when the haircutter has had enough

[Smurof]

I've been going to a really good stylist about 6 times a year for close to four years. Most of the time, I relentlessly bitch about my unpleasant life, pay and leave. Today's normally mundane routine gave me a real wake up call.

 

When I was paying, she said, "At this point in my life, I have a nice sized clientele that I am able to schedule as well as not schedule who I so choose. You're chronic negativity is grating, and I'm sorry this will sound hurtful but I suggest you take your haircutting business elsewhere, as I have no interest in having you as a client any longer." I was stunned, needless to say. Family and former friends cutting ties with me is one thing, but now this? Ouch.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Stop beng so negative then.

[jjkrkwood]

Perhaps you can gather up all the other "negative nellies" from this site and have yourselves One BIG Pity Party ?

 

I don't blame your haircutter at all, as I just did the same thing with a good friend who never let a day go by without complaining about something... Its very draining on us "recipients" and can alter your mood for an entire day. NO BUENO...

[+ robear]

I think she did you a great service. That kind of feedback from a (relatively) disinterested third party is gold. Hell, you'd have a pay a therapist 100x what you paid her for the same thing. We could all probably do well to reflect on how we "unload" on innocent bystanders sometimes.

[dcguy20]

I give her credit for her honesty. Now it's up to you to change. I have a friend of over 30 years who went through a bad divorce a few years ago. It's the same conversation with her over and over again. Her negativity was toxic, so much so that it would have an impact on my mood. Now I don't pick up the phone when she calls. I just can't.

[+ poolboy48220]

I've said that to a few dancers at the club. Hanging out on the patio and they're bitching about the girlfriend, life in general...I got up and left, saying "Sorry, man, I come here to relax & have a good time".

[Guest europeanman]

On a separate note, a hair stylist?

[+ Charlie]

People often don't realize how negative they can sound, because most listeners tend to be polite in response. Friends don't let friends whine forever.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I've been going to a really good stylist about 6 times a year for close to four years. Most of the time, I relentlessly bitch about my unpleasant life, pay and leave. Today's normally mundane routine gave me a real wake up call.

 

When I was paying, she said, "At this point in my life, I have a nice sized clientele that I am able to schedule as well as not schedule who I so choose. You're chronic negativity is grating, and I'm sorry this will sound hurtful but I suggest you take your haircutting business elsewhere, as I have no interest in having you as a client any longer." I was stunned, needless to say. Family and former friends cutting ties with me is one thing, but now this? Ouch.

 

Negativity is draining. Unpleasant as your life may be, you have the power to change it... Or not feel the need to burden others with it.

 

Just remember: You're not the victim here. She dealt with it for years. Learn from it.

 

I hope you gave her one hell of a tip.

Edited August 30, 2019 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[MaybeMaybeNot]

I'm sorry you had that experience. Sometimes, life just hands us lemons, and we have to share them to get it out of our systems. Hair stylists get that a lot, I'm told. This probably reflects on the stylist as his/her personal problems as well (or more so).

 

I wouldn't take it too personally, but maybe be aware in the future of focusing on the positive as well as the negative. It can be hard to be around someone who is constantly and only negative.

[BaronArtz]

Your hairstylist did the right thing. If anything, I hope this was a learning experience for you.

 

By the way, what is your hair style like if you only get SIX haircuts per year? Are you a hobbit?

Edited August 30, 2019 by BaronArtz

[+ E.T.Bass]

So many questions came up reading the OP. But bottom line for me, I wouldn't want a personal service from someone that doesn't like me.

 

My kin were gloomy, conservative Scandinavians of yore, always fearing the worst. I have to work at coming across upbeat and pleasant, but I try. Perhaps it's good to at least act positive, even when not feeling it. I love the positive energy of my stylist. I worry the feeling may not always be mutual, but that fits with fearing the worst, I know.

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Gman

[+ g56whiz]

I was on the other end of that situation. I’d just had a heart cath and was moved from the recovery room to the acute care ward where I was to spend the next 12+ hours absolutely still. It was midnight and the ‘ol biddy nurse started complaining. I was too big for her to move, her husband was lazy so she had to work nights the kids were doing this and that. After about 20 minutes of this nonstop I finally said rather loudly “Lady in case you haven’t noticed I’ve got my own concerns.” She stalked out of the room and failed to respond to my buzzer some 6 hours later when my blood sugar was cratering and I needed some orange juice fast. I’ve had several similar procedures since but not at that hospital.

[+ nycman]

I can’t get passed the “six haircuts a year” part.....

 

Your crappy attitude? Just stop bitching....no one cares.

 

And get haircuts more often.

[+ oldNbusted]

 

 

I think you can get this on a button, to serve as fair warning.

 

I think she should have said something a lot sooner. When I realize someone is like this, so it's not just a bad spell for them, I usually smile and say "You're a bit of a whiner, aren't you?" and chuckle a bit so it doesn't come across as me being mean but the point gets made. Most people handle that fine. It's the rare special person who says "Why yes, I am!" and doesn't moderate themselves.

Edited August 30, 2019 by oldNbusted

[BaronArtz]

I can’t get passed the “six haircuts a year” part.....

 

Your crappy attitude? Just stop bitching....no one cares.

 

And get haircuts more often.

 

Exactly! How much did you pay for these haircuts? If you can only afford six haircuts per year, how are you going to afford escorts? This is the wrong playground for you, pal ….

[JayCeeKy]

I wonder if hair stylists, bartenders, and other "listening providers" don't experience what psychotherapists have also reported - a phenomenon called "compassion fatigue" in which caring providers say they are are physically and emotionally worn out by listening to clients who only want to complain about their fate in life and never want to make any CHANGES to make their lives better? Professionals experiencing compassion fatigue say that they dread meeting with certain clients who are chronic complainers and even get physically ill when they see these clients on their daily schedule. She appears to be at a professional and financial stage in her life where she is able to chose to work with people who come in to get hair styled, not bitch about unfair the world is to them. To your credit it seems like you at least had some self-awareness that your visits were not entirely about getting a haircut. Get another stylist, and this time, stick to the weather during your visits.

[BaronArtz]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Gman

 

 

Is this an ill-fated attempt at humor? You can't possibly be serious.

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Gman

Is this an ill-fated attempt at humor? You can't possibly be serious.

 

Maybe I should have said 'the' rather than 'your'. It was a bit tongue in cheek. On the other hand, I'm trying to imagine how bad it must have been for the stylist to cut @Smurof off like that. I'm wondering if the stylist didn't overreact.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

Listening to people bitch and moan is part of what hairdressers do—or did before the advent of smart phones. She could have delivered the message effectively without hurting a longtime client.

 

I wonder if there is a different issue at play here, maybe tipping.

 

My longtime hairdresser often complained about his husband and the salons that had fired him. Sometimes, he appeared to be on some kind of substance. There were times when it was distracting. But he was very talented, and I had certainly done my share of venting, so I continued the relationship.

Edited August 31, 2019 by FreshFluff

[cany10011]

I get haircuts every other week as I like to keep my hair nicely trimmed. My japanese stylist and I are friends and she always shares with me the newest and best japanese restaurants in town. Plus, she gives an awesome shiatsu massage.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Barber once a week when I'm in Dallas.

 

He's straight, doesn't say a lot and gives a fade that would make a DI weep.

[510guy]

It's hard to imagine that she never gave a hint of being annoyed by the negativity before.

[BabyBoomer]

Barber once a week when I'm in Dallas.

 

He's straight, doesn't say a lot and gives a fade that would make a DI weep.

 

I'm waiting for @Gar1eth to ask what DI stands for.

 

~Boomer~