PhileasFogg

I have found few unwilling to discuss these things and - since I’m a data guy, I find the discussion engaging.

I agree with you @buckguy on communication. While I see that as a subset of both maturity and intelligence, it probably does more to destroy an encounter if you have to go days wondering if it’s going to happen. last week, I was ghosted on a planned encounter in Philly. After four days of ghosting and a no show, I sent this: ”Hey XXXXX, I hope you’re okay — I haven’t heard from you since we confirmed plans, and I just want to make sure nothing’s wrong. If I somehow said or did something that put you off, that wasn’t my intention. I really was looking forward to seeing you, and once I knew you were in town I turned down other plans. I don’t expect an explanation, but ghosting someone after confirming plans isn’t cool. A quick message would’ve gone a long way. Still, I hope all’s well on your end, and I’ll not bother you further.” His response the next day (as I was on a train for NYC) did nothing to assuage the fact that I’ll never contact him again (we’ve met before): “Hey [Phileas], i apologize for ghosting you, something personal happened and i isolated myself and ignored my phone for a while, i know that this is not an excuse since i could’ve send you a quick message. Im ok and you dont have to worry about me, Its definitely not about you and im sorry again for ghosting you after we made plans, im not the kind of person who does that. I really enjoyed our time together when we first met btw, i was looking forward to seeing you again. I hope you and your family are healthy and doing well!”

I think I’ll be reaching out to Dmitry!

There are endless opportunities for conversation in my experience. It is funny though. Yesterday, my guest and I went snorkeling between the tectonic plates in 35° temps. He indulged me in that side trip with apprehension. He LOVED it! As an accommodation to him embracing the plan, I made sure we were covering every thermal lagoon we could fit in. We also did a 6 mile hike to get inside a volcano. My 60+ yr old a$$ was the oldest in the group and nothing slowed us down. We talked the whole time and enjoyed interacting with the other hikers. If you view this arrangement as travel companionship with side benefits, it usually makes the side benefits more gratifying for each of you.

As I wind up my planning for the year (I have weekend trips scheduled with guys for five of the remaining 10 weekends), I’m reflecting on how my criteria for choice has evolved throughout 2025. Since many know I’ve favored younger men (not exclusively) and weekend engagements, I find that my focus has evolved from physical attributes and whether I think we will be compatible (based on a video call before I schedule a weekend) to the following: 1) Maturity (that’s not just about age, but also attitude) 2) Not just smart but educated or getting educated (gives a broader perspective) 3) Drug Free (to avoid drama) If the aesthetic is right, I don’t think that my experience will be good with out those additional criteria. What are the criteria you use?

I’ll add that I’m currently ona week long trip with an RM that many know well (but he prefers to maintain low profile - hence nameless) We are in Iceland. We planned the trip together over the last six weeks. We blended our short list, I gave it to an Icelandic Gay Travel Agency and they made nearly all of it happen.

I encourage you to act as though you’re his host giving him opportunity to short list some things that he’d like to do and involve him in the dinner reservation choices.

Yeah, I’ve tried graduated sizes. It’s never comfortable and I never get beyond the starter size without extreme discomfort and bleeding fissures. Although I've never felt traumatized by the experience, I often wonder if the residual response from a rape as young teen. I don’t say that soliciting sympathy because, as a stoic, I accept that it happened and it doesn’t define me…but I wonder if the body remembers and reacts.

That’s not my point. This is CLIENTS looking repeatedly at my profile as recently as a few hours ago

I never subscribed to RM until recently. And, until today, I’d never added any info to my profile Interestingly, I looked the other day at “Who Saw Me”. Beside a couple of providers along the gulf coast, one CLIENT PROFILE has looked at my blank profile daily - as recently as 6 hrs ago What benefit is there for one client visiting another’s blank profile nearly daily?? I know I can block it (and I will) - but the question is “why?”

I wouldn’t overthink it. The RM profile should be viewed as a frame of reference.

Like you, I think I’m a decent and respectful client. There’s two types of follow up to me: 1) “hey, how’s your day going”. This is the marketing follow-up. It establishes interest when there’s no meeting on the agenda to stay “top of mind” This implies interest outside the transaction 2) “hey, I’m in the area”. This is the transactional follow up more akin to the used car salesman If #1 hadn’t previously occurred, #2 means very little to me. Also keep in mind that most of my engagements are weekend or travel arrangements where chemistry and being in sync matters more. If I get the “meh” guy following up, I’d probably pursue it if #1 had previously occurred previously occurred. Otherwise I’d offer a polite “hey thanks but I can’t make it this time” response. If it was worse than “meh,” the number would already be blocked

Yeah, the hair on the chiny chin chin doesn’t say “twink” to me

Well, you and I have shared good common experiences in the past…. If I fly one of them to NOLA, I’ll let you know so you don’t have to drive so far.

My broker is required to speak with me directly before any trades or transfers Edited to add: It’s a requirement of his firm.

There once was a daddy so wise, Whose charm lit the stars in young eyes, With guidance and flair, And a confident air, He taught them that age is a prize. This evening, I had FaceTime calls with two young men with whom I’ve shared a bed - multiple times - having met through RM. One call was to “catch up” and another hour long call was to talk about his new job and to give some career advice. Both calls were spontaneous, so I didn’t bother putting on a shirt (but nothing “else” was in view. As we talked, i realized two things: - these were spontaneous interactions purely to benefit them in sharing of wisdom and perspective (I’m 62 and kinda retired from a successful career), and - as I saw my reflection in the FaceTime camera, I was thinking (after 4 yrs of regular workouts) - “hey, you’re not so tough on the eyes without a shirt” I bristle when I’m called “daddy” because that’s a name reserved for my two adult children. But I’m coming to see that it does extol certain virtues benefitting younger men besides simply an exchange of body fluids

Hmmm, I’m hyper sensitive to such things (I’ve never smoked anything -ever- in my life and vaping has never bothered me

Maybe, maybe not. I can think of a case or two where I’ve gone along with no resistance - well reviewed BOTH here and on RM - confirmed legitimacy with a video call prior to booking - I’ve also offered to refer them to other guys to be comfortable with me 90% of my engagements involve travel, so generally, the risk is ultimately on me and not the provider since I’m booking hotels and plane tickets.

I’m a 3. No surprise

The other side is that @Sam Lankton can also leave a review on MrNumber as well. I surely have on the providers who flaked out on me and/or ghosted me. It's worth the $6/mo. If all providers used it, the flakes would fade into oblivion quickly. I also use a number registered to my name so they can google me and see I'm legit.

I can’t tell you how many times I hear of this happening. I would never do that to someone - frankly, I don’t have the time to waste even thinking about it. But I think there’s a more pervasive psychological issue here because it’s not limited to escorting. I’ve experienced it in spades in activities as mundane as selling on FaceBook Marketplace. Someone comes on hot and heavy wanting to buy something, beg you to ‘take it off the market,’ only to ghost you when it’s time to complete the sale. Here’s the reality, people sometimes say “yes” in low-friction online spaces because the commitment costs them nothing in the moment. Low accountability: No deposits, no contracts, no face-to-face interaction. Present bias: They want to “lock it in” while the excitement is fresh, but when the time comes to follow through, effort or logistics outweigh the initial desire. This is why some providers ask for deposits. While I’m generally unwilling to make a deposit, I do try to be sensitive to the reality of a provider’s concern. This is also why I nearly always try to arrange a video call in advance of committing to an appointment. There’s something about eye to eye contact that validates legitimacy or suspicion. And BTW, welcome to the forum! Having providers here helps us all!

Try being in Mississippi. VPN is the workaround. I become German very quickly

That helps. But let me ask you a different question I'm still not sure if it was a post on the forum or a PM. But let's assume the former (since that's the more plausible scenario since PMs would be private": If you like the guy and have a great relationship with him, is it possible that someone else is being unreasonable in their expectations and/or review. It's been my observation that if a guy has a lot of fans and a single bad review, it might have been a "one off bad experience" OR it may have been an unreasonable client. There are documented instances of the latter on this forum. Again, if it was a public posting, there's nothing that hides it from the provider. If it's public, and you like him, would you be inclined to show it to him to give him a chance to respond? Interestingly, in one of the documented examples I referred to above, it was the negative reviewer who shared his post with the provider with a "nah nah nah nah boo boo...look what I've done to you" And some remember that it backfired big time on the guy with the negative post. so, I disagree. There are a lot of providers in this forum (and I say the more the better) who can track and participate and/or respond to public posts at will. I have absolutely no problem with drawing their attention to a public post that might be adverse toward them so they can be aware of it. In short, this forum may be like a private members only locker room, but if so, it has glass walls Now, if it's a PM, then I have a different view, but then I stand by my earlier comment that we shouldn't presume privacy in anything on the internet

Isn't that what sniffies and grindr are for?

Notwithstanding the collective confusion on the description AND the reasonable expectation of privacy in PMs, one fact remains: You should not put anything in writing that you’re unwilling to see published in the front page of the New York Times. While there is a presumption of privacy on the internet, it’s always a risk.