DWnyc

Immigration officer: “Que ferez-vous monsieur?” (Thought I’d add that for dramatic effect) Me (seeing the line of backed up cars I’d have to join if I leave and try to come back): “ I’m going to throw away the pizza, officer” (get out of the car, throw the pizza away, kicking myself at the waste) Him: “Good choice, Monsieur. Welcome to Canada. Our pizza is better, please enjoy your stay, and your dinner”

I go to Canada 12+ times a year - usually flying into Halifax, Montreal, Toronto, or Vancouver and crossing by land at Niagara, Detroit/Windsor, and Vermont/Quebec frequently as well. Never had any issue whatsoever apart from the time I mistakenly was trying to cross with pepperoni pizza in the back of my car that I had forgotten to throw out m and it meant I had filled out my agriculture declaration form incorrectly. My bad and I was given the choice of pulling over and eating the pepperoni pieces before entering or throwing them away in the garbage can by the entry booth in which case they would excuse my error and let me proceed. Everyone’s experiences can be different .,,

Seriously? Hard to have a serious discussion if that’s an argument! Theres a practical reason the demographic you’re describing head to the US rather than aim for Canada. The same reason most refugee / economic migrants to the EU enter through Greece, Italy and Spain rather than Sweden.

And you’re not seeing it now. Many current US citizens (around 14% I believe) were not so at birth (I am one of them), so may have experience of entering as a non US citizen in the past as well, or have non US citizen relatives, spouses etc so can speak to that from personal experience.

As a proud US citizen I’d say we are generally no better. Most of us who are American perhaps don’t have experience of what it’s like to enter as a non citizen. It may differ by geography but JFK and EWR are not that pleasant to the arriving foreigner after a long flight trying to figure out where to go from poor signage and officials shouting at you as you look lost or if you ask a question. And the actual immigration questioning can be quite insulting - Ive overheard and been told by others some dialog that I’d be horrified if asked of me. I’ve often had the same thoughts you express - Ie - why should this be the first experience many foreigners have of our great country and it certainly doesn’t represent our hospitality once people leave immigration … but also that we should be grateful for those bringing tourism and business dollars into the US. 4 more countries and I’ll be in triple digits- my personal experiences are not scientific but they are enough to say there are many countries with security and economic migrant concerns as pressing as ours who treat guests more respectfully while still ensuring their own policies are followed. But with all this being said I don’t have patience for anyone claiming they are not a risk so why should they be subjected to what are acceptable procedures when visiting others. When I’ve had bad experiences at security or immigration or customs in other countries I’ve put it down to the unfortunate reality of travel and that while they should be grateful for my dollars I should be a gracious guest as well and respect their policies and laws. I’ll cite Israel as an interesting example - extreme security both when entering and leaving (“emigration” controls, a rarity) yet all the times I’ve been in and out, there’s been a thanks for my cooperation, a request to understand that these procedures are necessary for the greater good etc leaving me feeling empathetic rather than annoyed and like my time was wasted.

… and also varies on the client of course. Ageee 💯 I have nothing but respect for providers who pour their everything into their business as entrepreneurs, especially if they also have the EQ to understand the particular needs of their clients not just physically. I struggle when the discussions become about virtue and respect which becomes highly subjective - and rarely are those principles applied to the other side by those debating. Or when business principles are applied only selectively to issues of pricing, customer service etc while expecting business outcomes of profit (provider) or value (client).

One approach may be a discount (or said another way since that seems to be a bad word, a higher fee) based on paying a deposit or not. For those wanting discretion as the reason not to pay in advance electronically, they may be happy to pay for that privilege. And providers can get some deposit money from those for whom that isn’t an issue.

Are Indians immune to harboring racial preferences and stereotypes towards others? Surely not …

We’re going around in circles. No, it’s not about safety for all providers all the time. I would urge anyone speaking on behalf of providers on this issue who really does not believe that some (not all, maybe not even more than a small percent) would use a picture to filter clients on issues such as age, body type, ethnicity etc needs to just dig a little deeper on this. It’s very obvious beneath a not-subtle veneer. For those who have genuine security concerns - I think you are in the minority, but then you need to do a better job of explaining that and what you specifically need, and be aware how this can be interpreted by some. If the response is “I don’t care about that possible interpretation” that itself speaks volumes.

Depends if it’s before agreeing to an appointment, or not.

And it sounds like you’re one of the “good” ones - perhaps the majority. You likely provide an outlet for some that addresses their mental health as well as other needs. But there are plenty of providers out there for it to be a “thing” where dollars and morals aside there is no problem in treating people badly for this type of reason alone. I think some gay men get a kick out of bullying those for whom the journey is / has been tougher. No different from the bullies in high school. And compensates for their own lack of self esteem and worth. So they don’t think about the loss of income or reputation that can come from bad behavior. Yet they forget their own history, and what it might have been like had one been born a generation or two earlier, let alone in some of these other worlds even today.

Sure - I’m explaining a dynamic, not advocating for it, and I never ever have asked anyone to bring their price down in this business. having said that I can’t see myself ever saying “no no, it’s true the previous price you quoted me didn’t work, but now that you’ve offered me a lower price, I’ve changed my mind and do actually want to hire you, but can’t pay you less than you were originally seeking, god forbid, the world would end if that happens, so I’m retracting and now agreeing to hire you at your original pre discounted rate”.

I’m not the one making the decision, calculation or offer here.

I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but some might read this and assume you’re saying because of your age and demographic you should be exempt from scrutiny …

There’s the old wives (?) tale of how some fathers in some cultures take their sons to a brothel (I don’t mean disrespect by using that term) when they turn 16 or 18 to initiate them into adulthood … it’s a shame that there isn’t an equivalent dynamic to help those men who seek experiences with other men from a trusted senior perspective

(When I want to use the bathroom during the session) ”oh don’t mind my bf, he was staying in there until you leave”

More than once I’ve shown up and a provider expressed surprise thinking I wouldn’t. Apart from the worry that they may then have double booked assuming I wouldn’t … I’m like … nothing happened in our interaction that I would assume is an outlier .. so does that happen to you often?

Exactly. But you can extend that to: for the first or only hour, if I can’t lock in this potential client who seems interested … and my rate seems too high for him … and my alternative for that time, realisticall, is zero … and my break-even calculation is way lower then what I’m asking anyway even with a discount … I can come down a little …

As with so many of these questions there's no right answer and sometimes it’s about a providers preference, which of course should be respected, but the clients question also shouldn’t be seen as offensive.. My red flag is where when the response to such a neutral question results in anger or rudeness rather than a simple answer (I’d prefer no answer to rudeness).

It’s why it’s not surprising that some, if they have a status update on latest potential schedules, offer discounts for multi hour sessions or volunteer price reductions on days they think they are slow — as long as they don’t damage brand or set revised expectations with the client getting the discount or anyone they speak with

I’ve heard providers talk of their partners. Am often curious how does that work in terms of jealousy and other concerns but it’s obviously a sensitive topic and haven’t ever really discussed with anyone. Apart from one provider who I correctly guessed was in an abusive situation and I think there was an element of “who else would have me” that encouraged him to stick around.

I don’t haggle either. Where did I say I did? But im also not going to ignore market adjustments. Nor am I going to treat providers as a charitable donation. It would be the same if a providers rates went up along with the market and I denied that reality and insisted on paying historical rates (which I would have no ability to enforce anyway). The umbrage doesn’t quite work in the rules of our market economy and is largely one sided.

Hmm. I partly agree. And I hope you’ll see from our exchange I do have some empathy. I think a similar argument (sacrificing one’s needs in order to serve) could be made about several professions most of which many would argue are undervalued. I’m thinking nurses, Nannies, and teachers who can’t afford to live in the neighborhoods where they make impact, not to mention fire fighters, police, army etc But it’s also not a charity and providers surely do have other options, especially the “good ones” investing time And money in training before taking the plunge or who continue to do so. I don’t mean that to sound entitled or insensitive - but I’m not sure the joy of service that for many Nannies and nurses outweighs the conditions is the same in this industry for providers. There’s more to say including do providers understand that clients are creating or accessing wealth that required something to be created in order to pay in the first place and that might have not come without sacrifices at that end … but I’ll leave that for now so as not to make it sound like a frivolous rebuttal on a serious topic. And I’ll reiterate my point earlier - it saddens me for those providers who feel unable to enjoy this part of their lives.

I’ve had a mixed bag on repeats. A couple turned into weird friendships where lines got blurred on both sides and it got awkward despite best intentions. One tried to scam me on the 3rd meet and had it not been for that there might have been more but if so it would have crowded out others and the variety for me is part of the fun. The guy I’ve seen most regularly has been solid and reliable, with irregular patterns - once every 2 months to once every 5 or 6 and somehow the balance works where he’ll send a random photo or joke because it’s relevant in some way to something we’ve talked about and vice versa and it doesn’t feel like I’m being clingy or he’s indirectly hitting me up. Right before one holiday at a scheduled appointment we just ended up talking as he was very down about family stuff - and he initially wouldn’t take the fee but I told him it was a holiday gift. He invited me back that night in a much better mood and that would fall under the “freebie” category 😊

It saddens me if it means people feel they miss out on something or the possibility of something that could make such a difference in their lives … like one part of the brain goes numb to something