Are obituaries useful these days?

[Guest]

My mother recently passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's. My sister wants to run an obituary. I'm afraid that the info in an obituary could be used by thieves and scammers. I'm not sure what the purpose of an obituary would be. Very few people read newspapers these days, and we will tell all people who need to know of my mother's death. What's your opinion of obituaries? My only other sibling, my brother, is neutral.

[+ tassojunior]

My mother recently passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's. My sister wants to run an obituary. I'm afraid that the info in an obituary could be used by thieves and scammers. I'm not sure what the purpose of an obituary would be. Very few people read newspapers these days, and we will tell all people who need to know of my mother's death. What's your opinion of obituaries? My only other sibling, my brother, is neutral.

 

Not many people read paper papers but more than ever do online, including orbits. If it's published online it's easy to forward it to others as needed, put it on family Facebook etc. It's also an element of closure which is important.

[+ BlueSky]

Legacy.com seems to be the largest aggregator of online obits. The site is connected to many newspapers. So actually obits are more accessible than ever. They publish in the paper and on the web. Personally, I like the idea of an obit. as a record of a person's life. It's certainly optional but I suspect the risks are low.

[+ tassojunior]

If you want to run one, then do it. They are expensive these days, likely $1,000+ if it runs a couple of column inches. People do read them. It'd be in both the print and e-edition of whatever paper its in.

Wow-no idea. The family ones I've seen lately are done by the funeral home. I thought all obits were free. So disturbing. So sad.

[+ azdr0710]

I still think obits are appropriate and a good memory to keep......many old acquaintances will have no other way of knowing and will appreciate the notice....no strange activity occurred when the obits for my mom and dad ran, except for one or two sympathy notes from well-intentioned people who I suspect send cards to absolutely everybody........I fear some families feel obligated (and/or guilty?) to turn their recently-departed into saints judging by the obit lengths and life-achievement gushings........keep the obit to-the-point and brief......include a fun picture of her instead of some frumpy, studio-posed shot.......the funeral home makes the arrangements for the obit after discussing it with you......you may want to run it in the old hometown, childhood-city newspaper as well as in the newspaper of the city in which she died.......

 

I believe most obits are much, much less than $1K!!!

[+ bashful]

The older I get, the more I hear about death, than births or marriages. Obits are a way to know details about services (when, where, or if at all), without intruding on the family's grief, to express condolences as appropriate. More than you expect to, will reach out during these times.

 

Unfortunately, as @Unicorn mentioned, the info seems to stay on the internet for years, and could be used for nefarious activity.

Edited May 14, 2019 by bashful

[+ g56whiz]

It’s rather presumptuous to assume that you’ll know all the people that “need” to know. You’re assuming that your mother had no friendships other than those in your circle. These folks may have been remote during her illness but making them aware is only polite. Some have even prayed for her. Do a death notice if not a full obit.

[rvwnsd]

I would (and did for both my parents) publish a death notice. It cost more than I thought it would, but it was worth it. There were people I knew of but whose addresses I didn’t have, so they would have never known.

[+ WilliamM]

The older I get, the more I hear about death, than births or marriages. Obits are a way to know details about services (when, where, or if at all), without intruding on the family's grief, to express condolences as appropriate.

 

Unfortunately, as @Unicorn mentioned, the info seems to stay on the internet for years, and could be used for nefarious activity.

 

Yes, but it is important if the person was a teacher, nurse, doctor - had a public profile. As to @Unicorn and his concerns. Yes, it is obvious some people here are wealthy

[RealAvalon]

Wow-no idea. The family ones I've seen lately are done by the funeral home. I thought all obits were free. So disturbing. So sad.

If it's more than an announcement of the death, and actually goes into the life of the person, then yes, a couple of column inches is going to run to at least $1,000 in the print edition. There is information that you will put in an obit that a surprising lot of people wouldn't know. I'm sure we all have the experience of going to a celebration of life and learned more about a semi-distance relative or friend of a friend, that we had no idea of before. I think they have a tradition for a reason. It's always a shock to lose a close relative or friend, I hope you are coping as best you can.

Edited May 16, 2019 by RealAvalon

[+ tassojunior]

If it's more than an announcement of the death, and actually goes into the life of the person, then yes, a couple of column inches is going to run to at least $1,000 in the print edition.

 

What I've seen were just announcements I guess then but they tell all the close relatives names without much bio. Even the ones from the funeral homes are short. I know this is peculiar, but years ago many people turned to and read obits immediately when they got the paper. Never understood that.

[+ bashful]

If it's more than an announcement of the death, and actually goes into the life of the person, then yes, a couple of column inches is going to run to at least $1,000 in the print edition.

 

Plus the cost of various papers in the U.S. When my father died, obit where he was living, where he lived for 50 years, and the cities where his children lived.

[Beancounter]

I’m an avid genealogist and find obituaries to be extremely helpful in piecing together family histories. It’s a great way to document birth dates, marriage information, children, grandchildren, work history. Older obituaries written in the 1800s and early 1900s can be quite elaborately written. Writing styles have certainly changed.

[+ Seaninsf]

My siblings and I ended up enjoying the process of writing the obituary for my mother. Sounds weird, I know. Maybe enjoyed is the wrong word. But we absolutely laughed about some of the things we put in (my mother was very funny) and as each of us thought about important elements of her life that should be included, it did grow in size and was quite pricey. I don't know how many people benefited from finding her obituary in the paper or online, but the process was well worth it for my family.

[+ Seaninsf]

... and there is also the element that @Beancounter just posted. I too enjoy researching family history, and obituaries can be a treasure trove of information.

[+ Seaninsf]

... and I'm a bonehead. I'm very sorry for your loss, @Unicorn. We lost my father to Alzheimer's before he died. It's a very tough thing. Take care.

[EZEtoGRU]

I still think obits are appropriate and a good memory to keep......many old acquaintances will have no other way of knowing and will appreciate the notice.

 

I believe most obits are much, much less than $1K!!!

 

As usual, azdr710 is spot-on with his post. Do the obit. Absolutely essential for anyone 60+ years of age. We did it for my dad (89) and my brother(61) and don't regret it. Yes it costs a lot but so be it.

Edited May 14, 2019 by EZEtoGRU

[Boink]

I’m an avid genealogist and find obituaries to be extremely helpful in piecing together family histories. It’s a great way to document birth dates, marriage information, children, grandchildren, work history. Older obituaries written in the 1800s and early 1900s can be quite elaborately written. Writing styles have certainly changed.

 

I am also into genealogy and have found great value in obituaries/death notices. Additionally, online, it provides friends past and present an opportunity to express memories and condolences.

 

I had a great aunt whom I had lost track of long ago. Through the Social Security death index, I learned she died recently at the age of 104 - a record in my family tree. She was survived by one son and his wife. They didn't bother to post a death notice at all. I felt so bad for her - living to be 104 and not one mention of her passing. As if she never existed at all.

[RM]

Long ago newspapers wrote obituaries and birth announcements and engagement announcements and weddings. Now my newspaper only has death notices with only name of deceased, age, city, and who is handling funeral arrangements. Obituaries could easily cost $1,000. The Sunday paper has at least two pages of obituaries. My mom passed away two years ago. I've moved into her house, but I still get mail from people who'll pay cash for the house so they can flip it.

People still read death notices and obituaries. If you don't know all your parent's friends, just one of them reading the obituary will spread the news.

[+ purplekow]

I have tried to look up old friends on the internet, only to come upon an obituary. It is always startling to me.

In my local newspaper, I look at the obituaries, as a primary care physician for 30 years in the same area, it is a way of learning the fate of people for whom I have cared. On occasion, I run into a family member of one whose obituary I have read and it allows me to offer condolences without the awkwardness of asking how they are doing and finding that they have passed.

When my wife died, she worked in a city about 1 hour from our home and I placed an obit in that local paper and I did receive some condolences and one or two people attended the funeral as a result.

[MrMattBig]

@Unicorn My condolences to you and your family.

I think you shouldn't worry too much about information being used for nefarious reasons, but focus on what would bring you to a point of peace and closure. It also seems that posting an obituary would help do that for your sister as well, so that's something to consider as well. Also, would any unwanted individuals come out of the wood work by doing so? Coming to terms with a loss and celebrating their life can be a sensitive time, I think ultimately you should do whatever feels right in both those regards.

[Whitman]

Condolences on the loss of your mother, @Unicorn.

 

I'm not sure that you're actually concerned about the cost of an obituary, but since a couple of posters have mentioned a $1,000+ price tag, I want to second those who have suggested that that's probably for an obit in a major newspaper. When my own mother died not long ago, the details for an obituary were gathered by the funeral home handling arrangements. They took care of placing the obit in the newspaper in her area which (I just checked) has a daily circulation of 55K and a Sunday circulation of 85K. The cost for the obituary was $170.40. It ran approx. five column inches.

 

We did hear from some old neighbors and casual friends of Mom's who were not on the list of people we called, and received some donations to the (in lieu of flowers) charitable cause we listed in the obituary for anyone who cared to make a contribution in her memory.

[thickornotatall]

Death announcements are a part of life. Friends...family..neighbors and acquaintances all deserve to know the passing...Every once in a while I see an obit and am surprised I had not heard. Or read of the adventures of a friend..

Life and death are everyday happenings....I have plans to write mine and update as needed

[+ nycman]

I’m sorry about your loss.

 

I’ve just gone through this and my only motivation to writing an obituary at the time was to leave breadcrumbs for future generations to find and piece together.

 

For genealogical purposes they are indeed priceless.

 

As an unexpected benefit, I too “enjoyed” writing it and I heard from many people I never knew existed. Indeed, the deceased had a much fuller life than I had ever dreamed and a wide range of friendships over decades that I knew nothing about.

 

In the end, it unexpectedly helped comfort me.

 

Also, a few financial and legal places required that I submit a copy of an obituary in addition to the legal documents. I thought it was odd, but it’s true.

 

So, I say do it. If for no other reason than for future generations. It’s not crazy expensive. The cost will be based on the column inches and the newspaper’s circulation. So yes, 12 inches in NYC will cost you more than 6 inches in Albany. That’s math we all understand here....grin

[+ Charlie]

I know this is peculiar, but years ago many people turned to and read obits immediately when they got the paper. Never understood that.

Maybe you are not old enough yet. I always read the obituaries, because I find them fascinating human interest stories. I also find them useful when trying to trace friends and acquaintances with whom I have lost touch as I have moved around over the years.

 

My condolences, Unicorn, on the loss of your mother. My mother died in a city in which she had lived for several years, but where she knew hardly anyone outside the retirement home in which she lived, so instead of posting an obituary there, I did it in papers in two other places where she had lived for years, where I wouldn't have known all those I should notify. I think it is important to personally notify family members and old friends who might be hurt at having to learn the news from an obit, but most of us have other people in our lives that you may not be aware of. As other writers have mentioned here, it also brings a kind of closure to memorialize a loved one in print.

 

The only info that I would not include in the obit is specific details about funeral and burial places and times, because it reveals when homes might be left empty; if someone needs to know that info, they can contact you or the funeral home. Anyone with nefarious designs who wants to know ages, birthdates, addresses, etc., can find them easily enough online nowadays. It is also not necessary to reveal the cause of death if you are uncomfortable about it.