"thanks I will consider that"

[+ purplekow]

Today was a pretty ordinary day. I got up went to work and went about my day to day activities. Then about 1:25 or so, a business associate I had met about 10 minutes earlier, stopped in the middle of the conversation we were having and said: "Do you mind if I tell you something and I hope you do not take it personally"

At this point, I knew right where this was going and just sort of sighed and waited for the inevitable. The only question was how difficult was it going to be this time not to take something personally that was absolutely going to be personal. At least this time I was given warning that it was coming rather than a shot out of the blue.

 

Before I could even say: "i would rather you didn't" or perhaps"Sure we've known each other for 10 minutes so it seems that this is the perfect time to get personal" he just said it. "You know, I really think you should think about losing some weight".

 

Now I am a big man, but I do not consider myself ginormous or even huuuuge. I am fat, no doubt about it and I am reminded by my body on a regular basis that the case is that I am fat and that I should really lose some weight. I do not enjoy being fat. I am fat as a result of genetics, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, poor food choices and probably a cavalcade of other reasons. All told, I have probably lost 3 or 4 tons over my lifetime. I have had considerable weight loss and have gotten to the point where I have heard: I think you need to put back a little weight. Honestly, that seemed as inappropriate as the thousands of times people have mentioned my excess weight. I have kept that weight off for months even years at a time. I am as conscious of my weight when I am relatively thin as I am when I am at a peak because I was a fat preteen and once you are fat kid you are a fat kid all your life.

 

I am just fat enough so that people are not ashamed of noticing that I am fat. I have never reached the level of fat that causes most people to be silent about it. Well silent about it to your face but snickering and cruel about it behind your ample back. No, I am the kind of fat that people assume has a thick skin to hold all that fat in.

The kind of fat you cringe about when you see someone my size come in your direction on an airplane or movie theater. The kind of fat that people can bring up in casual conversation without ever considering if it is appropriate or not.

 

I am the kind of fat that brings remarks at buffets. Suggestions to try to the diet menu at lunch. The kind of fat that has people bringing it up because they are "concerned about your health". The kind of fat that generates no empathy when you mention that you had to work through lunch for the fourth day in a row. I suppose the assumption is that I was probably troughing it up from my stash of high calorie snacks stuffed in the bottom desk drawer. (Just for clarity, I have a bottom desk drawer, it has files in it. Very 1970's.

 

Now these sound bits of healthy advice may sound noble. Helpful hints from strangers and family alike that, if adhered to strictly. would change my life, life expectancy and reduce my life insurance payments. But honestly it gets old.

 

I am a big fat old man and I am smart enough to know it. So "thanks I will consider that" is not longer my polite answer. My new polite answer is: " I am a big fat old man and smart enough to know it without you telling me. So any other news flashes before we continue. Oh by the way I am bald too in case you feel a need to discuss that."

 

So, I know this is not the worst kind of daily insult people have to endure. I know the sneers, sidelong glances and pithy thoughtless remarks are nothing in comparison to the daily hate other have to fight. I would only suggest, the next time you start a sentence with: "Would you mind if I told you something... " the next line should be something like..."you have a great smile" or it should be silence.

Edited July 26, 2018 by purplekow

[+ sniper]

10 minutes into meeting you? WTF?

I'm fat too but I'm also 6'3" and that tends to ward off a lot of comments because I look like I could kick their ass.

[rvwnsd]

I suppose you could have replied "you really ought to have your gall bladder removed because it seems to be producing an overabundance of bile," but you are not that kind of man.

 

What a shit head.

[+ Reisr30]

Wow, , I’m amazed how insensitive people can be. I would never say that to a friend like that (well maybe there are 1 or 2 friends I know we’ll enough to say that to) let alone a business associate I hardly know...

[seattlebottom]

I met you at the DC meeting and to be honest the only thing I remember about you was your dry wit. Thanks for reminding me that you're bald.

[+ Avalon]

What an SOB!!! What next? Is going to ask you if you've accepted Jesus?

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

It is amazing what people feel they can say. I haven't figured out the right response yet, but when the conversation is over and other person turns to leave, he may have received a middle finger salute behind his back.

[+ Funguy]

What an SOB!!! What next? Is going to ask you if you've accepted Jesus?

 

Nope - next is have you considered conversion therapy?

[+ Avalon]

Nope - next is have you considered conversion therapy?

 

YES! Good one!

[+ friendofsheila]

Miss Manners says you can reply, unsmiling, with "Thank you," followed by silence.

 

That will help the person absorb what a butt-wipe he was at that moment.

[+ purplekow]

I met you at the DC meeting and to be honest the only thing I remember about you was your dry wit. Thanks for reminding me that you're bald.

Not really bald, just no hair grows on top of my head. It seems to grow everywhere else but my eyes and teeth.

[+ GregM]

I've been told that by my oncologist and my primary. I took their advice because 1. I respect their opinions 2. There was a bad mark on some labs (nothing contagious) But I have never had someone I've only known for 10 mins be as rude as this um gentleman. I'm sure you handled the situation with utmost class and sophistication.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

If your doctor suggests you lose a few pounds, you tell him you'll work on it.

 

If a near-stranger tells you to lose a few, you tell him to fuck off.

 

 

Edited July 26, 2018 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[rvwnsd]

This reminds me of a day when one of my staff members, who happened to be pregnant, walked into the office looking very perturbed. Some woman in the elevator, whom she had never seen before, asked her if she was going to breast feed and if she was going to have natural childbirth or a C-section.

 

She suggested the woman try wearing deodorant. She said it was the first thing that popped into her head.

[+ poolboy48220]

Can't say it better than everyone else already has. What an ass.

[LaffingBear]

Ive dealt with the same issue. Been the recipient of unsolicited advice. I became very defensive about it. Even avoided the conversation when people were probing apparent weight loss beyond a simple compliment.

 

Eventually, I arrived at a response - some variation of "You know, I'd prefer not to discuss it. Its my issue, and others' attention frustrates me and usually results in more eating (or 'can derail my diet' if its unwanted attention to a significant loss.)

 

A little aggressive, hostile even. But it often works. And... Its true. I have been so frustrated by others unwanted attention, and eaten more. My issue, my responsibility - don't be a trigger.

[+ poolboy48220]

@friendofsheila 's comment reminded me of one Miss Manners letter on this subject. She said (paraphrasing from memory), "What does the person offering this comment expect to hear in return? 'Wow, I never noticed. Thanks! I'm going to run right home & throw out that Sara Lee cheesecake I was saving for a pre-dinner snack!'"

[RM]

One of my friends agrees, whatever insulting statement someone makes, just say Thank you.

[+ Avalon]

These busybodies are everywhere! Years back when I got to work one Monday a co-worker (the one who made the limp wrist) confronted me about buying a cake Saturday. Seems his wife was at the store and saw me and she told him. What they were unaware of was that my cousin and her family were coming to visit our grandmother for the weekend and that's why I went grocery shopping and bought the cake.

[JayCeeKy]

I'm sorry that you had to experience this incredibly immature person. We all have vulnerabilities that no one has to right to comment on.

[+ Avalon]

I'm sorry that you had to experience this incredibly immature person. We all have vulnerabilities that no one has to right to comment on.

 

He had a difficult homelife with his wife. I just figured he needed someone to take his frustrations out on. I'm not the most observant person. One day a co-worker took me aside and asked me if I couldn't smell the alcohol on his breath.

 

I should add that his mother and my grandmother were friends.

Edited July 27, 2018 by Avalon

[rvwnsd]

Another option is to say what my elderly Aunt Val would say when someone would say "have a nice day" or wish her a happy birthday: "Thank you! Same to you!"

[Gvtire]

I probably would’ve been a smart ass and said something like I’m not fat, I’m 6 months pregnant

[mike carey]

Him: 'Nothing personal, merely my professional opinion.'

You: 'You might wish to reserve your professional opinions for your own patients. If you've managed to retain any.'

(Please forgive my underlying assumption there.)

[Bearofdistinction]

Today was a pretty ordinary day. I got up went to work and went about my day to day activities. Then about 1:25 or so, a business associate I had met about 10 minutes earlier, stopped in the middle of the conversation we were having and said: "Do you mind if I tell you something and I hope you do not take it personally"

At this point, I knew right where this was going and just sort of sighed and waited for the inevitable. The only question was how difficult was it going to be this time not to take something personally that was absolutely going to be personal. At least this time I was given warning that it was coming rather than a shot out of the blue.

 

Before I could even say: "i would rather you didn't" or perhaps"Sure we've known each other for 10 minutes so it seems that this is the perfect time to get personal" he just said it. "You know, I really think you should think about losing some weight".

 

Now I am a big man, but I do not consider myself ginormous or even huuuuge. I am fat, no doubt about it and I am reminded by my body on a regular basis that the case is that I am fat and that I should really lose some weight. I do not enjoy being fat. I am fat as a result of genetics, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, poor food choices and probably a cavalcade of other reasons. All told, I have probably lost 3 or 4 tons over my lifetime. I have had considerable weight loss and have gotten to the point where I have heard: I think you need to put back a little weight. Honestly, that seemed as inappropriate as the thousands of times people have mentioned my excess weight. I have kept that weight off for months even years at a time. I am as conscious of my weight when I am relatively thin as I am when I am at a peak because I was a fat preteen and once you are fat kid you are a fat kid all your life.

 

I am just fat enough so that people are not ashamed of noticing that I am fat. I have never reached the level of fat that causes most people to be silent about it. Well silent about it to your face but snickering and cruel about it behind your ample back. No, I am the kind of fat that people assume has a thick skin to hold all that fat in.

The kind of fat you cringe about when you see someone my size come in your direction on an airplane or movie theater. The kind of fat that people can bring up in casual conversation without ever considering if it is appropriate or not.

 

I am the kind of fat that brings remarks at buffets. Suggestions to try to the diet menu at lunch. The kind of fat that has people bringing it up because they are "concerned about your health". The kind of fat that generates no empathy when you mention that you had to work through lunch for the fourth day in a row. I suppose the assumption is that I was probably troughing it up from my stash of high calorie snacks stuffed in the bottom desk drawer. (Just for clarity, I have a bottom desk drawer, it has files in it. Very 1970's.

 

Now these sound bits of healthy advice may sound noble. Helpful hints from strangers and family alike that, if adhered to strictly. would change my life, life expectancy and reduce my life insurance payments. But honestly it gets old.

 

I am a big fat old man and I am smart enough to know it. So "thanks I will consider that" is not longer my polite answer. My new polite answer is: " I am a big fat old man and smart enough to know it without you telling me. So any other news flashes before we continue. Oh by the way I am bald too in case you feel a need to discuss that."

 

So, I know this is not the worst kind of daily insult people have to endure. I know the sneers, sidelong glances and pithy thoughtless remarks are nothing in comparison to the daily hate other have to fight. I would only suggest, the next time you start a sentence with: "Would you mind if I told you something... " the next line should be something like..."you have a great smile" or it should be silence.

 

My reply to such things is

Thank You so much for your inappropriate rude intentionally hurtful unsolicited input.

And speaking of room for personal improvement you should consider having your mouth stapled shut so you don't demonstrate to every one you meet how a big an ASSHOLE you are.

 

With that said I will be filing a formal complaint with the HR Director and following it thru to the fullest extent of the law. You may leave now . . .