Spursy

I've tried a couple and quickly stopped both - there was too much prep for my liking. But I'm not one who thinks the journey is half the fun.

I've had enough of self-service.

I've had enough of self-service.

It sucks having the gyms closed but made it a goal to take my baby girl on fun, adventurous hikes every day. She's been loving it!

Friday and I have the weekend off. I was looking forward to the break. Unfortunately, I have been having a difficult time with my own health. So many little things going on with me and with each one, I think, I got it. I got the virus. This rings a distant bell for me as I took care of many HiV patients back in the early days of the epidemic. Young men would tell me this as they came into my office. My office was not really a medical office but it served as the AIDS clinic because the nurses in the hospital clinic of which I was the director, refused to work in an AIDS clinic in 1984. So along with a few like minded physicians we started seeing patients in my administrative office which had a single exam room attached. They would come in, terrified. A look of fear and desperation that any of the people here who lived through that period saw on the faces of their friends, neighbors, lovers or relatives. I recognized it but I did not know it. I was not sleeping with men and so I felt a bit invulnerable to this particular human ravager.
Now in 2020, I find myself thinking and even saying out loud when no one is around, "I think I got it." Fuck the numbers and the plans and the politics of it, when you think or say: "?I think I got it". all you have is fear and hope. One will win out in the long run but in the short run, it is anyone's guess what is going to take control of your thoughts.
Today, fear won out in my cas, at least in the short run. After several hours of rounds and wearing a face mask almost continuously for 4 hours, I sat down to eat lunch. I took off the mask and felt a bit short of breath and with it a little bit of the cough I always have but now drives me crazy with doubt. Is this cough the same or slightly different, Is this just my allergies, or ACE induced cough or post nasal drip or is it more? Am I really short of breath or is it just exhaustion after walking around the hospital for hours when I am carrying far too much weight and after far too little sleep? The more I thought about it, the harder it was to catch my breath. I tried some meditation tricks, controlled breathing and extended breath holding. That seemed to do it. I ate s dry chicken salad sandwich and talked to a friend on the phone as I did. Were my words a bit more winded than usual? Did my friend notice it? Should I ask him if he noticed it? If I did ask him and he hadn't would there rest of the conversation be colored by his listening to see if I was winded? And what if he had? What would I do with that information? I finished lunch most of it in the garbage and walked out to my car. Lunch was at 2:45 so I decided that 3:30 was a good time to leave and I would write my notes on my computer at home. I got to the car and I felt a bit nauseated, a tiny spot of a headache, a slightly runny eye. Spring had sprung and pollen was everywhere. Probably just allergies. Probably just allergies. Probably just....allergies.
And then I heard myself say it. I had heard it dozens of times from dozens of men who left this earth far too young and far too beautiful in every way and now I had said it out loud: " I think I got it" I got in the car and drove home. I called a friend and tried to distract myself with the conversation. Instead, I had a distracted conversation and begged off the phone before I blurted it out.
I finally arrived at home. I tuned off the car and closed my eyes. I awoke an hour later. I felt better. I chastised myself. Do not put yourself through this. Worry is useless. Concern is appropriate and at this time, at that concern level, it was appropriate to go into the house, say hello to the dogs. Get naked at the door. Get into the shower and wash the remains of the day off of my body and get a nap.
The shower was warm and revitalizing. I turned the water temperature up a bit higher and let the wall shower head pulsate on a sore spot on the lower back. I used the wand to thoroughly cleanse every hard to reach spot on my body. I let the rain head wash over me like baptismal waters and then, I got out to dry myself.
I was looking for something in a drawer, it was important at the time and now I cannot even recall for what it was I was searching. The drawer had a thermometer tucked way in the back. This is not the one I use each morning to check myself but a different one. I decided to check if it worked and washed it off and popped it in my mouth. It beeped. I casually took it out expecting my usual 98.3 but it read 100. 100 fuck. I looked in the slightly steamy bathroom mirror. I saw it in my eyes. The fear. The trepidation. The desperation. "I think I got it". Now in that minute every patient I had seen who felt well and died soon after came to my mind. I could see them all. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Well maybe this thermometer was broken, let me go to my standard. I popped in my lucky thermometer. What an age we live in that one needs a lucky thermometer. 99.9.
I had one other episode after a hot shower when I took my temperature and it was elevated, it was 99.5 but it quickly went down.
I sat down. Probably the hot shower, I said out loud while the voice in my head said "I think I got it". Holy hell, "I think I got it" why else am I seeing these people? Are they here to comfort me or scare the bejeezus out of me? My bet was on bejeezus.
My phone rang. My supervising MD was calling. I answered coolly. " Hello." "How are you doing I have a question for you". She started to ask about a patient from work and I just blurted out...."I think I got it". Then the whole story came out, the headache, the shortness of breath, the cough, the chicken salad, the car nap, the body aches, the sneezing and most damning of all, the fever. I left out the faces, even I could not face a public face to the faces.
A calm voice of reason was not what I needed then, but that is what I got. It is probably just fatigue and the hot shower and the terrible dried out chicken salad you had for lunch. (The chicken salad was pretty dry). Take it again. Take your temperature again.
I better use my lucky thermometer I said, as if that would make sense to her. We sat on the phone silently waiting for the beep like some ancient answering machine: "I may have contracted a really horribly deadly disease, please leave my temperature at the beep." And then. Beep. we both heard it. There was no denying it. 99.5. Two minutes later....99.3......one minute later,,,,,99.1,.....just to check again 10 second later.....99.0. Three minutes later 98.7.
I knew that thermometer was lucky. At some point, she had hung up and I vaguely recall her saying to call her back when I regained my sanity and got some sleep.
I closed my eyes, there they were, all the faces of 2020 and all the faces of the 1980s. There they were, in my head and in my heart and thankfully I was able to say goodbye to them as I fell asleep. An hour later, I came here, because "I thought I got it" but I wanted to tell someone: "I don't think I got it". And by telling you here that is what I think, I will think it. Thanks for listening.

Friday and I have the weekend off. I was looking forward to the break. Unfortunately, I have been having a difficult time with my own health. So many little things going on with me and with each one, I think, I got it. I got the virus. This rings a distant bell for me as I took care of many HiV patients back in the early days of the epidemic. Young men would tell me this as they came into my office. My office was not really a medical office but it served as the AIDS clinic because the nurses in the hospital clinic of which I was the director, refused to work in an AIDS clinic in 1984. So along with a few like minded physicians we started seeing patients in my administrative office which had a single exam room attached. They would come in, terrified. A look of fear and desperation that any of the people here who lived through that period saw on the faces of their friends, neighbors, lovers or relatives. I recognized it but I did not know it. I was not sleeping with men and so I felt a bit invulnerable to this particular human ravager.
Now in 2020, I find myself thinking and even saying out loud when no one is around, "I think I got it." Fuck the numbers and the plans and the politics of it, when you think or say: "?I think I got it". all you have is fear and hope. One will win out in the long run but in the short run, it is anyone's guess what is going to take control of your thoughts.
Today, fear won out in my cas, at least in the short run. After several hours of rounds and wearing a face mask almost continuously for 4 hours, I sat down to eat lunch. I took off the mask and felt a bit short of breath and with it a little bit of the cough I always have but now drives me crazy with doubt. Is this cough the same or slightly different, Is this just my allergies, or ACE induced cough or post nasal drip or is it more? Am I really short of breath or is it just exhaustion after walking around the hospital for hours when I am carrying far too much weight and after far too little sleep? The more I thought about it, the harder it was to catch my breath. I tried some meditation tricks, controlled breathing and extended breath holding. That seemed to do it. I ate s dry chicken salad sandwich and talked to a friend on the phone as I did. Were my words a bit more winded than usual? Did my friend notice it? Should I ask him if he noticed it? If I did ask him and he hadn't would there rest of the conversation be colored by his listening to see if I was winded? And what if he had? What would I do with that information? I finished lunch most of it in the garbage and walked out to my car. Lunch was at 2:45 so I decided that 3:30 was a good time to leave and I would write my notes on my computer at home. I got to the car and I felt a bit nauseated, a tiny spot of a headache, a slightly runny eye. Spring had sprung and pollen was everywhere. Probably just allergies. Probably just allergies. Probably just....allergies.
And then I heard myself say it. I had heard it dozens of times from dozens of men who left this earth far too young and far too beautiful in every way and now I had said it out loud: " I think I got it" I got in the car and drove home. I called a friend and tried to distract myself with the conversation. Instead, I had a distracted conversation and begged off the phone before I blurted it out.
I finally arrived at home. I tuned off the car and closed my eyes. I awoke an hour later. I felt better. I chastised myself. Do not put yourself through this. Worry is useless. Concern is appropriate and at this time, at that concern level, it was appropriate to go into the house, say hello to the dogs. Get naked at the door. Get into the shower and wash the remains of the day off of my body and get a nap.
The shower was warm and revitalizing. I turned the water temperature up a bit higher and let the wall shower head pulsate on a sore spot on the lower back. I used the wand to thoroughly cleanse every hard to reach spot on my body. I let the rain head wash over me like baptismal waters and then, I got out to dry myself.
I was looking for something in a drawer, it was important at the time and now I cannot even recall for what it was I was searching. The drawer had a thermometer tucked way in the back. This is not the one I use each morning to check myself but a different one. I decided to check if it worked and washed it off and popped it in my mouth. It beeped. I casually took it out expecting my usual 98.3 but it read 100. 100 fuck. I looked in the slightly steamy bathroom mirror. I saw it in my eyes. The fear. The trepidation. The desperation. "I think I got it". Now in that minute every patient I had seen who felt well and died soon after came to my mind. I could see them all. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Well maybe this thermometer was broken, let me go to my standard. I popped in my lucky thermometer. What an age we live in that one needs a lucky thermometer. 99.9.
I had one other episode after a hot shower when I took my temperature and it was elevated, it was 99.5 but it quickly went down.
I sat down. Probably the hot shower, I said out loud while the voice in my head said "I think I got it". Holy hell, "I think I got it" why else am I seeing these people? Are they here to comfort me or scare the bejeezus out of me? My bet was on bejeezus.
My phone rang. My supervising MD was calling. I answered coolly. " Hello." "How are you doing I have a question for you". She started to ask about a patient from work and I just blurted out...."I think I got it". Then the whole story came out, the headache, the shortness of breath, the cough, the chicken salad, the car nap, the body aches, the sneezing and most damning of all, the fever. I left out the faces, even I could not face a public face to the faces.
A calm voice of reason was not what I needed then, but that is what I got. It is probably just fatigue and the hot shower and the terrible dried out chicken salad you had for lunch. (The chicken salad was pretty dry). Take it again. Take your temperature again.
I better use my lucky thermometer I said, as if that would make sense to her. We sat on the phone silently waiting for the beep like some ancient answering machine: "I may have contracted a really horribly deadly disease, please leave my temperature at the beep." And then. Beep. we both heard it. There was no denying it. 99.5. Two minutes later....99.3......one minute later,,,,,99.1,.....just to check again 10 second later.....99.0. Three minutes later 98.7.
I knew that thermometer was lucky. At some point, she had hung up and I vaguely recall her saying to call her back when I regained my sanity and got some sleep.
I closed my eyes, there they were, all the faces of 2020 and all the faces of the 1980s. There they were, in my head and in my heart and thankfully I was able to say goodbye to them as I fell asleep. An hour later, I came here, because "I thought I got it" but I wanted to tell someone: "I don't think I got it". And by telling you here that is what I think, I will think it. Thanks for listening.

Bloodline - Recommended to me by a London escort. Set in the Florida Keys, it's the story of a seemingly respectable family with a dark past - and, it turns out, an even darker future. It's one of those stories where the efforts to conceal bad acts lead to more bad acts and eventually spiral out of control.
 
Also Ozark Season 3.

Bloodline - Recommended to me by a London escort. Set in the Florida Keys, it's the story of a seemingly respectable family with a dark past - and, it turns out, an even darker future. It's one of those stories where the efforts to conceal bad acts lead to more bad acts and eventually spiral out of control.
 
Also Ozark Season 3.

They are those plastic cones that are used to mark off areas. And a most profound apology, I should have written 'witchs' hats' I'll correct my earlier post post haste!

Also, Los Angeles Apparel (losangelesapparel.net) is selling a three-pack of reusable cloth masks for $30 plus $5 shipping. They have a variety of colors and patterns. I received that order (from LA to me in the Midwest) in four days or less.

Re: masks I have two orders that are supposed to arrive this weekend from Amazon. Crossing my fingers that there is no hiccups.
Going to keep the Newegg link as a fall back
Thanks @tassojunior and @Spursy

I got this exact item from Newegg. Arrived on Saturday, I believe.

I got this exact item from Newegg. Arrived on Saturday, I believe.

Probably for the first 30 seconds or so.

My box of masks from Newegg.com arrived today as scheduled. (I notice I said Thurs., not Tues. in first message). They were actually $29.99, but no shipping charge, so with tax, total just under $32.00.
 
As for Amazon, and overpriced expedited shipping on the box of masks, we'll see. It says in transit, but still in China, the other still says label created, but not in system. Not going to be in a hurry to use Amazon as my go to for online purchases. I'm beginning to think Prime ain't worth a dime.

I'm reading "The Lounge" every night. It's full of characters and has some sexy men.

I mentioned keeping you eye out for the sneak. Well, tonight, my dear canine friend Mr. Bear was the sneak. He passed just about when I finished my previous post. All week long I have been preparing. I would have a bit of a final visit each time I went to bed, because I was not expecting him to make it through the night, Then in the morning, he would still be there, wagging his tail when I called his name and lifting his head ever so slowly in my direction. He had stopped eating despite coaxing with some pretty good favorites of his. So he did not totally sneak away.
 
When I would leave for work, there would be little confessional of love and most times, depending where he had settled, I would look in from a window or through the backyard foliage to get what I thought be my last glimpse of him. Then , each evening he would still be there. A little weaker, a little grayer but still with a wag of a tail though he had stopped coming to greet me at the door.
 
Tonight he actually seemed a bit perky, He drank some water and though he did not move much, he did keep himself in the warmth of the sun the window let in.
When I came to write my medical notes and then my posing here, I stepped over him and gave him a casual "How ya doing Bear boy". Soon after, he snuck away before I could hold him and pat his head one last time.
Damned sneaks, the give you just a moments peace. They lull you into a space where everything seems like it always is and then they turn all of your expectations up side down.
Well I got him up from the floor to the ottoman where he usually slept. I cleaned up the the area and I am set to go to bed. I decided to write this now so that the reality of it sets in and I can get some sleep knowing that my life has been better with him in it and that I hope he felt the same.
Goodnight bear, you old sneak. I'll miss you. I see you after my work is done.

I feel the same way and have done the same thing for my regular and my regular masseur. The responses made me glad I did it.
 
But these were gifts. If you want something in return or there otherwise are strings attached, maybe it works out; maybe it doesn't. If you neither want nor expect anything in return, you cannot be disappointed.

I feel the same way and have done the same thing for my regular and my regular masseur. The responses made me glad I did it.
 
But these were gifts. If you want something in return or there otherwise are strings attached, maybe it works out; maybe it doesn't. If you neither want nor expect anything in return, you cannot be disappointed.

I have taken it upon myself to voluntarily send funds to two guys I’ve come to know over the years and who I’ll continue to see in the future. I don’t really know what they’re financial status is but I do know both have been laid off from their jobs. This can’t be an easy time for either of them. I contacted both of them, told them I would be sending them funds and asked them what the best way was to get the money to them. I also told them this was a gift and they were free to use it any way they saw fit. I certainly didn’t have any strings attached to it. Both were were very appreciative.
 
Had they approached me instead of me approaching them i would have gladly assisted them too. I give from the heart and expect nothing in return from them. I need to clarify though these two guys are more like friends than business acquaintances. I would not be so benevolent with a one-and-off guy.

I don't think you can fit a dick through that valve in the N95. So, no.

I don't think you can fit a dick through that valve in the N95. So, no.

This morning my Kroger had plastic freezer bags over the checkout keypads. Am I missing something, or does this just move the problem from the keys to the bag? It could help if they changed the bag after every customer, but I didn't see that.
 
I was wearing gloves, so it was an academic question for me. But it didn't make much sense to me.

This morning my Kroger had plastic freezer bags over the checkout keypads. Am I missing something, or does this just move the problem from the keys to the bag? It could help if they changed the bag after every customer, but I didn't see that.
 
I was wearing gloves, so it was an academic question for me. But it didn't make much sense to me.

In any event, the Queen looks damn good for 93.