Occasional

Deposits take many forms.  Reminds me of experience with a 30-something “twink” still operating in New Orleans.  Apologizing in advance for the sour grapes, but sometimes the best reinforcement comes from true stories.  

Days before our first meet, he had a crisis with his mini storage contents being auctioned for non payment unless he had $181 by 5PM.
I sent the money - cha ching - plus a bit   Total $250.
As the date approached a couple days later, “the vet was too expensive so now I don’t have the money to replace the tire to make the drive to your house.”  I sent the money plus a bit - cha ching - another $250…I accidentally sent twice…so then I’m $750 into an overnight that has yet to happen.
He did show for our for our first meeting…if I recall about 2 hrs late…but I was doubting until he rolled into the driveway  
Within 24 hrs of his arrival at my house, this situation started a spiral into the most dramatic chaos you could imagine.  In the end, over the next 30 days, the “deposit” turned into $3,300 (to avoid eviction, groceries, ransoming his car from the impound lot for unpaid tickets….) that was to be repaid at $100/wk. of course, he missed a couple of planned engagements as well for lame excuses.   Naturally, I’ve not seen a dime and his situation seems to have spiraled further out of control rendering him completely untrustworthy to me.  
So, first, I own the fact that I allowed myself to be hustled.   But let’s call it what it is:
- outsized deposits rooted in chaotic life management issues are not the mark of a professional and are a major red flag
- life’s too short to get pulled into someone else’s drama
A token deposit for a well reviewed professional gentleman is a valid business tool for them and evidence of good faith from you - particularly if they have costs to get to you.  But when the request is rooted in a shaggy dog story to make you feel like an a$$hole if you say no, then it’s likely a hustle.   Just say “no” and cancel the plans.  If you’re conflicted about it, PM me for moral support   
As to this situation, I’d be more forgiving and tolerant if he’d made even a token attempt to repay.   But his attitude is one of entitlement because I had the money to “give” so he shouldn’t have to repay.   Such is the mark of the hustler who doesn’t have the standing to get a legitimate deposit but still wants money upfront.
 

Fine sentiments.  I agree with them  But - what exactly *is* being asked? When I speak with a new potential hire (London) and ask his rate, I often hear something like "well .. it's .. er .. £250" or even ".. it's usually £250" . That's clearly a rate not fixed in stone. 
That's what I say, and I usually hear "what is your budget?", to which I reply "it's £200, how would that sit with you if we don't f--k?" Usually I get acceptance. And that avoids the session being affected by the provider feeling that he's been "talked down".  And leaves the door open, in the session, to 'upgrade' the session to full-fee if I decide I'd like the missing piece of the jigsaw  to be included.
Works for me, YMMV
 

I don't believe we should have to tip masseurs or escorts when they are setting their own rate. Tips are for places of business like a massage spa where the service person is only getting a cut of what you pay the spa...then you tip. If someone is working for themselves, they set their own rate. I only tip if our interaction exceeds what is stated in the service description for example, if a masseur says both nude and release, but we end up doing more like oral or fucking, then I will just give him an extra $50 to $100. I've noticed that a lot of asian masseurs when they come to my apartment for massage they ask for tips and I have to explain to them how it works. A lot of them come from working in massage parlors. 

Following this thread, and feeling compassion for the guys who get hooked emotionally on their provider.
This thread has made me realise (if I ever doubted it - which from time to time I have, fleetingly) that I really am not closet-gay.  I just like cock, occasionally!
Doesn't mean that I'm purely transactional with providers.  Friends? No.  But a friendly demeanour, some relaxed chat? - yes. Look forward to seeing favourites again?  Yes. Heavily on my mind? No.  
Paradoxically, I feel I get closer to an enjoyable 'boyfriend experience' with those providers who can sense that what I'm paying them for is to leave - physically and emotionally - after the session, rather than paying them to [try to] buy my way into emotional involvement with them. I guess the other side of that coin is that some providers with whom I have only a so-so experience, would prefer to sense emotional involvement from the client, so as to get a hooked-up frequent regular.

My default is to provide as little information as possible. I have had mainly great experiences but as many of the threads here attest, not everyone in this hobby is wonderful and some have hidden agendas. I’m more forthcoming with those that I establish an ongoing relationship but, if it’s a one-off experience, the less they know about me, the better I like it. 

This is close to my behavior, but I'm even more cautious. Accurate stats are something the provider is entitled to know before agreeing to a session, but I use a burner phone and don't reveal my name or any other details until we meet.  Then, if I feel comfortable, I'll share my real first name (which is a common one) and a few details about my life (the industry I work in, the part of town I live in, etc.) but I may fuzz up the latter details.  And I'm happy to talk about my younger days or my interests or other information that doesn't reveal my identity.  I've seen providers regularly for a couple of years without sharing any identifying information about myself.  
The reason I am so cautious about sharing this information is not because I think I can't trust the provider but because I can't KNOW that I can trust the provider.  I worry about and overthink everything, so if a provider had what I think is too much identifying information about me, I would start to see them as a potential threat.  That ruins the relationship from my perspective.  I realize that that is all about me and not the provider and that it may border on the paranoid, but I live close to that border.  

I hired masseurs in my 20s because I found massage highly erotic as well as just making my body feel better. Had plenty of sexual outlets but just enjoyed it and my reasons haven't changed. 
Plus something to be said for an easy drama free moment with someone who knows that they're doing. 

Gordon Grant - what a brute! 💦

I think that a real regular is happy to see you whenever you can make it happen. For me, It’s a constantly changing roster. I’m happy when I’m trying to juggle several regulars because I know someone is going to move away, retire, or otherwise become unavailable and then I’m looking for new talent. I prefer dealing with the first problem rather than the second. Soon enough the problem will take care of itself. 

Not a big deal to me. I have experienced that and I'm ok with it. First, I respect my body, so I don't force it to finish if it's not getting there. Second, not finishing doesn't diminish what I have already enjoyed. Third, I am a customer and I don't owe "finishing" to anyone.
The times when I've experienced that, however, seems to have planted doubt on the provider, probably thinking that he didn't do the work right or something along those lines. Not only I have reassured the provider, explaining to him what I just wrote, but I have returned (and finished, and FINISHED, sometimes on/in him).
Of course, I prefer finishing but if it doesn't happen, I'm fine with it.

I feel I might be tempted by a straight guy who makes it clear in his profile that he's looking to receive oral.  Men give the best blow jobs!  At some level, I think that a lot of straight guys realise that.  And I get pleasure from giving men pleasure - when I'm in the mood for that.
A competent massage as a warm-up would add to the appeal . . . 

I feel I might be tempted by a straight guy who makes it clear in his profile that he's looking to receive oral.  Men give the best blow jobs!  At some level, I think that a lot of straight guys realise that.  And I get pleasure from giving men pleasure - when I'm in the mood for that.
A competent massage as a warm-up would add to the appeal . . . 

It’s like wearing loose fit jeans rather than skinny jeans. 

Yes they fill the inside with hormones that make you want to buy them dinner, new clothes and undertake DIY tasks. Best to stick to using the ass. 

Are you sure the urge to disclose isn’t coming from a less flattering place? He wronged you by taking your money, and even if it’s unconscious, there’s a real risk that this disclosure is about moral positioning, controlling the narrative, or preemptively absolving yourself.
Ask yourself this: if no money had changed hands, would the same urgency still be there? If the answer is no, then this isn’t really about transparency. It’s about discomfort with unresolved moral business.
Just make sure you’re not telling yourself a cleaner story than the one that’s actually driving the impulse.

Okay, I generally leave reviews, though my usernames do not match. I do find it odd to be approached by another client via RMass for two reasons. 1) the degree of anonymity is even higher than here or RMen (where you can at least see each other's profiles), and 2) I've left my review. What else do you want to know? 
I've noticed one member here has a note in his signature that if he's reviewed someone, that's all you're getting, and don't DM him. I kind of understand where he's coming from. While I generally have a great memory, if I've only seen someone once or twice three years ago, I likely don't have much to add. I don't mind very specific questions, like does he kiss? But I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow (pun intended) run down of my experiences. It feels like I'm writing erotica. 
Lastly, the best we can get from this forum is whether a provider treats clients with respect, honors their prices, and matches their photos. All of that also indicates this provider is safe. But chemistry is unpredictable and I often feel like I'm being asked to reassure someone that they're going to have a good experience. 

"I'm sure you're worth it, but that's out of my price range." is what I've said and nobody seemed offended.

If I cancel just a few hours before the meeting, I’ll pay the fee. That feels fair.
But if I cancel days in advance, I don’t feel the need to pay it. That’s plenty of time for them to book someone else.

Can't know if you don't ask. They may indeed know of one another. 
Having hired 4Hands twice, both with regular collaborators over a table, the two minds were less in sync than I expected, resulting in some conflicting sensations from different areas where they worked. If you have high expectations for each of these faves as a solo exchange, be prepared accept the dilution of those expectations in the actual session. An awful lot is reliant on 1st time 3-way chemistry.  Good luck! 

Even after thousands of sexual encounters I still prefer to let things flow organically on a first meet. Once we've hung-out (and had each other's dick in our mouth), there is an innate camaraderie that follows. This afterglow moment is when its easier to discuss sexual interests/fantasies and preferences. Setting up the potential for a more customized encounter next time.

Hiring a provider is an emotional, intimate experience. But it's different from spending time with friends, family and romantic partners. You don't pay a provider to spend time with you; you pay him to leave. It's a transactional relationship. Embrace it.

Great advice. It should be a bonus in your life, not the main part of it. Have a fulfilling life outside of hiring and if you don’t have one, work toward one. I don’t even mean a social life, I mean hobbies, goals/aspirations to work toward, the gym, anything you can be passionate about.

I would extend that to read "explicitly say otherwise outside the current session .  That is, your hard limits can't be breached - even by you - on the spur of the moment in the excitement of it all. 

The first step in solving a problem, is recognizing there is one. 
You appear to be defining your self worth by how others interact with you.  Have you considered making this a year of self care? 
Providers have their own lives and drama - his lack of response may have nothing to do with you. 
 
Move on to bigger and better things.
 
 

Hey all. Just a (hopefully) quick update to "As the Provider Turns".  I was planning to meet up with him on Monday but this morning I found a text from him overnight saying it was bothering him so much that he was not able to sleep. We texted for a bit but it was clear that he was just never going to let it go. Claims it's not that he caught feelings.  To me, it appears he's taking my lack of paying him the same rate as the other guy as a testament to his worth or something. It was clear nothing I could do or say would move him off it so I just said this behavior is making impossible for me to feel comfortable with him again, so we're done. 
Thanks again to all for your feedback and advice. Clearly, the solution was to tell him to take a hike after offering to pay him more wasn't enough to get him to let it go.  

Losing a regular client over $40/hr. Maybe he should find another gig. 

As a provider,  I'm certainly aware that several of my regular clients  have some degree of emotional attachment.    I'm a professional person by nature  (and via regular career),  so it can be an interesting "tightrope"  to walk to do a job,  be balanced and logical and provide a very personal service.    Think about it,   it really is a contrast and to navagate it appropriately can require talent.   I am not into drama,  I'm there to provide a positive service that means something to the recipient.