), but save your valuable resources for someone who will appreciate you as you are.

Edited February 22, 2020 by nate_sf

[jawjateck]

If I am pushing the limit of my "hobby" budget, or not into the provider to justify a repeat, or just not interested in hobbying at the moment, "NO" still works just fine. I'm a simple guy with a simple lifestyle who splurges on a couple of indulgent pleasures, but if guys want perks and extravagances from me, they'll quickly learn that I will not feed their pretenses.

 

The OP seems to be a mighty fine client and providers are fortunate when he schedules a session with them.