SouthOfTheBorder

lots of red flags & they were ignored

guys hire for many reasons - some are drawn to the risk & danger.  if that is the reason, then you’re gonna find it.

43 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

It doesn't help that certain clients constantly insinuate that everyone who hires except them is ancient, obese and disfigured

this is accurate.  those tropes indicate a certain self-loathing & their own struggles w getting older and/or hiring providers.  

and then there is the weather -

Miami just experienced its 2 hottest days ever recorded in May. the heat index was (heat & humidity) was 112 on both Saturday & Sunday. Key West was 115 on May 15.  Those type temps are unusual even in August. 

Not going to be a good summer down there.  

‘Insane’ Heat Has Been Scorching Miami. It’s Not Even June.
 

Extreme Heat Scorches Miami in May, Worrying Experts About Summer - The New York Times

WWW.NYTIMES.COM

---

The hottest May on record for the city has experts worried about the summer — and hurricane season — to come.

On 5/8/2024 at 2:27 PM, pubic_assistance said:

The takeaway is that rich people all like a little "naughty-naughty" so if you're staying at a four star or above, the service people are accustomed to finding fun for their customers that may be outside the realm of strictly legal

the point was “rich” people can get away w things in countries where it’s illegal - not just prostitution, but homosexuality in general.  then there was an Epstein reference 

yeah, billionaires can basically do whatever they want.  average punters in a 4-star hotel, maybe if they’re lucky & nothing goes wrong.  they can also be setup for extortion & worse - because any bargaining power is lost when you run into trouble.

i get people on these forums are fantasizing about things they’ll never do. and some like the danger/risk of the fantasy.  and then there are isolated  & dated anecdotes creating false impressions about work arounds. Morocco as one example has changed dramatically in the last few years - how it is now is not as you have portrayed it.

its a typical American tourist mentality to think money will get you want you want in any situation & when trouble arises it will get you out. also - that somehow the local laws will not be applied to Americans….its cultural arrogance & entitlement, exactly the thing the bad guys prey upon. while money may get you out in the end - the actual experience may be very different & very unpleasant.

hiring providers always carry’s some risk - looking for it in countries where both prostitution & homosexuality is illegal is not wise.  and, contrary to the magical thinking - everyone knows exactly what you’re doing.  Older single white dude with a much younger local - not exactly a secret. 

38 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

It's weighing how much risk you're willing to put yourself in with how easy/accessible it is to treat what issue might crop up.

This is the part I’m always wondering about - getting treatment when something pops up.  If you’re in your home city - not a big deal, other than time

for providers & others that travel a lot - domestic & international, that can’t be so easy. finding a doctor & scheduling w potential language barriers, the appointment w testing, waiting for results (2-3 days), treatment, then being out of commission for 7-10 days.  might take longer in other places. and some places charge insane fees for testing & treatment 

current gonorrhea protocol is the shot & then the pills for 7 days. the z-pack doesn’t cut it anymore.  If it’s syphilis, then it’s the super painful shot intermuscular shot. 

I feel like some providers must travel w everything they need to self-treat, including the shots.  That would make sense except perhaps self-treating for the wrong things. And over-treatment if it’s a false alarm. 

yup - access to treatment is key, but no guarantees unless you are very familiar with your destinations 

what a bummer for a provider to spend the money on international working travel - only to be sidelined by an STI. 

39 minutes ago, paulsf said:

My property taxes are far less than 1k per year.

thats pretty much unheard of - but not impossible.  It doesn’t reflect current prices for sales of single-family homes or condos.  A very low HOA means either no amenities or hundreds of apartments w few amenities.  Probably also means an older building. 

Broward County (Ft Lauderdale) property taxes are about 1.985% of assessed value.  Assessed value is depending on when you bought the property, at what price & whether it’s homestead or not.  

Median listing price for a condo in Ft L is $500,000.  That means $9,928 in property taxes.  There are a few coops in Florida and those may have much lower property taxes. 

At the end - it’s all about quality of life and what you’re willing to put up with & pay. 

FYI - you can browse property taxes at the Broward County Tax Assessor website with only an address - you’ll also get complete sales history with prices & ownership, same with any other county in Florida.  They also have a tax calculator to show what your estimated property taxes will be on any new purchase w any deductions that may apply. 

google “Florida Zombie Condos” & see what comes up

18 minutes ago, Axiom2001 said:

Or the providers "assume that all of their partners" are on Prep and/or Doxy prep

this is really the thing nobody wants to talk about - the very real chain of partners you take on when having sex

people like to think they are the exception - meaning what this person does with me, they probably don’t do with others or they don’t do it with any frequency.  the person says, I don’t usually bareback - but with you, I will 

lots of magical thinking all around on this topic 

I still think reputable established providers are a much safer bet, in every way than anyone on the hookup apps.  I’d gladly pay providers to avoid the Grindr/scruff cesspool. 

1 hour ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

I can link a dozen properties in Orlando, Jupiter, the Keys, Palm Beach and Miami that are $8+ million and ready to move into

perspective - to afford an $8M house, you have to be worth $30M in reality, an "ultra high net-worth" individual. And typically, these people own several homes. 

there are 129,750 people worth $30M in the US.  Or, .00039% of the population - way beyond the 1%.

I get Florida as a tax-haven if you really don't want to live there.  As an investment- those days are over.  

i sold last year at a very good time for sellers.  Between rising carrying costs, increase in equity & the general decline of quality of life - it was a very easy decision.   Basically, take the money & run.  The new buyer of my place will have $50,000 in HOA & property taxes in year 1, after a cash purchase - and it wasnt anything considered high-end.  the buyer just wrote a blank check for spiraling fees & taxes

owning real estate in Florida in Florida is like owning a boat - there are 2 good days, the day you buy it & the day you sell it.

2 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

there's not enough middle class or upper class housing for everyone who wants to live there.

true - there are lots of stupid people

the only people who think Florida is great are people who have never lived in Florida

lots of places other than California, Florida & Texas - that don't have the same problems
when insurance is no longer available and/or cost-prohibitive - the bottom drops out on housing that is based upon bank lending.

35 minutes ago, PileDriver said:

the way to start is be honest yourself and discuss with your future partner.

agree - the problem is most people aren't honest w themselves.  
a real conversation w a potential partner is definitely helpful in context of making decisions.  
working with known & established people also helpful.  
trust is something that's earned - not automatic.  and I don't think that is cynical at all.

1 minute ago, PileDriver said:

have three times had an escort contact me about std's. one canceled an appointment because he tested positive for syphilis, two contacted me after the fact to say they just tested positive for something.

for every one person that is responsible & contacts their partners for potential STI exposure - there’s probably 10 more that don’t.  It’s statistically impossible for people to be routinely engaging in unprotected sex w multiple partners and not be exposed to STIs.  Indeed, the numbers show gonorrhea surging. Many don’t know they have anything & are asymptomatic- but still very capable of transmission.  
testing, while absolutely worthwhile gives a false sense of security as it’s outdated the minute the test is done. 

theres a certain level of collective denial going on among gay men, disguised as “sex-positivity” & selective information uptake to justify doing what they want to do anyway.  

get educated, make your choices & live with the consequences.  it’s that simple  

On 5/8/2024 at 2:27 PM, pubic_assistance said:

But as we learned with Epstein, powerful people get a thrill over crossing the line of legal.

staying in a 4-star hotel hardly qualifies anyone as rich.  equating a billionaire like Epstein to a middle class Western tourist who thinks they’re relatively rich in a poor African country doesn’t make sense.  Thats exactly the mindset that gets people in serious trouble abroad - thinking the local laws or customs don’t apply. 

the second delusion is typically the tourist thinks nobody knows what they’re doing, when it’s obvious to all and the locals have seen it dozens of times before

fyi - the seriously rich aren’t going to Africa for sex-tourism 

the Florida real-estate situation is deteriorating quickly. 

Doesnt  matter if you attribute the insurance crisis to climate change or litigation - it’s happening, and it’s affecting home prices

seems to be far worse for condo owners as they really aren’t in control of their own properties - they are controlled by HOAs.  The HOAs are under new legal requirements to keep reserves at levels to deal with catastrophes and double-digit increases for HOA insurance costs.  Then personal homeowners insurance that may be required by any mortgage holder which is also increasing double digits.  All combined it’s a nightmare scenario.  Lots of older people with paid off condos are getting priced out of their units as they can no longer afford HOA fees & assessments- and nobody wants to buy those units either as the numbers don’t make any sense.

Single family homes under same pressure if a bank has a mortgage - insurance must be in place. 
The Florida legislature doesn’t appear capable of any effective litigation/insurance reform as they’re too busy on other things - and it may not be fixable at all if litigation is not the core problem.

 https://apple.news/AsxX77qsnQQydRDuIKGYU0w
 

you have a exponentially higher probability of getting shot in any American shopping mall (or road rage, or an elementary school, or a church/synagogue)  vs terrorism at LGBTQIA+ event in the US.  

might be more consequential in other countries 

On 5/18/2024 at 12:02 PM, pubic_assistance said:

There is nothing more tiresome than THIS "work and pain" speech you hear from old gay men.

Yes. The old gays did the work and paid the price.

most of my friends are early 60s & late 50s - I’ve never heard the conversation about younger gays being unappreciative or anything similar.  Or, the work & pain speech.  I don’t know anyone who thinks they’re owed something by the younger generations - it’s not even a thought 

5 hours ago, Alex93108 said:

Bar at the Copacabana  Palace, which has a fair share of English speaking guys. "working"

 

working guys at Copacabana Palace ?  

Never heard that before - please expand on the subject 

it’s not interesting from a soap opera POV. 

 It is interesting, historically as the beginning of the end of the British monarchy  

so, one of the most famous women in the world suddenly goes missing & hasn’t been seen for almost 5 months - and, the typically invasive British media seems completely uninterested for whatever reason 

the official story is she was in hospital for a “planned abdominal surgery”, yet none of the usual public well-wishes by other royals on social media or visits to the hospital.  and, the children haven’t been seen either 

speculation that she’s dead, in a coma or there is a pending divorce are among the rumors.  
meanwhile, Camilla appears publicly with Williams rumoured mistress.  Keep in mind nothing those people do is by accident & everything has meaning 

doubtful “the activists” have anything to do with it - lack of funds more likely

lol - thought that sounded familiar 

On 2/26/2024 at 5:15 AM, SouthOfTheBorder said:

if someone thinks bottoming isn’t for them, then they just haven’t found a good top yet: a complete & total game-changer.  Lots of guys think they can top - very few actual good ones. 

On 5/12/2024 at 10:33 PM, Atyla said:

If someone thinks bottoming isn’t for them, then they just haven’t found a good top yet: a complete & total game-changer.  Lots of guys think they can top - very few actual good ones. 

I’m really happy to be early 60s.  
I think men of our generation got to experience so much.  It was fun when gay bars/clubs used to be more subversive & underground.  We appreciate the freedoms we have now because we know what it was like before. We appreciate our good health because we saw so many whose lives were cut short by AIDs/HIV epidemic.  
And most of all - we knew how to socialize in real life without the constant distractions of phones & toxic social media.  It was a time when having a friend really meant something - not the hundreds of “friends” people have on FB.

When I find myself in environments with much younger people, I often wonder if I’d like to be 30ish again - the answer is NO. 

7 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

I’m less sure about other European countries: I don’t go to bars but I’ve been clubbing in France, Denmark & Sweden. I was treated well but I was always with a younger partner so I’m not sure how an older singleton might be treated. 

I was referencing bars for the most part, where older guys are more visible. Agree, Spain is probably best example in Europe where older gay guys are out in force - and that seems to attract older guys from all over.  I’ve noticed this in Paris & other European cities too - not the same degree as Spain tho.  

There is a sugar-daddy element at work for sure the same as other places.  But, it feels like that is only a small part - it’s more about open acceptance of older men. 

No experience clubbing in recent years.  It’s too late & too loud for me these days.  Plus, nothing good really happens after midnight imo.

go on RM and filter by age - there are huge drops in 40+ and even more drop at 50+ and very few at 60+. out of the hundreds of providers on RM - there are 30 guys 60yrs and over….a relatively small percentage.   if there was a preference for older, then there would be more older. 

seems like this conversation is confusing preferences for hiring vs other preferences- big difference 

btw - the ageism experienced in the US does not happen in the same way in other places. In Latin America & Europe, older gay men are much more visible & mix more frequently in bars/clubs without disapproval or stigma. It seems to be the worst in the US, followed by other English speaking countries - UK, Canada & Australia.  I think it has something to do with other cultures more general respect for elders. 

2 hours ago, msclwrsper said:

But it’s just factually incorrect that women drink and “us older guys don’t.”

go spend two hours at Johnson’s Ft Lauderdale and observe -  almost all the “older” guys are drinking - and not just a little.  Then walk through Wilton Manors and observe the thirty+ bars all packed & everybody drinking.  It’s noticeable.  

there may be some regional differences in alcohol consumption among certain groups - in S Florida, the culture is drinking. 

for many gay men of a certain age - we were never supposed to live long enough to worry about “looking like an old queer”

aging is a blessing, not a curse 

perspective