Smokey

I’ve performed in loads of massage movies but this one is one of my favourites. 
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph62e0eaecf3ba8#1
 

Makes me think about Six Feet Under, where every episode you have a death at the beginning and it plays into the ongoing story. How entertaining would it be to have a show about hookers where you start each episode with a scene involving a new John? HBO style with gratuitous nudity (or not, entertaining either way). It would be fictional of course, just like writing a book, if not for the legal and privacy reasons, then for narrative cohesiveness and creative reasons. All you need are a few well developed characters, some story arc trajectories and the script practically writes itself. 

I once booked a massage with a masseur at his home, without checking much into his set up or professionalism. I was young and naive, and this was before I actually joined the profession myself (call it my research years).
I turned up at the address given. It seemed ok. The masseur answered the door (I’d seen no pics of him, only a description and an outline of his services). He didn’t match the description but I was too scared to walk away…so I went in. He was very friendly, indeed he was delighted to see me. 
I’ve written in more detail about it before so I won’t relay the whole story but the following behaviour occurred:
- Using his loft (attic), a windowless cramped space accessed from the bathroom by a pull down loft ladder as his massage space. It didn’t quite have the right ambiance.
- Letting me know, mid massage, that his wife would be home soon and I wasn’t to worry because she couldn’t get up the ladder…
- Talking almost all the way through about how he wasn’t really gay but he liked massaging guys whilst he was naked. 

The massage was mediocre, the ending wasn’t very happy and his wife called up from the bottom of the loft ladder if I’d like a cup of tea. 
I didn’t return to him. The tea was too weak. 
 
 

 
 

Stereotyping! (I'll bet he's actually from Chestnut Hill).

Maybe I'm old fashioned or had learned this from my mom, but I thought it's customary to provide service folks with small gifts or bonuses this time of year. A little cash or something to the mail carrier, paperboy (if there is still such a thing), hairdresser/barber, cleaners, etc.
So I'd think if an escort or massage provider is a regular, a small gift would be in keeping with this tradition. Of course there is passion involved with an escort/masseur's services so that might confuse things a bit, but a bit of extra cash or a small gift seems just fine.

This is making me nostalgic! My college roommate was from Mahwah, and my first fulltime job was in Lodi.

The widow always makes for a pleasant time!

Grindr, gym, airport lounges, social media followers, the paper towel aisle at Target.
We have a wide variety of opportunity.
Private sex is as important as paid sex.  You have to keep a balance so you don't bork a healthy mindset.

My personal sex life is a casualty of being in this biz. It’s one of the tough costs of doing this work that clients fortunately don’t have to think about. The question for me is not how, but if I do it at all.
Oftentimes I lack desire for sexual intimacy outside work for a number of reasons:
1) At any given time, I’m emotionally and sexually spent, and can’t do any more if I wanted to. I would have to do double duty work of advocating for my own needs in addition to (yet again) focusing on others’ needs in order attract their interest and commitment to meet. I don’t hire, but I see the appeal. I’d rather have someone focus on my needs and not their own for a change.
2) Opportunity costs. I’m concerned that wasting my mojo on something unpaid may affect my ability to provide a stellar experience for the next client. That next client may only be willing to request a same day appointment. I have to be ready, or prepared to miss out on that income I need to make my life work.
3) there’s the psychological mind fuck dynamic of: “I could be getting paid $XXX for this right now and I’m giving it away for free.”  Almost like volunteering your professional skills and time for an uncharitable cause. My personal fulfillment in the experience has to exceed that psychological barrier by so much that I can let it go and actually enjoy myself. That’s a tall order, at least for me.
4) I have no time, patience, or energy for it. I could spend weeks on apps and never get anywhere. Lots of frogs out there. I know because I use apps for work and man, it’s pretty bleak. What little time left I have outside work is better spent on other things.
5) Clients are all over the apps. It would be a nightmare trying to manage who’s blocked, who’s a client, who’s a potential client that I just don’t know yet. People know what I do and want to hire me or talk about work on the app, or spend chat time comparing hiring with hookups as if they are exactly the same thing. Boring. Then there’s worrying about presenting yourself the wrong way and losing clients because of it…it’s all just too much to manage. 
6) STIs. The fewer encounters I have, the less likely I will be to contract or transmit an STI. I constantly consider my clients and want them to feel comfortable that I’m not being unnecessarily reckless. I have way less sex compared to many of my non-provider peers, even though this is my job. My clients, on average, aren’t having that much multiple partner sex either, but it varies. When I’m out of commission due to recovery time from clearing an STI, that’s lost income. So yeah, it’s a cost to consider, and one I want to minimize.
7) Few people are worth my time.
😎 I have a partner. His needs come first after work obligations. Recreational activity is necessarily limited to the periods we decide we’re open. So…the preceding points notwithstanding, it ain’t gonna happen when we’re not open anyway!
9) Considering all the above, the planets will sooner align before I get some off the clock.
So my answer is: I just don’t. The deck is stacked, at least for me. Then again I’m sure other providers don’t put as much thought into all this as I do, and they’re probably better for it. 

Tom Vacarro is the masseur.

Tom Vacarro is the masseur.

Indeed beautiful.
If you love the Unicorn tapestries make sure to check out the ones at the Met Cloisters in NYC next time you’re in town. Obviously similar in many ways but they are distinct. It’s fun to compare and contrast. Spoiler alert, I like the NYC ones better (big surprise..lol) Unfortunately the "once in a lifetime" opportunity to compare and contrast them side-by-side in 2020 never materialized. The show was cancelled because of the COVID-19 pandemic. A display of medieval art thwarted by a plague? The irony was lost on no one.

If the masseur presents himself as therapeutic and sensual only, it’s odd he’s sending you pics implying more is available. The most suspect part of it is that he is asking the CLIENT for pics before he sends his own. That’s a dead giveaway that he is willing to go further than advertised, but ONLY with the clients he finds attractive. That’s a major red flag of unprofessional behavior.
A good masseur works on everyone and maintains consistent policies regardless of how the client looks. Even if the massage gets pretty erotic, he will do this with every client that wants it, not just cherry picking from clients he finds attractive.
We receive a lot of requests for various pics. If we want the work, we need them ready, or to be prepared to say no and lose a potential client, even if we are very clear in our ad and private message communication that the massage doesn’t go that far. The client now knows this explicitly and yet still persists asking for pics. Seems crazy we have to play these games, but we are the ones who lose out if we don’t have or send pics upon request. Better, and clearer I think to refuse to send x pics if you truly don’t offer anything that would merit those pics and be willing to lose the work. It sends mixed messages, but he can send them anyway, be clear about the boundaries, and hope for the best.
If more IS available, I see nothing wrong with sending x pics upon request. The masseur should not require pics of the client to do this. Also, he should charge accordingly when the client requests extras or services more appropriate to an escort. Take note of his rates and maintain expectations accordingly.
Better yet, ask him directly: is x, y, or z included? Do you offer a, b, or c? Yes/no question format is best. Nothing will annoy a masseur faster than asking in an open ended fashion: “What is included?” Because that invites every possible act anyone could ever think of. The masseur has three choices: 1) not respond to the question 2) try to list every act ever conceived by mankind, which he won’t do 3) send a short list of what clients tend to like and that he’s willing to offer.
You know what you want. Just ask for it.
Each masseur has nuanced reasoning for what he chooses to send. Maybe he offers mutual touch and the client wants to see what he might be touching, even though no sexual contact meriting discussions of PrEP will actually take place. The masseur could send pics to appease the client but then the client has the impression that he can do whatever he wants with the masseur including full service for the price of a massage. That’s on the client for making dumb assumptions. But you never know. Clients tell stories of that stuff happening on these forums all the time. “I flipped over and he sat on my cock”.
Those are exceptions, not the rule, and really those masseurs should be charging escort rates for that level of service. Clients, please maintain reasonable expectations and pay your guys well if they go way above and beyond without discussing higher rates beforehand. Better yet, be clear in your communication about exactly what you want, what he offers, and what he charges for it upfront. And if you do want or expect full service, be prepared to pay appropriately for those services.
My rule of thumb: full service is double the massage rate. For example, here’s mine: $150/60 min massage. $300/60 min escort service. Your masseurs will vary but that gives you a rough idea of what to expect.
The whole PrEP thing is another discussion. Plenty of clients are concerned with our sexual heath even if they know nothing is going to happen. They demand the info even if we are clear about the limitations of the session. Damned if we list our health practices because it sends the message that we are having sex frequently with our clients. Damned if we don’t because clients demand the info even if it’s irrelevant to what is actually happening in their session. There’s the odd paranoid client who demands “proof” like asking us to send photos of our prescriptions. I don’t see those clients because there is no satisfying them, no matter what I do.
Then there’s the masseur who - surprise, surprise - escorts in addition to massage work, or - surprise surprise - advertises himself as a masseur but is actually only providing escort services. That’s fine. He should be clear in that case what is on offer and how much it costs. He may have “optional” additional services, which he should state upfront what those are, the limits, and how much (in addition to, or in lieu of his advertised massage fees).
Basically don’t make assumptions based on pics or info listed or photos sent. Don’t make assumptions at all. Ask directly about things you care about and go by what he says. If he prefers not to put it in writing, ask for a brief phone call. If he asks you (the client) for pics, politely decline and look for a more professional guy. Plenty of masseurs work on all types of clients and are not concerned about the way the client looks. His service is the same regardless.

I have a client who I see at his hotel when he visits. Lovely guy, always stays at nice hotels. The only challenge for me is he likes to leave the room TV on whilst I massage him. It’s usually on one of those 24hr news channels. I prefer to massage to music (my playlist or his) but he likes the news on. I find myself listening to it which makes it difficult to focus on the massage. One time I was working his cock almost to climax and the football (soccer) scores came on, so I had to ease off a bit so I could hear my team’s score without being distracted by my client’s climax. He didn’t notice… I hope it just seemed like a bit more edging. 

Giant yawn. 
Pay me. Worship me. Pay me some more!

When I was an impecunious graduate student, I decided to try hustling. It was before the Internet (actually, it was before the invention of the personal computer) or cell phones, so I went downtown in Philly and tried to do it on the street. A couple of guys showed interest but had nowhere to go, and then a guy offered to take me to his apartment. The experience quickly taught me that I was not cut out to perform with someone to whom I would not have been sexually attracted anyway. I pocketed the only money I have ever received for having sex with someone, but never tried it again. I developed a lot of respect for those who can perform on demand.

Sir Alan Bates

Charles Kaiser's The Gay Metropolis (1997) also traces gay life in American cities from around 1940 through the AIDS epidemic.

Here are two books to consider:
Randy Shilts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_the_Band_Played_On
Abraham Verghese
https://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Country-Doctors-Story/dp/0679752927

Here are two books to consider:
Randy Shilts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_the_Band_Played_On
Abraham Verghese
https://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Country-Doctors-Story/dp/0679752927

Here are two books to consider:
Randy Shilts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_the_Band_Played_On
Abraham Verghese
https://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Country-Doctors-Story/dp/0679752927